I'm very tired! @kiogenic - Tumblr Blog

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knifepadme

what day is it

knifepadme

always fucking some day or another around here

keepcalmandcarriefischer

bluuuu898

a piece of art i made for a fic i might be writing

#TAG ME PLEASE #AHHHHHH

nascar-yaoi

THIS SOUNDS LIKE RYAN 😭

neenarchive

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

phrysic

dad's jacket

bussydeanstiel

version of spn where dean is openly bisexual the entire time and definitely fucks a priest during a job and sam is does his judgmental little "dude" and dean is like "i already went to hell once man,, what's the worst that could happen" and everytime there's a new bad guy or apocalypse sam is like "this is bc you fucked a priest" and eventually he says it in front of Cas who does his little squint and head tilt and just

"You what?"

cosmicoceanfic

“Well,” Dean, who has been fully and utterly unprepared to have to deal with this in front of Cas, says. “Listen-“

“In a church,” Sam cuts in, resigned as he stares at the gathering clouds in a blood red sky. “This is because you fucked a priest in a church.”

“You what?” Cas repeats, in a tone entirely impossible for Dean to parse.

“He lived in a little building off the church!” Dean snaps. “What was I supposed to do, bring him back to the motel room where Gigantor would judge me when I kicked him out?”

“Listen,” Sam says. “I am not well versed in priest fuckery, but I’m pretty sure there is literally nowhere worse to fuck a priest than in a church.”

“It wasn’t even really in the church, you big baby-“

“And now I have to live my life, saddled to you-“

“Nobody is making you hang out with me-“

“Haunted by your bad, slutty decision-“

“Don’t slut shame me-“

“Don’t slut shame you for getting freaky with a priest? Dean?”

“We actually didn’t get that freaky,” Dean mutters.

“In a church?”

“It was a little building that was attached to the church-“

“The proximity to the church-“

“Okay,” Cas interrupts, with the bearing of a man under the impression that he is displaying an infinite fucking patience. “I fail to see how this is productive-“

“I dunno,” Sam says. “Maybe if we sacrifice Dean to God-“

“You know, your insufferable self righteousness about this should have ended right when you started shacking up with Ruby-“

“We are not sacrificing Dean to God,” Cas says flatly in his I am an Angel of the Lord voice. “We have a problem unrelated to Dean’s blasphemy. I suggest we solve it.”

“It wasn’t blasphemy,” Dean says.

“Was he in the getup, Dean?” Sam asks, in his most long suffering tone.

Dean struggles for a second, uncomfortably aware of Cas’ eyes on him.

“Well, it fit him pretty well-“

Sam turns to Cas. “All we gotta do is take him up a mountain, strap him to a big flat rock, and let nature take its course.”

“No. Not yet.”

Dean draws himself up. “The fuck do you mean, yet?”

Cas ignores him. “Sam, I would advise you call Rowena.”

“Right.”

“Dean.” Cas fixes him with a look he can’t read. “We will discuss this later.”

“I mean, we don’t have to-“

Cas vanishes, leaving Dean disgruntled as Sam walks away to call Rowena. Dean sticks his hands in his pockets out of a lack of something to do.

“Ooh, Dean, let’s dog pile on you for that time you fucked one guy,” he mumbles. “Let’s aaaaaaall gather round and judge Dean for that one time he hooked up with one priest-“

“I’m on the phone!” Sam shouts. “Sulk quieter!”

Dean picks up a pinecone and chunks it at his ginormous head, and it all devolves into chaos from there.

cosmicoceanfic

“First of all,” Sam says, in his bitchiest, snippiest little tone. “You were not a virgin when you fucked that priest.”

Dean scowls. “I was rehymen-“

“Second of all,” Sam continues, louder. “You cannot, and I mean cannot, keep calling me a homophobe whenever I take note of your whorelike characteristics.”

“What, you want me to switch it up a little? Cause implying all bisexuals are whores, I gotta tell you-“

“I am not implying all bisexuals are whores. There’s bisexuals who are celibate. I am saying that you, Dean Michael Winchester, are a whore.”

“Technically, his middle name is Jolene.”

Sam and Dean pull identical faces before turning on Cas and saying “what?”

“Your mother was particularly impaired after giving birth to you and she was rather fond of Dolly Parton. Your father insisted on putting Michael on the birth certificate.”

“If it’s on the birth certificate, that’s my name.”

“True names are known in Heaven and in Hell, Dean.”

“That’s your defense of me?” Dean snaps.

There’s a slightly steely look in Cas’ eye. “When it comes to your sexual licentiousness, Dean, I have no defense to give.”

