Veni Vidi Vici

Bro I just can't. 🫠 Life is hard.

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[shanehollandered]

and every time, they sit in their seats like

[tinylilhollander]

If Ilya does ever figure out that Shane's autistic it'll be through something so stupid. Like he's scrolling through TikTok one night because he can't sleep and he comes across this video that's like 'Dear autism community: rate this spoon'. And there's this whole reveal where they unwrap it from a cloth so he's expecting the fanciest spoon he's ever seen and then they reveal it and he's so disappointed to find it's just... a normal fucking spoon.

He thinks this must be a joke so he goes to the comments, and sure enough it's absolutely full of people who not only seem to think this spoon is worthy of rating in the first place, but who seem to have very strong opinions on what makes it a good or bad spoon. To Ilya a spoon is a spoon is a spoon. It's absolutely baffling to him that people seem to think the handle looks like it's not weighty enough, or that the shape of the bowl is wrong, or that it's too flat or too square. He opens the playlist of cutlery rating videos because surely this can't be the norm, and sure enough every single one has a comment section full of very strong opinions about how good or bad this normal fucking fork or knife is.

And then a memory returns to him, as he looks over at his peacefully sleeping husband, of Shane moving in and having to get rid of all his cutlery to replace it with his.

"Sorry, I know it's stupid, but yours are really bad to hold, baby. It's literally all I can think about every time I eat here."

And Ilya didn't mind at the time. So Shane likes his own cutlery better? That's a small compromise when Ilya doesn't have strong feelings about silverware in the first place. But now things are beginning to click, and he's beginning to draw a line between the opinionated spoon people and the day he had to drive his cutlery to the nearest goodwill.

Ilya spends the rest of the night reading about autism and suddenly there's so much more that's beginning to make sense. He doesn't know how he'll bring it up with Shane – if he'll ever bring it up with Shane – but for how it's good to know.

[penandinkprincess]

okay but ilya and cliff being besties but ilya rooming with connors during the club episode makes me laugh because i'm just imagining him being such a demon to everyone that they had to put being his roomie on ROTATION

[penandinkprincess]

"SOS IT'S A SHIRTLESS AND YELLING NIGHT. I REPEAT. IT'S A SHIRTLESS AND YELLING NIGHT."

[cens105]

I just realized this match in Ep 4 is from the Prologue of Heated Rivalry and timestamped as October 2016, so it's only one month before the Tuna Meltdown.

And like omg, I didn't remember the raging internalized homophobia and denial that Shane had going on back then.

No wonder he freaked out from the tuna melt.

[drawballa]

Sleepy boys 💤

[ifelloffthebed]

fixed it

[soft-niku-and-sake]

Happy Fish Him Out Friday everyone

[stormwaterwitch]

Rabbits Rabbits Rabbits

Reblog this on the first of the month for good luck all month long!

[dumbbbunnnyy-deactivated2021021]

[scunthotter]

Okay so Shane and Ilya are getting freaky while on the road and one of their favorite games is reluctant husband Shane and horny pushy Ilya who wants his "marital rights" ("ew ilya don't say it like that") so they're getting into it and Shane is like "Noo Ilya i need to sleep, stop it leave me alone" and Ilya is saying shit like "its my hole, you belong to me, just stay still and let me put it in"

Unfortunately, the hotel the team is staying at has really thin walls and consent king Troy is in the room next door. Despite his many flaws, Troy is not going to stand by and let another teammate assault someone. (He's actually so upset and angry because he thought Ilya was a great guy who always seemed to treat everyone, but especially his husband well). So Shane and Ilya, and the whole team on that floor, are interrupted by pounding on the door and Troy bellowing "Rozanov get the fuck off of him and open this door so I can kick your ass."

Which is how Troy learns about consensual non-consent.

[lavenderprose]

Some things that the Centaurs hear while sharing a locker room/hotel/bus/plane with Hollonov that blast open their communal third eye with regards to what Shane and Ilya have going on:

- "Show it to me. I know you got hit, show me. Mm. Is very painful? Mm. You on your side tonight, I think."

- "No, my baby, you'll come to Monk's. Drink two beers, talk to people who are not me. Mm, no, not Troy either. He is basically shorter you."

- "...just a little longer, I think, and then maybe a trim, just so is not in your eyes when you skate--"

- "Ah, no, he doesn't like drinking his coffee black. Oat milk, two sugars. I know what he does but is not what he likes. What, Shane, do I lie?"

