what do i sacrifice
i don't do bad sauce passes

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taylor price
No title available
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Cosimo Galluzzi

oozey mess
trying on a metaphor

JVL
Sweet Seals For You, Always
🪼
NASA
h
Misplaced Lens Cap
RMH
cherry valley forever

Product Placement
Stranger Things
Not today Justin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

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@lavndrscare
what do i sacrifice
I have to reblog this every time because frankly this is absolutely genius prose
Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you
I had a dream that unless the teacher told us class was over, we were forbidden from going out the door. Our teacher was very forgetful, and maybe even malicious. After being forced to stay past sunset many days, my class decided we were going to break out every night. Eventually our attempts led us to discovering rifts in space-time where we could warp. So we never used the door. Checkmate.
the window
what? you going to critique my dreams? my subconscious creations, that I did by accident, while asleep? the chemicals in my brain? are you going to use your foul eyes and dissect all of the plotholes in my dreams? you going to critique the weather? harass the clouds? make fun of thunder for being off key? remind me to come to your house and shred your shoes
That response is fucking Shakespearean.
World Heritage Post
I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything
The only realistic gay/straight interaction
do you think they ever explored eachothers bodies
yea but watch out
ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i've chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices
absolutely visceral experience. food is so much more satisfying when you have to fight it. i may be feral
i am not proud to say this but that pizza lasted fifteen minutes. i normally am not that gluttonous, but this goes beyond glutton. there was gluttony and wrath. a whirlwind of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, all atop a flatbread that was shred apart by my own hands due to the neglect of another
in that moment i was wild. i was free. i understood the simplest joys in life. the joy of eating and manifesting my own destiny
been reflecting on this all day and the unsliced pizza experience honestly ruled. i think everyone should try it sometime or another. you have not truly lived until you just absolutely obliterated a pizza in such a feral manner
is this you
yes
run
My best friend and I have this tradition we call “chicken dinner” where we get a rotisserie chicken, lay it on a tarp, start on opposite ends of the tarp, and on the count of three we both run at the chicken and start ripping into it with our bear hands. We will be on our knees fighting for the best pieces of meat, ripping into the chicken with our faces, and it is the most viscerally delicious chicken I have ever had in my life. Grease gets everywhere. We have to do this outside. We have to tie our hair in buns beforehand.
You have never known the joy of food until you are lunging at your friend to rip the best part of the chicken out of their hand, rolling around on the tarp, stuffing it in your face before they can retaliate, and you realize “holy shit did I just growl?” And then you realize they are doing it too.
The chicken gets decimated. It’s absolutely destroyed. We aren’t allowed back inside until we have been hosed down. It’s the best.
Oh ye of little faith.
People across the street looking through the blinds, "Harold! Harold come quick, they're doing the chicken thing again!"
Origins of Astonishment (circa, 1997). Digital-medium
All of us when we realize this is the official Pokemon account
Turn based sex. Take as long as you need to think of a strategy.
HINT: his pussy is weak to fire magic.
Pepper spray his pussy
Do not.
Love those ads for fake puzzle games where the puzzle is blatantly unsolvable
Like
nah i got this bruv
dont just bring up ancient memories like that with no hesitation
I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything
FUCK
I dont even need the “binky fucks my mom now” edit the originals are so much funnier
scrolled through the tags and saw that a lot of people weren’t blessed enough to see the edits
here it is, in all its Glory
this kills me every single time
by far my favorite thing anybody has said on the internet