Some Jerk on the Internet

Don't worry about fucking up in life— Three generations from now we'll be lucky to have descendants who even know our names. :)

[enbaluka-tokyo-drift]

[rebel-hunk-enjoyer]

The worst-sounding piece of advice I've ever been given that does actually work is to frame your health concerns as coming from someone close to you, whom you do not believe. Tell your doctor that you've been having pain and your mom/friend/partner thinks it might be an ovarian cyst, but you don't think so because the pain is much more intense and it has to be something else. This gives your doctor an unseen third party to fight instead of you. They can't just tell this third party, who isn't present, that you pulled a muscle, they now need to prove to this third party that it is not an ovarian cyst.

At which point they will find an ovarian cyst, but they now get whatever fucked up satisfaction they derive out of proving you wrong, because you didn't believe it could a cyst at all, but guess what? They did find a cyst! It's such a good thing you didn't listen to your intuition and came to them to verify your lay diagnosis from that third party! Bonus? Doctor doesn't have to feel like they look stupid in front of a patient, which is really what all this is about. Not your health, why would you think your medical diagnosis is about your health? It's obviously about a doctor's potential ego.

And apparently this works. Apparently you just need to be able to always play 4D chess with your medical professionals in order to find an avenue of advocating for yourself and getting you medical needs met. Isn't that great?

I hate it here, actually.

[resumespeak]

How to put “wrote fan-fiction” on your résumé:

Leveraged an inventory of established fictional character and setting elements to generate a disruptive custom-curated narrative entertainment asset.

[xeno-lalia]

I worked in HR, handling applications and interviews, and if someone turned in that string of techno babble nonsense, I would have rejected them out of hand.

A resume doesn’t need to sound fancy or overly technical, it needs to tell us why we should hire you.

“Independent novelist/writer” is more than sufficient here. If you want to express the skills that fan fiction taught you, something like, “creative writing, editing, and publication,” will get you a lot further than… Whatever that just was.

A resume should be tailored to the position, if you can afford the time and energy for that. But if not, then just think about what writing got fandom taught you. How to respond to criticism, how to present a professional pubic face, how to correct punished mistakes, creative thinking, project planning, persuasion via emotional leverage, html formatting, office suite fluency.

There are a lot of actual, marketable skills that go into fan fiction.

[fivewrites]

How to put “I was in a zine” on your resume

Writer:

Published short fiction stories for anthology collection

Able to write short fiction within a designated word count for layout purposes (900-1500 words, 1500-2000, 3000-5000)

Wrote short articles for independent publication

Assisted with editing short stories for publication

Able to reduce or expand written content based on layout needs

Able to check for basic spelling, grammar and syntax

Familiar with Microsoft Office and Google docs

Able to convert text styles such as bold and italics across platforms, including rich text and HTML

Able to communicate with project members over multiple platforms such as email, twitter, Discord chat and Google docs

Artist:

Produced full-colour digital illustration for independent magazine

Able to produce digital illustrations optimized for both online and print display

Produced full-colour 2-page spread for art anthology

Published 4-page short comic in anthology collection for charity

Able to transfer traditional art to digital illustration

Illustrated the cover (always brag if you’re on the cover) of an independent art publication

Familiar with professional illustration tools such as Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, Clip Studio Paint and stylus tablet

Able to communicate with project members over multiple platforms such as email, twitter, Discord chat and Google docs

Merch artist / graphic designer:

Designed 2″ clear decorative double-sided keychain charm as bonus sale item

Designed 5″ x 6″ sheet of graphic stickers included in art anthology

Able to design bold graphics that are measured for laser cutting production

Designed layouts for 65-page art and writing magazine, focusing on (art placement, text layout, etc)

Able to keep layout design simple and in accordance with the project director’s chosen theme

Created promotional art, icons and banners tailored for social media sites like Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, etc

Familiar with professional layout and design software such as Adobe Illustrator and InDesign

Able to communicate with project members over multiple platforms such as email, twitter, Discord chat and Google docs

Running a zine

Produced an independent art and writing collection for sale / for charity

Managed (10, 20, 30) independent artists and writers out of over 500 applicants to create a short-run independent magazine

Worked in online sales and social media promotion selling an independent comics anthology

If it’s really spectacular you can brag about specific numbers

Our book raised over $4,000 for charity in under six months of production

We sold over 750 copies in two weeks of online sales

Produced a digital PDF and printed version of anthology, mailing to recipients all over the world

Communicated with printers and manufacturers of plastic accessories and paper goods, assembling professional packages of our merchandise for mailing.

