february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good february will be good
summary; reader is the new hire at the prison where simon is kept, and is tasked with bringing him his meals.
a/n; wow what a movie. thank god i'm a fanfic writer with free will.
cw; poor writing lmao, solitary confinement, shitty workplaces, i dont know much of the lore so if it's inaccurate please forgive me š
i do not give permission for any of my works to be reuploaded/reposted, copied, fed into AI, etc. minors dni, age in bio or blocked.
minors and ageless blogs will be blocked!! i do check every blog that interacts with my fics!
the clinking of chains and the quiet thud of footsteps echoed through the dimly lit hallway. you passed rows and rows of cells, most of the inmates still sleeping or at least pretending to.
you kept your head up, shoulders back, trying to appear confident. you doubt it was working. you were new, all the inmates knew that. maybe a little young in comparison to your co-workers, but it was either contribute to society or be cut off from the resources. the only available jobs were in the prison, so you took what you could.
you were fresh meat. bottom of the food chain, as your supervisor described it. stuck with the lowest pay and the worst job, here you were at 5:30 am sharp to deliver breakfast to the convict in solitary.
"if anything goes wrong, we're not losing anyone valuable." your supervisor told you as he walked you through your duties. if you weren't desperate for food and shelter, you would've tucked your tail and ran.
you swallowed hard as you scanned your badge on the card reader, balancing the tray on one hand. the panel beeped, the light changing from red to green before the door began to slide open. it creaked and groaned, the metal grinding making your teeth hurt. it slid into place with a jarring clunk! and you made your way through and into the dark hallway.
there was a cell on the very other end of the long hall. it was entirely metal, the door was a giant vault with a medium sized window and small food port you could open to slide items through with minimal contact below it.
you knew who was in there. had heard the stories of what he had done. an involuntary shiver ran down your spine at the thought of him being only a few inches of steel away.
your footsteps slowed to a stop in front of the door. you set the tray on the ledge, slid the food port open and carefully pushed the tray of food through. it was pitch black inside the cell when you peered in. for a moment, you weren't even sure he was in there. maybe this was some kind of hazing ritual new hires had to go through to earn their place or something equally ridiculous.
"christ, this is stupid." you muttered to yourself, shaking your head a little. "you're not even there, are you? they're just... pranking the new hire."
you stood on your toes, peering in through the window and trying to squint through the dark. you couldn't make out a single shape or outline of anything. no bed, no desk, no toilet, nothing like the other cells.
you took a step back, tapping the toe of your shoes together a few times while you waited. you nearly jumped out of your skin as the tray was slowly pulled into the cell, blood roaring in your ears. you only caught a glimpse of his hand from the dim hallway light. you quickly reached forward and slammed the food port back into place, locking it with shaky hands before turning and running back where you came.
the rest of the day went surprisingly fast. you were walked through the rest of your duties, mostly custodial. cleaning bathrooms, floors, the few offices that were scattered around, even dish duty after meals. you couldnāt seem to come down from the scare as you followed your trainer around, trying to keep your hands from shaking as you listened to him explain where supplies were and your expectations.
it didnāt take you long to get used to it, the mundane routine. clocking in, cleaning, delivering food, clocking out. you never saw much of the convict, only the occasional glimpse of his hand as he took his tray and returned the old one. by the end of your first month, you were relying on autopilot to get through the routines.
you jumped as your supervisor banged on the kitchen door.
ālunch for the convict is ready.ā he shouted through the steel before his footsteps faded away quickly.
you huffed, washing and drying your hands before navigating through the kitchen to grab the tray off of the warming table. you pushed open the swinging door with your shoulder, took the elevator down to the basement and made the trek down the eerie hallway for the second time that day.
you scanned your badge, entered the next hall, and soon you found yourself standing in front of the convictās solitary cell again. you paused, listening for any sign of life.
stepping forward, you set the tray down on the ledge and unlatched the food port door, slowly dragging it open. you pushed the tray through, taking a step back and waiting. several long moments passed, your heart racing, palms sweating.
ā...hello?ā you called quietly, your voice echoing in the small space. āsir?ā
chains clinking made you flinch, and soon the tray was being pulled inside. after a few beats of silence, the tray from breakfast was put in its place. you waited until it sounded like he had retreated far enough to take the empty tray, sliding the food port back into place.
āumā¦ thank you.ā you said quietly, before turning on your heel and scurrying out.
lunch was the same. dropping off one tray, picking up another. dinner was different.
you donāt know why you felt like it. maybe the silence was becoming too loud in your ears. you set the tray down, opened the food port, and took a step back.
āumā¦ hi.ā you said quietly, hesitantly. your voice shook a little.
he didnāt respond.
you gave him your name.
āiāmā¦ sorry youāre stuck in there.ā you continued, āit must be hard.ā
you paused for a moment, embarrassment creeping up your spine. it must be hard? really?
you looked around for a moment, before focusing back on the cell in front of you. āumā¦ do you like chocolate? i saw some in the kitchen and itās not being used for anything. maybe i can sneak you some?ā
the echo of your voice faded away, and soon the buzzing silence filled the air again. it made your ears hurt.
the chains began to clink again, and you listened as he stood up, making his way to the door. he took the tray, replaced it with the one from lunch, before retreating back to his corner. you couldnāt help but feel a little disappointed.
taking the tray, you closed up the food port and made your way back to the kitchen for the end of your shift.
the next morning, you clocked in and made your way to the kitchen for the convictās breakfast. you took the tray, navigating through the maze of counters and snatched the first chocolate bar you found, shoving it in your pocket inconspicuously.
making the long trek to his cell, you opened the food port, pushing his tray inside.
