Kaley

this is where i get really personal

[itdoesntlastlong]

perfume in my eyes

So today I remebered a story from when I was like 4 years old. I was in Walmart with my mom just walking around right. We walk into the perfume aisle so I grab one of the perfumes and went to spray it on me and my mom tells me that the nozzle is pointed the wrong way(it was pointed outwards) so I turn the bottle and then I spray the bottle. When I spray it, it goes directly into my eyes. I immediately started screaming and my mom puts the perfume back and runs to the other side of the store to a water fountain. She starts rising out my eyes and I was crying so much that we had to leave the store.

[itdoesntlastlong]

little too late

Not to toot my own horn or anything but I’m a hard worker. Not only do I work hard, I’m typically good at my job. So I worked at Burger King from August 2016 - June 2017. I was told that if I were to keep working there, I would be the manager at 18. ( I turn 18 in August 2018). I still decided to leave because I didn't want to be at Burger King for another year. I left and went to Charley’s Philly Cheese Steaks. I started late June 2017. I was really good at my job. I was told this by all of my co-workers, supervisors and even my manager. So by the time November rolls around, I’m getting really tired of working in food. Also I couldn’t continue working there because one of my supervisors was sexually harassing me. So I transfer to the exchange (it’s kinda like a Walmart). So on the first day of me working at the exchange I realizes that I need to sign my time sheet at Charlye’s so that I can get paid. After I clock out and leave I head over to Charley’s. I go to the back and talk to Keith. He told me that Chris was suspended for 30 days and that I was silly for leaving. I asked him why he thought I was silly and he responded, “because I was going to make you a supervisor.” I asked him how he thought that I knew that and he said that I should have picked up on it. I told him that I can’t be a supervisor because I’m 17 and you have to be 18. He said something along the lines of he makes the rules etc. Well I tell him that its too late and he should have informed me of his plan earlier. Also on top of this, when I finish signing my time sheet, he hands me an award. Honestly, thanks but it’s too late. 

Thinking about it now, I think I would have only become a supervisor if the guy that got suspended no long worked there. Keith even said that it was a reoccurring problem so I don’t know why he only got suspended. Also, I don’t think Keith has the power to make me a supervisor when I’m under 18. Like yeah the money would have been nice but I’m so done working in food that I don’t think I care that much.

[itdoesntlastlong]

story time

So i’ve decided that when I remember these random ass stories from my life, I’m gonna share them on here. So a few days ago I was thinking about how I went to Jesus camp the summer before sophomore year and I remembered this thing that happened. Okay so basically since it was jesus camp, there was no intermingling of boys and girls. But me and this guy named Gary were like flirting?? I don’t know. Like 14 year old flirting so it was all awkward but whatever. So at camp boys were blue and girls were red and no ‘purple’ was allowed at camp. Well one day my friend and I decided to go to this waterfall that you could walk to with Gary and his friend. We were suppose to bring an adult with us just for safety reasons etc. Well, we didn’t bring an adult with us and only Gary’s friend showed up. I was super bummed but we still went anyways. Well when we got back, one of the head counselors called my friend, Austin (Gary’s friend) and I outside when we were getting ready to have breakfast. She said that someone saw us leave the camp grounds and walk to the water fall that morning and said how we needed an adult and how Austin should have known better blah blah blah. I apologized profusely and so did my friend. We walk back in to eat and continue on with our day. When we get back from volunteering, Gary is sitting in an eno ( a hammock thing ) and I walk over and say hey. He’s acting really off and says ‘your purple buddy is over there sleeping,’ pointing at Austin in an eno a bit further away. I explained the story to him and he was just laughing. Well when all the groups got back, they decided to go see the water fall and I said I would go. Gary and Austin went with this big group also. Gary told me before we left that Austin had liked me and etc. Well when we were walking there, Gary and I were talking and then Austin came up to talk to me about the thing that happened this morning and Gary made a comment like ‘oh I’ll leave you and your purple buddy alone’ or whatever. I got pissed so I was like you know what ‘I’m going back’ and started running back to camp. Austin ran after me telling me to wait up but he eventually gave up trying to catch up. I just cried my way back to camp. 

There are more Gary stories which I’ll probably eventually write about.

But I don’t know why I thought of this but I think it’s funny to reminisce on how dramatic I was and how I thought everything was such a big deal when in reality it was such a minuscule thing. 

