"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Today's Document
sheepfilms
Not today Justin
KIROKAZE
EXPECTATIONS
RMH
PR's Tumblrdome
NASA
Kiana Khansmith
titsay
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
The Stonewall Inn
Noah Kahan
izzy's playlists!
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Andulka
Xuebing Du
oozey mess
Love Begins
seen from Bolivia
seen from United States
seen from Pakistan
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Azerbaijan
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from Panama
seen from Brazil
seen from France
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seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from Türkiye
@ineffectual-t-rex-arms
characters whose sexuality is "i'm under way too much stress to figure that shit out rn"
character whose gender is "im probably nonbinary but im on a quest so idrc about that rn"
>probably nonbinary but on a quest so I don't really care rn
ilya + his very judgemental eyebrows
realest ever
unreasonably amused by the idea of itty bitty shane not wanting to get off the ice after practice to the point that david gets ON the ice to get him, so itty bitty does the "my bones are gone now" resistance move kids are so good at.
but fails to consider that ice is. so slippery.
like stage your protest all you want, buddy, but you have literally never been more move-able.
Read the post and loved it exactly for the potential of what's in the tags: uh oh now David made it funnnn and Shane, quick little bean that he is, riiiight as he's getting to the edge of the rink, about to be picked up and passed to mom, gets up and skates away to the middle of the rink and PLOMP lays down on his back, giggling and kicking his little skates. "Again, Dad (Shane does not call David daddy in front of his friends, he's not a baby!), again!!"
It doesn't help David and Yuna that everyone and their mother thinks this is the funniest, cutest thing ever and laughs, just spurring Shane to do it more and more.
✴︎ BETRAYED STRAYS ✴︎
I love the idea of Shane being not just good at hockey but good at all sports, to the point where it fascinates and infuriates the other Centaurs
Because what do you mean they went to the batting cages for some silly fun to watch everyone flail at an unfamiliar sport, only for Shane to need three practice swings before figuring out the force and timing needed to start hitting every single pitch? What do you mean he sets the course record at the mini golf place they have the Pike twins birthday at? What do you mean he learned how to play cricket over a long weekend in the UK? What do you MEAN your Canadian ass that grew up on a calm, tiny lake went to visit Rose in LA and just learned to surf from “some guy” one of the days she was busy??
Shane doesn’t get why they all think it’s so crazy. He’s a professional athlete, he’s good at full body and mind control as well as adaptability and hand-eye coordination, and he’s so used to being the best in the world at hockey that he views being mundanely good at anything else as barely noticeable. He argues with Troy over whether he counts as being good at basketball just because he killed them all at the basketball shooting game at a Dave and Buster’s
They all start making bets to see who can find a sport Hollander isn’t good at. Harris is convinced he’ll win with figure skating because Shane’s muscle memory will want to work against him with a technique that’s so similar but also so different, only for Shane to come out of an afternoon learning from his old friend who was at the Olympics with the ability to do simple jumps and spins and is insisting the whole team learn so they can incorporate it into plays. Harris is not allowed to make suggestions after that
Ilya just sits back and lustily watches his husband destroy their friends at volley ball, wrestling, tennis, broom ball, and ultimate frisbee. Shane participates in an all pro athlete Ninja Warrior event to raise money for charity and Ilya can’t watch the clips of Shane flying through the course like a bat out of hell unless he is able to fuck Shane immediately after it ends
Hello hello hello I really think we should talk more about the first hollanov sleepover. Not the first time they take a nap together at Ilya’s, but the first time they have an actual real sleepover.
It happens the first night at the cottage, and it’s exciting and awkward and nerve-wracking in that way firsts always are with someone important to you. Shane would sell his soul to make sure Ilya sleeps well in his bed and Ilya doesn’t know where to stand or what to do with his hands.
They put off sleeping for hours, because the idea of having time together is still foreign and exciting and a little scary, but you can only fuck and cuddle and kiss so far into the early hours before the day catches up with you, and eventually they shower and put on clean underwear and end up in the ensuite.
And Ilya loves sex—he loves it so fucking much, but he thinks this is maybe his favourite part of the entire day.
They awkwardly meet eyes in the mirror while Shane grabs the floss, Ilya nudging him over while he digs through his toiletry kit. He bites back a stupid smile when Shane reaches over and grabs the tube of sensodyne and offers it, because sharing toothpaste is a dumb fucking thing to get excited about.