āgood morning.ā you murmured, pulling the chocolate out of your pocket. āi brought you something.ā
you set the bar beside his tray, taking a step back. he reached out and pulled the tray into his cell, replacing it with yesterdayās. you held your breath, waiting to see if he would bite. your felt your heart flutter in excitement as he eventually reached back, taking the offered treat.
you couldnāt help but grin, grabbing the dinner tray. āi hope you enjoy it.ā you said sincerely, closing up the food port and retreating back to the kitchen
the treats kept coming, once a day. chocolate, warm bread, sometimes a peppermint or fresh fruit. anything to add to the slop and gruel they were feeding him. you usually saved them for dinner, hoping a treat to end the day would make night more bearable.
he never said a word, just took the food, returned the previous tray, and retreated back to eat. you never pressured him to talk, but you always talked to him. it felt strange at first, like talking to the air, like no one was listening, but eventually that became the appeal.
you told him about your day, about your co-workers, all the gossip and rumors about them. you updated him on the news, what was going on at other space stations. you hoped maybe the short-winded human interactions was helping him stay sane. if it was making it worse, you assumed he would say something. lash out, yell, yank on the door, something. maybe he just had more patience than you thought.
ālunch time.ā you announced as you set down the tray, pulling a few small candy wrappers out of your pocket and plopping it onto the tray. āi found some sour candy, but i donāt really like sour all that much.ā
you stepped back, and he took the tray. you didnāt hear chains clinking all that much these days, and part of you hoped it meant he wasnāt hiding in the back. he sounded closer.
āi think itās grape flavored because the wrapper is green, but youāll have to try it to find out.ā you hummed, collecting the tray from breakfast and closing up the food port. āmight be green apple, though.ā
you turned and began to make your way down the hall. āiāll see you at dinner. enjoy.ā
you managed to get a decent amount of work done. there were scabs on your knees from kneeling to scrub the greasy kitchen floor, but you paid it no mind as you washed your hands to deliver the next meal. tray in hand, you made your way through the familiar halls and scanned your way into solitary.
you opened up the foot slot and slid the tray through. ādinners here,ā you hummed. āi heated it up a little. it might not taste the best, but i thought maybe warmth would be good.ā
the tray scraped against the ledge as he pulled it inside. you took the lunch tray as he set it down.
āmaybe tomorrow i can bring you some bread. they made a fresh batch this morning, but i couldn't sneak some in time, the cook was there all day and i didn't want to get caught.ā you shrugged. āi did hear that maybe weāre getting some strawberries soon. iāll grab you the biggest one i can get my hands on.ā
you closed up the food slot, taking a few steps back. āiāll see you tomorrow, bright and early.ā
with that, you turned and began the trek back down the hall. you only made it a few steps before the sound of the prisoner talking stopped you in your tracks.
ā...watermelon.ā
at first you thought you imagined it. you turned, looking back at the steel vault door. you took a few steps closer.
āwhat?ā you breathed out, heart racing.
āthe candy... it was watermelon.ā
his voice was rough. scratchy from probably months of disuse. you blinked a few times, fingertips numb with shock.
āoh.ā you whispered, āwatermelon.ā
silence settled over the air again and you felt a jolt of panic that he wasnāt responding. you had a taste of him and now you wanted to be greedy.
āum- do you- you, uh, do you likeā¦ sour candy?ā you asked stupidly, taking another few steps closer. āi can try and get you more.ā
a few beats passed.
ā...yes.ā
you let out a breathy laugh, nodding as you grinned. āgreat. yeah, i can- i can try and find more. iāll bring you some, i promise.ā
you waited for another response, deflating a little as none came. you tried not to be disappointed considering the fact that he had finally spoken to you after months.
āokay, yeahā¦ yeah, umā¦ iāll see you tomorrow at breakfast.ā you told him, gripping the lunch tray a little harder as you turned to make your way back to the kitchen.
a/n; thank you for reading! let me know if anyone is interested in a part two. reblogs and comments are welcomed and encouraged!
Hey someone suggested I use ChatGPT to figure out adulting today, and as I was going through the mental list of places I'd rather look, I realized "beloved strangers on Tumblr dot net" was on that list.
So if you have an aspect of adulting that you're really good at-taxes, budgeting, cooking, insurance, credit, time management, house upkeep, anything-please feel free to reblog with any tips.
That's us! Professional internet adults, specializing in financial stuff! We recommend starting with our Grand List of All Articles, or one of our Masterposts:
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Taxes
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about How to Increase Your Income
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Retirement and How to Retire
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Credit and Credit Cards
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Investing for Beginners
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about How to Pay off Debt
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Living Independently for the First Time
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Repairing Our Busted-Ass World
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Getting a Job, Raise, or Promotion
MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Saving Money and Being Frugal
Millennials and Gen Z? BUY SHIT! OWN THINGS! DO NOT SUBSCRIBE!
When you buy a device that requires proprietary software to run, the money you hand over is an entry fee, nothing more.
Listen to me.
You do not want this future to happen to you I promise you. Because the minute you enter into a subscription existence you allow for a possibility of losing everything. Why?
Well, because when you stop paying then you stop having.
I buy my cars outright for this reason.
I have not thrown away my DVD collection for this reason.
I still have my old-school ipod for this reason.
I buy songs I really like direct from the artist on top of my subscription for this reason.
I back shit up on to my external hard drives rather than depending on a cloud only for this reason (which reminds me that I need to do taht this weekend).
If someone ELSE is holding the physical source of what youāre paying for? YOU DONāT OWN IT. Youāre just giving someone your energy and time for permission to access it.
Youāre leasing your existence.
Donāt fucking fall for it, do you hear me?
Itās bad enough we have to lease our water, our heat, our internet and our entertainment.
