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KashiZii on AO3 — 34 — My dumpster fire extends its greetings

[iero]

CONNOR STORRIE as ILYA ROZANOV Heated Rivalry 1.04: Rose

[nnjrwpu]

oh goodness! oh dear!! oh no!!!

[darthkote]

I'm a firm believer that it would be easier to convince maul to the light side than it would be to get obi-wan to even slightly lean into the dark side.

[billiamdoor]

I can be trusted with the fictional character. I Promise.

[billiamdoor]

I lied. Fuck it’s dire y’all. It’s Bad.

[glumshoe]

I heard too many sounds at once and now I am a bitch

[catchymemes]

[brawltogethernow]

Look what my friend with no social media posted to the chat with the damning staggered timestamps of 1:11, 1:37, and 1:42 A.M.

[ineffectualdemon]

Shen Qingqiu: this is Luo Binghe, he is practically perfect in everyway and the center of my universe and if you look at him wrong I will hate you forever. We are inseparable and that's how I like it.

Also Shen Qingqiu: this is Shang Qinghua. He's a horrible little rat and is terrible at everything and he's vitally important to my mental wellbeing. You can slap him around a little but if you seriously hurt him I'm going to be pissed

[asylphintheclouds-deactivated20]

The local oldies station just played "All Star" by Smashmouth. Which was made in 1999 and popularized again in "Shrek" in 2001.

"All Star" is an oldie.

[memeuplift]

[batmanlovesnirvana]

Annie passing through Maekar's bedroom 😅

PLZ RHATS LITERALLY HER 🤣

[insanitysilver]

When I was younger I used to be part of the “only-reads-complete-fics crowd” but as I’m getting older I’m realizing how powerful it can be to have consistent things to look forward to…

[insanitysilver]

All the ppl in the tags laughing abt how fic updates aren’t consistent are cowards. I aim to be subbed to at least 365 fics. One for each day of the year. And that’s just my starting point. Your inbox? Empty. Barren. Fallow. Mine? Bountiful. Overflowing. A cornucopia of ripe treats awaiting my tender consumption. I wade through honey-rich excess while you starve of your own volition.

[hrfiction]

“I wade through honey-rich excess while you starve of your own volition”. 

This line is the sexiest way to say “You fucked up” that I have ever read. I have to start using this in my life when pointing out the follies of others.

[panicpluspoison]

I’ve been living in the ‘what if shane sent the we didn’t even kiss text’ tag and I Have Thoughts

Ilya “Russia’s Grestest Love Machine” Rozanov would’ve had the most BRUTAL crashout getting the ‘we didn’t even kiss’ text from Shane. Four words and I 100% believe that man is putting his hand through glass, punching mirrors, flipping tables

that text would cause enough psychic damage to cripple Ilya’s bloodline for generations ok

Ilya’s self worth is SO dependent on what he can provide and he’s always been the good hot sex teacher for Shane that’s their whole THING! Imagine getting a critique on the sex you JUST had VIA text FROM the man that you taught to give blowjobs? (The crowd boos as Ilya fumbles The Shane Hollander)

For Shane to (validly) call him out like that ilya would have to confront that he Didn’t Do Good and he did that to make himself feel better and yes I DO think that that would kill him instantly

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

OH OW FUCK

[penandinkprincess]

extremely funny scenario in which rose joins shane as his plus one and moral support for going after the guy he wants at all stars because she can be his buddy and also his cover for making up for lost time with ilya

which is complicated by the fact that ilya takes one look at rose and shane at the bar (rose's arm looped through shane's in what ilya doesn't know is just a friends move) and BOOKS IT so he doesn't have to see this

and then proceeds to avoid them at EVERY fucking turn

this all terminates into rose going "fuck it I'm a true bro and I'm making this happen so help me GOD" and managing to arrange locking them in a closet together (which is. so funny. but this is not the time to point out the punchline.) (she'll save it.) so ilya can't run away.

and it's very sweet and they have their moment of honesty and yay back to ilya's room now fo-

the-the door is locked.

because it turns out that rose got a LITTLE too enthusiastic in locking it after her plan worked PERFECTLY and now something in the mechanism is broken.

so in one sense, shane did come out of the closet, but in another sense that's going to be funny only probably a few months from now, he AND ilya are now stuck in the closet in a way that is both metaphorical and also. painfully literal.

