extremely funny to me that Kermit the Frog is the only main overlap character between Sesame Street and The Muppets. imagine your day job is hanging out in a community of lovely people that genuinely just want to help kids learn and care about everyone so so much and then your night job is the reason that you have to stay up to date on your rabies AND tetanus vaccine
at noon the giant you're hanging out with is Big Bird! a wonderful fellow who likes reading stories and singing and telling fun facts! at midnight there's a giant named Sweetums who makes you feel like you're being hunted for sport
Ernie, trying to maybe come out to Kermit: well you know Kermit, me and Bert-
Bert: Bert and I
Ernie: Bert and I, we've been best friends forever, but we're also something else too!
Kermit, who every goddamn night has to tell Beaker and Bunsen to keep it professional, deal with Statler and Waldorf's bullshit, AND update his organizational chart on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Polycule: that's really great to hear fellas, happy for you two! :)
Grover, alarmed at having spilled some finger paint on Kermit's flipper: I am so sorry, Kermit. Please forgive me.
Kermit, who deals with a multitude of bodily fluids on his person and all over the theatre every evening, who is unintentionally trampled by large monsters as they exit the stage, and quite intentionally has his little froggy bones launched into a wall most nights by Miss Piggy: It's ok, Grover. I'm a frog. I love baths.
Iām crying becuase this is something Iāve never seen before, somethingĀ originalĀ of that era of the Muppets with both Oz and HensonĀ working on one of my favorite movies, but also becuase this is the funniest thing I have seen in mONTHS.
When ranchers in Utah's Rich County found eighteen sheep killed in March 2022, they assumed coyotes. USDA Wildlife Services flew a plane over the kill site and found something feeding on the carcasses that had only been confirmed in the state eight times in forty years.
It was a wolverine.
Utah sits at the extreme southern margin of the wolverine's North American range. The animal is built for the deep snow and high alpine of Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming, country above ten thousand feet where the winters last eight months and the terrain rejects everything that is not specifically engineered to survive it. A wolverine showing up in Utah's ranch country was not a routine predator complaint. It was a biological event. State wildlife managers had no protocol for it because they had never needed one.
Biologists set specialized barrel traps near the sheep carcasses. Catching a wolverine in a live trap is considered one of the most difficult captures in North American wildlife management. The animal is trap-smart, solitary, covers enormous distances daily, and operates almost exclusively in terrain that humans struggle to access on foot. The odds of a wolverine walking into a barrel trap were close to zero. The next morning, a sheepherder found one of the trap doors dropped. Inside was a healthy, twenty-eight-pound male, estimated at three to four years old.
It was the first wolverine ever live-captured by biologists in Utah's history.
The team sedated him, packed his body in ice to keep his core temperature stable during the examination, fitted him with a GPS tracking collar, and released him into the deep snow of the Uinta Mountains. For researchers who had spent careers studying an animal they almost never got to see, that collar was the first real-time data source on wolverine movement the state had ever produced.
The data that came back over the next twenty-five days confirmed what wolverine biologists in other states had documented but Utah had never been able to verify on its own ground. The animal logged over 195 miles of travel in less than a month. He did not drift south toward lower elevations or leave the state. He locked into the high peaks of the Uintas above ten thousand feet and ran massive looping circuits through avalanche chutes, rocky ridgelines, and snowfields deep enough to bury a man standing upright. The daily distances he covered would qualify as an endurance event for a human athlete on flat ground. He was doing it through the most physically punishing terrain in the state, in winter, alone, at elevation, without stopping.
The eighteen dead sheep that started the whole sequence were never repeated. The wolverine moved into the high country and stayed there, operating in a landscape so remote and so hostile that the only evidence of his existence was the GPS signal pinging coordinates from ridgelines that no person had visited in months. The collar proved what the forty years of scattered sightings could only suggest. The wolverine was not passing through Utah. It was living there, quietly covering nearly two hundred miles of frozen alpine rock in less than a month, completely invisible to every human being in the state.
