Sometimes when I talk about how "all men are ___" and similar ideas are dangerous, it gets misconstrued as this desire to coddle men or deny misogyny, etc.
I am all for holding men accountable. I do think we should call out petty, controlling, abusive behavior, and I do think men should face consequences for these behaviors.
Because it is important that these men face consequences, it is important to teach people — men who have gotten away without so much as a slap on the wrist, women who enable these behaviors, girls who are told that it is okay to be treated this way, impressionable boys developing their sense of morals — that it is not okay to behave this way.
But the second we start insinuating that these traits are inherently masculine, innate male behaviors, we throw that progress away.
It's true that these behaviors are more common in men, but not for biological reasons. It's because these behaviors have been labeled as acceptable, these behaviors have been encouraged. Which is why it is crucial to say "no, this is not okay, this is unacceptable, and there are consequences to doing this."
When you reduce it biological explanations, you give these behaviors a pass. You're saying, whether you mean to or not, that men are behaving as men do, because they're men, and this is how they operate. Which means that these behaviors are acceptable by virtue of being uncontrollable. That's just how men are. They can't help themselves. It's up to everyone around them to protect themselves, because men are just giving in to their nature.
Which is dangerous reasoning! Yes, absolutely hold men accountable, but remember that they are making the decision to act this way, and that society supports this decision and encourages it. If you want change, you have to present change as an option.
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