[kimberellaroo]

This scenario is also raising mental images of Rose from Minnesota "I have brothers" Landry being so determined to pin Ilya down to make him talk with Shane that all glamourous movie star persona drops away and she just fucking tackles him, and Ilya has no idea how to react to this attack so she actually succeeds in wrestling him to the ground

Shane's looking slightly scared by all this in the background, Ilya's saying "Shane! Your girlfriend attacked me!" And she's going "I'm NOT his girlfriend, now you two are going to TALK to each other, or so help me god" and drags them both to the closet

[penandinkprincess]

the idea of petite movie star rose landry tapping into her roots and turning into a linebacker to take down giant professional athlete ilya rozanov is SO goddamn funny

because also ilya would NOT know how to fucking react

like he wrestles with svetlana for fun but this is?? NOT FUN?? IS THIS?? AN ATTACK?? WHAT THE F U C K IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?? HE CAN'T ACTUALLY HIT HER BUT HE IS BEING FUCKING?? PINNED DOWN?? OH MY GOD???? DID HOLLANDER TELL HER ABOUT THEIR PAST TOGETHER????? IS THIS JEALOUSY?? THAT'S EXCITING BUT ALSO GET?? OFF??? WHAT THE FUCK???

[kimberellaroo]

"Shane, help me, call her off!" as Shane's just got his hands out, palms up, in a helpless "what am I supposed to do?" gesture

[penandinkprincess]

"shane!! get your girlfriend!!"

"she's not my girlfriend!" "i'm not his girlfriend!"

*brief moment of ooooh??? yay???? before returning to 'pinned to the ground with his face in the dirt' reality* "OKAY WELL GET YOUR WHATEVER OFF OF ME."

[penandinkprincess]

GOD a huge contributing factor to rose not keeping track of time and noticing how long shane has been mia is that baby girl gets DRUNK on how many people are buying her shots for being the one to take ilya rozanov DOWN.

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

the mention of younger brother Ilya vs older sister Rose is killing me, because I think Ilya would just be soooo WILDY unprepared for this dynamic.

like, his older brother is both absentee and abusive, so I imagine his entire view of sibling relationships is incredibly tarred, and this woman is also his Greatest Enemy In Life.

so he’s getting youngerbrotherbodyslammed by this women who (like all older sisters, can just clock a younger sibling idk what to tell you) is supposed to hate him, but is treating him like a twit child???????

he’s squawking at her to get the fuck off of him, and she’s all “shut up you dramatic loser, you’re literally fine stop whining. Get your shit together and get your man oh my god!!!” And he’s like “DO I KNOW YOU????”

[penandinkprincess]

rose being a little worried this isn't going to work out because they can't even get ilya in front of them to even say hi, but then she gets eyes on ilya JUST long enough to go OOOH! you are Little Brother Shaped, and now she knows EXACTLY how to handle this.

ahem.

[penandinkprincess]

@martelldoran NOT SHANE AND HIS DESIGNATED REPRESENTATIVE

"listen, shane wants--stop whining, you baby, you're fine--shane wants to talk to you"

"AND I WANT A CRAZY PERSON TO NOT BE ON TOP OF ME RIGHT NOW. WE DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT."

"🙄 it's your own fault. you kept running."

"oh, so shane hasn't told you how much HE likes to run??"

"he made a mistake, okay? and he's sorry."

shane from a safe distance because tbh? kind of thrown by what just happened: "i am!"

"what in the FUCK is actually happening to me right now"

[penandinkprincess]

"I WAS KIND OF FUCKING BUSY BEING TACKLED BY A CRAZY PERSON, SVETA"

"watch your fucking tone, or I'll get her phone number from hollander and tell her to tackle you again until you have manners."

[penandinkprincess]

the idea of rose also finding this SO fun and it becoming part of their dynamic moving forward is so special to me. she won't do it in public because neither of them wants that press coverage, but the second they're in private??

:) welcome to the octagon, motherfucker :)

[dailykakashi]

[hollanovbiter]

I know i have already discussed this ad nauseum, but I love that Shane never talks down to Ilya because of his weaker english skills. especially at the beginning when he’s just moved from russia. he just talks like he would with anyone else.

similarly, i love that ilya never teases or laughs at shane when he misses obvious conversational cues (re: ilya asking shane four times in florida if he is still seeing rose). he obviously finds it endearing mostly but even when he starts to get frustrated and just asks outright he never makes shane feel lesser or aware of his misstep. he’s endlessly patient with it

they are both just so earnest with each other, sort of unintentionally??? they really are like fated mates hehe <3

[nixred7]

Peter Hale (Teen Wolf - O filme)