Buy what you want outright WHENEVER YOU CAN. Then do anything you can to maintain it in the face of planned obsolescence. I promise you, there will be a moment when you will be glad you did
Because aside from relationships? Things are literally all the system let us keep in this existence so donāt lease your fucking possessions if at all avoidable because at this stage in capitalism weāre all a few bad days from being unable to pay those leases. And then what? Then you only have what you can keep and it is those comforts and necessities that will keep you going, I promise you. Donāt let there be anything more that can be taken from you than absolutely necessary.
For everything we do here, please be sure to be careful with what you edit, and restart your computer to lock things in.
If you don't have access to the Group editor, (likely to happen if you're on base windows) you can do this as well by opening your Registry Editor app, then inputting this after your 'computer' or whatever the initial segment is. (Mine is computer. If I just try and paste the below string it gets SO mad at me)
Navigating to your "turnoffwindowscopilot", hit modify, and set the value data to 1.
If done correctly, it'll look like this.
While we're at it, you can also get rid of the integrated search, (or that thing where it searches the web when you search anything, whether or not you want it to) and such through regedit as well.
Navigate to your "DisableSearchBoxSuggestions" bit, if you don't see it, you can make it by right clicking and creating a new registry D-Word key of that exact name. Edit the key, set it to 1. It'll look like this if you do it right!
To get rid of Windows Spotlight, (The thing where it pulls up ten billion pages on windows start page, shoving ads in your face and cluttering everything) we go to
And set "Enabled State" To 0. If you do it right, it'll look like this!
Disabling edge on startup will also help a fair deal with processing speed and the like. This you can do in all sorts of ways, the easiest being turning it off entirely on startup through settings in the like.
If you want to kill it *entirely*, though? :)
In regedit, run along to Computer\HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Policies\Microsoft
Navigate to your MicrosoftEdge key subcategory. If you don't see it, you can make one! Note, this is a KEY, not a d-word. *inside* that subcategory, we want to either make or find the D-Word key of PreventLaunchEdge and set that to 1 in the same way as all the others.
It'll look like this.
Aaaand while we're here, I'd HIGHLY recommend shanking Killer Networking Services. It's just bloatware. (Ostensibly it's supposed to monitor your network bandwidth and even things out, but that really means it's constantly monitoring and pinging things, which eats up the bandwidth you DO get, and also chunks your computer's processing power.) Getting rid of it entirely is borderline impossible, since it's set to redownload on regular updates and intel is very pushy with its updates.
This you can do by opening your Services.msc, which basically shows you all the background stuff that Windows does. Find Anything with Killer in the name, right click it, go to properties, and disable startup. It should look like this, if done successfully. It will probably reenable itself in time/in later updates for windows, but it's a quick fix. I'd also check your TaskScheduler app to make sure that nothing's scheduled to open up there, either.
If you CAN completely kill Killer services through uninstalling and the like, I would warn that at very least for my computer, the only ethernet/lan support applications that are available ARE Killer's. When you download updates, you really do have to do it manually and ONLY download the ethernet services, or just be cool with not having Lan functionality.
One last thing, not a shit application but is a shit service. If your computer's constantly overheating or just warm, you likely have Turboboost enabled. (Default setting that you can't change) If you want to be able to turn it off and drop your temps by like 40 degrees, in Regedit go to
(Note- This isn't the string copy paste from the reddit thread, this is mine that does the same thing. If my string doesn't work for you, check the reddit thread string. If that doesn't work either, you can follow the path and find it pretty easily. Probably has like, one letter of difference somewhere. The bits all start the same, though, so it's easy to find.)
and go to "attributes". Set the value from 1 to 2, and now in your advanced Power Plan settings in control panel, you'll be able to *see* turbo boost and turn it off.
It'll look like this, and in power options, a successful disabling of boost should look like this.
Turning off quick startup's also a good call, since that basically stops your restarts from actually shutting things down properly.
GOOD LUCK OUT THERE YALL. MAKE SURE TO CLEAN YOUR PC!
I would like to once again recommend to you all Winero Tweaker, a free program that lets you adjust a bunch of windows settings with a single click instead of digging through 30 different setting screens and registry entries.
There's well over a hundred settings, here's just a few of them:
(sorry the classic taskbar option no longer works with current windows 11 version)
Fair warning: This is a powerful tool which means it can also do some damage if you don't know what you're doing, but every setting comes with an extensive explanation, as you can see in the Ads and unwanted apps screenshot.
This tool will even turn windows 11 from a bloated mess into a (more or less, this tool isn't magic) usable operating system.
I imagine Bruce getting hurt somehow either a really bad concussion or waking up from a coma or really strong anaesthesia and he's in a civilian hospital with Alfred at his side and he wakes up, disorientated and not quite sure what's happening but Alfred tells him that everything is fine and can he get him anything.
"Babies."
Alfred just nods, excuses himself while the doctor checks over Bruce, asking him question upon question and getting concerned because all Bruce can and will say is "...babies."
But then the hospital room gets flooded by a steady stream of people. Too many at once and the doctor protests. One big bulking unit of a guy tells the doc to knock it off.
Bruce is just surrounded by the kids, Damian and Dick tucked up beside him, Jason stood over him with a hand on his dad's hair, feeling the stitches through the bandages. Tim is practically sat on his left knee, his legs over Dick's body. Steph is sat on his legs, spooning Jell-O into her mouth. Duke is perched on the foot of the bed. Cass is stood by his head telling Jason to stop pulling at the stitches because Bruce's face might fall off. And the doctor is muttering that this isn't good for Bruce, the overstimulation will tire him out but Alfred isn't even listening because Bruce is smiling, just repeating quietly, "Babies... My babies."