Source: Utah Division of Wildlife Resources / USDA Wildlife Services
they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.
their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.
longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years
toxic flesh
has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.
lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion
largest genome of any shark
eats everything including moose and polar bears
ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you
[Video description: Gritty is turning the crank on a flagpole to raise the Progress Pride Flag. He gesticulates angrily that the flag is not blowing in the wind, then gestures offscreen. The flag begins blowing. As Gritty begins raising the flag more, the camera pans out to show a man in a suit and sunglasses, looking like a stern Secret Service agent, is holding a leafblower that points at the flag. End description.]
Once I was doing fieldwork with someone from Europe and said ācareful, thereās a rattlesnake over there.ā And she rushed over like Iād said there was a quetzal.
We drove through the Los Angeles megacity together ā and at one point were stuck in traffic.
āHeeeeyā, she said, like someone gently broaching a topic I should have noticed, āWhy does the lane next to us have diamond shaped symbols on it?ā
That is! A subtle and friendly way of asking why weāre sitting in traffic when thereās a carpool lane Right There! I laughed and pulled into the lane and started driving.
Unfortunately. That isnāt what she was implying, she was genuinely asking. So we were stuck in traffic, she asked about what was clearly a breakdown or emergency access lane, and I laughed and started driving in it. She was Alarmed.
āHello! Excuse me! We canāt drive in this lane! No one else is driving in this lane!!ā
āOh! I should have said ā this lane is for people with more than one person in their car.ā
āThat is RIDICULOUS. You are lying. You are lying about what this lane is for and weāll get arrested! (maāam itās fine but if it werenāt it would be more of a āticketā situation) weāll get a āticketā! (Maāam again itās fine but were it not I alone would get the ticket) because that IS NOT the purpose of this lane. That is a RIDICULOUS lie.ā
āIām sorry, I should have said ā I thought you were being subtle about my oversight. Please observe the carpool sign.ā
āI donāt know what a carpool is and I donāt believe you.ā
āHow about you look at all the cars stuck in traffic and see how many have more than one driver, and if there are at least five Iāll get back into the traffic jam.ā
āFINE!ā
<a pause>
(With dawning horror) ānone of these cars have more than one person in them.ā
āI know.ā
āNone of these cars have more than one person!!ā
āIf you werenāt here Iād be right there with them.ā
āOK but there was no train to where we needed to go.ā
āThereās no train to where they needed to go either.ā
She hopped off a plane, went camping on Catalina with her husband and his lab, and then I showed her a rattlesnake, dragged her through heavy brush, took her (food) shopping in Beverly Hills, illustrated American car dependency and love of burger, and threatened to shoot someone trying to break into our hotel room. (I did not have a gun) She speed-ran the US American experience in eight days.
I really havenāt had to pretend to have a gun that many times!
We were staying in a cheap hotel, she was coming out of the shower wrapped in a towel. Someone shoulder-slammed the hotel door and popped the lock open and started fumbling with the security chain. I snarled āGET AWAY FROM THE DOOR, I HAVE A GUN.ā and the person left.
She was WAY way WAY more concerned about me traveling with a gun (maāam I do not have a gun) why would I SAY I had a gun if I couldnāt back it up? (Maāam to get him to stop trying to break in) But why would he THINK I had a gun? How would that even work? Please tell her where I keep the gun. (Maāam I promise there is no gun.)
The debate continued through my call to the front desk and our packing and being protectively escorted to our car by a young man who I could absolutely take in a fight. (āWhat is she mad about?ā āI told the guy I had a gun.ā āSmart! Maybe you should get one if youāre gonna travel like this!ā āHaha yeahā āSo why is she mad?ā āShe thinks I have a gun.ā āWHY WOULD SHE LIE ABOUT HAVING A GUN?!?!ā)
It doesnāt help that my day to day commitment to the bit is HIGH so itās reasonable to assume that Iām not always being totally honest.
