still a pirate's life for me

New York|California. Writer. (Also moonlights as the King Tutenbae chick) I mostly post things that I find amusing. I love literature and I'm in way too many fandoms to list here, so message me if you wanna find out more! Anyway, kick back and enjoy my blog!

[assiraphales]

filmmakers and audiences and critics alike all need to start suspending their disbelief again

[assiraphales]

‘this doesn’t make sense’ so?????

[zoanzon]

important edition

[theweirdwideweb]

[the-jade-palace]

[viralthings]

The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes.

[chandra-nalaar]

this is just a normal waffle house

[kayas-wife]

there is a bloody handprint on the door

[commandtower-solring-go-deactiv]

There is somethung under the counter with the cups

[ezurad]

Blind man reading news paper Skull in the coffee

[hiringdreamers-deactivated20200]

Milk is $15

[captaindeadpoet]

Lady’s hand is a tentacle

[bluesey-182]

the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate…

[sapphire-crimson-claw-archive-d]

I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized…

Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus.

[asymbina]

I think his face is just tentacles.

[kakaphoe]

The blind man has gills.

[of-another-broken-heart]

Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065) The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red. The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!”

[kakaphoe]

Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops).

[a-small-bowl-of-noodles]

There’s a second one, and there’s even more in this

[schiwalker]

AAAHH, cool, but AAAAAHHHH

[starafterdeath]

Just a regular morning in Innsmouth.

[mrevaunit42]

Passing your perception checks isn’t always a great idea

[peppermintfairy]

There’s another one!

[candiikismet]

These are so neat

[karmacursedme]

This is some twilight zone shit. It’s so cool.

[stabbetharenny]

I LOVE THESE KIND OF THINGS CAN YALL TAG ME IN THEM IF YOU SEE STUFF LIKE THIS I LIVE AND BREATHE IT PLEASE AND THANK YOU

[normal-horoscopes]

IF YOURE AN ENGLISH SPEAKER HERES SOMETHING YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW:

IN THE ORIGINAL ITALIAN, DANTE'S INFERNO RHYMES. THE ENTIRE THING.

[normal-horoscopes]

THE ENTIRE DIVINE COMEDY RHYMES.

HEARING MY ITALIAN PROFESSOR READ THE FIRST CANTO OUT LOUD IN THE ORIGINAL ITALIAN WAS A FORMATIVE EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

I COULDNT UNDERSTAND A WORD OF WHAT WAS BEING SAID BUT EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ROOM WAS HIT WITH THE SUDDEN AND INTENSE FEELING THAT THE PERSON WHO WROTE THESE WORDS WAS A MASTER OF THEIR LANGUAGE.

IT IS FAIR TO CALL THE DIVINE COMEDY TRANSCENDANT IN ITS BEAUTY.

[cromodinamica]

* not just rhyme its uhmm all lines have 11 syllabes and it rhymes like ABA BCB CDC etc etc etc for EVER very good

[normal-horoscopes]

ITS A POETIC FORM CALLED TEZRA RIMA THAT IS FAMOUSLY DIFFICULT TO USE WELL

AND MOST ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS DO KEEP VERY CLOSE TO THE ORIGINAL 11 SYLLABLE METER

[normal-horoscopes]

NEVERMIND POST CANCELLED

[catchymemes]

[a-cat-in-a-funky-hat]

I work in a kitchen. We are always told to not just stand around, that’s rule number one. Even if something’s on the stove, usually you can do something else while you wait for it.

EXCEPT

If it’s milk. “You stand right there and watch over it, do NOT leave.”

What’s even better is if you’re forced to leave because you need something from the fridge or something. So you dash into the back and get it and if someone wants to ask you something you just go “MILK! ON THE STOVE!” and everyone jumps out of your way and goes “oh shit, run!!!”

It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever encountered at work

[justlookatthosesausages]

In French we literally have an old saying, “I have milk on the fire” to say “I’m very busy at the moment” 

[mooonbride]

You really don’t realize how disconnected from reality rich people are until you have to work for them bro, like I just had a woman start crying because I told her that the leather recliners she wants to order would take 2 weeks to ship and she goes “We just finished our custom home theater room and I have a get together this weekend and I have kitchen chairs in there. do you have any idea what thats like?” HELLO????

