Bad Puns @lilred16 - Tumblr Blog

i hate how they market alexa as a ‘member of the family’ like that’s SO fucking blatantly insidious and terrifying also if i wanted an untrustworthy/cold/emotionless machine in my life i’d just talk to my fuckin father

“Guys stop bullying my wiretap”

phoebusbridgers

bemusedlybespectacled

I’m saying this with the utmost sincerity: if you want to pack bond with a robot, buy a fucking Furby.

kaijuno

I used to be a grader and an occasional substitute prof for an introductory astronomy lab. That means that the majority of the people in this lab are only taking it because it’s a requirement and about half of them think it’s an astrology class.

I was grading midterms and this one girl. She was so nice and I think she was a business major. Fuck. The question on the midterm was to draw a diagram of the solar system and this poor girl. This fucking girl had drawn a Mars-centric solar system. As in every planet and the sun were orbiting Mars. I now actually have a custom Cards Againsy Humanity card I got at a con that says “A Mars-centric solar system”

I had a boy argue with me that there was liquid water on the moon (this was around when they had found liquid water on Mars in ~2015) and he wouldn’t believe me that he likely meant Mars and not the moon. After I marked his answer to the relevant lab question wrong, he took it to the department head who had promptly laughed him out of the office.

And there was another boy who, during a lab in our observatory where we would look at certain things in the sky, asked where the sun was. At 10pm in November. After some questioning it was revealed that he thought the moon and the sun were the same thing.

shesaysdisco

My friend, whom I love dearly, found out that the moon orbits the earth as a 20-year-old in an upper-level political science class, and was utterly and completely flabbergasted. When questioned, her defense was that she doesn’t have anything to do with the moon, so why would she have needed to know?

toniins

i was once talking to a friend of mine about how at that point in time you could see mars, jupiter, and venus at the same time, which was pretty cool, and she said “where’s pluto? wait, it was destroyed” and that’s how i found out that my friend, who is in her third year of a medical degree, thought that pluto stopped being a planet because it was eaten by a black hole.

soaringsearingphoenix

When i was in physics class my sophomore year of high school, the teacher drew a simplified diagram of a person standing on the planet earth as part of the explanation for how it was initially discovered that the earth was round. And one girl sitting in the class said "wait... we live on the OUTSIDE???" she had spent her whole life thinking that the earth was a hollow sphere and that we lived on the inner walls of it

roach-works

i had a coworker in his early twenties who, when i mentioned seeing admiring how bright mars was that morning on the drive to work, laughed and said 'mars? like the planet?' and i was like 'yeah mars the planet. it looks like a very bright star, it was supposed to be extra bright and close lately.' and he got quiet and oddly worried and he said, quietly, carefully, '...are planets... real?' like he was checking to see if i was completely insane.

i experienced a brief moment of crisis and said back 'yes. planets are real. did you.... think they weren't real?' and he looked even more disturbed and said, 'no. they're just made up for movies and shit, right?' and i was totally horrified by this point and said 'planets are real. the solar system has nine of them. the universe has billions of them. we make up fictional planets for movies but there are definitely real planets that actually exist.'

he said, like he sincerely thought i was fucking with him, 'how do you know planets are real?'

i said, 'i've seen them. i've seen saturn through a telescope. you can go outside right now and see mars and venus in the sky. i swear that planets are a real thing.'

he said, muttering now, 'well, maybe that's just what you think.'

the conversation did not get any better from there.

rudywiser

oak23

Gratitude - Tidying Up With Marie Kondo (2019)

lillivati

I know people make a lot of fun of Marie Kondo, but I felt like her book was the first organizational guide I’ve ever read that acknowledged people having an emotional attachment to possessions as natural and healthy, instead of telling you you’re an awful person for feeling sad over objects.

liberalsarecool

Women in Texas: I'd like to have some privacy

Supreme Court: nope

The misogyny is so obvious.

justpastryvideos

elodieunderglass

When are we going to hold him accountable for all this

ms-demeanor

The US army has increased its signing bonus to a max of fifty thousand dollars.

This is your reminder that no matter how good a $50k signing bonus from the army seems, it is not worth it.

First of all, the US army is bad. I know that sounds simplistic and obvious, but that's hard to remember when you're just looking to get out of a tough situation. But the army is bad. They're bad and they do bad things and you will do bad things for them. The US Armed Forces kill innocent people who want nothing to do with the wars we bring to their doorsteps.

If you think that having a Democrat in the White House means you won't be called upon to kill civilians, you're wrong.

