[puckwanger]

— dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

[shieldofiron]

"How did this happen" indeed.

[haflacky]

Hollanov 💔

It was ordered as commission, but the customer deceived me, didn’t pay me for the second half and muted me, so PLEASE feel free to use this commission as you want, make prints, post it online (with credit), anything!

[chubby-cry-baby]

once shane moves in with ilya and they’re able to codependencymaxx i think shane’s parents (probably yuna) broach the topic of how they’re together all the time but shane cuts her off before she can even say anything with “I know!! isn’t it great we get to do everything together it’s the best!!! we thought we’d have to wait until we retired but we get to play together and live together and i’m very happy and Ilya is too!!!” and she’s like okay honeymoon period got it and then like 5 years later thinks about trying again but decides it’s not worth it because those two want to live in eachothers skin but that’s not possible to this will do.

[emziess]

Hudson Williams as Shane Hollander Heated Rivalry, S01E01

[tinylilhollander]

Oh this is so silly but Ilya helping Shane with his Cyrillic by having just so many pairs of boxer-briefs printed with words and phrases varying in difficulty (they're rich and freaky – just go with it). Shane only gets to suck Ilya's cock if he can read what's there, pronounce it correctly, and tell Ilya what it means. Ilya chooses the difficulty of the underwear based on how mean (or desperate) he's feeling that day. Shane's Russian starts getting really good.

[gurlsrool]

I’ve seen many posts about Ilya fucking an anxious Shane to sleep (accurate). I’ve also seen many posts about Ilya waking up in the middle of the night, finding Shane up and horny, and fucking him (also accurate)

But we must appreciate the intersection of the two more. Ilya THINKING he successfully fucked his anxious husband to sleep, only to wake up 2 hours later to find him tossing and turning. Ilya, still half asleep himself, not saying a word, just groggily pinning Shane down and fucking him again until he’s whimpering and writhing.

Shane fucked out and finally sleepy, murmuring, “So fucking glad I married you” before he drifts off. Ilya beaming as he falls back asleep too

[marmelade-sky]

Scott and Kip: they don't have fights, they just have quiet, mature adult talks when something is wrong because neither of them can stand the idea of fighting; they hurt each other one (1) time and that's enough for their whole life

Troy and Harris: had to work hard to establish a healthy disagreement culture in their relationship, they literally go 'I need five minutes away from you', go do that and then return to apolgize and talk it out (both cry)

Shane and Ilya: have epic, earth-shattering fights about twice a year, the kind which end with someone sleeping on the couch, but they always realize it was a mistake or someone was overstimulated literally three hours after it happens and then there's tearful apologies and hugs and craaaaazzyyyyy nasty make-up sex.

[marmelade-sky]

Ryan and Fabian: they both get so into their feelings that every tiny disagreement ends up with both of them crying and promising they'd never hurt each other and how much they love each other. it's a little unhealthy and their friends hate it.

Eric and Kyle: Kyle loves making a scene about miniscule things on occasion and Eric gets hard when Kyle yells at him a little bit. Also, Eric buys Kyle gifts to apologize to him bc that's what he was socialized to do in a het relationship. Kyle does not complain about this at all.

[vesnuszki]

An assortment of sex related injuries hollanov have sustained:

-Shane smashed his fingers in between the headboard and the wall one time (the jolt of pain that shot through him as Ilya kept pounding into him made him make a sound that was not entirely agony)

-some lube spilled on the hardwood floor and Ilya slipped and fell on his ass (cue Shane laughing his ass off until Ilya is not getting up for like ten seconds Should I call an ambulance? to which Ilya replies, panting heavily I AM FINE)

-so many instances of sprained adductors. like it’s a miracle that they manage to heal fully before Shane pulls them next time. And that’s not even taking into account the sprains he gets during hockey

-that one time Ilya got a hamstring cramp that wouldn’t go away for a couple of days (baby, have taken magnesium? yes. have you tried rolling it out? yes. do you want me to massage it out? yes 🥰)

-difficult to say how actually close and how many times Shane was to a concussion from banging his head on the headboards. This tally is also tainted by hockey to be fair.

