if it's not on a plate, it can wait.

[homosexyality]

do you ever scroll past a novel-length post and think Um Absolutely Not

[chief0keefe]

IM SCREAMING

[chief0keefe]

IT CAME FULL CIRCLE IM HOLLERIN

[chief0keefe]

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

[chief0keefe]

IS HE GOING TO BE DRAFTED NEXT???!!!??

[championofmediocrities]

This is so sweet and pure. Lol.

[mooserattler]

I’m crying. I’m also rooting for the Blues now.

[fanboy-trav-deactivated20190424]

@kvnbksa have you seen the updates?

[chief0keefe]

more updates

[superpimplatin69]

I love when he says “I want the jersey of someone who’s literally the worst” and Tarasenko is like “This is my moment”

[horrorofthebeast]

posin with a pesi

[i-miss-my-90gb]

Pupsi

[dragontatoes]

Warm blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Warm blooded creature: *vibrates*

[darkslayer0092-deactivated20220]

This movie is going to be a huge milestone in history of animated movies.

[the-headless-vulcan]

These sweatpants are killing me

[kryptonians]

*Green Goblin shows up*

Miles:

[localstarboy]

Nothing here just two kids having a dance off 😂💀💀😂🕺🏽🕺🏽

[knightlyhoods-deactivated202404]

this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

[quaadude]

Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks

[humansoflatecapitalism]

[lesbianrustcohle]

if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild

[lesbianrustcohle]

brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.

me: no??? that’s mean???

brain: polar bear, then

me: no

[lesbianrustcohle]

brain: the lions just got fed raw meat

me: yes?

brain: steal it and eat it in front of them

me: …

[lesbianrustcohle]

rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received

[pro-survivors]

I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. 

[budgiekazoo]

sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering

[thenerdbeast-deactivated2018070]

@harinezumiko

[harinezumiko]

This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM. The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.

[lesbianrustcohle]

this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you

[blueelectricangels]

as biologist, can confirm

brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no!

brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy… me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it’s awake and angry so no.

brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup. brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn’t.

[thesanityclause]

reblogging for my zookeeper friends

[sunriseflame]

BABY BUNNY GOES IN POCKET

[superdancemagic]

Helpful volunteer: These anemone’s stinging cells are harmless to humans and land animals, since our skin has to be thicker than sea creatures to slow down how fast we lose water! Sea creatures don’t have to worry about dehydration the same way we do, so their skin is thinner! Helpful volunteer’s brain: you’ve got mucous membranes with thin skin, what would happen if you licked an anemone

Helpful volunteer’s tongue: licks anemone, discovers after the effect that the relevant anemones’ nematocysts can penetrate a mucous membrane to deliver a toxin that interferes with the sodium channel to cells and causes tiny non-acute cell necrosis that feels like a cold sore for a couple weeks Helpful volunteer: Yeah ha ha I knew somebody who licked an anemone once, this is what it does, don’t be like that dumbass

[sharpnelshell-deactivated201905]

Small town culture is knowing that there are Old Folks with strange nicknames but never knowing the stories behind them.

Of course, I made the mistake of asking why everyone calls this one guy Brickaday and it turns out that he worked at a brickyard for 40 years, stealing exactly one brick every day and making no particular efforts to conceal the theft. Nobody thought anything of it until years later he was discovered to have built three houses.

His boss is said to have shrugged and made some remarks about the importance of coming up with a plan and sticking to it.

I‘m trying to arrange my face into an appropriate approximation of silent bafflement and failing miserably.

[boy-and-girl-crazy123456]

i appreciate brickaday

[captainlordauditor]

chaotic good

[kaijuno]

My grandpa once told me he worked with a guy called Scrappy at General Motors back in the 50s. Every few days he would wheelbarrow out metal shavings and the foreman was convinced he was stealing things and hiding them in the scrap metal to get it out of the factory. But every time they’d go through the scrap they’d find nothing. He was stealing the wheelbarrows.

[bidonica]

One of my late grandfather’s friends was called Salami because he used to steal salami and cured meats so I’m seeing a pattern here

[r00]

[r00]

https://www.demirramon.com/en/generators/undertale_text_box_generator

[arkymouse]

[officialearthbound]

[pybuki]

[taigam-ojutai-master]

[mancydrew]

every time i burp it tastes like Arby’s

[puncromancer]

and every time we kiss I swear I can fly

[crunchbuttsteak]

Whoa, Slow Down There, Buddy. Nobody Dates My Daughter Without Telling Me Which ‘Sailor Moon’ Character They Are First

Hey now, slow your roll there, chief. I don’t know what you think this is, but there’s no way in hell that you’re dating my little ang

holy shit this quiz

[idesofnovember]

I am begging you all to take this quiz

[dankmemeuniversity]

[sonofkrabkrab]

Ray was the least evil of all four of these

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

teaching children that they are allowed to walk away and cool off if they are feeling overwhelmed might literally save their life as teens/adults

[mullersturtleneck]

I am a preschool teacher.

This is my “alone zone.”

At any time of the day, if my kids are feeling stressed, they can go here to cool down. There’s stress toys, silly putty, bubbles, sensory bottles…there’s books and headphones to block out the loud noises.

The only thing they have to do is “check in” by putting their picture on which emotion they’re feeling so I know how I can help them when they’re ready.

Kids. Need. Space.

Kids. Need. Coping. Mechanisms.

Not. Time-outs.

And the sooner we as adults teach them that, the better off they’ll be as they grow.

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[wiittyusername]

Been playing through Undertale for the first time on Switch recently and since it’s also spook month I had the idea for this dumb little parody animation of one of my favourite videos (x). Credit to the original artist, @brakken! Also up on Youtube.