i have no idea what im doing except maybe thinking. My political opinions can probably best be summarized as âDonât be a dick.â too many fandoms (I know Iâve been posting a lot of Scott Summers stuff recently but I swear Iâm not an X-Men blog.) Art tag is lapse in art. Sometimes I write stuff. Find me on ao3.
it really hurts me to see so many gazans asking us for help, though that's through no fault of their own. they've been forced to use a social media site that they're probably not familiar with (because tumblr has kind of faded out of popular consciousness), to interact with us in a second language, to distinguish themselves from the scammers who are taking advantage of genocide, and to ask strangers for help. i don't think there are any cultures where it's easy to ask for help like this, but i'm intimately familiar with how humiliating it can be in arab culture. please be kind, gracious and helpful to the gazans in your inbox. this is a desperate time for them, and in addition to the physical danger inflicted by "israel", the prices of basic resources in gaza are extremely high due to scarcity, and those that manage to escape to egypt are financially exploited by landlords there and have an extremely difficult time finding work due to their unofficial status as refugees. these families will continue to need our help and i hope we can all continue to provide it to the best of our ability.
Yes! Use tumblrâs search feature to look up their URLs. If theyâve been vetted by Palestinians, there will be a post about it. The users el-shab-hussein and nabulsi made a vetted fundraisers spreadsheet that comes up in a lot of search results too, Iâm on mobile and donât have it on hand presently but itâs easy to find!
Noooo haha don't spread racist ideals and colonizer propaganda by idolizing white european aesthetics above all else and denying the life and accomplishments of native peoples on their own lands
People have been living in the downtown area of Tucson, Arizona for at least 4,500 years. The greater Santa Cruz river valley has been occupied by humans for 12,000 years.
You see this?
That's not a river. That's the South Canal in Mesa, Arizona (Phoenix metro area).
This is a view of the East and South canals. At least half of all the Phoenix metro canals were originally built by the Hohokam (from roughly 200-1400 CE), and are still in use (restored) today.
Phoenix, Arizona actually has more miles (kilometers) of Canals total than both Venice and Amsterdam. No, really. Phoenix has about 180 miles of canals, many of which are built on ancient canal foundations.
below is an aerial view photo taken in the late 1930's of one branch of Phoenix's canal systems:
Also have the "Montezuma Castle," if you need a castle:
I don't need to look at some 12th century European castle to see age.
Also want to point out that many Indigenous nations literally decided to prioritise NOT building permanent buildings. That was a choice they made. You know what permanent human-created things they left instead? THE LITERAL LANDSCAPE. Even though the settlers did their best to destroy it, the landscape was still tended and shaped by Indigenous people. Every biome that exists here was created by some nation or other, every plant was encouraged or discouraged by the local people who ranged in that area.
But more to the point: I don't need fucking buildings to know that people have been here millions of years, the people are here telling me that, and I fucking listen to them.
What is now New York City has been continuously inhabited for 3,000 years, and many of its streets follow paths established by those indigenous inhabitants, including fucking BROADWAY, the single most famous and arguably one of the most culturally important streets in the entire United States and people want to say this place isn't OLD?
Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people donât just âhave pain for no reasonâ doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that âwell some people just have pain for no reasonâ get a new doctor. Thatâs a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.
I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.
That word DOES NOT MEAN youâre making it up. It doesnât mean youâre imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISNâT DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.
I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldnât see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.
My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasnât imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadnât even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going âHEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????â
He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.
Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for âno reasonâ. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.
Psychosomatic symptoms are literally your body flipping random alarm switches just to get any alarm blaring because youâve been ignoring the regular ones
i have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Shane Hollanderâs being japanese and a lot of. not problems but letâs say minor qualms. about how white (but really anyone who is not japanese canadian) fans are engaging with Shaneâs race.
this is not a callout this is just like. a noticing of trends.
i have noticed lots of people, for lack of a better word, tokenizing his identity? idk if this is the right word but like.
you guys realize that Shane being japanese is not just fun flavouring to add to a character, right? ESPECIALLY in Canada!!!! Canada was extremely hostile to Japanese Canadians during the Second World War (and also before that but thatâs another story lol) and the hostility, although lessened after ww2 ended, was still like. very much present.
i wish r.r. went further into this in canon but alas she did not.
anyways idk where i was going with this but i would appreciate anyone wanting to write hcs about Shane being Japanese would do a bit more research about Japanese canadian history before doing so lol
For real Iâve seen posts about how little Japanese culture seems to influence Shane and that why didnât the show just make him Korean since Hudson Williams is Korean and I was like !!! Hmm!!! I do think! A lack of cultural connection for a Japanese character in Canada might be The Point??
Even if Yunaâs parents probably almost definitely moved to Canada after WWII (because Japanese people!!! Were not allowed in!!! Until 1967!!! Because japanophobia!!!) like they would most likely feel the repercussions of the trauma of internment throughout the community. I donât think we can talk about Yuna and Shaneâs assimilation into white (hockey) culture without acknowledging the Context. I also think that itâs definitely possible that it informs his relationship with the Media and being a Role Model and maybe also the closet.
I donât really think Rachel Reid wrote with that intention necessarily, but like I do think itâs part of the conversation.
no okay but persephone. when you listen to the soundtrack it's like she's a party girl she drinks and has fun but you guys dont understand because every single time she took a drink she grimaced. every single time. not once did she enjoy herself, because it wasn't her indulging in her wants it was her coping. and even!! even during livin it up on top when everyone takes a drink there's a moment of silence where they all look almost disgusted by it. none of them enjoy it it doesn't taste good to any of them yet still they drink it??
and then UGH okay because lady of the underground i was under the impression that she was interacting with the workers and whatnot like making the cracks in the wall that orpheus was about to break down but there's no one on stage. the only people on stage are the musicians, hermes, and persephone. none of the workers are there. she's singing to herself. do you understand do you get it?? especially with why do we build the wall right before that because I didn't realize persephone was in that song?? and the whole time she looks terrified. she Doesn't want to be here she Doesn't want to engage with this (my mom compared the song to being at a maga rally and she was 100% correct) but she does anyway, perhaps because she's forced to. and the look of heartbreak when eurydice appears; the way eurydice is confused and put off at first, but it doesn't take long for her to learn the words and join in????