Built a custom digital storefront and navigated professional market and payment systems including Paypal and Tictail / Bigcartel / Wix etc

Created promotional events to boost sales, including raffles and giveaways over social media

Organized participants through mass emails and use of social media posts on tumblr and twitter

Created private Discord chat channels to keep participants up to date on production

Familiar with organizational software such as Microsoft Excel, Google spreadsheets, Trello and Discord

[darkshrimpemotions]

This is so good! The only thing I would add is, avoid passive voice and “can/able to” constructions in your bullet points. If you did the thing and are putting it on your resume as a reason to hire you, it’s safe to assume you can do the thing. What you want to show is that you’ve DONE the thing successfully, within limitations, or above and beyond expectations. Example:

“Able to keep layout design simple and in accordance with the project director’s chosen theme” could be changed to “Designed layouts in accordance with the project director’s specifications and chosen theme”.

Your bullet points should start with a verb whenever possible. Created, Managed, Organized, Edited, Designed, etc. It’s also a good idea to make the tense and person of your bullet points match as much as possible.

Have bullet points that are about meeting money goals, reducing costs, or solving problems? Put those at the very top!

Lastly, unless your resume is short and you’re looking for things to add (which is fine! we’ve all been there) I would recommend looking at each individual position you’ve listed and picking out the top 3-5 skills or triumphs for that position that are different from those demonstrated in other positions. They might build on each other, but ideally they should not be the exact same.

[thismousedraws]

Hello zine friends, fan artists, and fic writers —don’t forget that you can add your fanwork accomplishments to your resume, CV, or portfolio! You worked hard and deserve to give your pieces the credit and notoriety they deserve in your professional life as well as your personal.

I just want to say that I am so, so proud of everyone for participating in things like zines, anthologies, among other fan collections (collaborative or single player) because it’s so lovely to see what you can create when you are passionate and excited!!!

2¢ from a little mouse 🫶

[etheringtonbrothers]

UNEVEN GROUND and TERRAIN! To get the FREE MONTHLY How to THINK When You Draw digital MAGAZINE (including NEW tutorials, a YEAR before they appear online!) just GO HERE!

Lorenzo!

[blueskittlesart]

objectively funny that zelda is also significantly shorter than every other hylian in existence she just happened to fall in love with the one guy on the planet who’s even smaller than her

[petrichormeraki]

The trope where people don't recognize each other because it's been so long since they last interacted and they've both changed so much that they're basically strangers UNTIL one of them does their Signature Thing™ and the other just stops dead because oh. It's YOU. All at once it's so clearly you

[petrichormeraki]

This flavor of reblog to this post always makes me laugh so hard thank you

[helloitsbees]

[sheikfangirl]

A spectral embrace

I still liked that rough sketch from last year, and cleaned it. I will never be over OoT Zelink. Never.

[sheikfangirl]

"You saved Hyrule... and you are a real Hero."

I love Zelda 2.

[bahbahhh]

another zelinktines story by bahbahhh

yield

Summary: Zelda doesn't like a lot of things. She doesn't like her father’s rules. She doesn't like getting waterlogged in holy springs. She most definitely doesn't like her newly appointed knight. And she doesn't like to lose. So when she learns about Cucco, a game soldiers like to play in the barracks to get under each other's skin, a game in which Link is undefeated, she’s determined to come out victorious. Trouble is, Link doesn't like to lose, either. What could go wrong?  (What could go right?)

rated E for sexual content, language. I will update the tags in ao3 as I post. First few chapters are tamer (T/M rating), and I'll indicate in the notes when it's earned that explicit rating.

pre-calamity zelink

multichapter, for @zelinktines 2026 prompt "dare"

Chapter 7

Preview:

As if hinged at the hip, Link leans his entire torso forward stiffly to accept the cake into his mouth. It’s delicious, of course, but he’s more intrigued by the metal, still warm from her lips, and the slightest hint of her breakfast tea mixed with frosting, and the fact someone once told him really good food should tell a story.