A high quality āexpensiveā pair of shoes is one of the thriftiest ways to spend over $100 because if you have good shoes it reduces stress on literally every joint in your body. Please do not ever thrift-OCD yourself into wearing bad shoes
Theyāre not cheap shoes, but almost all of them are under $150 and itās 100% a worthwhile investment. They have a pretty generous wear testing policyāyou can wear them up to 60 days and still get a full refund if you donāt like them. Thereās also lots of different styles so thereās kinda something for everyone.
it's also worth looking into Morton's Foot! And if you have it, then I definitely recommend purchasing some of the ProKinetics insoles, which you can put into Literally Any Pair Of Shoes, and/or swap between multiple pairs of shoes depending on which pair you feel like wearing that day
bonus info
1) the ProKinetic insoles might not play well with those Orthofeet shoes, so be wary of that!
2) ProKinetics actually swears by shoes like Converse being the best shoes for their Insoles! just saying
3) if you don't want to pay 80$ for some insoles (that you can then put in shoes you already own, btw,) you can just get some moleskin (like a 5$ purchase) to put on your shoes' Already Present insole like so and see if that helps - if it does, then consider making the purchase
4) definitely poke around the Morton's Foot site (mortonsfoot.com) so they can explain some of the science to you on why the insoles help. I like this page.
I like Aetrex shoes and insoles similarly, and I always get the green Superfeet insoles for hiking boots.
Also, once you've gone and spent money on good, supportive shoes, take good care of them! Shoe polish is cheap and a tin of it lasts forever and will keep your leather shoes looking nice longer when they inevitably acquire scuffs. And use a shoe horn!!! It's just a cheap piece of plastic, but it will save the heel ends of your shoes from getting smashed into uselessness. I've been wearing my favorite boots near daily for four years so far and they still look good and fit well.
the ābad guysā in hallmark movies end up always being the most respectful men ever.
because they will find out their girlfriend of 3 years (that they were about to propose to) went off to a random farm in minnesota, hours away from were the two of them built a life together, and she decided to justā¦ stay there without even consulting him.
and then he decides to take a trip to make sure sheās okay, because this is generally alarming behavior, and then sees that she literally fell in love with her ex within one (1) week- and he wasnāt there, but you can TELL that theyāve made out a couple times.
and then she just strings him along for a few days, until fucking christmas eve, when she just breaks up with him and is like āi know we used to have the same values, but iāve never loved you. mark makes me happier than you ever did. and you ONLY care about work, whereas i like christmas and fun, like a Good Person.ā
and then, after finding out his entire relationship was a lie and he had his life turned upside down in a week and he got dumped on christmas, this guyās just like āok yeah that makes sense. i only wish you the best of happiness with mark. i hope you guys build a great life together in christmastreefarmville. thank you for everything.ā
An AU where two Hallmark Christmas Bad Guys are both getting flights back to New York after being dumped by their respective Smalltown Blonde Girlfriends, and they bond over their shared experiences and fall in love in the departures lounge
Probably he is still in shock. Right? He looks out of his taxi window (it's not technically a taxi, just some guy named Corey who offered him a ride to the airport, because Uber doesn't operate in fucking Tinyville, Bumfuck Middle-Of-Nowhere, Utah) and tracks water droplets racing each other down the glass, because of course it's raining, and his bad knee is killing him.Ā
Levi sniffs and rubs at his eyes and then pulls out his phone and books a ticket back to New York, wincing as four hundred and twenty-six dollars are deducted from his bank account.Ā
And, like, he should definitely be more upset.
He just got broken up with. He was engaged, for God's sake. A four-year relationshipā¦ over. Just like that.Ā
Corey says, "Ten minutes to the station."Ā
Probably he'll be more upset once he's home. When he starts packing up Anika's stuff into boxes so she can come collect them after New Year's. He'll have to do all that processing and he'll put away all the pictures that are up and probably he'll remember all the good times they had together and flashes of their relationship will play out in slow motion in his mind. Like a movie montage.
Levi catches his reflection in the passenger side window and starts, pulling his thumb out of his mouth. He hadn't even noticed he'd started biting the nail.
Corey drops him off at the train station and he books a ticket to Salt Lake City and Levi wants to tip him for the ride but when he turns back the car's gone, and it's started snowing again.
He re-wraps his scarf so it covers his ears and turns back. He has to jogāow ow owāto catch his train.
Once arrived at the airport, Levi's gotten over being baffled and has started being mildly pissed.Ā
You're obsessed with work, Anika told him. You barely make time for us anymore. Yeah, he'd had to pull some long hours for the last few months, but for good reasonāhe'd been working towards a huge promotion and a raise and he thought she'd be happy for him.
He'd gotten the promotion, by the way. Editor in chief. He'd tried calling her first, a whole bunch of times, and then she hadn't picked up, so he'd decided Well, fuck it, and flew out to Doodootown, Utah to break the news himself.
He thought it would be nice. Spend the few remaining days before Christmas with Anika and her family in their hometown, then flying back home for Christmas and New Year's and starting 2023 off with renewed vigour and excitement.Ā
Then, of course, Anika told him that she wouldn't be flying back with him for Christmas. Or at all.Ā
Which, well. Okay.Ā
She didn't even congratulate him.
He checks in, and the lady at the desk asks him whether he wants to drop off his carry-on luggage for free, since the plane is very full, and Levi shrugs and says okay and watches his suitcase disappear behind black rubber flaps.
His flight leaves in four hours.Ā
Levi decides to pay the extra fee so he can stay in the fancy lounge, because he thinks he probably deserves that at this point. It's quiet here, though, so he orders a tea and claims a table over by the window, stretching out his right leg with a contented sigh.Ā
There's an empty table in front of him, but at the next one sits a man who looks so miserable it's impressive.