[morticious-delicious]

I know at least three people who act like they're broke and on the verge of starvation when they're down to their last 10000 in their (checking) account. Talking about I 'cant imagine the stress they are under'. Like bitch I am a water bill away from a zero balance at any given time please shut your fuck up.

[stability]

[lnnea]

Okay so Norway is like such an odd country cause like listen to this

Norwegians consume 9% of all Pepsi max produced

Norwegians eat the second most tacos in the world, just after Mexico

Norwegians drink the second most coffee in the world, just after USA

Norwegians read the second most comic books in the world, just after japan

There are only 5 million people in Norway

[decepticonsensual]

And apparently they are having an AMAZING time.

[chekhov]

[wildeismsremade-deactivated2019]

[broitsablog]

@indigopersei is the french language just always on the verge of getting someone accused of assault or..?

[dammitperseus]

my friend, if only you knew

[randomfandomteacher]

It’s a very dangerous language to learn

[party-bees-deactivated20181211]

Here’s an interesting thing about French! Everything needs to have an article in front of it. That’s why it’s “la chat” as opposed to just “chat”. So, for instance, you could say la fille for the girl, or jeune fille for young girl, but you can’t just say fille, because that means you are calling her a sex worker in a derogatory way.

The moral of the story is, if you want to make something rude in French, just take out the article in front of it. Yes, this works for nearly. every. word.

[wine-dark-sea]

#now I’m wondering how often my high school french teacher was silently screaming because of this little fact

Every year. Every year there’s that kid who forgets that you can’t translate “I am excited” to “Je suis excitée”. And every year Monsieur Jordan has to slam the brakes before that kid can finish his sentence and then tactfully ask him not to announce to the class that he is horny.

[shamwowxl]

“is the french language always on the verge” oh buddy, oh pal, i am so happy to break this news to you: 

[super-metroid]

truly the language of love

[whitepeopletwitter]

[savannahfaerie]

[plain-flavoured-english]

this woman is imo the funniest person on YouTube

[sugarghosts]

Her name is Karolina Zebrowska and she is a national treasure

[fanpersoningfox]

She’s from Poland so I’d say she’s an international treasure, but YES CHECK HER OUT SHE’S GREAT

[desultory-suggestions]

Do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm

[wokadokadee]

Can I set the others on fire to keep them warm?

[desultory-suggestions]

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time

[hunterbadbatch]

why is this peak comedy to me

[badjokesbyjeff]

A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her front pocket and thinks:

Some asshole has my pen

[kateosaurus-rex]

Change your handle Jeff

[abysswarlock]

I like the subtext that the nurse stuck the thermometer up someone’s butt and just… left it there

[timemachineshark]

the best news

[purpletangyvaginas]

[uncontrolledmisfit]

i thought it was just me

[myhaireatskids]

sir, that’s my emotional support titty

[gredbril-deactivated20210416]

[captainwaltons]

There is something so beautiful about woman dressed in historical clothing that’s usually only worn by men.

Like, a man wearing historical fashion: eh, ok I guess, I mean it’s still cool cause- history! but still just ok…

But a woman: More beautiful than Aphrodite, a queen! I aspire to look like this. Woman, honestly, can pull of historical men’s historical fashion so well, and they all look like queens and badasses.

[captainwaltons]

For example: Normal historical dressed, ok I guess, I mean we still stan Horatio,

but-

This? :

Yes yes yes!!! A thousand times cooler and djfksksosjdjj!!! Amazing!

[captainwaltons]

More examples:

(I also don’t have the exact sources for these images but if you know it that be great! Or if you want to contribute more amazing examples too!)

[seultaro]

the mini skirt + over the knee socks look is the best look ever created and no one will ever change my mind

[seultaro]

fashion will never top this

[supersoftly]

its true and you should say it

[thedoctorofall]

It’s called absolute territory and its absolutly the best