The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named āPrometheus.ā It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source
he was actually a forestry graduate student who was doing research on bristlecone pines (Pinus langaevea) and got his increment borer stuck in the tree. this tool costs almost $800, so he asked the forest service if he could cut down the tree to recover the tool. after cutting it down, it became apparent that the tree was actually the oldest living organism. ever. (around 8,000 years old). so, not just some asshole. the guy feels extremely guilty and has even broken down in tears during an interview about the accident
So after the grad student cut down the tree and discovered it was the oldest tree in the world he quit studying forestry and went to study salt flats (canāt cut down the oldest trees in the world on salt flats no siree none of that happening) and he was being interviewed about his research, but in the middle of the interview the reporter just stops and says āwait arenāt the guy thatā¦ā
And he just takes off running. Literally. Turns around and runs across the salt flats away from the interview and I feel so bad for him but I canāt help but start crying Iām laughing so hard about it
imagine a guy high tailing it across salt flats away from a dude with a recorder
its so different to know it was an accident and that NO ONE was aware until after. its not like this was one ignorant guy cutting down a fucking relic.
Recently, I was standing outside my sonās classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didnāt; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadnāt leapt out of his manly path.
Now Iām wishing Iād leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, āMy Liege!ā
I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way.
Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where Iām the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze.
Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friendās medication, and I didnāt understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literallyāone guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because thatās just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note.
I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought Iād had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston.
I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I ālooked like a soldier.ā Iām not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible.
Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like youāve been sent to murder Captain America.
ITāS BACK!!!!!! I was searching for this to show my daughter the other day and couldnāt find it. Iām so glad ITāS BACK!! I will always reblog the Murder Strut!!
In case you were wondering, yes you can do this in a wheelchair. Same look in your eyes and let āem know you will run them down. Just picture yourself in a sports car accelerating towards someone with the intention of flattening them.
If thereās anything more satisfying than watching Abled men leap out of my way when they realize Iām not moving for them, I canāt think of it atm.
Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like āI mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it worksā
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#š¤£š¤£š¤£
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
Kind of tone deaf to say āI donāt know why these super strict laws exist to protect wild animals in the United States I didnāt ask for thisā when cattle ranchers are successfully pressuring Trump into removing Bison from federal lands as we speak.
We can argue about raising Bison for human consumption instead of cows on federal land all we want, but by all accounts we are missing like 25+ million bison because of their wholesale slaughter over the past few hundred years. They do serve an important ecological function.
Youā¦donāt know why laws existā¦to stop people from killing eagles and wolves and bison and coyotes and turtles in the United States?
Iām listening to these podcasts about how private homeowners/landowners can do more to make their lawns better for native wildlife, and one new thing Iād never heard until recently before was plant a bunch of local berry producing bushes. So much is about planting flowers for caterpillars to munch on for birds to eat, or flowers for pollinators.
So why berry producing bushes? Because we killed off bears.
Bears used to eat huge amounts of berries and fish, shit out the seeds, and spread berries around the US just like birds do. Except we killed like 99% of the bears, and weāre doing our best to exterminate the birds as well.
Who thinks of a bear as a creature that distributes seeds (and also technically fertilizer from eating hundreds of pounds of fish a year and then pooping farther inland).
Stupid shit you donāt think about, like missing bears roaming around the whole US, have changed our environment in ways weāre still figuring out.
Itās one thing to not know why a law exists. Totally fair. We should question why something was written.
But itās another thing entirely to assume a law was written specifically for you as an individual, and if the law isnāt serving you right here right now, then the law is stupid.
With any law/rule you're tempted to break, ask yourself two questions:
Who will it hurt if I break this law?
Who will it hurt if EVERYONE breaks this law?
The second is particularly important in "victimless" crimes, especially wildlife protection.
If I decorate my fabulous hat with heron feathers (that I find while kayaking), that harms no one. If everyone decorates their hat with heron feathers, people are going to start shooting herons to sell their feathers. Soon, no herons.
If I remove that osprey nest from my property after the nesting season, that harms no one. There are plenty of other places for the ospreys to nest. Besides, those nests are eyesores! But if everyone destroys nests off-season, next year there will be fewer good nesting sites, fewer ospreys born and raised to adulthood. Soon, no ospreys.
I am one of everyone, and so are you. If there is a law or rule against an action, odds are good that you're not the first who's wanted to do it.
So. Many. Words. @kalindashepard - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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