[depsidase]

[pirateprincessjess]

I was told that I’d get used to not having a headphone jack. I still want a fucking headphone jack. I hate that phones don’t have them. It’s stupid and awful and I hate it

[coyoteroadkill]

ive said this before but it was on my old blog so I'm saying it again

dehumanizing abusers is not effective at doing anything other than make people think they're ontologically incapable of violence

[ajunicetryagain]

it's also creating a class of people who you can abuse while telling yourself that you're Good and Moral and Not an Abuser.

[kyraneko]

if you dehumanize the caught abusers then the uncaught abusers will use their humanity as proof of innocence

if you dehumanize the hypothetical abusers you create incentives for false accusations as a means of dehumanization whenever dehumanization is desired for other reasons

[dovewithscales]

You also absolve the people around the abuser of accountability and give them means to tell themselves the abusive behavior they saw couldn't have actually been abusive. They can tell themselves that since abusers are corrupt, evil, inhuman monsters, anyone who they know and do not think of as a corrupt, evil, inhuman monster couldn't possibly be abusing anyone. Only people they don't know personally can be abusers, so they have no obligation to question anything or intervene. Which is one of the single biggest factors that allows abusers of all kinds to continue being abusive without consequence.

[feathery-dreamer]

Important note: "abuse", "violence" and "harassment", describe behaviors; not intentions.

Family and "friends" can hurt you, make you feel uncomfortable, constantly criticize your flaws, shame you for getting upset at them, convince you you're worthless. They may do all of that, and more, with the purest most loving motives (like making you strong), without even seeing its destructive effects. This doesn't mean they aren't hurting and manipulating and humiliating you - it just means they think they're doing right.

[dovewithscales]

Quite so. Intent matters, but outcome matters more. You can be completely altruistic and trying to do what's best for someone and still be abusing them. Good people can be abusive.

[love-is-pain-highness]

Reblog to dramatically improve prev’s day.

[victusinveritas]

[fictionadventurer]

One of my biggest literary pet peeves is when historical or history-inspired fiction pretends that "courting" is a synonym for "dating". Usually it's just a one-to-one word swap--in a modern context, these characters would be dating, but this is olden times, so they call it courting instead. Sometimes they'll pretend there's a shade of difference, and that courting is a more serious exploration of marriage or something. But I read a lot of fiction that was actually written during these historical eras, and the word "courting" is never used like that.

Two people do not decide that they are "courting". One person decides to "court" someone else. It's an action, not a stage in the relationship. A man decides to court a woman because he wants to encourage her to have romantic interest in him. He's trying to win her favor. It's not an exclusive relationship--a woman could be courted by multiple men at once. She'll spend time getting to know the guy who's interested in her, but they won't officially define their relationship as one where they only show romantic interest in each other. If they reach a point where they want it to be exclusive, that's when you propose.

There's no middle ground--either you're getting to know each other, or you're committed to marrying each other. This idea of a period where you kind of commit to each other until you decide you definitely want to get married is a modern one, and it occurs in eras where they use the word "dating" to describe it. The closest equivalent I can think of are times and places where they'd talk about a couple "stepping out together", but they're still not calling it "courting". Words have meaning, and the word "courting" has never meant that, so stop using it that way!

[starfieldcanvas]

the other mild historical disjoint i run into is when people talk about dating in the fifties like it automatically meant exclusivity. the whole reason we have the expression "going steady" is because the default was to or "go around with" or "go out with" multiple people. not in the sense of being in a stable polyamorous vee, but in the sense that archie is actively "seeing" both betty and veronica during the entire time the two girls are competing for his attention and they're both seeing other guys to make him jealous, and nobody involved considers this "cheating."

bizarrely, America has in many ways gotten more conservative about dating since World War II.