“Like it?” she asks.

The story this slice of cake is telling him is about an inevitability, though the ending is unclear. A fervent collision of their stubbornness? The demise of an undefeated streak? His complete, utter downfall?

He nods anyway.

She flashes a knowing, confident smile. “Would you like more?”

Read the rest of chapter 7 on Ao3!

[maxfwd]

Happy 40th birthday to this incredible game!!! Had to make a tribute worthy of my fav Princess Zelda.

I’ve talked about this before, but most of the episodes of the Legend of Zelda cartoon were written by my dad! I remember being 6 years old and watching my dad trying to play the first NES game- he very quickly handed the controller to me instead and I was hooked for life.

He made me a tunic, sword, shield, boomerang and even a Triforce and I went nuts cosplaying as Link and saving Hyrule all day long.

It was so cool to see it come to life on tv, and though it was short lived, it remains my favorite cartoon ever. And the music goes harder than it had any right to. Check it out if you haven’t seen it!

Amazing to have found so many fellow Zelda fans online and celebrating together with incredible art. I hope this game lives on forever ♥️♥️♥️

[sparklyhyperbole]

Chapter 6 snippet!

Of Trust and Trickery

Here's a treat to tide you all over until I finish beating chapter 6 fully into submission 😌💖

"Share with me your thoughts on a week long festival commemorating your sacrifice," she ventures.

"No."

"What about a parade?"

"No."

"A monument?"

"Perfect."

Zelda pretends to miss the sarcasm. "Truly?"

"Come get me, Demise." The eye roll is audible. "No."

"Then—"

He interrupts. "Why not just suggest building a temple and insult me, already? I don't want my own holiday."

"What do you want?"

He flips onto his back, gliding across the tunnel towards her. Honeyed hair hanging down, arms behind his head—inversion doesn't lessen the audacity of that coy smile.

He extends lazy fingers to twiddle her nose. "Take a guess."

[thebibliosphere]

The kid next door (talking toddler age) is playing outside and just wiped out in his Fisher Price car, and I just heard the babysitter say, “oh no, your insurance premium is definitely going to go up!” And the kid who had only been mildly sniffling before made the most confused, but startled sound you’ve ever heard.

Just very clearly an attempt at saying, “my what?”

He straight up forgot about his scraped knee and is now worried about whatever the fuck an insurance premium is.

[askicetheleopard]

tag game!

Your last emojis are your gender

🇺🇲👍

Uh

@erikaskblog @fymo-blogs

[t4tgempearl]

🐎🐴 it's. it's just horse. when did i use those emojis ;-;

[sleepybamboo]

🍸🍧

H-Huh?? When did I use these-

@marsingtonn, @floofyquenchiest, @raise-a-gla55-2-fr33d0m,

@doodle-blight

Everyone else is free to join!

[raise-a-glass-not-to-me]

❗️❤️

Guys, does this mean I'm in love? Idk...

Open tags, moots!

[isometimesdrawerr]

❤️🔥

I- OKAY, THAT KINDA MAKES SENSE??

Same thing, open tags!

[lamentable-laurens]

😭😓　

What does this mean..😭😭

@violzial @logicalistlee-reblogs @savvysquid @rinnivin @hamilfreak @presidentkittycherk

[logicalistlee]

i was tagged on my reblog acc but this deserves to be on my main heh

💛😊 those are my last 2 omg... maybe I die happily maybe

@funnwhoa @glitchheart1828 @versdiamondtears

oh and @lutherinterlude ← I hope yours is something like exploding bed or deadly burp or something slash jay..

open tags also

[funnwhoa]

😖😊are my last two ^^ @kyleetryme @sawoqa @peggy-schuyler-2 @nickelpilled

errrmm and any one else ^^

[shedoescalcforfunsies]

😍😁

Accurate honestly.

No pressure tagging @sabba-tumbling, @moral-panick, @enjonine1832, @zzalina, @lucio-moonschild, @legendoflina @theamazingmurderrocks, @andespeppermintcandies, @darkmentalitystarfish-blog, @ghostopossum123, and @yeoldecryptid

+ open tags

[andescandieses]

💔👅

......i'm not even gonna argue that

tagging @jitterfidget @char-char-f0x @slaughtermegently @frogartist-alex @thaililacbreeze n open tags!!!!

