Small Potate

[weonsinnombre]

[wordcubed]

[andmaybegayer]

[thefloatingstone]

Every OSHA law and regulation was written in blood.

[gracessacrafice]

Anyone interested in reading cyberpunk fanfic? I’ve had the sudden urge to just write the hell out of it but part of me doesn’t want to scream into the void

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.

I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!

You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.

How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”

I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.

Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-

Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

The simple thought that the jar jar anon exists in the same world as we do gives me shivers. I bet that if I look upon them, whoever they are, I will die instantly.

[letitrainathousandflames]

Replies hall of fame

+ bonus (someone that should be feared):

[kaijutegu]

I’m sure that somebody has probably pointed it out already, but there is officially published material in one of the art books of naked Jar Jar, and he’s like a Ken Doll down there:

[manlybutterflys]

@kaijutegu ever heard of a cloaca? Jar jar is a reptile.

[kaijutegu]

Nope, Gungans are amphibians! Amphibians, while in possession of a cloaca, are not in possession of dicks. They just don’t work that way. When amphibians reproduce, they do something called a cloacal kiss, where the male ejects sperm directly into the female. Tailed frogs do have an extendible cloaca that can help propel the sperm into the other cloaca, and sometimes it comes out in packets, but amphibians have no penises. Jar Jar is packing absolutely nothing.

Also, having a cloaca doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have a dick. Lizards have two dicks tucked up inside their cloacas. But amphibians just don’t work that way. Frogs, salamanders, Gungans? Dickless wonders the lot of ‘em.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

There goes anon’s hopes and dreams

[catgirlforeskin]

more importantly, why would even want Jar Jar to have a dick when we’ve seen their tongue game in such excruciating detail in the films? I’m a lesbian and am repulsed by men and even I’d consider getting cleaned out by it

[queersatanic]

Another distinctive trait of the Gungans is their long, agile tongues that seem to have minds of their own. Given that Gungans have an insatiable appetite for everything from shellfish and slimy bugs to a dessert that takes four people to eat, it’s a good thing that they have one-meter-long tongues (over 3 feet) to help grab any and all food in their vicinity.

It’s made all the more impressive when you consider how the official Star Wars Databank lists Jar Jar’s height as 1.96 meters, or almost 6 and a half feet. That means Jar Jar’s tongue is more than half his height.

Source: Screen Rant

Jar Jar Bink’s tongue is so long and dexterous, he could lick your ass and genitals at the same time.

But you fucking degenerates won’t stop talking about his non-existent dick.

Sad.

[world-hostage-situations]

World Hostage Situation

[politicsoflanguage]

Native English speakers are the world’s worst communicators

In a room full of non-native speakers, ‘there isn’t any chance of understanding’. It might be their language, but the message is often lost

“A lot of native speakers are happy that English has become the world’s global language. They feel they don’t have to spend time learning another language,” says Chong.

“But… often you have a boardroom full of people from different countries communicating in English and all understanding each other and then suddenly the American or Brit walks into the room and nobody can understand them.”

The non-native speakers, it turns out, speak more purposefully and carefully, typical of someone speaking a second or third language. Anglophones, on the other hand, often talk too fast for others to follow, and use jokes, slang and references specific to their own culture, says Chong. In emails, they use baffling abbreviations such as ‘OOO’, instead of simply saying that they will be out of the office.

“The native English speaker… is the only one who might not feel the need to accommodate or adapt to the others,” she adds.

[lierdumoa]

I’ve been thinking about this post all day, and the article glosses over one important detail. All of the “native English speakers” the article mentions belong to the same niche demographic: white collar/corporate professionals

English corporate speak is it’s own fucked up dialect. 

It’s so incomprehensible and exclusionary that even a native English speaker with a master’s degree in English will have difficulty parsing it. Trust me when I say that nobody who isn’t a business major knows what the fuck “synergy” means.

And the jargon’s just half the problem. The other half is the gross overuse of hobby-specific expressions and analogies.

Go to most corporate offices and you’ll be bombarded with sports analogies that only make sense to someone who spends all their free time watching ESPN.

I tracked down this quote I read in a tumblr post years ago:

“I remember working with a law school in which white men heavily dominated the faculty. They used lots of sports metaphors (doing an end run, Monday morning quarterbacking, and so on), with legal jargon thrown in for good measure. I suggested that this was not a particularly welcoming trait in their school, that in fact it was sexist, but they paid little attention. I made my point by speaking for about five minutes in dressmaking terms: putting a dart in here, a gusset there, cutting the budget on the bias so it would be more flexible, using a peplum to hide a course that might be controversial. The women in the room laughed; the men did not find it humorous….Language is power, make no mistake about it. It is used to include and exclude and to keep people and systems in their places.”