The man is slouched in his chair, dark hair mussed and suit a little ruffled. The cuffs of his slacks are damp, and so are his knees. He's leaning his head against the window, eyes closed, holding a bloody tissue to his nose. A purple bruise is starting to form on his cheekbone.
Levi stares.
Damn. And he thought he was having a rough day.Ā
Should he say something? Probably not, right. Like, that would be weird, right?Ā
Then he notices the small, black velvet ring box the man is fiddling with and it's like all the air's punched right out of his lungs.
Damn.Ā
Levi looks down and takes a sip of his tea, then hisses and curses under his breath because it's still way too hot and he's an idiot.Ā
When he looks up again, the man is eyeing him with mild amusement.
And there are a hundred thousand ways that Levi could have handled the situation, but before he can think about ways to not embarrass himself further he hears himself say, "Ouch. Haha."
Somebody please shoot him.Ā
The man raises an eyebrow. Levi gives an awkward cough, then takes another sip of tea and somehow feels betrayed when it burns his tongue again.
"Maybe you should give it a second," the man says.Ā
"Maybe," Levi says, "I should." His ears are burning.Ā
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas plays over the speakers.Ā
Levi desperately wants to ask about the ring box. And the bloody nose. And whether there's a correlation. But then again it is so definitely not his business, so he just stares down at his tea and watches steam rise.Ā
There's a sharp sigh from across the table. "She said no."Ā
Levi's head snaps up, ready to defend himself, because it's not like he actually asked, but then the guy looks so tired and bitter that he immediately deflates and feels both like an asshole and an idiot.
"I'm sorry," he offers, which still feels lame but better than whatever he had going on before.
The guy gives a wry smile. "Gonna, you know. Return this. She, uh, said no to the whole relationship. So."
Ah.Ā
"I'm sorry," he says, running a hand over his face, "I don't mean to dump all this on you."
"Oh, no, it's okay," Levi says quickly, and then before he can think about it too much, he adds, "I get it."
The other guy looks immediately doubtful.Ā
Levi bites the inside of his cheek. "Four years," he says with a shrug. "Engaged and everything." He gives a thumbs down and blows a raspberry.Ā
"Aw, shit, dude," he says, sitting up straight. He removes the tissue from his face, and seeing as he's no longer bleeding, stuffs it in his pocket. "That sucks."
Levi shrugs again, suddenly weirdly self-conscious. He traces the rim of his teacup with a finger. "Yeah, well. I didn't get beat up about it." There's a moment of silence, then he sneaks another glance. "Levi, by the way."
A corner of the guy's mouth twitches. "Xavier Ortega."Ā
Again, Xavier almost smiles. Levi thinksāLevi thinks he'd like to see Xavier smile. Properly.Ā
And then he thinks, What.Ā
No, he's justāXavier just looks like he could do with a cheer-up. That's it. And, well, so could he, really. They're both in similar boats. Although it looks like Xavier got the shorter end of the straw here, Levi thinks, considering his ruined suit and, you know, face. Still a nice face, though. Symmetrical. Strong cheekbones. Dark eyebrows over dark eyes and a straight nose andāwhatever.Ā
Whatever.
He just got broken up with.Ā
God, why's he trying to justify this to himself? Why is he feeling weird about this? He's not even gay. And even if heāeven if he was, it's not gay to acknowledge that a guy is good-looking.Ā
But, like, it's fine. He's notāwhatever.
Xavier has a split lip, he notices now that the tissue's not hiding half his face. "Got you good, huh?"Ā
Xavier rolls his eyes. He looks away for a moment, hesitating, then stands up and pulls the chair from the table between them, spinning it around and flopping back down at Levi's table.Ā
Levi thinks he must look quite surprised, because Xavier says, "I mean, this is easier for conversation purposes. Unless you're fine with the yelling across tables situationā"
"No, no," Levi protests. "No, you're right, this isāeasier." He clears his throat and says, "So, what was her name?" before mentally kicking himself, but Xavier just looks at him weird.
"Well, her name is Chloe. We just broke up, she didn't die."
Levi nods, puckering his lips. Right, yeah. Yes. "Is sheā¦ nice?"
"Well, she cheated on me."
"Ha," Levi says with no humour. "Samesies."
Xavier lets out a dry chuckle at this, then rubs at his eyes. "Wow. Happy Christmas to us, right?"Ā
Levi raises his teacup and gives a ghost toast. "Merry Christmas to us." He downs his tea, which is at a palatable temperature now, then says, "Do you want a drink?"Ā
-
So Chloe and Xavier had been together for almost five years. The whole story isā¦ disturbingly similar to Levi's whole deal, actually. Chloe decides, two weeks before Christmas, to take a trip back to her hometown, gets pissed when Xavier can't just take ten days off work to come with her, goes anyway on her sister's advice, meets up with her childhood nemesis who turns out not to be so bad after all and also cleaned up unfair nice, and then when Xavier went after her because hey, she hadn't been answering his texts and he was planning to pop the question over the holidays, she decided to dump him.
"She looked me in the face," Xavier says, head in hands, "and told me she was happier there than she'd ever been with me." He looks up and runs his fingers through his hair. "And I mean, sure, we'd had our rough patches, but, you know. We were gonna work it out."
Levi hums. "Yeah, no. I get it."
"So I said, Are you fucking serious right now, and I guess I raised my voice a bit, and then Mr Goddamn Farm Guy comes storming out and squares up to me and I don't even know who this dude is, and I tell him to get out of my face, and he fucking decks me. Like, completely unprompted."
