B+ Student, C- Person

here for a long time, not a good time

[probuccalfat]

i have a Persian agenda where i encourage every man i know to grow the longest and prettiest hair possible

[probuccalfat]

personal agenda. Personal.

[argentcochon]

[probuccalfat]

i’m speechless. there’s a guy for everything.

[the-big-mood]

[wizardshark]

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

[sexshopshenanigans]

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

[asksloyxp]

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

[shinyrock6498]

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

[asksloyxp]

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

[kickmuncher3]

I had a dream that I went to heaven and heaven had its own heaven-exclusive tv shows that were written and produced there in heaven and they showed me the most popular show in heaven and it was this really beautiful drama and, at the end of the episode, the credits said “Created by Mike Ehrmantraut” and they were like “oh yeah. fictional characters who die in earth media go to real heaven” and I’m like “sure but mike did some pretty fucked up stuff, wouldn’t he go to hell?” and they’re like “no, all the fucked up things he did were fictional. people only get judged for the real things they do and the only thing mike really did was bring joy to millions of viewers” and i think that’s beautiful

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Me, tears streaming down my face, sobbing, as I stare at the stars: it’s just so beautiful

The medieval peasant I went back in time to give a bag of Doritos to, concerned: what terrible and powerful sorcerers they must have in your age, to be able to veil the vault of heaven itself from view, as you say

Me, sniffling: I didn’t realize, I can’t, it’s so much, I, I… are the chips good, at least?

Medieval peasant, trying to make me feel better: they’re… magical, strange traveler

[homunculus-argument]

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

[homunculus-argument]

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

[catgirlwheels]

...how does it taste?

[homunculus-argument]

bad

[writingtoolofdubiousintegrity]

the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO₂ and H₂O over time. And carbonic acid is – as an acid – sour.

By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great™.

[homunculus-argument]

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[milanesa42]

“The employees need a larger salary” “hmmmm large celery”

[enbaluka-tokyo-drift]

[1000-life-hacks]

[archeologist-prophet]

Lovely to see we have spaces where you can gain access to so much literature!

[threedollarsdotcom]

accidentally spilled everything thats ever existed on the floor

[wizard-of-interesting-failure]

[mpregcraig]

[popses-deactivated20160331]

you used to call me on my hands-free talking glove

[speedlimit15]

I’m just wondering how they can possibly market this as hands-free

[headspace-hotel]

thought about that quote "homosexuality exists in 1000+ species, homophobia only exists in one" but how awkward would it be if we discovered another species that was homophobic

"homosexuality exists in 1000+ species, homophobia only exists in two. what? oh, humans, and the yellow-patched cuboid pinecone wren that was recently discovered on an island off the coast of canada. they're fucking bigots"

[spiralstaircased]

Timmy turner: man I am so depressed like clinically. Cosmo Wanda I wish I was not depressed anymore

Wanda: sorry timmy that's against da rules...we can't interfere with mental illness ):

Timmy: fine i wish I had xanax

Cosmo: ok *gives it to him from his pockets*

[ahno-nimus]

you won't believe the weather we've been getting [remembers to avoid giving away my location] the sky was turned to darkness and the moon to blood, and the stars fell from the heavens.

[chasing-caws]

I believe this whole heartedly with my full chest

[chasing-caws]

Thanks for the info prev!! Still a little funny to think about tbh lol

[july-19th-club]

[tatzelwurming]

tomorrow when i get to work i think im gonna develop powers