eurydice and persephone is a whole other thing because I never realized how much of a relationship they had. like persephone is quick to be friendly with her, and eurydice is enthralled by that attention. but then during chant when persephone is singing about like the earth dying and people starving she's looking at eurydice walking by. she's looking at her and she looks heartbroken, she's reaching out to her but she can't reach her because she's not there. she watches as the fates strip eurydice of everything she has, and then that look of despair changes of one to fear as hades' eyes land on eurydice as he declares he'll find someone else who will be grateful. and I know that like flowers can be like an analogy for sa but I really felt it during that part. not so much in songbird vs rattlesnake? but definitely during the end of chant like AJHVSGDJAS.
and then like I said when eurydice enters the underworld persephone looks shaken. because she knows eurydice, and she knows orpheus, and- idk man. imagine being in hell and someone you know shows up, but you know they can't leave and you know they're soon to become a shell of who they once were. like. yeah
my atla fandom hot take that is unobjectionable but for some reason consequential due to its prevalence is that toph wouldnât consistently refer to sokka as âsnoozlesâ the way she refers to aang as âtwinkle toes.â the epithet of âsnoozles,â which she uses exactly once, in âbitter work,â is entirely dependent on its context, which is that she woke up early because she was excited to train aang. if anything, toph is far more of a âsnoozlesâ than sokka is. when he tells them in âthe painted ladyâ that theyâll have to wake up 43 minutes earlier from from on to make up for the day they spent in jang hui, toph emphatically declares âwell iâm not waking up early.â and mind you, these are tophâs sleeping habits on a regular day, whereas sokka is usually regimented and disciplined to the point that toph mocks him for it (see also, âfinagle away, o schedule masterâ earlier in that scene):
she also refers him as âsleuthy one,â in âsozinâs comet,â but thatâs just as context-dependent as snoozles. it would be weird of her to call him that consistently, the same way it would be weird of her to call him by a nickname that implies heâs in any way lazy, when in fact, she is far more likely to mock him for being an overly-organized hard-ass.
aang is the only character who is actually bestowed a consistent nickname. while the epithets with which toph refers to katara follow a generally consistent patternâfirst âsugar queenâ in âthe chase,â then âsweetnessâ in âthe earth king,â and (my personal favorite) âmadame fussy britchesâ in âthe runawayââshe never uses the same nickname twice. she refers to suki as âhoneyâ in âsozinâs comet,â but i wouldnât even call that a nickname per se. and zukoâs only nickname by a member of the gaang, âsifu hotman,â is coined by aang, not toph. with the sole exception of aang, toph primarily refers to her friends by their names, and only uses nicknames in specific contexts, when the occasion actually calls for her to employ a mocking epithet.
however, if toph were to refer to sokka by a consistent nickname, the obvious contender is clearly âcaptain boomerang.â although itâs a somewhat silly name, itâs evident through her tone when she calls him that in âsozinâs cometâ that it is sincere. when she is hanging on to his hand and says âaye aye, captain,â she is not being remotely sarcastic; she is expressing dire fear for their lives, but she trusts him completely. even the shit ass comics are able to recognize that this is tophâs ultimate nickname for sokka, because it represents how she truly views him. beneath her irreverent recalcitrance, toph clearly holds a lot of respect, fondness, and admiration for sokka as a friend and as a leader. she does not think of him as âsnoozlesâ; she thinks of him as her captain.
âItâs digestibleâ is pertinent!! Okay, for those of you who havenât researched Crisco for writing fic about gay sex in the mid-late 60s:
The first-edition of The Joy of Gay Sex, published in 1977, declared, âVegetable shortening may be the best lubricant, since it is not only greasy but also digestibleâ[4] Such a statement perhaps gives new meaning to the companies boastful declarations that âIts digestibleâ and âCrisco has been making life in the kitchen more delicious for years.â Similarly, in the 1978 sex manual The Advocate Guide to Gay Health, Crisco even earned an entry in the bookâs index. Discussions of the shorteningâs use as an anal lubricant indicate its popularity, with statements such as: âThe lubricant, typically the cultic Crisco, must be copious.â[5] In fact, Crisco was so synonomus with gay sex that discos and bars around the world took on the name, such as Crisco Disco in New York City, which was one of the premiere clubs during the 1970s and early 1980s. Other clubs or bathhouses, such as Club Z in Seattle, even featured murals with Crisco. Thus, Crisco was conversely also one of many things that led to the formation of gay identities during the 20th century.
from this essay: http://www.columbia.edu/~sf2220/TT2007/web-content/Pages/drew2.html
Love this post for so many reasons but most especially because this is from all the way back in 2012 and and yet not a single blog in this thread is deactivated
Love the gay history, but i just wanna correct that the âitâs digestibleâ in the gay stuff was a reference to criscoâs tagline it had been using since 1911, the actual meaning of its digestible is because itâs main competition came from âenhancedâ lards which were rendered pig fat mixed with non food thickeners that literally did not digest and caused people to basically just shit out pig cream, since crisco was veggie based the body digested it along with the food
This post is the opposite of net zero information. Not only did I learn several new facts about gay history but also we rounded our way back to the original question of the tag line and the mini obelisks.
Last night I was reading a fanfic that I was really enjoying until the inevitable happened and the writer casually mentioned that Ilya is book smart. And look, I donât think Ilya is dumb, he speaks two languages and heâs incredibly street smart. But I will never agree with this fanon version of him sitting around reading philosophy books and Dostoyevsky.
Ilya was never shown reading books, but people still write him as some type of closet philosopher, and I really don't understand why. Is it just because people want him to be perfect in every single way? Ilya isn't a brooding dark academia intellectual. Heâs a jock hockey player who likes to party and have sex with random people and play amazing hockey. He reads people and situations, not 19th century literature, and forcing him into that box completely strips away who he actually is IMHO.
Then thereâs this weird fandom swap because the character actually shown reading books is Shane, but his reading gets routinely reduced to "he only reads hockey books." Even if that's true, reading deeply in the field you work in and are passionate about is just as impressive as reading classic literature. If Shane is spending his time reading about the history of the sport, probably minorities in hockey, and locker room culture, that makes him a dedicated, analytical reader. Reading non-fiction specialization to understand your craft and your world is real reading.