[penrosesun]

I ran into a truly wild cultural misunderstanding with my father some years ago, when I had to explain to him what “hookup culture” actually was, and that the thing he assumed it was was actually what we call “cruising culture”. His response was “how is that different from dating?” and when I explained how it was different, he said, and please note that this a direct quote: “That’s ridiculous! You can’t expect a woman to stop fooling around with other guys for anything less than a marriage proposal. I mean, she’s not a prostitute, you can’t buy her.” Now obviously there’s like… a lot to unpack there, but I think it’s pretty darn illustrative of a substantive cultural shift around the assumption of monogamy!

Also, following this, I asked my mom what her thoughts were on the matter, and she said that while she “wouldn’t put it in those terms” she broadly agreed, and thought that anyone expecting any sort of exclusivity when a marriage proposal wasn’t at least on the very immanent horizon was “nuts, honestly.” I hesitantly asked if she was including relationships with premarital sexual activity in that, and her response was “Of course. I mean, gosh, you know your Aunt Terri used to have a guy for every day of the week before she finally settled down.”

And this was when I learned, to my shock, that the oft-repeated story of how “Aunt Terri used to have a guy for every day of the week” didn’t just mean “Aunt Terri had a full dance card” but rather meant that Aunt Terri had a period of her life where she literally dated exactly seven guys at once, all of whom she was sleeping with (or, my mom was quick to disclaim, “well, fooling around with, I don’t know how far she actually went with any of them, but they were definitely all fooling around behind closed doors”), on a literal weekly rotation. Like, they had a schedule. A schedule that all seven of the guys knew.

America has gotten a lot more conservative about dating, actually.

[thememedaddy]

[sailor-crusader-deactivated2025]

You have GOT to stop acting like "criminals" are a different breed of human that are more violent just because.

[thelawfulchaotic]

Criminal law is so bonkers disconnected from the reality of everyday life that things are crimes that people just Do.

Have you ever had on your person a prescription drug for someone else? Held for them, brought to them, picked up for them? If it was on the controlled substance list, you opened yourself up to a felony.

Ever pulled your sibling’s hair? Gave them a nougie? Hit them, tripped them, grabbed something out of their hands? You could have been charged with domestic battery.

Did you play with fire as a kid? Most people do, at least a little. Hope it wasn’t in a place with grass, because burning grasses is a felony here.

Your parents leave you in the car while they went into the store? Felony child neglect, these days.

Ever had a pet die from something that made them lose a lot of weight? I had a client convicted of felony animal abuse resulting in death even though the only veterinarian witness testified he didn’t know what caused the animal’s death and did not do a necropsy.

Ever thrown something at a car? Empty soda bottle, snowball, water balloon? Felony missile at occupied vehicle.

People can be convicted of brandishing a firearm for having it in a holster. For concealed carry of a firearm if it’s on the other side of their body from an officer observing (and therefore “hidden”). Got a knife in your pocket or a brass knuckle keyring self defense device? That’s a concealed weapon.

Did you know that child protective services safety plans are sometimes taken out as protective orders? My client didn’t, when she went to try to buy a firearm to defend herself against an abusive ex. She was under a CPS protective order to not have the ex around her children. Charged with felony fraud in firearm affidavit: attempting to buy a gun while under a protective order.

Had a kid convicted of arson for burning some variant of nerf darts in his room and not even trying to set anything else on fire.

I have seen convictions and charges for everything on this list.

And always remember, almost half (45%) of people are in prison for probation or parole violations, huge swathes of that number for doing things that would be legal and fine for you and me but are not fine because they’re on probation.

This is why overpolicing matters: because normal shit gets regularly criminalized for certain populations.

[thelawfulchaotic]

Forgot a big one! Have you ever shared painkillers or anti-anxiety meds or other controlled substances (obtained with a prescription) with other family members?

That is in fact drug dealing. The defense to it is “accommodation” — as in, I was accommodating someone, not dealing for profit — and accommodation, uh, slightly reduces how bad of a felony it is and does nothing else.

The person who is accommodated also has committed felony possession of controlled substance.

This is why people with Adderall prescriptions only use the original pill bottle. Because they could get charged with a felony at any point if they don’t, just because an officer thinks it’s not theirs.

