I’ve seen a few mob aus floating around and it almost always has Ilya being a mob boss but I would like to posit the infinite more funny scenario of Ilya running the front selling kinda shitty sandwiches and Shane being the only customer
Like it’s an out of the way hole in the wall smear on the map but that’s why Shane picks it out in the first place, it’s quiet, next to the water, and open early as he’s on his way to the rink also the guy at the counter is HOT
The first time Shane comes in Ilya doesn’t even look up and just points him toward the back and says something in Russian, which really confuses Shane so he clears his throat and asks if this is where he’s supposed to order. Ilya kinda freezes then looks up and freezes again for an entirely different reason hot and has to scramble into some version of a service worker who’s desperately hoping this really fucking Hot man didn’t understand Ilya telling him to take the drugs to the back
Shane looks over the faded sparse menu hanging above and asks what’s good and Ilya blue screens for a second because he knows they don’t have half the ingredients listed up there, never mind the fact Ilya’s never actually made a sandwich here for anyone. So he goes with the simplest sandwich they have and puts all this charisma into hyping the hell out of This Sandwich because he literally can’t make anything else please just get the stupid sandwich please
And surprisingly Shane actually agrees, smiling at Ilya like he already trusts his judgment wholeheartedly, and when he asks if the have any ginger ale Ilya feels like even more of a piece of shit when he has to say they’re “fresh out” liar liar liar. The sandwich sucks, Ilya knows this as he’s putting fucking kraft mayo on cakey white bread and he’d kinda rather die than give the cute guy something so atrocious but he’s really out of options, silently cursing the abysmally low effort put into this front.
But Shane smiles anyways as Ilya hands it over and thanks him like he actually appreciates what Ilya did. Ilya nods and starts to walk away when he’s stopped by Shane telling him he still needs to pay him, holding his card out and Ilya kinda wants to scream because they don’t even have a god damn card reader so he switches back to maximum charm and tells Shane pretty boys get sandwiches for free which luckily stunlocks Shane long enough for Ilya to book it out of there and when he comes back to the front later the “store” is empty.
Ilya is, at the very least, proud of himself for getting out of that situation but also feels guilty as hell and hopes Shane doesn’t end up with food poisoning. He also decides they really do need to actually invest in the front and gets some better ingredients because that was wildly embarrassing and could definitely blow their cover if the wrong people show up. He also stocks ginger ale, just, because.
And surprisingly his efforts pay off because a few days later Shane is back. Not for a sandwich, because, let’s be real that one went in the trash after a single bite, but cause he feels wrong not having paid. Ilya, eager to redeem himself, tells him he can only charge him if he buys another sandwich, company policy of course. So in an effort to get the gross “stealing thief” feelings off him Shane relents and Ilya puts extra care into making something actually good. Shane is surprised it actually look appetizing and Ilya off handedly mentioned last time being a bad day, supply chain issues, yadda yadda, and he’s rewarded with that same genuine smile from before that makes his heart jump. As he’s ringing up the order he slides Shane a ginger ale and winks when he tells Shane he’ll see him next time.
Later when Shane checks he’ll see he was only charged one cent for the food (actually good this time), and so starts the endless cycle of Shane trying to pay Ilya who’s slowly improving the front to impress Shane and coming up with increasingly elaborate ways to undercharge Shane so he keeps coming back (all while hiding copious amounts of shady dealings, arms trafficking, and murder from the obliviously endearing hockey player who thinks he’s just found the perfect little sandwich shop with a stunning view)