Itâs just wild to me how fandom handles this. Shane gets his actual canonical studiousness dismissed as "just hockey" while Ilya gets turned into a tortured philosopher simply because fandom has this elitist idea that a character needs academic credentials to be "smart." Letting Ilya just be a street smart and talented jock doesn't make him less interesting, to me personally.
some people read an awful lot, but don't read very well. deep reading is itself a skill. being able to untangle the threads of theme, subtext, characterization, narrative style, and more are all things that it takes time and intentional engagement to learn.
if you've ever watched a movie with your film buff friend and chatted about it afterwards, that friend might have pulled hours more of conversation out of the same 90 minutes of screentime, and wondered how the fuck they did that - it's not raw intelligence, it's a skill that's been honed. And I learned a lot about film from talking to friends who knew about film, and reading critique by film scholars
literature works exactly the same. so if you want to get more out of your reading, there are things you can do to train that.
Find a book or short story you think you've got a pretty good grasp on, preferably from a widely read & respected author like Ursula K Le Guin or Ray Bradbury (if you're new at this don't swing for the Toni Morrison or the Samuel Beckett yet unless you feel very comfortable with the complexity of the text - the point is to develop a complicated new skill on good foundations). Then go to JSTOR, create a free account, and look up criticism on the story you've chosen. Find something that looks readable to you and at least somewhat interesting. Read that article, and look at what that writer got out of the same story you've read that you didn't get. Do you see the critic's points? Did they teach you something about the text? Go reread that story and see if the criticism has changed how you read it. Are you seeing more? Are you thinking about the implications of a line that you hadn't noticed before? Does the story feel richer now?
there are other more involved ways of finding criticism. Learning to use academic databases, going to your local library to do interlibrary loans, finding critical voices you appreciate; these are all useful subskills. Literacy isn't just being able to read words, it's being able to read words in context and think about what they tell you about the text, the author, or the time and culture in which the text was produced. Literacy is the skill of being able to look at the world with open eyes and think clearly about how its parts are connected. It'll change your life
this keeps getting shared around and ive seen some different tags responding differently so i just want to make some important clarifications and distillations
you don't have to read more deeply if you don't want to (but i'd recommend it, i genuinely think it makes you a better person)
if you want to learn to read more deeply, the resources are out there. try to find critical literature (that is, academic writing that analyzes the text) on works your familiar with so you can get a sense for how to do that analysis too
learning to deep read literature can help you deep read many areas of your life
writers tend to put a lot of work into their stories. if you learn to read that work you'll (probably) appreciate the stories you love even more. And if not, then you'll have developed your taste. This too is worth doing
In case anyone finds it helpful because mobility aids are horrifically expensive and inaccessibleâŠ
And for those people who have access to mobility devices but might benefit from a second chair they can abuse without risking expensive damageâŠ
Erik Kondo has made a website, Open Source Innovations, that details plans for DIY wheelchairs. These wheelchairs can be made from common materials like wood, plastic, and pvc. They are lightweight and can be custom fit to the user allowing from the same degree of movement you would get from a custom chair. And they are durable and easily repairable. (he has been stress testing his latest design by dropping it down stairs, dropping it out of a car, launching it across a driveway, and throwing it off a deck). Its 12lbs and I think he said its was in the $200 ish range for parts.
He also is working on cheap, open source, accessible designs for beach chairs, off road chairs, motorized attachments (think smart drive), and so on. Plus he skateboards in his wheelchair. Cool dude, helpful info, pass it on.
It's incredibly sad people have to resort to this, but it's a damn good resource. Use it. Spread awareness. Maybe one day people with physical disabilities won't need DIYs like this. But until then, reblog and share.
see my thing is. iâd be a lot less mean about these books if any relationship conflict between shane and ilya was treated remotely equally rather than ilya doing whatever he wanted without consequence and shane reading his mind only so shane can assure the audience that the situation was all his fault actually and he just needs to shed all his earthly concerns to unconditionally support ilyaâs career full time âșïž
This part is so true. That's why I hate the "I already chose you" scene. Shane did choose Ilya. Shane was the go-getter. Shane was the one who didn't let Ilya hide his feelings. Shane was the one who listened to the list of requirements that Ilya had and implemented them, aka I want to have Canadian citizenship and keep my captaincy/pay/career.
Shane even SAID he chose Ilya, but Ilya didn't FEEL like it was super confident. Ilya is depressed, which can make you infer the worst possible tone to everything. I would know, because I've had an argument with a friend about how I felt she didn't care about me, when the problem was that I casually asked my friend if we could hang out (emotionally, I was destroyed and needed a hangout), and she casually told me she was busy. My feelings didn't reflect reality because if I told her I needed a hangout cuz I felt like shit, she would come over. Because she does care about me. Shane "go-getter" Hollander would have figured something out if there was any bit of communication from his boyfriend, since he can't rely on his divine providence from the RR, as she wants him to be the villain in this fight.
I'll even copy-paste that part of Shane and Ilya's argument from the book. The bold is from me.
âYou wouldnât even choose me, would you?â Ilya said. âIf it is between me and hockey.â
âOf course I would,â Shane said, though not as confidently as Ilya would have liked.
"not as confidently as Ilya would have liked" is literally straight-up tone policing. Ilya is ignoring Shane's words in favor of the emotional subtext, which, as we well know, neurodivergent people all over the world are telling us, is hard!
-----
Plus, the start of the argument only happens because Ilya tries to keep it casual, and he gets a casual answer!!! I cannot explain to y'all how badly I wanted to toss TLG into a paper shredder when I read the following page of text. I'm going to bold every mention of "casual" or when Ilya is purposely keeping the tone chill btw.
