writing is not retail; or, why I donât feel so guilty about not replying to fanfic comments any more
a few months ago, I saw a story on tumblr. Â I canât remember the exact post so I canât link it here, but I remember it was a story from a reader who commented on a fanfic that hadnât been updated in years. the writer of this story got so excited that someone was still reading, they started updating again.
a wonderful story, of course. Â good for the writer, who found motivation for an old work and validation in the reader who loved it. Â and good for the reader, to have received this surprise gift. Â but the story bothered me, like a nudge in the gut, when I read it, and has bothered me more in the months since.
hereâs the thing: this story was being touted as a shining example. Â âlook, comment on fics!â the moral went. Â âthe writers are so starved for the validation, theyâll do literally anything for you!â Â that attitude is one I see increasingly in text posts and tweet threads and the like, practically begging readers to throw all their support at us writers, saying, writers need notes, need kudos, need comments. Â this validation is why we write, these arguments go. Â weâd have no motivation without it.
this attitude is one that strikes me as increasingly dangerous. Â not for fandom as a whole so much, but for writers themselves. Â if writers, especially younger writers, writers most vulnerable to these types of âvoice of godâ diatribes, get this mentality that they are worthless if nobody reads them, it becomes so easy to lose hope. it becomes so easy to say, well, this one got no notes, no readers begging for more, so I should just stop trying.
and on the flipside, that attitude makes it easy to get tied into a work that isnât actually interesting or creatively fulfilling or just plain making the writer happy. Â just because itâs getting notes, views, comments, the logic says, it must continue.
but hereâs the thing: fic writing is not retail. Â you donât need to sell a brand to get your work out there â ao3 and ffnet and any other site on which you might want to publish are all as open to you as they are to some big name fan. Â thatâs one of the beauties of fanfic, to start with. Â your foot is already in the door; you donât need to cater to anyone besides yourself to get published. Â or: the reader is not the priority. Â the writer is the priority. Â (except for gifts and fic commissions, but those are subjects for other essays.)
to paraphrase rainer maria rilke: to truly become a writer, one must look deep into oneâs soul and inquire of oneself: MUST I WRITE? Â if I were unable to express my inner self in the written medium, would I perish? Â (letters to a young poet, p. 16 in my norton 1954 edition.)
rilke is rather melodramatic about it. Â my interpretation, and my lesson to young writers, is: ask yourself, DOES THIS MAKE ME HAPPY?
not will it get me attention, not will it please this fandom, but does it feel worthy of my time, my skills, the piece of my soul that will go into it? Â your first audience, before you publish your work anywhere and get feedback from anyone, is yourself. Â for most writers, in fact, your primary audience for at least half of your work is yourself â because, come on, none of us have good track records for finishing our wips. Â thus, if youâre not pleasing yourself by exploring characters or worlds or literary themes that you enjoy (or by getting paid at the end of the word doc) whatever youâre writing is not worthy of your talents or your time.
and hereâs the other thing: youâll probably need to write for a couple of years before youâre actually good at it. Â I donât mean to discourage anyone here, just to be realistic; writing, like any other craft, takes practice. Â very few people put up a very first fic on ao3 and immediately get 1,000 kudos, and those who do have probably been writing an original fantasy series since they were seven. Â why do you think all the best porn is written by people over the age of thirty? Â this shit takes experience. Â and if youâre refreshing your ao3 page every ten minutes, agonizing over every single comment and every single tumblr note, calling yourself worthless every time you donât hit some magic hits/kudos ratio, youâll never want to actually do the work that will get you that experience. Â a lack of validation is only reason to lose heart if the work meant nothing to your personal satisfaction in the first place.
I have been writing fic for almost eight years. Â in that time, Iâve had widely popular fics and widely unpopular ones, in a whole host of fandoms. Â and to be honest, much as my horrible lizard brain craves validation, some of my absolute favorite works are the ones that got no notes. Â because I know that those fics are the ones I wrote truly for myself. they are the most creatively satisfying. they are the works that make me happy.
(and, a rarepair writer secret: those fics are also often the ones that get the absolute best comments. when you prioritize writing what you love, it shows.)
rilke, at one point, was so poor that he could not even buy his own books (letters to a young poet, p. 25). Â and yet today, he is lauded as one of the best german-language writers of all time. Â just because you are not getting validation right now doesnât mean you are not learning and growing as a writer. Â if you find what youâre passionate about and write from the heart, someday, you will find someone who shares your passions â itâs one of the beauties of the internet that you donât need a publishing contract to find that other person. Â all you need is the self-confidence to write your piece and the bravery to hit post.
I donât want to speak for all writers. Â not everyone is a literary theory-spouting weirdo like I am who sometimes wants to lock herself in a cabin in the woods and turn off wifi for a month just because sheâd get so much done. some people write fic as a coping mechanism. Â some do it to make money, or as a stepping stone into a professional writing career. some need validation to truly be happy. I only want to speak for myself, to voice my concerns, and to ask any writer (or any content creator reading this, really): does it make you happy?
you do not owe the commenter anything. Â you owe yourself everything.
andulkaphoto
ellievsbear
jacobvanloon
stormborns
