new account, new me

C, she/her

[lickingandsuckingchristmascoins]

[softboyshaven]

Thinking about the Holmes story where a blind girl goes to him and is like "My fiancé is missing and he kept telling me the week leading up to his disappearance that he would always love me and come back for me,were anything to happen so I think he knew he was in trouble and I love him so much and I'm going to wait for him but I'd like to find him faster,ya know?" And Holmes figures out that it was this girl's parents to scam her out of money she was owed from an estate which she gave to them because she was still living at home,which she wouldn't be if she ever married,so her step father PRETENDED TO DATE HER for MONTHS to keep her from ever getting engaged to a real person and when Holmes finds out he confronts this man and this man is like "Well,you caught me! But it wasn't illegal:) so:)" and Holmes is like "No,but it was sickening and cruel and if she had a brother or good male friend he should post you up and whip you but she doesn't." And the man is like "No,she doesn't." And does the Victorian version of sticking his tongue out and Holmes is like "Well,I guess I'll do then!" And HE PULLS OUT HIS HUNTING WHIP.

[evergreen-femme]

had to share this

[wizardshark]

In every way this is set up to be a joke like any other short video, it even uses the trope of main character in a wig to represent their mom, but it isn't funny at all. It's just sweet and nice

[ullybug]

one thing about hockeybloggers is that they love when their tags make someone type 'toronto hockey amulet tavares' into their search engine. it makes them feel powerful, kind of like some sort of magical token or item

[ullybug]

it's just never not funny

[kristina100000]

[fallingtowers]

i could write this out as sheet music

[fallingtowers]

like this

[picklerocket]

Where else am i gonna see a scene girl get subtitled by sheet music ?

[crabussy]

Why do kiwis have such massive fucking eggs “it’s because they are related to ostriches and-“ yeah ok but like why didn’t they evolve smaller eggs if I was in charge I would do that shit pronto. Thoughts?

their big eggs are actually that size for a similar reason to human babies having massive heads!! being bigger at birth can be important.

kiwi are trying SO HARD to become mammals. fur-like feathers, whisker-like feathers, little beady eyes, nocturnal, great sense of smell.... that's basically a mammal!! they're well suited for life on the forest floor.

their big eggs work alongside these adaptations to give them a leg up in the bird world. their young hatch already feathered! they're precocial, which means they're born with the ability to open their eyes and move around. like foals.

big egg = more powerful offspring from the get-go. babies don't need to spend precious time vulnerable while they develop on the ground when they've already done all that in the egg!

(unfortunately, with the introduction of mammals to aotearoa, these adaptations are a little less useful...)

[nothingimportantanywhere]

Important addition: baby kiwi come out of the egg looking like they've come out of a shower with a hangover

[assortedinsanities]

They look like one of the downsides of emerging from an egg fully formed is how aware you are off just having come out on egg. First minute alive, already dealing with some fucking experience.

[shigure]

🥘 stillstainless following

full dishwasher kind of annoying actually. release me

🔲 tupperware follow

can we all agree that handwash onlys are attention seeking? you're using the same dish soap as the rest of us but you need a sponge bath because you're too good for a shower

🍳 cast-iron following

op some people will die if they're washed with soap at all. unlike certain plastic divas dishes that claim to be "top row only" like that makes a fucking difference.

🔲 tupperware follow

can you actually fuck off

🥣 countercandy mutuals

fav thing to hold

fruit

vegetables

keys

candy

soup

something else/not a bowl

Voting ended onFeb 20, 2024

☕ mug-shots follow

i love being on the top row like you are NOTTT using me for coffee LMAOO

🐾 dogbowl follow

dusty ass

🍴silverwarewolf following

all tucked in. in my drawer. with my polycule <3

#and these takeout chopsticks too i guess #ok

🥡 lunchb0x follow

Excited for summer break 😃 Can't wait to see what kinds of mold i'll collect this year

#ForgottenAgain #BackpackGang #LockerGang

🔁cast-iron following

anonymous asked: Why are you whining about how other dishes like to be washed when you're literally covered in spaghetti stains

tupperware answered: what if i killed myself

🥤 papercup mutuals

WASP IN ME

[liridi-deactivated20250617]

not to give pirates of the caribbean too much credit but it really is the only major franchise Ive seen that was able to pull off the “historical and mythical exist at the same time” with any sort of success

[originaljediinjeans]

#like how on land theyre in history but on sea theyre in mythology really communicates the wonder and love the #pirates have for the sea so much better than long soliloquies or good cinematography #and then the meta narrative is constantly indicating that the spread of empire and greed for money is driving it away #man……………………………………………………………….. (@liridi)

[liridi-deactivated20250617]

Building on this its so funny how everyone has a globe but the moment the pirates hit the seas they sail off of the end of the (flat) world. its all in the details etc etc

[cute-catts]

[awlwren]

Sound on!

[id: a tiny orange and white kitten squeaks when touched while leaning into pets, eventually laying down and purring while still squeaking]/end id.

[natural-blogarithm]

obama/foucault friends-to-lovers-to-enemies 150k

[bayesic-bitch]

Michel and Barack form a study group when reading Marx in order to pick up bisexuals. But soon, their study buddy relationship starts to turn into something more. Can their love survive Michel’s blistering critique and Barack’s drone strike program?

[tothechaos]

me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

[computationalcalculator]

[utopians]

one thing abt me is that I can't recognize veneers and I can't tell when someone's hair is a wig and I can't clock fake accents even when they're done pretty badly and I'm also bad with faces. all that to say I would be insanely vulnerable to hijinks/capers

[kaijulius]

don’t we all, paul.

this line delivery lives rent free in my head and gets out as a vocal stim often, to people’s dismay

[domesticatedanimals]

[ID: a digital drawing of Paul falling to his knees while scraping his hands on the Beanies counter. Taking up most of the background, written in blue, is his desperate wail: "Hello please god I just want a black coffee". The mugs stacked on the counter leak blue goo, and there is goo pooled on the floor behind the counter. The background is white. end ID.]

[isthatanthro]

Job interview at 8am tomorrow

[playtwewy]

no one is doing it like her

[ruinedchildhood]

[cada-dreamer-127-deactivated202]

[great-and-small]

I witnessed this moment and was inspired to go home and tidy up my living space