âBood is having a party tonight.â Ilya said it casually, as if there were no particular reason he was letting Shane know. As if his stomach wasnât a mess as he anticipated Shaneâs reaction.Â
âZane Boodram? Heâs having a party on Boxing Day?â
âYes. Not a big party. It will be chill. Mostly just the team and partners. Bood has fun parties.âÂ
âOh.â Ilya held his breath.Â
âDid you want to go or something?â Shane asked, clearly confused. âI could stay here, I guess. Or head back toââÂ
âI want you to go too,â Ilya said. âI want you to come with me to the party.âÂ
Shane twisted around so they were facing each other on Ilyaâs couch. âYou want me to go to a party with your teammates? Why?âÂ
So they can fucking meet my boyfriend, Ilya wanted to scream. But instead, he kept his tone light and said, âThey are cool people. You might have fun.âÂ
âBut...wouldnât it be weird, if we showed up together?âÂ
Ilya shrugged easily, as if this was a normal thing for him to suggest. âThey know you would be in Ottawa for Christmas. We are friends, so I invite you to a party. No big deal.âÂ
Shaneâs face scrunched up in confusion, then he shook his head. âToo weird. I donât think so.âÂ
The dismissal, though expected, irritated Ilya. No, irritated was too small a wordâit infuriated him. For a moment, Ilya didnât react. He stared at Shane, stony-faced, while anger scorched through him like lava. Then, before he said anything he may regret, he stood up and walked out of the living room. Shane caught up with him in the kitchen.Â
âYou can go,â he said. âItâs fine.âÂ
âGreat,â Ilya snapped.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â Shane sounded so genuinely clueless about why Ilya might want him to meet his friends that it only angered Ilya further.
Shane sounds genuinely clueless after Ilya gives him about two minutes of CASUAL warning about a party where, if the captain actually went after blowing off several team invitations, just to bring a friend, it would be weird. Guys. It would be weird if Shane Hollander going to the party is the only reason that Ilya goes to the party. Especially since the party is described by Ilya as "Mostly just the team and partners." Soooo if Shane, who would be just 'a friend' at a party for team members and their romantic partners, thinks that would be a little too weird, why the fuck is that a problem? Three guesses, and the first two don't count.
-----
Shane is said to not understand how much Ilya sacrificed for their future, but should I remind everyone what Ilya's original plan was going to be? In HR, Ilya plans to let the rivalry fade by moving to the west, where Ilya and Shane would only see each other twice a year.
âI was thinking,â Ilya said. It was late morning the next day, and they were sitting on the deck with coffee. âIf I played for a team that was not Boston. Maybe in the west. The rivalry would not be such a big deal.â
Shane seemed to consider this. âThatâs true. Weâd only play against each other twice a year.â He frowned and Ilya knew he didnât like that idea any more than he did. Weâd only see each other twice a year.
âIsâŠlike, sacrifice. For future gain, yes?â
Shane brightened. âFuture gain?â
âYes. Our rivalry has been huge. But maybe we can help it toâŠfade away? A little?â
âYeahâŠâ Shane said. He was getting excited. âYeah! I donât like the idea of you being so far, but we could make people forget all about us as rivals and maybe no one would care about us at all one day.â
But the thing is that Shane and Ilya want to see each other! Twice a year is too little for them, so the next scene is literally Shane thinking of a different idea. It's the famous nighttime wake-up and listen to my ten-year plan for our future scene that leads into the "I love you's". The scene I'm most interested in is when Ilya specifically declines Montreal because they couldn't afford both Shane and Ilya at their full worth. I wonder who ends up being paid less than their worth in the end...
âI am a free agent, after next season.â
He definitely had Shaneâs full attention now. âYouâd leave Boston?â
âI have just been thinking. MaybeâŠa Canadian team.â
âHoly shit, really?â
âYes.â
âLike where?â Ilya could see the thoughts play out on Shaneâs face like a movie: What if we played together in Montreal? No. Montreal couldnât afford both of us.
âNot Montreal,â Ilya said gently.
âNo. I know.â
But good god, now Ilya was imagining that. Playing together, living together, being together. It was never going to happen. But it was a nice thought.
How amazing that Ilya's dream ends up being fulfilled without him having to be paid less than what he is worth.
-----
In TLG, right after Shane gets angry in their fight and says that line about wanting to win cups instead of smoking between losses, Ilya thinks about how he chose Ottawa because it was Shane's hometown! What the actual fuck are you talking about, Ilya? What the fuck is RR writing?? She purposely rewrites the Ottawa move to be about choosing between love and your career, instead of the fact that it was about choosing BOTH for Ilya. In fact, the sheer insanity of how the Ottawa plan was named as "Shane's plan" when things get hard is always baffling to me, when originally, Ilya liked it more than his plan. I'm going to put the TLG passage of the Ottawa thing and the HR passage just for anyone who doesn't remember it.
In TLG:
Shane truly didnât understand anything. Not what Ilya had given up for him, certainly. Ilya could be in Boston right now, leading one of the top teams in the league to more Stanley Cups. He could be breaking more records, and winning more awards. Instead heâd chosen to come to Ottawa, when he could have gone to almost any team in the league. Heâd chosen a team that hadnât made the playoffs in over a decade. Heâd chosen it because it was Shaneâs hometown, and close to where Shane lived. Heâd chosen it so he could build a life in Canada with the man he loved.
In HR:
âYou play for Ottawa, I play for Montreal. Those cities are an hour apart. We start a charity together, you and me. Something that benefits both cities. So now people see us working together on something. We make up some story about how I approached you with this idea, andââÂ
âOr I approached you.âÂ
âWhatever. The point is, we tell the press, the fans, everyone, that by working together on the cause that means so much to both of us, we have developed a mutual respect for each other...âÂ
âYes. And also we are fucking each other. Any questions?âÂ
âFuck off! This is a great idea, Rozanov!â Ilya laughed. Shane hit him with a pillow.Â
âIs not bad,â Ilya finally conceded. âSo we start this charity...âÂ
âAnd it wouldnât be bullshit either. Iâve been wanting to start one anyway. Weâll do something that means a lot to both of us.âÂ
âYes. Okay.âÂ
âWe still play hard against each other on the ice, obviously. I mean, I am never going to stop enjoying beating your ass.âÂ
Ilya snorted. âSure.âÂ
âAnd...like I said. Weâre an hour away from each other. All year.â He wanted Ilya to see this vision as clearly as he could. It seemed tantalizingly possible. Easy, even. âAnd youâd be in Canada. And you could apply for citizenship eventually.âÂ
âYes. I understand that part.â âAnd maybe...someday. When we both retire. We can...be together. For real.â
Ilya looked stunned by that part. âYou really think that far ahead, Hollander?â
âI do about this.â
The literal reason for it is NUMBER ONE: Canadian Citizenship, NUMBER TWO: Killing the Rivalry, NUMBER THREE: Being close to each other for love.
