Local Crow Learns To Write, Scientists Baffled.

Crow // he/they // minor // Passionate Collector of All Things Shiny. Picrew: https://picrew.me/ja/image_maker/626197

[jungwildeandfree]

so this guy right he makes ancient egyptian themed furry costumes. he makes all kinds but mostly he specializes in Horus heads. it's his passion really. he loves to make the beautiful falcon head of the Sun God. anyway so he's at a con one day and he sees this whole bunch of people in middle kingdom dress with these indistinguishable animal heads. he's like. oh man these folks could really use a new source, i can hardly tell what animal those are! so he goes over and he says "hey guys! i see you are into ancient egyptian mythological themed furry costumes--if any of you are interested in being the radiant Son of Ra, I am the BEST in the business!"

and the group of people look at each other, then at him. awkward. finally one of them says: "uh. no thanks. we're all Set."

[s-cullayy]

[thatlittleegyptologist]

This has been sent to me four times today, so I'm condemning OP to be judged by the 42 and fall into Nuun.

[datundit]

I think every laugh will make OP’s heart a bit lighter.

@thatlittleegyptologist

Judge OP’s heart

I laughed, I lighten his heart.

His heart shall be heavier for this.

Voting ended onMar 1

[sunbentshadows]

[dailysnoopy]

[rimonoroni2]

the thing about giving up is that it isn’t permanent. one must give up like twice a week in order to keep going

[cannibalchicken]

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Video caption: Good guy who talks like a bad guy 

“Perhaps you’d like to see my pets. They were ALL … rescues.” 

“And as always, gentlemen, our profits will be … donated.” 

“Oh, I wish I could stay and chat, but I’m afraid I have to take my friend to the airport.” 

[yourheartinyourmouth]

Redeemed villain who can’t let the speech pattern go

[my-random--thoughts-deactivated]

[abandoned-as-mustard]

[superbeans89]

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

writing tip they don’t tell you is that in addition to reading good books you should occasionally read one really bad one so that it inspires you to write something better out of pure rage

[nwmo]

NEW FISH JUST DROPPED

[cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024]

I KNOW that playing God is morally wrong, but holy HELL, it looks fun.

[ninjakittenarmy]

Why is it playing God? We aren’t violating any natural laws. God set the parameters of the universe to allow these things. There’s nothing wrong with it, there’s no hubris in learning more about how to manipulate the universe around us.

[cannibalcaprine-deactivated2024]

We made a whole-ass fish.

[ospreyonthemoon]

The reason this was accidental BTW is because they used paddlefish eggs as a negative control group for a breeding experiment on sturgeons because the scientists, quite naturally, assumed that they were SO unrelated it would be genetically impossible for them to mate. Like. I cannot stress enough to you how these creatures last related ancestors were

140 MILLION YEARS BACK.

If you don't know how far that is, that's basically the start of the cretaceous. Let me simplify that for you even further. Chimpanzees and humans seperated, what, 5 or 6 million years ago?

This is basically like if humans could hybridise with THESE THINGS.

This is the sort of thing that should be impossible. They used those eggs to be ABSOLUTELY 100% SURE NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN.

And then THEY GOT FISH OUT OF IT.

Like. You can quite clearly understand why they didn't think anything would happen. WE ARE MORE RELATED TO BLUE WHALES THAN THESE THINGS.

THE AMERICAN PADDLEFISH AND THE STURGEON ARE SO COMPLETELY UNRELATED THAT THIS IS NOT PLAYING GOD. IF ANYTHING THIS IS AN ACT OF GOD.

THE SCIENTISTS HAD NO BLAME IN THIS BECAUSE NOTHING LIKE THIS HAD EVER HAPPENED BEFORE

It sort of goes against the rules of genetics a bit.

[ospreyonthemoon]

Oh i forgot to add

THESE THINGS, FOR HYBRIDS, HAD A REALLY HIGH SURVIVAL RATING. LIKE 70% OF THEM SURVIVED.

To put that into perspective, getting a blue whale and a squirrel and trying to hybridise them is more sensible, and that wouldn't produce anything but getting you banned from science. Most animals that aren't plants can barely hybridise two degrees away from each other.

BUT THESE TWO ENTIRELY UNRELATED FISH create PERFECTLY HEALTHY HYBRIDS.

the scientists literally had to do the tests AGAIN just to be like "okay this is real right. This is actually like, not a fluke, this works right" and it worked again. They just Can!

[jackofacetrades]

So for those who don't know what the original fishes look like, this is an American Paddlefish:

And this is a Russian Sturgeon:

So honestly, saying the hybrid is "weird looking" is a bit fort de café when you see its parents. I think the sturddlefish looks cute.

[marlinspirkhall]

"these creatures last related ancestors were 140 million years back"

(glances at fish)

Yeah that's exactly what I thought you'd look like, you Mesozoic fuck

[thriceandonce]

#Holding a red squirrel in my left hand and a blue whale in my right desperately hoping to make a purple squale (via @dykepuffs)

[somoln]

[konoko]

[praenomer]

[dozydawn]

cat’s eye emerald

[ausgoth]

advil liquid capsule

[rederiswrites]

I actually think Portland absolutely has the right idea with showing up to protest in ways that make violence against them look not only unjustified but absolutely ridiculous. Ah yes, the people line dancing in inflatable animal costumes. Terrifying. Clearly pepper spraying the dancing frog guy was totally justified.

I think we need Gothic Lolita protestors. People in Star Trek uniforms. Slap on a pair of short shorts and a Richard Simmons wig and lead some sweating to the oldies.

[coricomile]

It may be intentional, it may just be people have always been people- or a combination of both- but tactical frivolity is a thing that has been around since BCE.

It is 100% protest, but it's also showing the ridiculousness of the situation, and the People in Charge usually would rather face a warlord unarmed than be made fun of. And it ruins the "violent, unstable" population myth in an undeniable way.

It's also saying "you may be trying to control us, and our lives have turned to shit because of the things you are doing, but you will never take away our hope and the simple joy of being alive. Even in our darkest hour, we can dance in silly costumes and find our people and become stronger because of it."

[rederiswrites]

Tactical frivolity! Thank you for the term!

[anarchistmemedistro]

[kid-called-crow]

Coffee is straight up witchcraft bro

[kid-called-crow]

Like youre telling me if I drink this dark, bitter elixir in 20 to 30 minutes I'll enter a state of mind so unreal I'll wake up 5 hours later with a clean room, a clear solution to the Serre's positivity conjecture, and no pending assignments?

And as the cherry on top you brew it?

[kid-called-crow]

Coffee is straight up witchcraft bro

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

logging into tumblr.com really is our daily dose of recess huh. i take a stroll down my dash and people are playing make-believe with cursed amulets, pondering their orbs, playing with jpegs like dolls. some of us are pretending to be wizards and villains and evil advisors and blob monsters (my preference). there's always a group playing Animals (wolf is very popular). the main topic of conversation is tv shows and cartoon characters, which we enjoy arguing about. recently there's been a juggling craze