[itdoesntlastlong]

mom not mother

and I’m back. my mom and dad have recently separated. they got divorced because she was a hoe. I know you're not suppose to talk bad about your mom and stuff but I feel like i can't talk about her in a positive way. she cheated on my dad. she ruined my family. well she cheated on my dad multiple times when they were married. my dad only knew about one of them and it had happened at the beginning of their marriage so he forgave her. i wouldn't have ever forgiven her. well since were from NOVA, my parents have to be legally separated for a year before they can be officially divorced. so my mom kicked my dad out of the house (even though its his housing allowance that got us this house in Germany). she thinks that she's what the kids need and she's more valuable than my dad. this isn't true. she doesn't make dinner, she doesn't clean, she doesn't provide us with the necessities and only buys food for Kevin. also were always out of food. anyways, me and my dad have gotten closer since the divorce because honestly i don't think i ever liked my mom. we never had a good relationship and knowing that she is the reason my family isn't a family anymore pisses me off. she comes home from work, drinks until she can't keep her eyes open, smokes like a pack of cigarettes, and falls asleep on the couch passed the fuck out, drunk out of her mind. so anyways, she has send nudes to girls, slept with them, etc. since the divorce and its been like 2 months. it took her 2 months to get over my dad. and no she didn't sleep with this guy as a rebound, they were fucking married for 20 years and she starts fucking this guy 2 months later. the worst part of this is that she brings this guy, calros, home and sleeps with him while I'm at the house. the way i figured this out was traumatizing. 

so it was about 2 days after halloween and the left over candy is in moms room. just waiting to be eaten. anyways, i call my mom from work and ask her to pick me up, and she says that she's not going to be home so she can't. I said okay and walked home. it was cold and i go over a few big ASS hills to get home. so anyways i walk my ass home after work and i get on to our street. i walk down to out house and i see my moms car in the drive way. so i was a little ticked off. i walk into the house and i see this random man sitting on my couch. i look at my mom look at this random man sitting on my familys couch and storm upstairs. who in the fuck is this random man. well i get into the shower and think about how my mom really brought this fucking man into our house. so i remember that there is chocolate downstairs in my moms room from halloween. so i make my way down stairs so i can get it. well i hit the main level and my mom and this man aren't here. so i look outside to see if she's smoking and their not out there either. so not thinking about it, i go downstairs, to get the candy. as I'm walking downstairs, i here sexual noises coming from my moms room. i get closer and now  I'm 1000000 percent sure that they are sex noises. completely grossed out, i go upstairs, candy-less and upset. i tell my dad about it. and my sister. my dad then asks my mom who carlos is. my mom asks my sister why she told dad about carlos and she says that its dads house and he deserves to know who comes in and out of it. so my sister said that she deserves some answers so she asked if carlos and her were dating. she said no. then she asked if they has slept together. she said no. when she told me this, i was flabbergasted. what the fuck? i didn’t make up sex noises and i told my sister that after her conversation with my mom. i mean my mom doesn't know that i heard them. so i really had to convince my sister i was telling the truth. so anyways, my mom and sister had a really close relationship so my sister knows all my moms passwords so my sister logged onto her Facebook and read some of her messages. most of them were about my mom getting drinks with people and how its my dads fault their getting divorced, etc. so we found a conversation with one of her friends that she slept with carlos MULTIPLE fucking times. what the fuck? she lied to my sister about it and not only did she sleep with the scum bad once, it was over and over again. 

so i literally hate my mom. its hard to explain it to my friends because they all have good families. like how can explain that my mom is a whore who dissent take care of us, is fuckign crazy, has no sober moments i can remember, ednaged our lives by drunk driving, etc. i can't tell them that. i don't love my mom anymore, i barely even speak to her. i’ve decided that she doesn't the title mother. she doesn't take of me. I'm 17 not 18. you're still responsible for me. i think before the divorce she didn't really take care of us. she bought us food, yes, but i didn't have that emotion connection that you have with your ‘mother’. she will only be my mom and never my mother. i don't love her. i don't feel bad for her. i just want to be away from her. i don't want to ever talk to her again. she ruined my family and i will never forgive her. especially because she can't responsibility for her actions. 

[itdoesntlastlong]

boy crazy?????

so recently, i’ve been finding like all of these people I wouldn’t normally find attractive, attractive. like i don’t know whats going on. like i want to get to know all of them and date them and make them happy. I’ve never had this happen to me before and I don’t know what to do about it. like I walk around in school and just like obsess over how cute i think they are. its not a hormonal thing either or else this would have happened before so I’m very confused why I’m finding all these people attractive..?