How do we know Ilya wanted Canadian citizenship? Here you go:
In HR:
âDo you still want to become an American citizen?â
âI donât know. I am thinkingâŠmaybe somewhere else.â
âOh.â
Rachel Reid fucked up her own plot and themes, and now we've got a total mess that is aimed at coddling her precious mind baby, Ilya, and fucking over the selfish-asshole-who-breaks-his-heart, Shane. My anger management has never been more needed.
Please return us to a world where Notp and squick are used for a ship you donât like instead of just making up a load of bullshit about how immoral it is or w/e lolÂ
a short selection of concepts and phrases that used to be commonplace in fandom and weâd really benefit from making that a thing again:
NOTP: the opposite of an OTP (One True Pairing). It is a ship a fan strongly dislikes. The word is a portmanteau of ânoâ and âOTPâ and thus is not a contraction of any particular phrase.
Squick: anything that is a deep-seated, visceral turn-off. Squicks may be shared by many fans or be specific to one; one personâs kink may be another personâs squick.
YKINMKATO, or kink-tomato: Your Kink Is Not My Kink, And Thatâs Okay: used to indicate support for fannish diversity and to distinguish between disapproval or kink shaming and simply having different taste.
DLDR: Donât Like, Donât Read: a phrase used to warn against complaints about an aspect of fic or meta. A âlive and let liveâ philosophy of fandom, which places the responsability for avoiding content one doesnât want to see on the side of the fanwork consumer, rather that on the creatorâs.
SALS: Ship And Let Ship: similar to the above specifically about shipping tastes.
YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary: a phrase used to acknowledge that any given individualâs personal opinion on the topic at hand may differ due to their own tastes, standards, values, experiences, etc.
As the OP points out, all of these crucially imply no moral judgment of what theyâre designing.
(definitions lifted more or less wholesale from fanloreâs relevant pages)
I was gonna describe Palpatineâs spaces as like the bloody insides of a large beast, but the more I thought about it
âŠPalpatineâs office is a womb right? Its where Sidiousâ perfect apprentice is developed. Heâs nurtured in this space by Palpatine until he Anakin leaves it reborn Vader.
Like thereâs really so much to say about Palpatine and yonic symbolism.
Shmiâs child (Anakin) dies and is reborn Darth Vader. Idk itâs just paired with the raw bloody entrance like outfit we wears. Theyâre in this red organ like office and Vader is being born through Sidious. Its almost a gory birth scene.
Then thereâs like the inverse of Anakin with his mother happening in this scene. With Palpatine arriving on time.
...okay I had to read the words 'Palpatine and yonic symbolism' with my own two eyes so now you do too. I wish I could find one single thing about this to dispute but I can't.
Heated Rivalry Open Relationship AU chapters (updated 23 July)
Completed (for nowâŠ)
A few weeks ago @perlukafarinn posted "I love an AU where Ilya seduces Shane away from an asshole boyfriend and I really want one where the boyfriend suggests opening the relationship and that's how Shane and Ilya first start fucking." And lo, the #OpenRelationshipAU was born, and lots of people have been getting very excited about the chapters @perlukafarinn has been posting.
This finding document covers JUST the story. (There are now more than 40 posts in the tag and a lot of it is discussion.) I'm putting in a logline and a quote from each post.
The Idea/Outline Post
Snippet:
Boyfriend is out and Shane is not (for obvious reasons) and while this doesnât necessarily make for an unhealthy relationship Boyfriend is, as established, an asshole. Heâs not shy about reminding Shane of how lucky he is that he puts up with the secrecy and how impossible it would be for Shane to find someone else in his situation.Â
Theyâve also been together since they were teenagers so Boyfriend is the only guy Shane has ever been with and the only one who knows Shane is gay, which also means that Shane has no one to talk to about any misgivings he might have about the relationship.
The story is the same as in canon from Ilyaâs perspective until the CCM commercial when he hits on Shane in the shower and Shane, visibly into Ilya and fighting with himself internally, tells him he canât because he has a boyfriend. Then he panics about what he just told Ilya but Ilya promises not to tell anyone - they have the same secret, after all. Sure heâs disappointed but he can always find other people to fuck (that hollow feeling in his chest feels like a lot more than just disappointment but Ilya ignores that).
After the cut: chapter by chapter, both in posting order and in timeline order. I'll update this as the story continues.
Posting Order
All-Stars 2011
Itâs Ilyaâs turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. âSo you are still withâŠ?âÂ
He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilyaâs memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.
2007: Shane meets Brian at a party
Shaneâs never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shaneâs not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.Â
The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.
2012: Ilya takes Shane back to his place for a chat after a Boston/Montreal game
âCheer the fuck up,â Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. âYou should be used to losing to me by now.â
âWhich one of us won the Calder, again?â Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.Â
Ilyaâs grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.
2012: Ilya tells Sveta about "Jane" and "her" shitty boyfriend
It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Svetaâs good judgment.Â
Maybe Ilya could use her advice.
2013: Shane visits Ilya's place again after a game that Svetlana attended
It gets to a point where theyâre texting almost daily. Itâs almost like theyâre friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.Â
Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and itâs fun, even though itâs not what Ilyaâs been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollanderâs boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.
2014: Brian tells Shane he wants to open up the relationship
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brianâs favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. Heâs not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that heâs trying.
MLH Awards 2014 part 1
Ilya spent the past week trying not to read into it but right now, he canât remember why. Obviously, Hollander came to his senses and dumped his loser boyfriend, and heâs finally going to take Ilya up on his offer to fuck. Itâs the only thing that makes sense.
Maybe Ilya is a little bit blinded by his winnerâs high. But heâs also right, he knows it. Tonight is for getting everything heâs ever wanted, a feast to keep him sated through the lean summer weeks in Russia.
MLH Awards 2014 part 2
Heâs never even admitted it to himself, how badly heâs wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didnât know he could want men who werenât his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame thatâs always accompanied that want a distant memory.
2007/2009/2012: Shane's first overnight with Brian, as well as Shane POV on how he is hiding it from his parents
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. Itâs because heâs never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesnât. Obviously. He doesnât actually want to be caught in a lie.