"Rough," Levi says solemnly.Ā
"Yeah," Xavier says, exasperated. "And he didn't even apologise."
Levi whistles low. It's quiet for a moment while they both nurse their drinks, then Xavier vaguely gestures at him and says, "So what's your Christmas Tragedy?"
Levi gives a lopsided grin. "Well. Anika goes home to Middle Of Nowhere, Utah, 'cause she said she wasn't feeling great. Wants me to go with her, I can't 'cause I'm pulling long hours for an upcoming promotion, she's pissed. When she gets back there she rekindles things with her exā"
"Augh," Xavier says. "Brutal."
"āand last I heard the plan was for them to start a combination bakery and tearoom together. So." Levi grits his teeth. "Hope that works out for them."
Xavier looks at him over his glass, then, after a moment of careful silence, says, "You're allowed to be mad at her, you know."
"Fuck her," Levi says immediately. "Like, seriously. Why even get engaged to me if she was so miserable? Just break up with me instead of, fuckin', cheating, and then acting like I'm insane for going to check on her after she just ignores all my calls and texts and goddamn emails. We were going to get married in February, for fuck's sake. Fuck her." He presses the palms of his hands against his eyes til he sees stars.Ā
There it is. The upset. Figures that it's the saying it out loud that really drives home how betrayed Levi feels. Especially when he's talking to someone whom he doesn't have to explain it to, because Xavier gets it. Xavier gets it better than anyone ever will, probably.Ā
It's not quite the movie montage Levi had been preparing for. Rather, what Levi remembers now are all the moments that Anika said things that cut, or did things that bruised. How she'd roll her eyes when Levi got so excited he got the wiggles. How she refused to entertain the idea of getting a dog, even after he begged. How she'd get annoyed with him when his knee acted up and told him to suck it up and stop being such a crybaby. How she'd give him the cold shoulder when she was upset with him and he couldn't read her mind about it and let it build until she exploded out of nowhere.Ā
Little things that didn't seem like such a big deal in the time, but that added up to something like a balm for the sharp sting of betrayal.
Because that's what it is, at its core. That's why Levi is angry.
More betrayal than heartbreak.
And even though it will hurt for a while still, there's something that tastes oddly like relief at the centre of his chest, cool and welcome like a breeze on a suffocating July afternoon.
Xavier stays silent. After a moment Levi blinks hard and opens his eyes and finds Xavier looking at him strangely.Ā
"Yeah," he says quietly. "Fuck 'em."Ā
Levi's stomach squeezes.
He glances wildly around, trying to find anything to look at that isn't Xavier's face, and settles for the screen hanging from the ceiling that displays flight information.Ā
"Oh, look at that," he says. "I should get to my gate."Ā
"Right," Xavier agrees quickly. "Yeah, of course, so should I." He picks up his leather briefcase. "Where are you going, by the way?"
Levi laughs. "How wild would it be if we were on the same flight, huh?" He stands up and winces, ignoring Xavier's questioning look. "New York City. The 9:15. You?"
They make their way over to gate B9 mostly in silence, a general air of What the fuck is happening hanging between them. Not quite uncomfortable, but definitely baffled.Ā
"So this is weird, right," Levi says, dropping into a boarding zone chair. "Like, really weird."
"Right," Xavier says softly. Then, eyes trained on the huge Christmas tree and determinedly not looking at Levi, he adds, "Cool, though."
Levi isāLevi is a little speechless. "Yeah." He feels kind of floaty. He can't stop looking at Xavier's ears, because the tips have gone red. "Yeah. Pretty cool."
God. Fuck.
-
Their seats aren't next to each other, because that would have been crossing the line from freaky coincidence into absolutely fucking insane, but Levi pulls some strings and switches seats with the nice lady whoās next to Xavier, because itās an exit row seat with more leg room and he has a bad knee. He tries not to look too pleased with himself as he sits down.Ā
Xavier gives him a look. āSo do you actually have a bad knee, orā¦ā
Levi slaps a scandalised hand to his chest. āI canāt believe youād accuse me of such a thing. You think Iād lie about being disabled?āĀ
āI donāt know you that well.āĀ
āAnd here I thought we had something.ā Levi sighs. āI broke my kneecap when I was a teenager. Never healed right.āĀ
āAh. Sports? Donāt tell me you were a football kid.āĀ
Levi doesnāt know why he feels suddenly bashful. He always feels kind of stupid telling people how he got his injury; the reactions usually range somewhere between mild disapproval and straight up judgment. āUh, no. Parkour. Actually.āĀ
Xavierās eyebrows vanish into his hairline.Ā
After a moment of questioning silence, Levi shrugs. āI misjudged the distance between ledges. Fractured my kneecap. But I was stupid and an idiot, also, so I didnāt wait for it to fully heal before going back out, and now I am a human weather antennae.āĀ
āHuh.ā Levi would say Xavier looks almost impressed. Mostly sort of exasperated, though. āYou know what, now that you say it, I feel like that checks out.āĀ
Levi narrows his eyes. āWhatās that supposed to mean?āĀ
āI donāt know, maybe you look like the type who would break his kneecap doing parkour.ā
āAnd what kind of type is that?ā Levi is halfway to miffed and sort of offended, but then Xavier grins wide and he forgets to be annoyed.Ā
āYou tell me.āĀ
It sounds too much like an invitation to be a coincidence.Ā
Levi canāt remember the last time he spent so many hours talking uninterrupted. Or, well, talking to someone who was actually listening to him and actively engaging in conversation. Someone who was interested in him.Ā
Levi canāt remember the last time he enjoyed talking to someone this much.Ā
He cracks a joke that makes Xavier laugh softly, and the noise goes straight through his spinal cord like an electric shock, and then it becomes a game, a challenge, trying to make Xavier laugh like that again.Ā
Xavier shows him pictures of his dog, a wonderfully fluffy brown-and-grey mutt named Captain, and Levi thinks he might actually pass away over how cute he is.Ā
āI always wanted a dog,ā he says after cooing over a picture of Captain showing his belly for ten minutes. āLike, really bad. I want a dog so bad. But Anika doesnāt, so it never happened.āĀ
āWell,ā Xavier says loftily, āNothingās stopping you now, is there?āĀ
That is an excellent point. Levi tells him so.Ā
Then he starts thinking about how nice it will be to have the apartment to himself for a while, and then he feels guilty for being relieved about it, about Anika not being there, and then he ponders how weird itāll be to be alone for Christmas.Ā
Levi's never been alone for Christmas before.Ā
His family lives in Alberta, and he can't really afford another short notice round flight, and anyway the plan this year had been just him and Anika, and they'd had a reservation for brunch on Christmas day, and Levi thinks he should probably cancel that, and that's just a fucking bummer.
