These words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you’ll use them however, you want to.

[kippconfessions]

I don’t know how you can effortlessly destroy me and then say you love me.

[kippconfessions]

You put up walls I can’t break down and we’re up so high all I can hear is echos now. You tried to build a castle but a fortress is what you got never letting light in but don’t act like you forgot. You may have been tried alone but I was set to be hung just the same and just because our cuts bleed different don’t think the pain isn’t all the same. You scream of the prison you sat in, the four walls that held you captive, the years you lost, the losses you took, The pages that were involuntarily ripped from your book. But you wrote this story line for line. So if we’re going to point fingers, just know where I’ll point mine. It was never a choice for me, never once was I asked. But I guess it’s easy to throw stones when you don’t know your house is made of glass.

[kippconfessions]

Stuck living in the shadows of all her mistakes.

[kippconfessions]

I stand staring at this stone like it’s going to have the answers and I keep trying to do the math but nothing seems to add up. I break all my own promises and I poison my own well. I live like nothing matters and I’m not afraid of Hell. But the walls I have built to try and keep my peace, quickly turned into a prison and I can’t seem find the keys. So I scream and I cry because this wasn’t the plan but I once gave to much of myself to an undeserving man and all I got in return was left an empty hand. So when I keep you at a distance for longer than I should just know It’s for your own good. Because I’m broken and I’m battered and I don’t know how to heal, suppressing all my feelings convinced nothing is real. I try to get my mind right, I try to break my own walls down and I’m the ringleader of this circus but my head screams you’ll always be the clown!!

[kippconfessions]

One day, one day I’ll matter to someone and they will see all my flaws as beauty but by then I’ll be to numb to care. By then I’ll be to tired of surviving to let them breathe the promise of better days into my lungs. By then I’ll be so full of holes that not matter how tightly they hold me to their chest I’ll never be whole again. By then I won’t even know it’s love.

[kippconfessions]

I’m always an afterthought.

[kippconfessions]

You tell everyone I gave up on you, on us. You shout a sob story to anyone who will listen. But the truth is, I held on so tightly my knuckles bled and when I screamed in pain you told me to stop drawing attention to myself.

[kippconfessions]

You break my heart every single day but you’re all I want.

[kippconfessions]

I broke myself into pieces for you. But, you just shook your head in disgust at the mangled mess I had become.

[kippconfessions]

When he kisses the top of my head, it’s the most at peace I am for days, sometimes months. Because, for those few seconds I know we’re okay and breathing feels a little less hard to do.

[thoughtkick]

“Every person I’ve ever loved has some how become toxic to me. A living, breathing reminder of why I was always better off alone. I love too hard, too quickly and then sometimes I don’t love enough. I guess I’m just bad at love.”

— Kristie Betts (via perfectquote)

[kippconfessions]

I feel this soooo deeply.

[thoughtkick]

“Stop asking me to trust you while I’m still coughing water up from the last time you let me drown.”

— Unknown

[kippconfessions]

And that’s all I have to say about swimming with snakes.

[kippconfessions]

I spent a big chunk of my life thinking I hated myself. So I started doing destructive things towards myself, because I was constantly crawling out of skin with disgust and anger for all the things I am, things I used to be and most importantly the things I could never be. But, one day I realized it wasn’t me I hated at all. It was the picture someone else kept insisting I was that I hated. It was this image I kept trying to sculpt myself into, piece by piece ripping away the best parts of myself. So I chose to let it go, let go of the burden, let go of that person, let go of that unrealistic image.... and suddenly, I was free. I didnt feel so heavy with every emotion and responsibility in the world. I didn’t wake up and long to be anyone but me anymore. So maybe ask yourself, is it you that you can’t stomach in the mirror, or is it the image someone else has painted you out to be?

[kippconfessions]

I carry the weight of so many things that weren’t mine to hold.

[kippconfessions]

I know how this ends. I know all the lines you’ll spew out to me, when you’ve reached the bottom of that bottle. All the promises you’ll make and every apology you’ll mumble, because the whiskey may clear your conscience, but in the morning I’ll still remember exactly who you are and why I can’t love you anymore.

[kippconfessions]

Minimizing my pain won’t erase your toxic behavior. Not this time.

[kippconfessions]