2014: Ilya POV: Shane and Ilya hook up after games
âOh.â Hollanderâs expression twists, lips tugging in a frown. âNo, he doesnât. He doesnât tell me about other people, either. I donât wanna know.â
âSound healthy,â Ilya says dryly.
âFuck you. Donât you need to have been in a relationship to know what a healthy one looks like?â
Ilya resists the urge to tell Hollander that his relationship is so dysfunctional, a blind dog could see it. He doesnât feel like being thrown out of bed just yet.
2014: Shane freaks out the morning after MLH awards; Shane and Brian several months after Brian opens the relationship
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but heâs not sure what the rules are. Brian hasnât told him about anyone heâs fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesnât want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesnât know about Rozanov, he canât tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane canât pretend thatâs not a little bit of a factor.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All-Stars (Ilya POV)
It makes Ilya want to claw his skin off a little bit, thinking about how long it's been since he last saw Shane Hollander naked. Knowing that in his absence, Hollander's boyfriend has been fucking him regularly, erasing the memory of Ilya's touch and replacing it with his own.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All-Stars (Shane POV)
It's difficult enough to turn Rozanov down for anything before they're in bed. Once they're actually naked, Shane has discovered there's pretty much nothing he doesn't want Rozanov to do to him.
2015: Hanging with Hayden
Hayden doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push. It's one of the things that make him so easy to be friends with. He'll ask after Shane, try to set him up on dates, but he never pushes after the first no.
Sometimes Shane wishes he would, a little bit. It's not like he could tell Hayden anything, but if Hayden pushed, if he made Shane talk, it would at least release some of the pressure. It wouldn't be worth the fallout but it would at least be some kind of relief.
2015: Seeing Ilya After All-Stars
Shane doesn't think he's alone in feeling that something has changed. Rozanov doesn't mouth off during the face off like usual but he smiles when Shane meets his eyes, small and private. Shane finds himself smiling back, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. It's impossible not to, with the way Rozanov is looking at him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Ilya POV
His eyes flicker over Brian, curious and disdainful. He's handsome, Ilya supposes, or he would be to a person who knew less about his ugly personality. Tall and fit, his dark hair carefully styled and his face clean shaven. He's wearing a tailored suit, tie loosened around his neck. The way he's standing, it's clear he's using every bit of the tiny height advantage he has to tower over Shane.
Ilya hates him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Shane POV
"I told you to find a guy to hook up with, not a second boyfriend!" Brian snaps, finally looking up. "Since last June, Shane? Why the fuck did you think that was okay?"
Shane flushes, stomach clenching tightly. He feels guilty and angry in equal measures, and above all confused about what he should be feeling. Brian has something of a point - if Shane really wasn't doing anything wrong, why would he be feeling like he just got caught?
2015: Ilya goes to NYC specifically to hook up with Shane
In hindsight, bragging to Shane's boyfriend about how he planned to steal him away right as Ilya was about to go three months without seeing him off the ice was maybe not the smartest move.
2015: Playoffs
This is probably why he feels so annoyed when he comes home and Brian is already there, sitting on the couch and waiting for Shane. For the second time this week.
They've never spent time together during playoffs before and Brian has never pushed for it. He may not like hockey but he understands Shane's dedication to it.
Shane knows things are different between them this year - especially after the confrontation with Rozanov - but he still thought Brian got it. Their relationship exists in a world apart from hockey and during playoffs, Shane needs to stay in the world where he's Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros. Any distractions, even nice ones, are not acceptable.
2015 playoffs: final game
Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.
The night before the last game, Brian calls.
2008-2014: Brian POV
Not that the first time is all that great but, you know. It's the first time. It's gonna get better. And it's already intoxicating, the way Shane gets afterwards, loose and pliant in his arms and looking at Brian with so much adoration in his eyes. No one has ever looked at Brian that way before, like he's someone who's easy to love.
MLH Awards 2015 Part 1: Ilya POV
A whole year they've been doing this, and what has changed? Shane is still with his useless boyfriend. Cracks have started to form in the foundation of their relationship but Ilya isn't sure what more he could be doing to encourage their growth. A part of him still can't believe it didn't end the moment Brian caught them together.
If Ilya only had more opportunities to see Shane - but such thinking is especially useless now, when he's about to head to Russia in just a couple of days.
He'll have to make today count.
MHL Awards Ceremony 2015: Shane POV
Brian is here. Not in this room but in this city, possibly even this hotel. Shane doesn't know. He didn't actually call him back after Rozanov hung up on him and he hasn't replied to any of his texts or calls since. He just... he needs to get this ceremony over with before the inevitable fight.
Because Brian is probably mad and Shane. Shane is furious.
MLH Awards 2015 part 3: Ilya POV
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
MHL Awards 2015 part 4: Ilya POV
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
Montreal, June 2015
Ilya couldn't really want him. Certainly not enough to sound as devastated as he did when Shane asked him to leave. That couldn't possibly be how it happened.
Except it is, and now Shane has to decide what to do about it.
If he hasn't already fucked everything up.
Montreal, (Later in) June 2015
Shane is so anxious he feels numb as he reaches for the handle. He's practiced what to say but he has no idea what to expect from Brian, no way to really mentally prepare.
He's knocked off course immediately as he sees Brian.
Montreal, July 2015
Shane is really trying to do this second chance thing right.
Brian has been over to his place nearly every day, whenever Shane doesn't have other obligations. They've been doing all the usual dating activities they can at home - cooking and eating dinner together, watching movies, having sex - and Brian has been so sweet, so attentive throughout and it's all just. Fine.
Itâs fine.
Moscow, July 2015
Under normal circumstances, returning to Russia feels like treading water.
Ilya keeps himself busy. He trains, he cares for his father, and on the weekends he drinks and parties and fucks his way through Moscow's best nightclubs. It's all just enough to keep him afloat.
But these aren't normal circumstances. Right now, Ilya feels like he's drowning.
The Cottage and Montreal, July 2015
It's maybe cowardly but just this once, Shane thinks he's fine being a coward. The thought of seeing Brian right now makes him feel uneasy, like being on the ice without any padding. The version of himself who thought he could love Brian again seems like a stranger to him now. Shane doesn't want to become him again but he can't trust his own judgment, so. Safer to stay away.
Montreal, 2015 (final chapter)
Shane is quiet on the ride home. He doesn't ask for the keys to the car back so Ilya drives, relieved at having something useful to do.