Still, Ilya takes it with a stupid grin. He gets a brush of fingers over his waist and tucks two of his free fingers into the side of Shane’s waistband. When that doesn’t really elicit a reaction, Ilya pulls them back so the elastic of his boxer briefs snaps against skin. Shane turns to him with his fingers still twined in dental floss, eyes narrows playfully and smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Ilya raises his brows in an expression that screams total and complete innocence and spits. “What?” He asks as Shane stares at him.
Shane steps forward, crowding Ilya back until he can toss the floss in the trash. The second his hands are free they’re on Ilya’s waist. He kisses the mole on his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, then—
Shane barely manages a chaste kiss to Ilya’s mouth before Ilya pulls away with wide, innocent eyes. He says something teasing about kissing with a half clean mouth and Shane rolls his eyes: “I rimmed you for like fifteen minutes earlier and you basically shoved your tongue down my throat after.”
So, yeah, they makeout in front of the sink for a while, then finish washing up. Ilya does another quick pass with the toothbrush as Shane starts on his own teeth, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before heading to the toilet. He’s weirdly nervous but he pees anyway, and Shane steps over to make room for him at the sink when he’s done. They meet eyes in the mirror again and laughs awkwardly this time, both faintly blushing as Ilya washes his hands and Shane waits to spit.
Getting into bed is also weird. Good, but—weird. They kind of already have sides? Which is strange to realize but it works out. The fucking wildest thing is just knowing that they won’t have to go anywhere or do anything tomorrow; that they’re going to get into bed and just sleep.
It’s so awkward at first. They know how they fit together, but it’s like with the lack of sex they’ve become different shapes. Shane wants this to go well so badly it’s almost a physical ache. Eventually, Ilya sighs and turns to him. Says, “this is fucking stupid,” kisses him, and then wraps around Shane’s body like a 90 kilo freaking octopus. Shane immediately readjusts to hold him in return and finally finally relaxes. For a while, both of them lie there in stunned silence: that they’re here, that they’re doing this, until Shane means to say something like this is fucking crazy but ends up laughing instead. Just like a nervous, slightly hysterical, emotional release kind of laughter that is so contagious Ilya is soon laughing, too. When it dies down, they stare at each other in the dark before kissing about it. Not to start anything, just to kiss.
I love you I love you, Shane thinks as Ilya pulls away to bury his face in his neck. He says, goodnight Ilya.
Ilya murmurs tebya lyublyu to Shane’s skin with a sigh, peppering little kisses there. The he says, goodnight Shane.
I dunno, I just feel like we should talk about this more.
one of my favorite hobbies is not being a parent
So Harris decides to do something special for the moms of the team for Mother's Day and lines up a series of posts to go live hourly throughout the day, wherein there is a featured picture of each player's mother wearing that player's jersey and a few extra pictures provided by that player's mom--pictures from Timbits games, family vacations through the years, holidays. A few players' moms actually provide Harris with pictures of themselves in the hospital holding the newborn who would someday become an Ottawa Centaur! Super cute! And if making these posts in alphabetical order by last name means that Harris gets to make sure that his own wonderful mother-in-law goes first, well...you didn't see anything.
It's just a day of cute posts, and Ilya keeps checking to see if Yuna's post has gone live because those baby Shane pictures always hit like crack and Shane so rarely lets his parents pull them out.
Delightfully, Yuna chose one of Ilya's favorites--a VERY nineties newborn photoshoot where Shane already has a shock of black hair sticking up in all directions, and a pinched little expression on his face. He is all cheek and eyebrow, and Yuna is twenty-four and has bangs and denim overalls, and it is so nineties.
"Yuna sent Harris the Sears photo," Ilya tells Shane, giddy.
"Oh great," Shane groans.
"People are saying you make the same face when you argue with ref."
"I don't argue with the refs," Shane mutters.
"True, you have very smart and sexy Captain husband to do this for you now."
Ilya scrolls through the rest of the pictures--not to be outdone, Yuna has provided more than most. Shane in the Metros onesie that Ilya knows he was brought home from the hospital in. Yuna holding a year-old Shane in her lap, her narrow frame nearly dwarfed by his chubby body. Yuna with little Shane at what is clearly a Centaurs game, circa 1995.
The next one--he sort of wasn't expecting, but he isn't completely surprised either. His own face, smiling politely next to Yuna and David the day he flew out to Ottawa to sign some paperwork for his contract with the Centaurs. It was only the second or third time he'd seen them without Shane, and maybe the first picture they'd taken together as well. He'd been carefully cropped out of previous ones.
"Oh, that's nice," Shane mumbles. He's stopped pretending he's not looking over Ilya's shoulder, watching him scroll.