Dean throws his hands up. “Unbelievable.”

They lapse into sullen silence.

“I think I fucked a Jolene once,” Dean finally mumbles.

“Whorelike,” Sam answers immediately.

“Homophobe,” Dean shoots back just as fast.

“Dean, if you call me a homophobe one more time, I’m gonna rip your balls off.”

Dean points at him. “Oh, so you’re graduating to hate crimes now?”

Sam advances on Dean, hands reaching towards his throat.

“Sam,” Cas cuts in. “I have just received a cellular text from Rowena. We can continue this conversation later.”

“The conversation where Sam hate crimes me?”

“If need be,” Cas answers, and vanishes.

“How come you never call Cas a homophobe?” Sam asks.

“Cause-“ Dean struggles. “Cause it’s Cas, man.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Sam smiles, sweet and supercilious. “Nothing.”

Cas reappears holding what appears to be some kind of crucifix on a chain.

“Was the priest wearing that when you fucked him?” Sam asks.

Dean grabs the Bible off the motel room nightstand and chucks it at his head.

colorlessjay

This is hilarious and I'm following your AO3 right now

hellenhighwater

Well those are allllmost done

codebreakerblue

question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway

hellenhighwater

There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage

jackfromthefairytale

question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths

hellenhighwater

They're actually a really dark purple

fishofthewoods

question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage

hellenhighwater

Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em

nobodywasneverhere

question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths

hellenhighwater

The heart wants what the heart wants

fred-the-dinosaur

this reads like a muppet sketch

fred-the-dinosaur

see? See!??!

hellenhighwater

You're not wrong

hellenhighwater

This post is less than six months old.

lemonsbot

Several years ago I briefly worked in the warehouse of a nondescript extremely large e-commerce company. I had no other options for employment but desperately needed money. Turnover was like 150%. I worked from something like 7pm to 5am, my commute was 50 minutes each way and before I got paid I didn’t even have the cash for enough gas to get home one night and had to bum $10 off of my kid sibling (this is all to give you an idea of my abysmal mental state while employed here.) You’re not allowed to do anything besides your job, no music or anything and they track your movement on cameras so you can’t even take a breather. The job is real monotonous, you get sent boxes of items of random sizes and you have to put the items into shelves of varying sizes and the shelves come to you, you don’t walk to them. Because the company tracks the rate at which you put items on these shelves, many small items are desirable because you can put a lot of them in quickly. Everything about the place seems almost designed intentionally to break you mentally and turn you into a robot. So I’m about 6 or 7 hours into my shift, feeling on the verge of a mental collapse, and up comes a container with a bunch of small white boxes, bout half the size of a deck of cards. No labels. Great, I’m already happy about whatever these things are. So I go to scan them in, and it gives you the name of the item and a little picture. Sasuke Penis Costume. What? Sasuke Penis Costume. A picture of that red cloud robe from Naruto and one of the headbands with the metal plate on it. I’m thinking, there’s no way. What is a penis costume? Am I hallucinating this? And there’s so many of them, literally about a hundred, and I know I’m going to be spending at least an hour with Sasuke Penis Costume, there’s so many and they’re so small, I’m already excited about the potential efficiency of these, and then I see it’s Sasuke Penis Costume? So the entire shift I’m like, trying to not put these things away too quick, because honestly I’m starting to build a kind of kinship with them. This is quite literally the most exciting thing to happen to me during my whole 2 week employment at the warehouse. I started to see Sasuke Penis Costume as a friend, some reminder of the outside world, a reminder of the humanity I was becoming so unfamiliar with, a reminder the world contained comedy, art, anime, and penis. I really couldn’t tell you if I ended up putting all of them away, the last thing I remember is my desperate need to look these items up when I got home. I needed a link to send to my friends for when I told them this riveting story. I learned that the costume is called the Akatsuki cloak in my fervent search for the item, and wouldn’t you know it, absolutely zero trace of these things exists online. Not on the e-commerce website, not on any specialized penis-costume websites (whose existence I was not privvy to prior to this incident) and no third-party retailer has these. Not even Google images will show me the hypothetical existence of Sasuke Penis Costume. Every few months I look it up, trying to find evidence that it can be bought, that any of this was ever real. My bond, my friendship, and dare I say even love for Sasuke Penis Costume feels as tangible as the boxes they came in, and yet the universe will give me no closure of their fate. Less and less frequently I search for them, each time becoming more and more discouraged that I will ever find them, but unlike their substance on this earth, one thing is inarguably certain. Sasuke Penis Costume exists to me, and it will live on firmly and resolutely within my memory and within my heart.