The silence is a little concerning. Ilya is starting to think maybe knocking on the door before the twenty minutes were up was a mistake. Shane did explicitly ask him to wait.
In-Universe Timeline Order
2007: Shane meets Brian at a party
Shaneâs never been to a college party before but some of his older teammates on his U18 team insisted he come along. They want to teach him how to loosen up, and Shaneâs not sure if they mean it as a favor or if they want to see him embarrass himself.Â
The party is loud and uncomfortable, and everyone keeps insisting that Shane drink. Brian finds him there, alone in the crowd, lost and a little bit miserable, teammates scattered around in the wind.
2007/2009/2012: Shane's first overnight with Brian, as well as Shane POV on how he is hiding it from his parents
Shane nods, guilt simmering in his gut at how easily Mom believes him. Itâs because heâs never given her reason to doubt, never gotten in the kind of trouble other guys on the team and in his grade get into on a regular basis.
At least ask me some follow-up questions, Shane wants to shout, but he doesnât. Obviously. He doesnât actually want to be caught in a lie.
2008-2014: Brian POV
Not that the first time is all that great but, you know. It's the first time. It's gonna get better. And it's already intoxicating, the way Shane gets afterwards, loose and pliant in his arms and looking at Brian with so much adoration in his eyes. No one has ever looked at Brian that way before, like he's someone who's easy to love.
All-Stars 2011
Itâs Ilyaâs turn to roll his eyes. Enough of this beating around the bush, he decides. âSo you are still withâŠ?âÂ
He lets the sentence hang between them unfinished. Hollander will catch on quickly; their last off-ice conversation about his secret boyfriend is still fresh in Ilyaâs memory despite the months that have passed. He has no doubt this is even more true for Hollander.
2012: Ilya takes Shane back to his place for a chat after a Boston/Montreal game
âCheer the fuck up,â Ilya calls, grinning when Hollander startles at his voice. âYou should be used to losing to me by now.â
âWhich one of us won the Calder, again?â Hollander asks, pocketing his phone.Â
Ilyaâs grin widens. He thinks he must be one of the only people in the world who knows what a bitch Shane Hollander can be. What a privilege.
2012: Ilya tells Sveta about "Jane" and "her" shitty boyfriend
It was her third short-lived relationship of the year. Sveta suffers from an unfortunate combination of high standards and terrible taste in men. It makes Ilya think of Hollander, who has the same trash taste but none of Svetaâs good judgment.Â
Maybe Ilya could use her advice.
2013: Shane visits Ilya's place again after a game that Svetlana attended
It gets to a point where theyâre texting almost daily. Itâs almost like theyâre friends, which is what gives Ilya the courage to suggest they hang out after a game again.Â
Hollander accepts. They play video games and talk shit, and itâs fun, even though itâs not what Ilyaâs been chasing Hollander for since they did that CCM commercial. At one point Ilya brings up Hollanderâs boyfriend, only to get roundly shut down, and well. Message received.
2014: Brian tells Shane he wants to open up the relationship
Shane is determined for tonight to go well. He got food delivered from Brianâs favorite restaurant and picked up a bottle of his favorite wine to pair it with. He even busted out the candles. Heâs not the best boyfriend, he knows, but he can at least show Brian that heâs trying.
MLH Awards 2014 part 1
Ilya spent the past week trying not to read into it but right now, he canât remember why. Obviously, Hollander came to his senses and dumped his loser boyfriend, and heâs finally going to take Ilya up on his offer to fuck. Itâs the only thing that makes sense.
Maybe Ilya is a little bit blinded by his winnerâs high. But heâs also right, he knows it. Tonight is for getting everything heâs ever wanted, a feast to keep him sated through the lean summer weeks in Russia.
MLH Awards 2014 part 2
Heâs never even admitted it to himself, how badly heâs wanted Ilya Rozanov, in a way he didnât know he could want men who werenât his boyfriend. The words slip easily from his tongue now, the shame thatâs always accompanied that want a distant memory.
2014: Ilya POV: Shane and Ilya hook up after games
âOh.â Hollanderâs expression twists, lips tugging in a frown. âNo, he doesnât. He doesnât tell me about other people, either. I donât wanna know.â
âSound healthy,â Ilya says dryly.
âFuck you. Donât you need to have been in a relationship to know what a healthy one looks like?â
Ilya resists the urge to tell Hollander that his relationship is so dysfunctional, a blind dog could see it. He doesnât feel like being thrown out of bed just yet.
2014: Shane freaks out the morning after MLH awards; Shane and Brian several months after Brian opens the relationship
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but heâs not sure what the rules are. Brian hasnât told him about anyone heâs fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesnât want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesnât know about Rozanov, he canât tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane canât pretend thatâs not a little bit of a factor.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All Stars (Ilya POV)
It makes Ilya want to claw his skin off a little bit, thinking about how long it's been since he last saw Shane Hollander naked. Knowing that in his absence, Hollander's boyfriend has been fucking him regularly, erasing the memory of Ilya's touch and replacing it with his own.
2015: Ilya and Shane at All Stars (Shane POV)
Itâs difficult enough to turn Rozanov down for anything before they're in bed. Once they're actually naked, Shane has discovered there's pretty much nothing he doesn't want Rozanov to do to him.
2015: Hanging with Hayden
Hayden doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push. It's one of the things that make him so easy to be friends with. He'll ask after Shane, try to set him up on dates, but he never pushes after the first no.
Sometimes Shane wishes he would, a little bit. It's not like he could tell Hayden anything, but if Hayden pushed, if he made Shane talk, it would at least release some of the pressure. It wouldn't be worth the fallout but it would at least be some kind of relief.
2015: Seeing Ilya After All-Stars
Shane doesn't think he's alone in feeling that something has changed. Rozanov doesn't mouth off during the face off like usual but he smiles when Shane meets his eyes, small and private. Shane finds himself smiling back, despite the conflicting feelings in his chest. It's impossible not to, with the way Rozanov is looking at him.
2015: continuation of previous scene, Ilya POV
His eyes flicker over Brian, curious and disdainful. He's handsome, Ilya supposes, or he would be to a person who knew less about his ugly personality. Tall and fit, his dark hair carefully styled and his face clean shaven. He's wearing a tailored suit, tie loosened around his neck. The way he's standing, it's clear he's using every bit of the tiny height advantage he has to tower over Shane.