The next picture is of their wedding day, unsurprisingly--one of several pictures from that day wherein Shane and Yuna had matching misty eyes and Ilya was actually just visibly crying with his face pressed to someone's shoulder.
Lastly, Yuna in her jersey--custom-made, Hollander-Rozanov on the back and 24|81 below. She's smiling over her shoulder at some game or other, proud of it.
Then there is one more picture. Yuna's hand in frame, holding a wallet-size picture of Irina Rozanova as she was thirty-two years ago, young and smiling with a baby Ilya pressed to her cheek.
It's one of only a few pictures that Ilya knows exist of his mother, and he thought the only copy was in a frame in the room he's currently sitting in.
"Why does Yuna have tiny picture of Mama?" Ilya murmurs.
"Oh." Shane rubs the back of his neck. "She, uh, she does this thing--she has pictures of all of us in her purse. It's, like, so that she has us with her. She asked me for Irina's picture a little while ago."
In the picture, Yuna is holding Irina's picture up next to the Jumbotron broadcasting Ilya's grinning face from the season intro video.
"Oh," Ilya murmurs. "That's..."
"If you think it's weird--"
"No," Ilya snaps. "Don't even finish that sentence, Hollander. I love it."
The caption of the post reads:
Yuna Hollander, mother of #24 and mother-in-love to #81! Mama Hollander is a reformed Metros fan and a proud Ottawan who can almost always be seen in the crowd at Canadian Tire Centre cheering on the home team. We love you and your boys, Yuna! Happy Mother's Day!
The Hollander-Rozanovs also treasure the memory of Irina Rozanova, mother to #81. Happy Mother's Day, Irina.
Heated Rivalry incorrect quotes 3/?
Bonus:
when they ask him if he’s looking forward to facing shane and ilya replies, “he is goalie now, yes?”, he finds if so fun, he just keeps doing it, and he’s obviously a bit more of an asshole about it every time.
“shane hollander? sorry, i don’t know the names of all assistant coaches.”
“shane hollander? the zamboni driver for montreal? does good job, sure, but i have seen smoother ice.”
“shane hollander? who is that? does he sell popcorn during the games so that he can at least watch from afar?”
“shane hollander? you mean the guy who has coffee cart outside the arena because selling iced drinks is the closest he will get to hockey?”
“shane hollander? of course i remember him. he is park guide now, did you know? yes that is the closest he will get to sticks.”
(to the journalist) “shane hollander? is that the name of your son? does he want my autograph?”
and of course ilya also knows that those answers will get him angry sex every time, so he feels very encouraged to continue.
thinking about how shane and ilya's expressions of queerness are so different and how it doesn't relate to their preferred positions during sex at all, because it's so refreshing to see.
shane is a bottom through and through, but unlike in many other queer media, he isn't effeminate or delicate. he's masculine and brash and jocky, he works his grill and sets up fires and wears fucking.. khaki pants or whatever. he's just a guy. a guy that prefers to be fucked.
ilya likes topping (although he would be down for whatever as long as it makes shane happy) but he isn't some burly, macho "i will dominate you" dude like tops are shown. he wears his cunty little jean paul gaultier tiger print and slutty tank tops, and he's sassy and has a gay accent in russian and makes these flamboyant hand gestures. they don't take away from his masculinity, but the important thing is that ilya doesn't have to be gruff and manly and stoic.
and it makes me so happy to see that the weird gender role adjacent stereotypes about topping and bottoming arent placed on them.
everyone loves Predynastic Egyptian Terracotta Bowl with Human Feet. shout-out to a real one
It looks like it would be so excited to run over when you needed a bowl
Got distracted. Saw a cool bug
I'm sorry how fucken old do u hafta be to be *predynastic EGYPTIAN*
i think there is a statue of grace. on the campus of the university where he got his phd. it's a big base, like the statue atop it is going to be a larger than life hero standing brave. but instead it is him, life size, sitting with his feet dangling off the edge and turned slightly to the side like he is in conversation.
there is room to sit next to him. students like to hop up and sit next to dr. grace to get advice, vent, just take a minute. he's a friend to all on campus
Imagine all the things I could do if I just did them.
the whole brienne deserves better than jaime thing is hilarious in a canon context, especially when people frame it as if it's a result of a self-esteem problem or deliberately choosing unattainable men or whatever. because she canonically rejects two suitors who actively want to marry her, beating one to a pulp and threatening to geld the other. she's like i want the hottest man in a hundred mile radius or i'll die alone actually