[itdoesntlastlong]

Sadly I don't think you were the Balance Beam's first and I don't think you were the last as well O_0 Jokes aside, are you still in gymnastics or have you moved on from that?

hahahah probably not. but i stopped doing gymnastics like 9 years ago

[itdoesntlastlong]

why are you such a dick

my brother has to give me his phone every night at midnight because he can't manage to get up and go to football practice. so tonight when I took it, he asks me to charge it for him, which is a reasonable request. I walk into the bathroom after putting his phone in my room and find my hairspray in there. I did not use it and I know my brother took it from my room. since he wants to play games, I am not charging his phone tonight. he is always taking shit from my room such as my athletic socks, or my speaker, or my headphones, or my hairbrush, or my lighters etc. so therefore I'm not gonna fucking charge his stupid phone. what makes me more mad is when I go in his room to retrieve my stolen shit, my parents yell at me for going in his room. no no fuck that. so he claims to our mom that he needs to sleep with music so he can get 5 more minutes on his phone. he walks into my room asking if I can turn it up. I told him to turn it up on his speaker and get out of my room. he said that he couldn't. I said oh well, get out. then he proceeded to say "why are you such a dick" and i said "bye" lmao fuck favorites and fuck him

[itdoesntlastlong]

the boy that gave me inspiration for my url

the boy that gave me inspiration for my url name is still in my life. the thing is he lives over 4000 miles away from me, and I don’t do long distance relationships. well since I’ve moved I’ve tried to move on. I’ve been slightly unsuccessful but there is this guy who I work with who has helped me with the process. well I dreamed about him last night and I talked with the old boy about our future. my brain and heart don’t know what I want.

[itdoesntlastlong]

i lost my virginity to a balance beam

so besides being scared half to death today about the stranger in my house, I also realized that i lost my virginity to a balance beam. I was on my period tracking app today answering some questions so that its more accurate or whatever and i was reading an article they had on it about virginity and how people say that your hymen breaks when you lose your virginty etc. anyways it was basically talking about how that wasn't true because you can break your hymen earlier in your life through sports and other physical activities. and i immediately thought about when i was 8 years old and i was in gymnastics. i was on the balance beam and i was trying to do something off of it and i had landed on the beam instead of off of it and i remember coming home and taking off my leotard and seeing blood where the white lining thing is and i freaked out and i told my mom that i got my period. i told her that my vagina hurt and showed her my leotard. even though it seemed wayyyyyy to early to be having my period she showed me how to use a pad and i wore one for the next few days and there was no blood. so my mom just assumed it was a false alarm. well i got my period about 5 years later so obviously it was a false alarm. but i didn’t realize this until 9 years later. i fucking broke my hymen on a balance beam and in some people’s view of virginity, FUCKING LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A MOTHERFUCKING BALNCE BEAM 

[itdoesntlastlong]

someone’s in the house

So its currently 1:21 AM and i walk out into the hallway about to go to the bathroom and I see that my sister’s bedroom light is on. My sister is spending the night at a friends house so I thought my brought had gone in there looking for something and forgot to turn it off. I opened the door and walked in and there is THIS FUCKING GIRL IVE NEVER EVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE SITTING ON THE DAMN GROUD CURLED UP INA FUCKING BALL AND IM JUST LIKE UMMMM HI ARE YOU MY SISTER’S FRIEND?????? and she said yes and i quickly just walked ou tin a panic. I immediately go to my brother and ask if he knows who's in our sister’s room and he says no. so i got to my room to call my sister and she doesn't answer after the first call and i start freaking out because theres this random person in my house that i don't know and she could be like a fucking killer or something. I called my sister again hoping she answers and ask her who the fuck is in her room and she replies “i don't know, i’m not home” WELL NO FUCKING SHIT. i answered, “well she said she was a friend of yours so who the fuck is a friend of yours that would be in your room when you’re not?????” so she’s like oh maybe its lily she has family problems so she stays over sometimes. I DONT KNOW WHEN THE FUCK SHES EVER SPENT TH NIGHT BECAUSE AGAIN IVE NEVER SEEN THIS GIRL EVER. so i go downstairs and make sure all the doors are locked and they are which means someone let her in. so i go to the basement to wake up my mom and ask her and i turn on her lights and start with “um who the hell is in my sisters room?” she goes oh thats your sisters friends she has family issues so she's spending the night. I immediately respond “um don’t you think you should warn me that someone i’ve never seen before is spending the night in my sisters room because when I walk in and see a random person i immediately think that there is a killer in the house so next time maybe you should warn me. so i grab two towels and go upstairs. I walk into the room and she's still in a ball so I say “hi i brought you a towel in case you wanted to shower I'm gonna leave it on the bed and not bother you.” she says thank you and i leave. I go and straighten up the bathroom incase she takes me up on my offer and then I realize that i can't take a shower because i want her to feel comfortable and if I'm in the shower when she wants to shower she might not try again. i know the not taking a shower part is weird but i don't want to make her feel unwelcome and i just want to allow her to have whatever she wants whenever she wants it 

[itdoesntlastlong]