You may tell yourself that we're not at war, that you'll never actually fire on another human, that you aren't going to be a drone pilot. But you don't know that. None of that shit is your choice when you're in the military. A war could start tomorrow. You could be sent out to kill people even if we aren't at war - we do it all the time - and you don't get to choose what you're going to do. Choosing to join the military is giving up the choice to not kill someone. As soon as you participate in that system, your options are to charge ahead or to be discharged.

If that's not a good enough reason for you, then remember that the military doesn't care about you. The army doesn't give a shit if you leave with PTSD so long as they still get their budget. The Navy doesn't give a shit what damage it does to your body. The Marines don't care about who you are and what they're taking out of you when they fill you up with a myth of brotherhood and a mountain of discipline.

Joining the military is going to be traumatic at some level. When you're done with your term you'll think that you're going to get support - medical treatment or a pension or money for school - and it's going to be like pulling teeth to get any of that, and it's going to be hard to get back into the swing of what life is like without the military making your choices for you. It'll be hard to find a job, it'll be hard to find support. It'll be hard to get along with people who don't have the same experience that you do because you took yourself outside of the normal experience of life in your country. You will resent the people you come home to and it will be because of a situation that you created, and nobody is going to be around to help you resolve that tension, which is going to make reenlisting look pretty attractive.

And if that's not enough reason for you, if you're trying to get out of a bad situation and this looks like the only way and the recruiter is telling you that you're gonna get fifty grand that you can put into savings and have it build interest while you're enlisted and you're going to get out and be rich and all your troubles will be behind you - that's bullshit too.

Almost nobody gets the high end of the bonus. It's not paid out immediately, and what most people DO get in the first six months is gone by the end of the first year because you signed up for that money for a REASON, so of course you spend the $8k you got instead of the $50k you signed up for, and of course you don't save it.

If you live in a city where the minimum wage is $15 an hour then a minimum wage job will pay more than your starting salary in the army, and getting a higher salary will depend on you staying in and working your way up the ladder, each increase convincing you to stay longer, to reach for the next rung. If you don't live in a city with a minimum wage that high, a bus ticket and a bunch of roommates are a hell of a lower cost than the possibility of being asked to kill people.

Almost all the vets I know are cops, are fucked up, are dead, or are some combination of those three things. You're not going to come out of the army rich, you may not come out of the army at all, and if you do make it out you're not going to be the same person on the other end. You will have learned some things about yourself and about discipline, and about how the world works, but those things aren't going to help you be a happier, healthier, better person.

Don't sign up. The bonus is a lie and the national pride is a lie and the job skills and fraternity and discipline is a lie.

Don't join the army.

politijohn

Solidarity with Kroger workers

yourdadsghoulfriend

1) Don’t cross the picket line at Colorado-based King Soopers today

2) A list of all Kroger brands to avoid and consider shopping elsewhere

cannaqueers

Thousands of grocery store employees in Colorado are on strike after negotiations between the union and King Soopers fell apart.

starrikthewookiee

Worth noting: the union ARE asking people to not shop there to support the strike. Check their website, ufcw7 DOT org/members/retail-bargaining-updates/ they have a notice saying so called “Support Grocery Workers“

kaity--did

Weaponized incompetence my ass just weaponize it back. Once my dad tries to pull the “but I don’t know how to clean the counters as well as you” on my mom and she said “ok honey I’ll show you” and she made him stand in the kitchen and watch her clean the counters. Then she pulled out a bottle of chocolate syrup and proceeded to spray the entire kitchen in chocolate, hand him the sponge and said “okay now it’s your turn”

ohbeesneeze

vethyourhalflingmother

my biology professor has such a chaotic energy about him, last week i went to his office hours and somehow we ended up on the topic of gay marriage:

he said that when he lived in texas they changed the law to define marriage as “between a man and a woman in a house of religious worship with the intention to have children” so he filed his taxes as single and when they called him up like “you filed married last year” he was like “you changed the law, i was married by a judge in a courthouse and i have no intention of having kids” and they told him “you know who that law was for” and i guess he hung up on them and did not, in fact, pay taxes as a married man that year

fromwolfsandgods

Chaotic good

swordshapedleaves

NO! This is Lawful Good! He is following the LAW! Chaotic doesn't just mean cheeky!

dragkingandreweldritch

this is like how Sweden stopped classifying homosexuality as an illness because people started a campaign of calling in gay to work

malicious compliance is one of the best tools in the arsenal of civil rights activism

dracogotgame

Always reblog for malicious compliance

deadignoredead

highlights from this article btw:

outofcontextchrisfleming

Two bite brownies?? Don’t tell me how many bites to take per brownie, Trader Joe’s, okay for me, they’re zero bite brownies. I suck those things down like a BURMESE PYTHON

outofcontextchrisfleming

rainbow-femme

I know the joke is that the grear British baking show is happy and delightful, and American cooking and baking shows are intense, and this is supposed to be a cultural thing