- "Give me number. Ah-ah. One higher, I think. I know you like even numbers, baby."

- "Ask nicely."

- "...and then I take you home and--fuck off, Dykstra, I am coming onto my husband. You never heard of flirting? We are in the back of bus, it was private until you came back here--"

- "Here, made you tea. Something special in it for you."

- "...lunch from that Greek place? Nice. Okay, Shane will have--"

- "...thin walls, huh? Bet they can hear you. Let them hear you. Say my name. Yes, baby, fuck. Louder."

[bad3idea3]

So after Shane leaves the Metros, the team starts sending out Hayden Pike to do press to cover their asses and keep their more asshole-ish players from saying slurs in front of reporters.

After one inconsequential game, a reporter asks about what Coach Theriault and Hayden think of the future of hockey with their former star player playing with his husband. Theriault says some shitty PR nothing answer laced with so much disdain that Hayden just. can't. take. anymore.

Obviously his team wants him to shit-talk his best friend and de facto brother-in-law who happen to be playing the best hockey of a generation (he will never let Ilya know he thinks this). The reporter obviously is chomping at the bit for a "dissension in the locker room" story that will make his life even more miserable. So, fuck the both of them.

"and how about you Hayden, what do you think about the future of hockey with Hollander and Rozanov?"

"Well, I think they should get on having kids, like surrogacy or adoption of something"

Dead silence, the reporter blinks in confusion. He can feel the glare coming off Theriault burning into the side of his face. He doesn’t turn his head and blithely goes on.

“Yeah, specifically 3 girls. I have 3 girls so if they have 3 girls, we’d have a whole hockey team to start in the pee-wees and get to the PWHL. My Ruby would obviously be a defender. She’d spend her whole life in the box, but she'd be such a good enforcer, especially if she was playing with her sisters.  Jade is sneaky fast, so forward for her. And I know Amber is a baby, but I swear she’s got goalie eyes. My son Arthur is already the peacemaker of the family, so Uncle Shane could start training him up on all the rules so he can be our ref. But Shane and Ilya would have to get themselves another defender and a right or left wing with a center. Yep, that’s the future in hockey I’d love to see with Hollander and Rozanov”

Thus Hayden makes headlines bigger than any other time in his whole career. His time in the locker room does get shittier, but it’s all worth it for the call from Shane telling him that Ilya loved his vision of the future so much he cried looking at baby girl names online and researching PWHL teams.

[flower-of-the-desert]

Love thinking about an AU where the relationship reveal with Yuna and David happens because something overwhelms Shane into a panic attack/breakdown, maybe they're at some NHL show or event, maybe it's just been a really long fucking day, maybe suddenly Shane feels just completely overwhelmed by the lights and the noise and all the fucking people wanting to shake his hand or slap his back or tell him how much they like his fucking play.

Yuna notices something is wrong because of course she does and together with David they herd Shane into some private empty side room hoping it will help him calm down. But it doesn't. He wont stop shaking and his breathing is too fast and he flinches at their voices even tho nobody is speaking loudly. Won't let Yuna come close to hug him or rub his arm.

Maybe Yuna is starting to panic a little herself, her heart aching as she watches Shane wrap his own arms around himself, hates that she cant do anything when her son is so clearly in distress, hates that she can't seem to think of anything that will work-

When suddenly the door bangs open and Ilya Fucking Rozanov??? strides into the room with quick steps, makes a beeline directly for her son, eyes locked on him like he doesnt even register her and David in the room as well and Yuna opens her mouth to cuss him out, tell him to fuck off and not bother Shane right now, she can feel her body moving already to stand in front of Shane protectively when David grabs her arm because-

Because Rozanov is pulling Shane into his arms, one hand on the back of Shane's neck, guiding his head to press into the crook of Rozanov's neck and Shane isn't fighting it, doesn't flinch from his touch. He goes where Rozanov arranges him and let's himself be held and rocked back and forth gently as Rozanov presses his mouth to Shane's ear and starts whispering something so quietly that Yuna can't really make out the words but what she can see is Shane's shaking subsiding, hands fisting tightly into Rozanov's shirt, his breathing going slowly back to normal because - oh. oh - her son is syncing his breaths with Rozanov who, Yuna realises, is taking very exaggerated deep slow breaths of his own so Shane can match them. And then Rozanov turns slightly while still rocking them both back and forth and Yuna sees Shane's face where it's smushed into Rozanov's neck. Sees the look there.