- Frances E. Kendall, Understanding White Privilege

My point is,

This kind of poor communication probably shouldn’t be blamed on monolingualism alone. It’s most certainly made worse by an exclusionary and elitist work culture.

You’ll probably encounter far fewer communication issues talking to a cashier at a tourist trap than you will talking to a lawyer or a stockbroker.

[carpisuns-archive]

it just occurred to me that some people may not have this so do yourself a favor and bookmark it:

ao3 posting script google doc

it runs a script that automatically formats all your stuff in HTML so you can paste it directly into the HTML editor of AO3 and don't have to worry about going through to manually add italics and stuff. lifesaver

[thatsbelievable]

[spongebob-autisticquestions]

[y-that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Say it louder for those in the back

[book--wyrm]

Say it louder for people with auditory processing issues

[asexual-thot]

Please give us subtitles instead saying it louder only hurts.

[fermatas-theorem]

#also worth noting that some things are similar across different issues #e.g. ‘i don’t have autism but I do have trait x’ doesn’t mean that everyone has trait x #it might mean you have something else that’s also associated with trait x via @sufficientlylargen

definitely! but what’s really funny to me about this panel is that if you think that *everyone* is like that, you might have trouble modeling other people, which is *also* a trait commonly associated with autism

[what-even-is-thiss]

Witch: Ah, so you've come to me.

Maiden: Yes. I need your help.

Witch: Unwanted baby?

Maiden: No?

Witch: Want someone dead?

Maiden: What? Of course not.

Witch: That's all I know how to do. What do you need?

Maiden: I'm starting to see why you were shunned from the village.

Witch: Yes, I've killed a lot of people. What do you need?

Maiden: There's a pox in the village.

Witch: It wasn't me this time.

Maiden: I know. Can you fix it or not?

Witch: No. I'm not licensed for that.

Maiden: What do you mean you're not licensed for that?

Witch: I got kicked out of the herbalist's coven.

Maiden: For killing people?

Witch: For killing people.

Maiden: Great, now what do I do? There isn't another witch for at least three towns over.

Witch: And he's an enchanter blacksmith type. Makes protective amulets and beefs up swords. Makes really good horseshoes. Can't fix poxes. Makes a mean rabbit stew though. And...

Maiden: And is very good at sex and hard to kill, yes everyone knows that. You tell us repeatedly. Even though we kicked you out.

Witch: It's important. How are you not dead yet, by the way? You're an adult and you haven't bought anything yet so you should be dead by now.

Maiden: I'm not into people that way. Your weird sex based spells don't work on me. That's why I'm the one that came.

Witch: I would branch out but I'm barred from taking more classes at the guild. Because of the murder.

Maiden: Right, well I'm gonna go before you poison me.

Witch: What about the pox?

Maiden: I do have a mild form of it so you've been exposed too. Someone of your age is much more likely to die from it.

Witch: What?

Maiden: I'd suggest you find an accredited friend that hasn't been convicted of unnecessary murder.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Maiden: I have come a long way to find you.

Enchanter: One second. (throws a sword over his shoulder where it crashes into several metal tools and starts glowing)

Enchanter: Okay, what do you need?

Maiden: There's a pox in my town.

Enchanter: (pulls an amulet out of his pocket and holds it over her head)

Enchanter: You don't seem to have it, but it's touched you.

Maiden: I got better. Can you help?

Enchanter: I enchant swords. Why are you visiting me?

Maiden: Because the only witch in our town is...

Enchanter: Wait, don't tell me. Are you from Ravenfalls?

Maiden: Yeah.

Enchanter: Tabatha. Of course. That quack.

Maiden: She only kills people and does abortions.

Enchanter: Oh no she doesn't do abortions. She just drowns babies. I don't even think she knows what a fetus is.

Maiden: Oh.

Enchanter: Yeah. Terrible cook too. Normally herbalists are pretty good at cooking but she's just...

Maiden: The worst. I know. Do you at least know who can help? All of our elders and babies are dropping off like flies. People are strapping chickens to their arms. It's a mess.

Enchanter: (clicks tongue a few times) The nearest guy that specializes in pox is in the mountains. Not the coast range but the big angry looking pointy ones to the east. What were those called again?

Maiden: The Death Mountains?

Enchanter: Yeah, those. Unfortunate name, really. They're almost tolerable in the spring and summer. Don't know why they live there though.