#4

background; my sister has a boyfriend. before they started dating, we were all friends and we also had another metal, alex. well my sister was suppose to go to prom with alex and i was suppose to go with her current before (this was planned before they were dating) and we wee going to go as friends. when they started dating, i decided to not go with him anymore because that would be weird and i decided that i was no longer going to prom. my friend group flipped but it was because literally EVERYONE in my friend group had a date besides me and i really didn’t feel like third wheeling the whole night because i know that would make me feel like shit

current; its prom day and i’m on the fence about going. i want to go with my friend but she has a date and he likes her and she just wants to go as friends. i really don’t want to go. i still told them that i would go to dinner with them though. well our reservations were for 6 and prom starts at 7. well 4 rolls around and i’m laying in my bed just expecting to go to the dinner. my mom barges into my room asking me if I'm ever going to start getting ready. i know how bad she wants me to go but she's not the one that has to fell like shit the whole night. so i great ready while alex comes over to get ready with my sister. i put my dress on etc and my dad comes over and my mom and dad just want to take pictures and get this over with so they no longer have to deal with each other. my sisters boyfriend comes over so they all take pictures. my mom then asks me to pose all by myself and it is the most embarrassing thing. i don't want to pose all by self because i’m not good enough to have a date. so we finish pictures and she drop me off with my group at the venue because we had it at a hotel so we just ate at their restaurant. i brought rum with me because there was no way i could handle it being sober. well we finally get into prom around 8. first thing everyone wants to do is get pictures. this makes me feel even worse because everyone is standing around and getting pictures with their dates and i’m just standing with a group obviously third wheeling. so my friend, grace was trying to get me to be in the picture and dustin her date was like no we can get a trio picture after. i was obviously not wanted in the picture which was okay. at this point i wanted to go home. we finally get to the dance floor and i immediately find alex all by herself and i ask her iff she wants to join my group. we danced to a few songs, and since her and i were both dateless we jokingly slow danced to a few songs until ‘the night we met’ came on then , i needed to find my other guy friend because it was like sort of our song but like not in a romantic way. we danced in a group and since i had been drinking, i was going all out on my dancing. alex and i were having a good time but i still feel like i didn’t belong. overall i really wish i didn’t go. it wasn't that fun and mostly made me feel like shit. i should have only gone next year just because thats my senior prom. i can just say that i’m really not looking forward to next year. just going to do it to make everyone happy because thats more important then my own happiness. 

[itdoesntlastlong]

#3

this one is going to be short and sweet and somewhat deep. i don’t know if ill ever find a guy that will like me for me or that will deal / put up with me. i drink, i smoke, i’m sad but i don't want someone who thinks I'm crazy. i’m usually liked for abnormally large white girl ass but i don't think anyone ever compliments my personality or me as a person. things that make me me. i always feel unwanted or that i don't belong and i don't know how to stop or prevent that feeling other then separating myself from others but then that makes me go into a downward spiral or emotions and thoughts that drag me down even more but being around people make me feel that way also. drugs and drinking temporarily take me away from the pain which has come to be my life. 

[itdoesntlastlong]

#2

still gonna be a petty ass and complaining about having a shitty mom. i’m having a friend over and we were gonna watch a movie downstairs since the tv in my room is broken. so our wifi is really slow and we couldn’t watch it on my computer. i asked if we could watch it downstairs and she says ‘ no i just started ’. she's been watching tv since i brought my fire dover after school so I don't understand why she couldn’t have given up the tv for an hour or so. i know its stupid to complain about this and i know that its a first world problem but its still my pjromblen and this is my blog to rant so whatever. 

[itdoesntlastlong]

#1

my (puppy) brother {wink wink Abby} just accused me of stealing his mouth guard that he had just got. my dad and him went to the store to pick one up and he left the mouth guard and the bag in the bathroom. this mans then accuses me on stealing his mouth guard when it was on the ground under the cabinet. first of all, what would I need with a mouth guard? second of all, have you seen your messy ass room? you also leave the bathroom looking like a mess no wonder you couldn't find it. i’m surprised you’re able to find anything in that room of yours.

  lmao then when I made a comment on him constantly taking my shit but I don't reciprocate, my mom has the audacity to fucking scream up at me that I’ve been a bitch all day and that I need to go to my room. first of all, I wasn't talking to you. second of all, I've had one conversation with you today and I wasn’t being a bitch. sorry that you’re too blind to see that your son constantly uses you and I won't let him do that to me. 

[itdoesntlastlong]

new beginnings

this is now my personal blog, welcome to my life

[itdoesntlastlong]

Never feel bad for telling someone to stop or 'no' when things are going to far for your comfort

[troysivan]

Visit Original Link

House of Gasoline (x)

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YoooOOoOoOOOoOOo

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IVE BEEN LISTENING TO THIS ALL DAY 

[troysivan]

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