Love That Boyo Bilbo- Everyone At Some Point

Toby 24 any and all pronouns will do♡

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

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Chip the glasses and crack the plates! Blunt the knives and bend the forks! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates — Smash the bottles and burn the corks! Cut the cloth and tread on the fat! Pour all the milk on the pantry floor! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Splash the wine on every door! Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl; Pound them up with a thumping pole; And when you’ve finished, if any are whole, Send them down the hall to roll! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the plates! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the plates!

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

I LOVE the tags on this post, they make me so happy:

[administratumadept]

@pipsqueak42 !!!

[fandom--girlie]

Frodo

smash

pass

Voting ended onApr 18

[bochedogmeat]

Family photo with the favored cousins! Thorin and Bilbo (married) and their son Frodo, his favorite cousins Merry and Pippin, and Thorin’s favorite (only) Nephews

[ohmovie]

VIGGO MORTENSEN as ARAGORN The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King│2003

[hacash]

It's still so funny to me that hobbit society has technology like pony-traps and handkerchiefs and post offices but the realms of Men and Elves, at least, are very much still in their version of the High Middle Ages. I would kill for a scene where Aragorn starts doing the whole Galavant thing - we shall meet when the night air grows as chill as the depths of Moria and the setting sun colours the sky that particular shade of blue as to recall to us the sinking of Numenor into the very Sea Itself - and Pippin just goes 'have none of you guys ever learned to use a freaking clock'.

[hacash]

Frodo offers to buy Gandalf a watch so he can actually be on time for once and nearly gets bodied into Bywater Pool.

[hacash]

Sam is nearly reduced to tears upon trying to learn Gondorian recipes because all the cooks in Minas Tirith are using that old medieval technique of recite five Paternosters and the fish will be perfectly fried. Please. They're called egg-timers. Every hobbit has one. He'll buy them one himself if they'll just let him cook like a normal person.

[hacash]

WAIT FUCK HANG ON

‘In the house of Elrond, and it is ten o’clock in the morning,’ said a voice. ‘It is the morning of October the twenty-fourth, if you want to know.’ I seriously doubt Elrond has a big old cuckoo clock hanging around Rivendell and messing up the aesthetics so wizards evidently do keep timepieces about their person. Does Gandalf have a Rolex?

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Gandalf knows exactly what time it is and is late on purpose.

[rogers-carter]

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS 2002 | dir. Peter Jackson

[thefreakmeister]

[anthraxofeffervescence]

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

[theladyeowyn]

‘They cannot conquer for ever!’ said Frodo.

[jame7t]

Coolest thing about lord of the rings? The king of horses shows up. It appears he is no different from all other horses

[cryptotheism]

King of the eagles shows up later. He can talk. Horse king couldn't talk.

[betterbemeta]

He didn't want to talk to you.

[swaglexander-the-great]

[findingfeather]

Uh.

Point of order.

King of Horses ran 450 fucking miles at almost entirely a gallop, without more than a few minutes rest, in 4 nights and basically was like "wait why are we stopping?" when Gandalf took him into the city and he ended up in a stable.

This was not his top speed, nor did it push any limits on his endurance.

King of horses is very different from other horses, actually.

[elodieunderglass]

He just doesn’t do much about his administrative duties

[darkwizardtheorist]

But he didn't need to - his rule was stable, after all.

[singerin]

[slicklike007]

Quite a little fellow in a wide world

[deanogrman]

“the king” - j.r.r. tolkien

[a1eckzandrah]

Based on this that I found on Pinterest:

[earendil-was-a-mariner]

Pippin: I didn’t think it would end this way.

Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

Pippin: Really?

Gandalf: Well, I mean, I’m immortal. So for me, yes. For you, I have no idea. You probably just die. But yes, I’ll get to go to that green country. Yay for Gandalf. 

[frodo-with-glasses]

“I did. To the most belovedest place in all the world. To my Rose and my garden.”

[deadpsalmistsociety-deactivated]

hobbits were the peak of civilization in tolkien verse. jobs were Gardening, Stall At The Farmer’s Market, or Mailman. Shoes OFF, capris ON, 6 meals a day, high and fat as all shit. Names like Daddy Twofoot….why the fuck are we horny for elves

[english-history-trip]

[beck-a-leck]

Do you guys ever think Frodo pulled the "you and your dad were really mean to my Uncle and his friends that one time" card on Legolas at all during the journey?

Like. Only for the pettiest/stupidest reasons. Only for the bit. Only to be a little shit.

But Frodo definitely mastered the timing of asking Legolas for a favor and then following up with "you know. Since you weren't exactly hospitable to my uncle Bilbo that one time. You remember. You imprisoned all his friends for a century. And then he had to wear this Extremely Evil Ring for a month straight or else he'd also be thrown in prison for a century."

I think Gimli gets to cash in that chip on occasion too because "you locked my father in a jail cell for a century." can get you So Much when you're guilt tripping your travel buddy/boyfriend