Ilya hates him.
2015: Continuation of previous scene, Shane POV
"I told you to find a guy to hook up with, not a second boyfriend!" Brian snaps, finally looking up. "Since last June, Shane? Why the fuck did you think that was okay?"
Shane flushes, stomach clenching tightly. He feels guilty and angry in equal measures, and above all confused about what he should be feeling. Brian has something of a point - if Shane really wasn't doing anything wrong, why would he be feeling like he just got caught?
2015: Ilya goes to NYC specifically to hook up with Shane
In hindsight, bragging to Shane's boyfriend about how he planned to steal him away right as Ilya was about to go three months without seeing him off the ice was maybe not the smartest move.
2015: Playoffs
This is probably why he feels so annoyed when he comes home and Brian is already there, sitting on the couch and waiting for Shane. For the second time this week.
They've never spent time together during playoffs before and Brian has never pushed for it. He may not like hockey but he understands Shane's dedication to it.
Shane knows things are different between them this year - especially after the confrontation with Rozanov - but he still thought Brian got it. Their relationship exists in a world apart from hockey and during playoffs, Shane needs to stay in the world where he's Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Metros. Any distractions, even nice ones, are not acceptable.
2015 playoffs: final game
Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.
The night before the last game, Brian calls.
MLH Awards 2015 Part 1 (Ilya POV)
A whole year they've been doing this, and what has changed? Shane is still with his useless boyfriend. Cracks have started to form in the foundation of their relationship but Ilya isn't sure what more he could be doing to encourage their growth. A part of him still can't believe it didn't end the moment Brian caught them together.
If Ilya only had more opportunities to see Shane - but such thinking is especially useless now, when he's about to head to Russia in just a couple of days.
He'll have to make today count.
MHL Awards Ceremony 2015: Shane POV
Brian is here. Not in this room but in this city, possibly even this hotel. Shane doesn't know. He didn't actually call him back after Rozanov hung up on him and he hasn't replied to any of his texts or calls since. He just... he needs to get this ceremony over with before the inevitable fight.
Because Brian is probably mad and Shane. Shane is furious.
MLH Awards 2015 part 3: Ilya POV
It makes Ilya want to punch something. This should have been a happy night, the cherry on top of Shane's achievements this season, and Shane couldn't even enjoy it because his fucking useless, piece of shit boyfriend didn't think he was getting enough attention.
Probably Ilya didn't make it better with his stunt earlier.
He needs to make sure Shane is okay, because he doubts fucking Brian is gonna do it.
MHL Awards 2015 part 4: Ilya POV
But he stays put, allowing the group to approach him. He even manages a neutral expression before he turns around, slipping it on like a mask.
It promptly falls, because in the middle of the group of men in pastel polo shirts and khaki shorts, face twisted like he's sucking on a lemon, is fucking Brian.
Montreal, June 2015
Ilya couldn't really want him. Certainly not enough to sound as devastated as he did when Shane asked him to leave. That couldn't possibly be how it happened.
Except it is, and now Shane has to decide what to do about it.
If he hasn't already fucked everything up.
Montreal, (Later in) June 2015
Shane is so anxious he feels numb as he reaches for the handle. He's practiced what to say but he has no idea what to expect from Brian, no way to really mentally prepare.
He's knocked off course immediately as he sees Brian.
Montreal, July 2015
Shane is really trying to do this second chance thing right.
Brian has been over to his place nearly every day, whenever Shane doesn't have other obligations. They've been doing all the usual dating activities they can at home - cooking and eating dinner together, watching movies, having sex - and Brian has been so sweet, so attentive throughout and it's all just. Fine.
Itâs fine.
Moscow, July 2015
Under normal circumstances, returning to Russia feels like treading water.
Ilya keeps himself busy. He trains, he cares for his father, and on the weekends he drinks and parties and fucks his way through Moscow's best nightclubs. It's all just enough to keep him afloat.
But these aren't normal circumstances. Right now, Ilya feels like he's drowning.
The Cottage and Montreal, July 2015
It's maybe cowardly but just this once, Shane thinks he's fine being a coward. The thought of seeing Brian right now makes him feel uneasy, like being on the ice without any padding. The version of himself who thought he could love Brian again seems like a stranger to him now. Shane doesn't want to become him again but he can't trust his own judgment, so. Safer to stay away.
Montreal, 2015 (final chapter)
Shane is quiet on the ride home. He doesn't ask for the keys to the car back so Ilya drives, relieved at having something useful to do.
The silence is a little concerning. Ilya is starting to think maybe knocking on the door before the twenty minutes were up was a mistake. Shane did explicitly ask him to wait.
the series is done, so i'm going to give you the elevator pitch all in one place.
in all but name is a crossover between heated rivalry and yuri!!! on ice, which answers the question:
what would happen if ilya rozanov and yuri plisetsky were brothers?*
*and incidentally, if shane and yuuri were cousins.
brĂĄtishka, the first fic in the series, considers ilya's relationship with yuri and how it would be perceived by the boston bears. it started with a prologue about the tragedy of the plisetsky and rozanov families, and a 5+1 of the bears thinking ilya is in the mob. and has rabies. from there, we explore shane and ilya connecting early through their figure skating relatives, and the epistolary friendship that builds between them, to the point of canon divergence. 60k words, 12 chapters.
domoy, the second fic in the series, considers what happens when shane breaks from the mold a little bit earlier, and how his team and management treats him for it. it also considers a world in which quebec city is the newest expansion team in 2017, not las vegas, and shane and ilya come into a team that has to be built from the ground up. 60k words, 14 chapters.
sem'ya, the third fic in the series, considers the quebec nordiques a year after the expansion draft, and the changes that have been wrought on the mlh. troy barrett breaks from the pack a little earlier, a pack of rookies starts a cult in shane hollander's name, and ilya has beef with gritty. 35k words, 10 chapters.
it is crack treated seriously which wildly swings from crack to serious at any given moment. it's a consideration of what it would be like for ilya to have kinder family. it's an exploration of shane and ilya as rivals who are secretly friends (and also lovers).
i wrote 155k words in 46 days for this series. it's been a pleasure.