[jitterfidget]

hmm this sounds fun lol

🔥👋

oh uhmm

@tartarrsaucee @sonic3noname @caseyboltshadow @woodlandstarz13 @bogusfilmsz @mostnonnontriumphant @party-on-duuuudes @undead-crackhead @macielovesqueen1 @dwaynes-dick-sucker @venusmoon01 @sparrow-the-jester open tagsss !!! lmk if you dont wanna be tagged in the future. sorry if i forgot you lol,,,, i need to make a list of people i wanna tag every time.

[ria-coolgirl]

🩵😫

I’m sacred to find out what this means!

@adams-fav-roach @harleycao @your-compadre-infinity @thebunnyremix @the-ghost-of-tobi

[thebunnyremix]

🫩💗

I'm tired, but I still find the will to love. That's how I choose to interpret this.

@spookyypookie @caterpillarinacave @katergator84 @howlingday @aj-lenoire

[katergator84]

🏴‍☠️ 🥳

Im a pirate and I like to party lol

[jerkfacepink]

🤍🤷‍♀️

Pffff

Yeah that tracks

[blackwoolncrown]

One of the most annoying intellectual pests of our time is the asshole-that-happens-to-be-autistic complaining a bit TOO much about small talk and then chalking it up to autism

you will learn a fake language to understand a fantasy world

the somewhat arbitrary names and conventions of computer parts and programming

the complicated strategies of a chinese monster hunting MMORPG

but you can't figure out that being nice and bantering about the weather with a stranger is a healthy socializing skill?

YES it's an act

it's a gesture of community

you're talking a lot of shit but you're actually kind of dumb for not getting that, it's not hard bc you're a genius you're just not catching on. the stranger probably ALSO does not care about the weather or whatever that much they just want to share the feeling of inclusion

at least complain about it the right way

there's some idiot on twitter who's like 'well they never talk about anything interesting to ME so I shouldn't have to hear it'

hey fuckass press B to talk! you can find out clues and information that way!

as if you don't know to talk to all the civilians and check every box stfu

genuinely never heard this from someone who's not white and or male too so like...

that's not autism you're just a spoiled fucking privileged asshole

way more respect to someone who has mutism and doesn't reply to small talk bc of it than some jerk who wants to blame their social problems on 'ohhhh uuughhh im too A Genius to small talk'

[teaboot]

We never really talked about it but The Ugly Ducking that grew up to be a beautiful swan was still probably pretty fugly from a duck’s perspective

[teaboot]

Like that story isn’t about an ugly duckling that grew up sexy, it’s a fucking swan was judged as a duck and hated itself as a duck until it found out it wasn’t a duck and stopped trying to be a duck.

The actual ducks in the neighborhood were probably still looking around at perfectly normal swans like “damn, look at those busted ass ducks”

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is pretty important, actually. The good ending is finding the other swans, not tearing yourself to pieces trying to impress the ducks.

[elodieunderglass]

although a lot of adaptations skip over this and sanitise it to the point where the message is apparently meant to read "you'll be forgiven for being born wrong, if you turn out thin and white and pretty!" - there's a lot going on in the original. For one thing, most adaptations present him as a wild animal, but the Ugly Duckling is born into captivity, into a society that mimics upper-class pretensions, which is why he's declared 'ugly'. His mother is loving and very generous at first - hatching him despite the inconvenient incubation period, and defending him firmly - but after the other domestic animals (including a higher-class dominant one) point out what a burden he is, she turns on her child. Previously, she genuinely appeared to like him.

And a thing that's missed, while kid's abridged adaptations miss out on the rest of the point, is that the Ugly Duckling decides he can't live like this and leaves the farmyard; he goes into the wild himself. In the various passages in which people try to keep him as a pet, or a duck, it's hammered home again and again that this does not make a good pet. there is nothing in him that suits being a domestic animal.