After a moment of thinky silence, Levi quietly asks, "What are you gonna do for Christmas?"Ā
Xavier blows out a long breath. "I don't know. I think I'll try to see my sisters. They live a state over, though, and it's all very last minute, Iāweāwere supposed to spend it at Chloe's, and I'm not big on Christmas celebrations myself, you know, my family's culturally Jewish, soā¦ I'm not sure."
Most of the rest of the flight is quiet, and a little sad, but also nice, and when the seatbelt light flicks on and the crew announces the imminent descent Levi can't help but feel a pang of disappointment.
The plane lands. Impatience in the cabin spikes; everyone wants to get home, it's the holidays, it's cold. Levi gets up and winces, catches Xavier's eye as he reaches for his bag and hands it to him.Ā
Xavier is gonna call a cab. Levi is as well.Ā
They're standing outside.
Levi shoves his hands in his pockets.Ā
"Well," Xavier says.
"Right."
"It was nice meeting you, Levi. The circumstances wereā¦ less than ideal, maybe, butā¦"Ā
Levi looks at him. A purple bruise is blossoming on his cheekbone, crawling up around his eye. The tip of his nose is red from the cold. His eyes are dark but if he pays very close attention he can tell where the iris ends and the pupil begins.Ā
And okay. Okay.
He might be a little gay.
"But nice," he whispers.
Xavier smiles, looks down. Is itāwould it be totally weird to ask for his number?
But then Xavier's cab is there, and he tips an imaginary hat at Levi before turning away. He hands the driver his luggage.
The sharp stab of panic between his ribs takes Levi totally by surprise. As does the fact that when he blinks he's closed the distance between him and the cab and is holding onto the door.
Xavier looks at him, eyebrows raised.
Levi didn't plan this far ahead, or at all. He blinks, feeling rather sheepish, then when Xavier's eyebrows start disappearing into his hairline he blusters, all at once, "So I have a brunch reservation. On Christmas Day. I was, you know, supposed to go with Anika, but, you know. And it would suck to have to cancel. And it doesn't have to be weird, or anything, we're just two guys being dudes, getting brunch." He snaps his mouth shut, absolutely horrified. What the fuck was that?
Xavier's mouth parts a little.Ā
God. Shitballs. Fuck. Abort. "But that would be weird, right? You know what, never mind, it's fine, forget I said anything, it'sā"
"Levi," Xavier says, exasperated. He covers his face with his hands. Then he says, muffled, "Yeah, okay. That sounds nice. I'd like that."Ā
Oh.Ā
"Are youāare you sure?"Ā
He must sound really incredulous, because Xavier snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure."Ā
Slowly, Levi grins. "Okay."
"Okay." They stand there for a moment, and then Xavier's eyes go wide and he says, "Wait, I shouldāhold on." He digs in his pocket and pulls out his wallet, hesitates, then pulls out a small rectangular object and holds it out.
Levi's grin goes lopsided. "Xavier Ortega. Are you handing me your business card right now?"
To his credit, Xavier looks away sheepishly. "My phone number's on there."
Levi accepts the card, hoping passionately that Xavier doesn't notice his hand is shaking. "Okay. I'll text you, then."
"Okay," Xavier says. Then, tentatively, "See you soon, then?"
Levi takes a deep breath and steps back, cheeks burning, and probably not just because of the bite of winter chill. Something in his stomach twinges, and he says, "Yeah. See you soon."Ā
Parkour. Xavier huffed out a quiet laugh, staring at himself in the mirror while he brushed his teeth. The black eye has almost completely faded now, thank fuck. He was tired of looking like a raccoon. All that remained was a fading yellow-green bruise along the bottom of his eye socket, and heād take that any day over trash panda chic. He rinsed out his mouth and tucked the toothbrush into the cabinet.Ā
Christmas Day. A week ago, heād sat, freshly punched and bloody, in an airport lounge swapping identically fucked breakup stories with a guy named Levi, and now in precisely 1 hour and 43 minutes he was going to be meeting up with him for brunch. He studiously ignored the mess of clothes piled on the bed as he strode through the apartment, slipping into his overcoat and patting his pockets. Keys. Phone. Wallet. Before he left, he gave Captain a couple scritches between the ears.Ā
It was a ten minute walk to the train, and cold as balls out. Xavier hunched his shoulders against the wind and buried his hands in his pockets, belatedly wondering if he should run back in for his gloves and scarf. Technically, he probably had time. It only took 30 minutes by train - supposedly - to get to the restaurant Levi had texted him. He wavered uncertainly for a few steps, then shook his head and hurried on. If he went back, it was almost guaranteed heād end up on a train that would get stuck in a tunnel behind a bad signal switch or something, and be horrifyingly late.Ā
He tried not to examine why he so desperately didnāt want to be late.Ā
At the train station, he looked around for a second for a cop, and when none appeared, hopped over the turnstile and made his way to the platform, deep in his own thoughts. Itās not like heād never had a thing for a guy before. There were a couple drunk one night stands in college, and he'd dated Mark for two and a half years before Mark moved to London and heād met Chloe. Unbidden, a memory from early in their relationship came to his mind as he boarded the F train and plopped into a seat.Ā
Theyād been out to dinner, and in that stage of learning about each other where past relationships came up. Chloe had just exhaustively listed all the things wrong with her ex, Noah, and asked him about his last relationship, and when heād said Markās name, sheād frowned, wrinkling her nose, and changed the subject immediately. He sucked in a breath thinking about it now. How had he forgotten? Had the rose-coloured glasses been that strong?