[the-breath-in-air]

I work with kids who are on probation and a big one for then is about 'affiliating with known gang members.' Which is difficult to manage when you've been placed in a school for expelled students - many of whom are on probation for gang-related charges. Or...hey...not sure how a kid can avoid associating with gang members when their neighbors and uncles and siblings and parents whom they live with are also gang members. What precisely is a teen supposed to do when their mom is the one driving them around town at night to do shit?

I had a student get arrested and incarcerated for months because his probation officer found a bag of thc candy in his room. We're in California; he shares a room with an older brother. Everyone in that house uses marijuana. And now this kid is shouldering all the blame and guilt for that.

I had a student get arrested for talking back and being 'disrespectful' to his probation officer. An angry, traumatized teenager shouted at his P.O. and the result was him getting hauled away from school in cuffs.

Two students at my school got into a mutual fight - no one was injured. One was on probation and one wasn't. The one not on probation was suspended for a couple of days, and when he returned he's enrolled in our anger managment group. The one on probation was hauled away in cuffs and now he will spend Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas in juvenile hall.

I dont know what I'm concluding with all this except, yeah...so many people get labeled as 'criminals' as kids and it is damn near impossible to shake off that label once it's been assigned. The system we have is horrifyingly unjust.

[wizardpotions]

You all need to understand that autonomy and especially bodily autonomy NEEDS to include being allowed to do things that are bad for you. True bodily autonomy includes being allowed to do things that are risky, drugs, cosmetic procedures and the like. Bodily autonomy needs to include being allowed to get high or smoke or get a BBL. The important part is education about the risks

[katoska]

Went grocery shopping at Aldi. They had shorts.

Shorts for women: 34% cotton, 64% polyester, 2% elastan.

Shorts for men: 98% cotton, 2% elastan.

Same price. Still a sneaky pink tax.

[katoska]

Went to the pentecost(? In Germany it's "Pfingsten") festival in my area - medieval themed - and spent a little too much money on some clothes (nice ones though!), and soaps, and jewelry, and sweets, and mead-beer (dark beer pairs surprisingly well with a little bit of mead - not too much, or it gets disgustingly sweet (the bartender kindly topped me up with a bit more beer for free - but I left a tip anyway)).

I walked a nice few hours in the sun, watched people go by cosplaying as medieval folks, saw a shitty dragon who clearly was just two guys in a bright green felt costume (the "fire" it spewed was just a yellow hankerchief dangling out of it's mouth), saw a much better more elaborate dragon (three times the size of the shitty dragon, still operated by two guys, but spewed actual flame via the front guy using probably hairspray + a lighter).

I had a nice day.

Spent a bit more money than I'd budgeted for - cause the clothing stall took debit cards, and the dress and skirt really were lovely - but, nice.

I really should socialise more so I'd have people to take to these things, but I felt ok on my own, too.

[katoska]

Upon trying the dress on again at home...

it appears that the fabric was (re-?)dyed from white to red after being sewn together, and thus the more sturdy seams - I think they are called flat-felled seams, the kind often used in denim (which my dress isn't) - show a bit of white when they are being stretched. Which, like, is disappointing, but fabric dye isn't expensive and appears easy to use.

But man, I do need to lose some weight. Lay off the beer, go on a walk (which is German for hours-long hike) sometimes. Nothing drastic, but my beer gut does bother me.

And yeah, I do have a sewing machine and could possibly alter the dress to fit me more comfortably, but I'm a total newbie and I like the dress and don't want to fuck it up. Going on a walk everyday is easier that messing with those (quite neat and sturdy) seams.

Speaking of seams

This is the outside of the skirt. These seams are flapping in the breeze, and some of those threads are kinda bunched.

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I bought it ( I had one mead-beer, so not enough to affect me much). I mean, I liked the patchwork style, and the motifs, but...

And what's weird is, this is the inside of the skirt

You'll notice that the seams are neat, no threads showing. Well, apart from the bit at the upper left corner, but otherwise, it's all smooth. However, you can't see the motifs, and the hemline clearly says "wrong side".