But American shows are for anywhere from $10,000-$50,000 and the British bake off is for a bouquet and a trophy

Plus the GBBO is usually full of contestants who are retired, stay at home parents, college kids, and teachers who have the summer off and it’s filmed on the weekends

I’m not sure when American shows are filmed but considering how most that have the same people back every episode have the contestants mention leaving their families behind and quitting their jobs to compete, it’s not a convenient summer Saturday

Plus you ask the GBBO people why they’re competing and they say it’s for fun, as opposed to the Americans who start crying over being in mountains of college and medical debt and this being their only way out

If you took a bunch of poor UK bakers and made them quit their jobs to compete for the chance at a shit ton of money I don’t think they’d be helping each other make biscuit dough

whetstonefires

It...never occurred to me the cultural difference in question was being framed as being between the contestants. Rather than the shows.

Of course it's how they're being treated and incentivized? I had no idea we weren't all on the same page with that.

delusion-of-negation

yeah, I thought we all meant "american tv has this weird fascination with using money as a way to incentivise combative and humiliating behaviour for entertainment, and while that's also been an issue in a few uk shows it's less common", not "americans are just like that :)"

brockpkmn-deactivated20221115

ok but legitimately i think the reason why kids aren’t taking internet safety seriously is because the people who are telling us not to put our personal information out seem so out of touch. no one acknowledges the possibility of meeting very real teenaged friends online, they always say that everyone you meet is a 40 year old white man in disguise. because they aren’t acknowledging things we know are true, it becomes a lot easier to dismiss the rest of what they’re saying as well. internet safety lessons absolutely must keep up with the times and acknowledge the internet’s capacity for good if you want kids to take to heart warnings about its capacity for bad.

ajthebumblebee

Some actual safety tips for teenagers:

1. Have proof they're a teenager first. More than just a picture, have a video call with them.

2. If you want to meet up with them, have your parents or a trusted adult come with you. Even if they are a proven teenager, its still good to have supervision in case any issues happen.

3. If you are talking to an adult, and they start being sexual in any way, you run the fuck away. It doesn't matter if they're 40 or 20. An adult inherently has a power dynamic that teenagers do not. And its up to the adult to act responsible about it. There's exceptions of course, if you're 16 and dating an 18 year old, that's not a problem, we're not talking about that.

4. Being in a server with adults or ran by adults is not inherently bad. Talking to adults is not inherently a problem, and will likely happen in any number of Discord servers. It is only an issue when they are acting sexual and show predatory behavior.

5. Look out for grooming behavior. It can be difficult, because at first it seems like innocuous behavior, like complimenting or giving gifts. Especially if you feel lonely and have low self esteem. And groomers actively target people like that.

If they start trying to isolate you, talk sexual with you, state they depend on you for emotional needs, blame you for their own actions, try to be secretive about the relationship- Then you need to talk to people you trust, block the perpetrator, and call the police on them.

6. If this does happen to you, remember this: It is not your fault. Even if you didn't listen to a single thing listed here, it is not your fault. It is the fault of the adults who knew better, and didn't care. It's not your fault.

tomboyjessie13

To my followers: if any of you guys are underaged, please be very VERY careful on here, and don’t fall for any of the tricks the groomer would use on you, just block them and report them.

elfwreck

To teens online:

One of the ways to protect yourself from groomers, is to find adult communities and hang out there. Not "sexytiemz" communities, just places that are overwhelmingly full of adults. (Ravelry, if you have an interest in knitting or crocheting. Mobileread, if you care about ebooks. And so on. Somewhere large and active and not focused on a fandom that goes through bizarre drama every three monts.)

Notice how adults talk to each other. How they talk to friends; how they talk to new strangers who have an interest in their fandoms or hobbies or whatever. How they talk to kids in all-ages spaces. How they joke with each other and with teens. How they compliment each other and are supportive; how they offer criticism intended to be taken in good faith. And how they troll and attack each other, sometimes.

Knowing what normal adult behavior looks like will go a long way toward being able to identify predatory behavior.

Teens need to learn the difference between supportive friendship and grooming, and between someone who's angry (or even a jerk) and someone who's actively abusive.

And remember: The dangerous adults are not the ones saying "I am 45 and still interested in teen superhero fandoms." They're the ones saying "I'm 16 and I have a no-adults-allowed Discord; please join me and we can be friends!"

Predators lie.