one of the particular parts that makes you go "sweet jesus, hans christian andersen" is where the wild geese rock up and are nice to the young swan, not quite recognising him as a swan but saying they're pretty into whatever weird vibe he has (is this a sort of queer recognition thing? we are told, explicitly, that the wild geese are both male, and they definitely say "you're so ugly it's hot - come with us" - given HCA, it might be) and then they're, you know, instantly shot dead. Because that's what happens to wild geese. They like your vibe and try to take you with them, and even offer to teach you how to flirt - and then you see exactly what happens to them. And then every encounter from there, from the old woman who attempts to keep him - a very satirical and funny passage - to the young family who genuinely attempt to save his life (but he's too fundamentally panicked and awkward to reciprocate their kindness, and explodes out of their house in a social catastrophe) the story hammers in: not only are you a terrible duck, but you just aren't MEANT to live with people. You're closer to the things they kill than the things they keep.

but yeah, adaptations miss this often: you have to go out into the wild to save your own life. you may die in the wild, and you WILL die where you are. nobody comes to save you - and nobody really could have, when you were younger - but ultimately, mate, you just aren't a very good pet. Of the list of "attributes of a domestic animal" you really suck, in detail, at all of them.

so it's very telling to me that the good ending is the one where he is a wild animal - but more importantly, a WILD SWAN.

Not killed. (like a wild goose).

Not kept. (like a duck).

but a secret third thing, that swans - of few creatures - get. they get admired and they get paid and they get LEFT ALONE. they have a position in relation to humanity, and it is BEING A LOVELY SWAN OVER THERE.

what a thing for a lonely heart to yearn for!

[elodieunderglass]

I saw some notes saying "oh wow I need to look up the original." It's very easy! It's here: The Ugly Duckling, by Hans Christian Andersen on Project Gutenberg. It is 3500 words or so and free.

The Ugly Duckling isn't a "fairy tale" or a fable. It didn't emerge from the collective unconscious - it didn't come from nowhere. It's an original work. Andersen wrote it in 1843. It didn't exist before he came up with it. the translation I linked above was translated in 1930.

like many HCA stories (The Little Mermaid, The Snow Queen) it's out of copyright and has pretty images, so it gets mined frequently as a free text - you can always republish a cheap Ugly Duckling, and don't have to pay an author. So people tend to just read and remember the various abridged versions. as a result, they think about it like a fairy tale - a sort of ambiguous, detached, floating thing that belongs to everyone and can mean everything. fairy tales - loose cultural fragments - can be hammered to suit any moral, or handwaved to be about anything, and then when you get bored of them, you can "twist" them a different way. Maybe it's about this. maybe it's about that. I read it as being about beauty. I read it as being about me. I don't like the politics. Today King Arthur is going to be Roman. Tomorrow Sleeping Beauty will wake up by herself. it doesn't really matter. And that's grand! that's what fairy tales have become - they are the people's mental property - they're to be played with.

But The Ugly Duckling isn't a fairy tale. it's a single sad, weird queer guy from a while ago, trying to tell you something personal about himself. maybe he isn't communicating clearly, maybe he's too weird, maybe you don't like it, maybe it annoys you - but <TheUglyDuckling> DOES have meaning and intention.

"I think the moral is this / I think the moral is that" - do try reading it first though! do try reading the whole thing first.

[segamascott]

[jerkfacepink]

[catchymemes]

[aeliad]

HI LET’S SHARE NICOLE’S WORDS ON THE SUBJECT! 

It has been literal years but every time I see Martin’s tweets posted somewhere and his word is shared as truth while her post is not shared it sort of reiterates the fact that we trust men to speak about feminism more than we believe women who experience it. 

Interesting, innit? https://medium.com/@nickyknacks/working-while-female-59a5de3ad266

[wiseacrewhimsy]

Reading her account of how their boss treated her blows me away. Men are so emboldened that they will literally admit to illegal discrimination casually and face no consequences.

[the-geek-cornucopia]

In all the years of seeing this post I’ve never seen a link to her side. Didn’t even know she’d written one.

[pluts04]

Adding screenshots of her post. His whole post is there without needing a link. Hers should be, too.

Also, she posted this is 2017! It’s fucking 2020 and I’ve seen his side of this for years, but it took 3 years for her side to make its way to my dash…

[thou-creature-of-the-deep]

I’ve reblogged his story at least twice; it’s time for Nicole’s.

[satan-is-hugs]

It’s 2023 and i just now learned that Nicole’s response was also out there

[jerkfacepink]

Dementia’s heartbreaking to watch, it really is a long goodbye.