As the skirt is "stylishly uneven" anyways, this one I'd dare to mess with.

[snootchie-mcsnootchface]

[All IDs from alt. The three images show Marisha Ray and Brennan Lee Mulligan at a table playing D&D with others.

ID 1: "Marisha Ray: rock bottom is a good place to be"

ID 2: "Marisha Ray: can only go up, right?"

ID 3: "Brennan Lee Mulligan: theoretically you could also move laterally to a different area of rock bottom"

End ID]

[lemon-lilly]

"Theoretically you could also move laterally to a different area of rock bottom" incredible new phrase for me to be insufferable with

[brick3621]

babe wake up, new incorrect quote for our blorbos just dropped

[katoska]

Went to the pentecost(? In Germany it's "Pfingsten") festival in my area - medieval themed - and spent a little too much money on some clothes (nice ones though!), and soaps, and jewelry, and sweets, and mead-beer (dark beer pairs surprisingly well with a little bit of mead - not too much, or it gets disgustingly sweet (the bartender kindly topped me up with a bit more beer for free - but I left a tip anyway)).

I walked a nice few hours in the sun, watched people go by cosplaying as medieval folks, saw a shitty dragon who clearly was just two guys in a bright green felt costume (the "fire" it spewed was just a yellow hankerchief dangling out of it's mouth), saw a much better more elaborate dragon (three times the size of the shitty dragon, still operated by two guys, but spewed actual flame via the front guy using probably hairspray + a lighter).

I had a nice day.

Spent a bit more money than I'd budgeted for - cause the clothing stall took debit cards, and the dress and skirt really were lovely - but, nice.

I really should socialise more so I'd have people to take to these things, but I felt ok on my own, too.

[waytoohigh63]

thing that pisses me off most about adhd advice from neurotypicals... the 'doing something for 30 days forms a habit.' bitch nothing in my life is a habit i would be ripping bong and jacking off all day if it was a matter of choice. never underestimate my ability to be super invested in something for like 2 weeks and then forget to do it one day and never go back to it

[queenofcarrots]

(x)

[crabussy]

hi trans kiwis and friends. if you haven't seen the news, they're trying to pass a frankly insidious bill in aotearoa to define the terms 'man' and 'woman' based on biological sex. this unsurprisingly reflects a lot of similar cruel efforts happening overseas at the moment. IT HASN'T PASSED YET, but I figured I should speak up about it because this is happening as we speak.

(screenshot from the linked RNZ article)

it seems very fucking bleak!!!! please don't lose hope! it hasn't passed yet and a lot of the shoddy bills suggested by the coalition have been shot down already. it's still worth knowing about. you don't have to share this post if you don't want to. I just know that a lot of my followers are kiwi. if there are any updates as to what we can do to push back against this, I'll make a relevant addition. kia kaha, okay? love you all.

[crabussy]

UPDATE: you can now very quickly and very easily submit a comment on the bill! these will be counted and considered in parliament.

it took me less than three minutes, and that's only because I wrote a whole paragraphs on why this is a stupid idea. all you really need to put is "don't pass this bill" if you want. it'll only take 30 seconds.

if you're able to and you want to, please consider reblogging! the more reach this gets, the better. thank you all so much [:

[buried-in-stardust]

Playing with the kids

[johannesviii]

Nine trying to send a distress signal to any potential other survivor of the Time War. That’s not a good idea.

Inspired (a couple of months ago) by this picture made by this user on DA.

[johannesviii]

Apparently this comic is making the rounds again, and the people who reblog it are just as angry with me as they were two years ago.

[greenbeansinamug]

hey op fuck you (but in a good way because holy shit)

[johannesviii]

At this point this comic is nearly six years old and people are still angry ; it kinda warms my heart that so many people are as emotional about Nine as I tend to be

[orneryjen]

Continuing off from this brilliant comic.

Hope in these trying times.

[johannesviii]

@orneryjen Excuse me holy shit

[221b-hound]

The original was brilliant and terribly sad; the continuation drawn by @orneryjen full of hope and joy. What superb joint storytelling!!