jensen, aces!

27, scotland my homeland

[littlebeetlebro]

me: *sobbing in the woods*

The eldritch horror that’s been watching me from behind a tree: ….Red Lobster’s hiring.

me: *turns around* oh shit fr?

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[peachfromcmbyn]

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

[kholdseid]

[soshinee]

if u think abt it i guess bald ppl are the most aerodynamic. i bet if u shot a bald person out of a cannon they wld fly way further than a haired person

[soshinee]

which of course is a huge advantage in day to day life

[tinybed]

[comealongphil]

dawn dimmadome? wife of doug dimmadome, owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome?

[punkrorschach]

actually she took the dimmadome in the dimmadivorce

[rodnt]

sigh…i came all the way to sephora but i don’t know which brands are asexual friendly….i have to hurry jugheads birthday is today…wish someone would help me out

[chuckecheeses]

Hi Sister Archie! James Charles here, might I suggest Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara?

[mosticonicposts]

certified iconic post

[greelin]

you can’t talk about vampires and their views on menstrual blood anywhere else besides here. On account of the stigma

[greelin]

stigma fangs in your pussy. LOL

[makesomenoise]

🌈

[dailynarnia]

is jake gyllenhaal gay??

why would you ask us, a narnia blog, this

[helloitsbees]

happy pride month to this post specifically

[avatarmerida]

Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum

[futurakid]

[leg-stealing-bee]

[closetedguyy]

[knitordeath]

This hands down the best comment in the notes, I will not be taking criticism.

[song-of-sea-and-sky]

happy pride month 2021 I ain’t quittin’ you…

[msue0027]

[maxstarfall]

[gengaritez]

[pumpkin--rabbit]

[minyicho]

[tlirsgender]

Everybody needs that one friend who's better at piracy than you so you can ask for links to tv shows or perhaps movies and they just Have them. They're like genies. This is a priceless gift when unfamiliar links scare you when you try to google Watch free online yourself. Very literally it does not have a price. You aren't paying for it

[tlirsgender]

All the people tagging this as "I'm that friend" how does it feel being the backbone of society

[tlirsgender]

Proud to report that since making this post I have gotten better at piracy. I'm your local pdf dealer. I have a sizable collection of shit I'm not even reading. The shows and movies continue to vex me if they're not on one of like three websites I'm familiar with despite generally being Far Easier than books but that's just my special talent

[tlirsgender]

Update 2: I can pirate anything. I'd download a car. I have a Very Legal I Prommy communal ebook sharing server, for my pdfs. Fuck with me

[kristina100000]

youtube comment of the day

[unalivejournal]

Leather fetishes are back in cuz everything is polyester these days.. touching real HQ material in 2026 is enough to give anyone a little sexual zing

[capacity2]

Leather fetish but all I see is party city pleather 😕

[prokopetz]

I enjoy a joke about fucked up German fairy tales as much as the next nerd, but it's genuinely striking how often the source for the really fucked up stuff turns out to be "yeah, this is only in the Brothers Grimm version and doesn't appear in any extant oral tradition, and we're like 80% sure they added it themselves". To a large extent it's not German fairy tales that are fucked up, it's two specific German dudes.

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

in retrospect we probably should have given the fairy tale writing to the Brothers Happy instead

[segamascott]

[carys-the-ninth]

"The magic system is never fully explained" yeah that's how life works. Imagine having a story set in modern day America and the characters have several pages of exposition on combustion engines and telecommunication networks before we get to the plot

[et-in-arkadia]

i think this is absolutely correct and good writing advice but also victor hugo would like to have a word with you about the parisian sewer system circa 1832

[bendingsignpost]

victor hugo would like to have many words with you about the parisian sewer system circa 1831

[cheaphalloweencostume]

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl… what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀

[altospaceangel]

If ANYTHING is a heritage post it’s this.

[bihexualandferal]

Happy birthday to me and one of the best tumblr posts of all time

[thebelchers]