Maiden: Can you teleport me there?

Enchanter: Why do people always ask that? Look I don't know what you've been hearing from Tabatha or traveling merchants but that's not safe for living creatures.

Maiden: Then what do I do? By the time I get back half the population will either be dead or still have birds strapped to their arms.

Enchanter: I hate to suggest this but you could like... with a shapeshifting dragon? And then ask for a wish?

Maiden: I'm not into people or dragons that way.

Enchanter: Then I guess I'll see if I can do something for your horse's shoes but that won't be nearly as fast.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Maiden: I have...

Herbalist: Come a very long way to see me. I know.

Maiden: How did you...

Herbalist: Everyone says that. Come sit. Do you like tea?

Maiden: I don't have time for tea. My village has a pox.

Herbalist: Which pox?

Maiden: It's mostly affecting older people and it's... purple.

Herbalist: Oh. What shade of purple?

Maiden: Very bright.

Herbalist: Oh, that's not a pox. That's a curse. Or a curse mixed with a usually just annoying pox. Someone in your area has probably pissed someone off.

Maiden: I'm from Ravenfalls.

Herbalist: In that case I think we can both guess who brought forth someone's ire. Who created it though, still remains a mystery. In any case, you can buy this bag of weeds and instruct people to boil them in small batches and inhale the steam. It won't cure anything, but it will most likely help people breathe better, which may help them survive long enough to fight it off.

Maiden: What do I do about Tabatha and the people strapping chickens to their arms?

Herbalist: My dear, some things can't be fixed completely. Plant this all over your town though and Tabatha will most likely avoid you. You can have these for free.

Maiden: I'm not going to bring some magic plant into town unless I know what it is.

Herbalist: Oh, it's not very magic. It's a cedar tree I've enchanted to grow very quickly. She's deathly allergic to cedar wood and pollen.

Maiden: Oh.

Herbalist: I really can't do anything for the chickens though. People will do strange things when they're desperate.

Maiden: Will I ever know who cursed us?

Herbalist: You may or may not. Wile you're here though, would you care to buy a love potion?

Maiden: I'm not into people that way.

Herbalist: You wouldn't fit in at the witches guild then. That's why most of us go in. It's a very good profession for swingers.

Maiden: That's why I went into city government. Well, thank you for all that.

Herbalist: And thank you for visiting. Tell the enchanter that I said hi and tell Tabatha to take a hike for me.

Maiden: I will. You have my word on that.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Enchanter: Hello.

Maiden: Enchanter? What are you doing here?

Enchanter: My name is John.

Maiden: It feels weird to call you that. You're the magic blacksmith I met on my quest.

Enchanter: I understand. So do you know who I'd talk to about renting a lot here?

Maiden: For what purpose? Oh, right. Me. Talk to me about it. I manage Lord Raven's lots and do logging and hunting permits and collect rent and whatnot

Enchanter: I want to set up my shop here. Business is better here for weapons and ever since she moved out, well...

Maiden: Was she after you?

Enchanter: She was under the impression that we were still married.

Maiden: Yes, she definitely was. Well, I think I can set you up. The village will benefit from having a reputable witch nearby. I'll get you in contact with a carpenter and scout out a spot for you.

Enchanter: Wait, I have something for you.

Maiden: An amulet?

Enchanter: For keeping away unwanted romantic advances.

Maiden: (covers her mouth and starts crying just a little bit)

Maiden: Sir, I can't...

Enchanter: You drove away a person that made my life a living hell for years. You saved your town. You drove out a murderer. You went into the Death Mountains in the middle of the winter. Take it.

Maiden: (takes it) John, did I ever tell you when we met that I desperately wanted to become friends with you?

Enchanter: No, but once I'm moved in I think we can give it a try.

Maiden: I'll get the paperwork and meet you at the tavern. Dinner's on me.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I'm so happy whenever people know exactly where I was going with something.

[thesixthstar]

i cant stop laughing about this website

[thesixthstar]

6 years since i made this post and pointerpointer.com is still probably the best website i can think of

[zukoandtheoc]

man i GUESS

[belanekra]

Well that’s the most pointless website I’ve ever seen

[zukoandtheoc]

I would argue that it’s actually the opposite

[byjove]

I love asking people how their parents met. You always get an interesting reply. My best friend’s parents met on the relatively new internet in 1999. My other friend’s parents met at Burger King when one was the manager and the other was a regular customer. My parents met at the beach because they were neighbors in their rental houses, mom was on a church trip and dad was getting blackout drunk every night with his friends next door.