-and you’d think with how hard they go, one of them should have broken his penis at least one time by now, but actually by some miracle neither of them have. which is a fact that Ilya manages to weave into any conversation with anyone with a broken limb (I’ve never broken any bones, you know, not even The Bone he says chuckling proudly, gesturing to his crotch)

[grabmyboner]

ilya: [lighting a cigarette with a backwards hat on, covered in sweat, flushed from dancing in the club] you having fun, moya lyubov'?

shane, drunkenly: could yuo put that out of me

[emmiegoesinsane]

shane when he joins the ottawa centaurs:

[ivviannaa]

mycentaurs are NOT groaning at hollanov's pda or telling them to get a room or feeling even a morsel of discomfort when they kiss in the locker room. they are enablers and romantics. one of the first things we see when troy comes out and says he's dating harris is bood telling him to give harris a good luck kiss, and i wholeheartedly believe they're all the same way with shane and ilya. they're at a barbecue and it's why do you need another chair?? just sit on his lap you're married?? if they aren't bickering at practice, everyone turns into amateur marriage counselors and forces them to kiss and make up. the rookies call them their mom and dad (with bood as a third parent and being daddy, of course). they could start describing their sex life in detail and at least 3/4 of the room would be nodding their head and asking follow up questions. that locker room is shameless and supportive

[academicblorbo]

Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

[gaynehollander]

Being the best at taking dick is a huge point of pride for Shane. He always wants to be the best at everything and this is no exception. And, sure, there's a part of him that goes wild with jealousy whenever he thinks about how many partners Ilya has had but another part of him is grateful for it, if only because it means that whenever Ilya tells him, "fuck, Shane, no one can take it like you do," it fucking means something.

[themoonandmyman]

We’ve talked at length today about Ilya’s horrific childhood but can we re-centre the unrestrained joy of a man who never truly got to be a child, falling in love with the safest man in the world, who also never truly got to be a kid, and both of them learning to play again? Silly roleplay, doing bits, making inside jokes, wrestling each other and playing video games and chasing each other throughout the cottage with a towel for Butt Whoopin’. Laughing like maniacs. Let’s all live forever..

[mxcrosswords]

It’s kind of weird everyone has super strong opinions about Hollanov and BDSM when Eric Bennett and Kyle from the Kingfisher are just doing straightforward, explicitly named D/s in Common Goal.

Nobody invented anything out of their beautiful minds in their story, they’re just doing BDSM like grown ups and I like it a lot.

[madamoisellemabry]

#myilya has a reputation for being openly a giant gossip about other players. and like, not that that’s not canon, but there’s some faction of girls who are lesbians into hockey who call it for what dude bros never would - rozanov isn’t chirping just on the ice, he’s openly mean girling with other players off the ice too. roz “wendy williams” rozanov becomes a trending thing a few times over the course of his career, with brainrot memes about “wendy williams was pregnant with roz here” to match.

a video by a fan of him and cliff marleau talking INSANE shit on the bench resurfaces after The Outing, and the internet starts up on its usual bullshit of how ilya is too fun for shane again. the usual “oh it’s so sad that roz doesn’t have someone to match his energy” and “hollander is so boring what does a guy who talks like this even see in that”.

anyway, svetlana (who cares less about shane’s hockey image and letting him remain untarnished than ilya does—she’s smart and also a minority so she feels less guilt about pushing shane on it) catches wind of this. one day, out of actually fucking nowhere it’s just some wednesday, she posts a video from the cottage. shes been invited to stay the week to babysit shane who is out on IR, and they’re watching a centaurs vs. guardians game.

the camera is shaky, and held low, and at first you can only hear shane in the background, but then he becomes visible at an odd angle. he’s got his injured ankle up on the couch, he’s wearing a really low cut tank top and a slutty pair of shorts. he is also mid rant about “— and if your entire team is still falling apart to this level TWO YEARS LATER just because you lost one good player and another caught a case, then you have to ask yourself what’s f****** wrong with the f****** coaches. i mean, mathewson is an ugly son of a b**** but i didn’t realize he was f****** stupid too. and we’re not even playing well, smith is just that much of a f****** sieve. maybe if he put half as much weight into moving towards the puck as he puts into pushing his wife around — you’d like her by the way-“

the video goes viral instantaneously. people cannot believe that captain hollander is this mean, but devoted hockey fans also keep quoting it, shocked because he’s RIGHT. some girl who’s been a roz fan since boston tweets, “roz will chirp to piss you off, but hollzy will kill your family because he finds you disrespectful to the sport.”

the only response anyone can get out of the rozanov-hollanders is ilya retweeting that post.