Like a worst-of montage, he recalled time after time when Chloe had seemed embarrassed or annoyed by reminders that he was bi. Interrupting him or shushing him with their friends (her friends), looking cross if he ever mentioned Mark, mocking and disparaging the oh-so-occasional bisexual character in a movie they watched.Ā
I guess I can at least thank Christmas-Tree-Farm-Whatās-His-Fuck for saving me from marrying her, he thought wryly, and only just managed to jump off the train at the right stop. He checked his phone. He still had 45 minutes, and the restaurant was only a couple blocks from the train station.Ā
Itās fine, he argued silently as he huddled against the wind again and hurried his pace. Levi will probably just show up on time, and heāll never know how early you were. Levi seemed like the āshowing up exactly on timeā type of guy.Ā
He spotted the restaurant half a block away and picked up his pace a little more, tired of the wind. The heat of the restaurant washed over him as he entered, and he paused just inside the door to let his eyes adjust to the dimmer light, unbuttoning his overcoat. The door opened again behind him, and he shifted over out of the way automatically.Ā
āXavier?ā
Xavier turned astonished eyes to the newcomer, now revealed to be Levi, staring at him with a flush creeping up from the apples of his cheeks to his temples. Fuck, thatās cute, he thought involuntarily, and he prayed Levi would blame the cold for the sudden color he could feel in his ears. āHi Levi.āĀ
Genius repartee, dumbass.Ā
At least it seemed like Levi was having a similar struggle. āYouāre earlyā¦ā he said faintly. āI mean, weāre both earlyā¦āĀ
āTable for two?ā Xavier silently blessed the girl sitting at the host stand and turned toward her, sliding his coat off and failing to convince himself that his rapid pulse was simply because of the quick walk from the train station.Ā
Leviās voice strengthened marginally. āI uhā¦ have a reservation, actually.ā He slid out of his own coat. āUnder Lawrence.ā
The familiar bustle of getting seated and ordering drinks seemed to settle both of them a bit. Xavier decided pretty quickly what he wanted to eat, and took the opportunity to watch as Levi pored over the menu, his lip caught absently between his teeth.Ā
Xavier drew a slow breath, feeling a gentle desire creep into his mind. He wanted to reach across the table and cradle Leviās chin in his hand. He wanted to draw his fingers through Leviās sandy brown hair, brush it back from his brow.Ā
Levi set aside the menu just as their server returned to the table, and Xavier wrestled his traitorous thoughts under control while Levi gave her his order. Heād only just met the man. They were both very recently, very traumatically single. He had no idea if Levi was even interested in men.Ā
But he had to admit, he conceded inwardly, that he was very interested in Levi.Ā
Just like on the plane, once they broke through the first few minutes of awkwardness, conversation flowed like water. Xavier felt again the warm glow of being with a person who was listening, who wasnāt distracted or disapproving. When he wasnāt frozen with nerves, Levi was intelligent and enthusiastic, and funny. Goddamn, he was funny. By the time they reluctantly gathered up their coats and left the table, Xavierās cheeks ached from grinning.Ā
They loitered on the sidewalk outside the restaurant. Xavier didnāt want to leave. He was caught in Leviās green eyes, sparkling with humor; in the bashful, lopsided smile he wore. He wanted to keep listening to the clear tenor of his voice. He wanted to gather Levi close into his arms and trace his features with the gentleness he somehow knew that Anika would never have shown him.Ā
āDo you want to come back to my place?ā The words escaped his lips before he could haul them back. He saw Leviās eyes widen, and hurried on. āI think Iāve got some beers in the fridge, and you could meet Captain. I dunno, it just- being alone sucks hard during the holidays, and I thought-āĀ
āYes.ā Levi seemed almost as surprised at his answer as Xavier was. Xavier watched him take a deep breath, eyes locked with Xavierās for a long moment. āI think Iād like that.āĀ Ā
-
āCareful on the last couple stairs here,ā he said as they approached his landing. He reached into his pocket for his keys and stuck the apartment key in the lock. āWe keep asking the landlord to fix them, but-ā
A sharp gasp and creak on the stairs made him spin around in time to see Levi start to fall backward from taking a rickety step with his bad knee. Before he had time to think, Xavier darted forward and snaked an arm around Leviās waist, pulling him back up the stairs and into his chest.Ā
Both men froze. Xavierās heart was pounding in his ears, his arm still tightly wrapped around Leviās waist. He should let go. He should really let go. But Leviās hands gripped his biceps, and Leviās chest was pressed against his, and Leviās lips were parted ever so slightly, and for a long moment Xavier couldnāt move.Ā
Captain whined impatiently behind the door, and Xavier pulled in a breath he hadnāt realized heād been holding. āRight,ā he murmured, loosening his arm and carefully stepping back. āCome on in.ā
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