Tell me how your parents met in the tags.

[stammsternenstaub]

Life doesn’t end at 23. 30 isn’t old. Fetishising youth as the ultimate desirable characteristic in a person is actively harmful to both young and old people. Some of us lost our teenage years to abuse and recovery, and can only begin living when we’re at a different life stage.  Literally knock it off, the lot of you.

[batsandboba]

I haven’t been on tumblr for quite as long as a lot of people but over several years I’ve noticed this interesting gradual sorta,, shift in the general culture? that it went from this mostly depressed, nihilistic outlook where people would regularly joke about hating themselves and being hopeless and depressed, to a wave of vehemence of “STOP hating everything actually the world is Good and you deserve love!!!” type posts, to now, where those aggressive ‘PSAs’ have faded away and instead I regularly see people romanticizing simple things like stars and hot tea and rainy mornings, and waxing poetic about their friends, and just trying to put love out there. and I don’t know exactly what that means (someone who knows more than me could probably say something smart about generational expression and trauma or popular perception of mental health and whatnot), but I do know that it makes my heart very full to see people learn to love the world and themselves by extension, and a whole userbase adopting healthier coping mechanisms, and therefore teaching the younger users to do so as well. I might just be following different people, but I really do think we’ve grown. everyone has grown. five years ago it wasn’t unusual for the next post on my dash to be a scathing commentary on why nothing matters or an anon ripping into someone they barely knew or someone complaining about how pathetic their interests are. now I have mutuals who get excited and spam reblog art of cows and friends I see tagging each other in pictures of frogs and strangers writing paragraphs about how much I matter. it makes me happy. idk. just an observation I wanted to make. I think people are good and everyone’s just trying their best at the end of the day

[secondbeatsongs]

[AMV] Jon Arbuckle - You’re Gonna Go Far Kid

this is one of my favorite videos on the internet, and it kills me that the source has been silenced by youtube’s copyright system, so I’m putting it here!

I have seen a version of this on tumblr before, but the audio in that one is just a little bit off because that person edited it back in themselves

but today, I am proud to present the original video, sent to me by Crispy Crungy, who gave me permission to upload it here and share it with you all!

enjoy!

[mysharona1987]

[meatswitch-deactivated20231107]

brucie baby? this brucie baby??

[princessbento]

brucie baby lore

[snoopylover1234567]

i dont remember who said it but theres this quote thays like theres a moment when you are a teenage girl where you dont belong to anybody. and irs making me crazy

[snoopylover1234567]

heather o’neill!

[bimbogollum]

I bet in the 20s all the weird German emo girls were thirsting after the Somnambulist

[bimbogollum]

German emo girls be like “ich will 😍🥺”

[meltyneon]

Don’t hide this magnificent piece of info in the tags.

[espanolbot2]

The bloke (Conrad Veidt) was an outspoken opponent of antisemitism, and when he refused to divorce his wife (who was Jewish), Joseph Goebbels had him blacklisted.

He also donated tons and tons of money to poor children who had been negatively effected by the Blitz in London after he moved to the US, following his becoming a naturalised-British citizen after leaving Germany in the 1930s.

[hairy-dykes-r-us]

Don’t forget that in 1919, he starred in “Different from the Others”, a German film protesting the anti-homosexuality laws in place. It’s widely regarded as the first pro-gay film. Conrad Veidt was a goddamn hero.

[seconddoubt]

I just feel like this pic is relevant to the discussion

[iconuk01]

He was also the highest paid member of the cast in “Casablanca” (where he played a Nazi officer, again), even if he only got second billing, because he was THAT big a star.

He and his first wife divorced after… well she said it better than I ever could.

“I excused a lot of his failings and whims because I loved him. But one day he did something to me that I couldn’t forgive. I was singing that evening at the cabaret. I left him home and he told me: “I invited a few friends; we’ll dine while we wait for you.” And it just so happened I had received a new dress from Paris. That evening, after work, I arrived home and what do I see? All these gentlemen dressed as women. And Conrad had put on my Paris dress. At this point, I divorced!”

And as  Anita Loos put it

“Any Berlin lady of the night might turn out to be a man; the prettiest girl on the street was Konrad [sic] Veidt.”

[larkfeather1153]

If you have epilepsy/photosensitivity, you may want to avoid the Quick Reblog thing on mobile for the time being. For some reason the green confirmation bar at the bottom of the screen is now flashing rapidly (basically strobing) whenever I Quick Reblog a post, and Tumblr Support hasn't gotten back to me about it besides the standard list of basic troubleshooting.