And that's how Yuna realises her son is in love and the man - his years-long rival - he loves must have left in the middle of his award-winning show to come here and pull her son out of a panic attack like there was no place he'd rather be than right here with Yuna's overwhelmed panicked boy in his arms, soothing him until Shane's body relaxes completely into that hold, mumbling that he's fine yet not pulling away and Rozanov makes no move to let go either.

Oh, Yuna thinks again, gripping David's hand tightly. It's not just Shane. My baby is in love. And he's loved back.

[perlukafarinn]

Svetlana visits Shane and Ilya and stays with them for a few days and one night, when they've been sitting on the sofa and talking for hours, she starts reminiscing about childhood memories.

Shane is delighted and Ilya is embarrassed, especially when Svetlana starts talking about when they first met at age eight and how sweet and sensitive Ilya was.

"He was a little bit of a crybaby," she says with a teasing grin.

Ilya pouts, which does nothing to dispel the crybaby allegations.

"He brought an injured bird home once," Svetlana continues fondly. "When it died, he was inconsolable for days."

"What child wouldn't cry over a dead bird?" Ilya mutters, leaning in when Shane strokes his hair comfortingly.

"We gave it a funeral. Ilyushka carved it a tiny little cross."

Ilya huffs. "Jesus, why are we talking about funerals now? How depressing. Didn't you used to be fun, Sveta?"

Svetlana throws a pillow at him.

Later, once Shane and Ilya are alone in bed, Shane leans his head on Ilya's shoulder and tells him, "I wish I'd known you back then."

"Little crybaby Ilyushka?"

Shane pinches his chest. "Yes, little crybaby Ilyushka, you asshole. Sveta said you were sweet. You probably would've been nice to me."

"Am I not nice to you now?" Ilya wonders. "I always fuck you so good."

"That's not even remotely what I'm talking about. I just mean, maybe we would've been friends." Shane swallows. "I didn't really have any friends back then."

He'd been too weird. Too quiet most of the time, and too loud when he wasn't. He likes the thought that maybe sweet and sensitive Ilya, who cried for days over a dead bird he couldn't save, would have been kinder to him than the other kids were.

Ilya exhales shakily, breath tickling the top of Shane's head. "Yes, of course I would've been your friend. We would be, ah, childhood sweethearts?"

Shane's heart jumps at the idea. "Childhood sweethearts," he echoes happily.

Ilya hums. "Yes, I think so. Poor little Ilyushka would be defenseless against your boring Canadian charm."

"Poor big Ilyushka didn't do such a great job of resisting me, either."

"That is true," Ilya agrees.

He gently grasps Shane's chin, tilting his face up to meet him for a kiss.

[deja-b00]

somehow it comes up that troy had a crush on shane and was going to ask for his number. and after troy gets ribbed by his teammates and ilya makes a big scene, shane is like, “well i never would’ve gone out with you lol.”

and troy smiles, “right, because you were with roz the whole time.”

“i mean, yes, but also because you and dallas kent spent years calling me and jj ‘rush hour’ and asking hayden if his wife was his beard to cover up his big gay relationship with me.”

the rest of the centaurs blink. harris puts his head in his hands and groans.

and troy’s like, “oh. right. sorry about that :/“

[mayjuvac]

some amazing additions from the tags

[gaynehollander]

Can you imagine how angry Ilya "Summer Before" Rozanov was when he heard about Shane's own teammates accusing him of throwing a game against him? Sure, the idea that Shane would need to throw a game in order for him to win is offensive in and of itself but the notion that Shane Hollander would voluntarily lose at a fucking egg and spoon race, never mind a deciding Playoffs game is so beyond insulting that it cannot be borne. They all suddenly think of him in a binary, sort him in his mind as "Shane before Ilya" and "Shane after Ilya", view them as two separate people and it's ludicrous because none of them have ever even met a Shane Hollander before Ilya Rozanov. Before Shane's skates ever touched NHL ice, he touched Ilya. Before the puck hit the back of the net on his first NHL goal, his cock hit the back of Ilya's throat and he's not allowed to tell them that?? What do you mean???

[thisfeebleheart]

smiling and kissing

[galecstatic]

timeless poetry