Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

Living life outside the gender binary. Queer, masculine, androgynous, polya, tarot and rune reader. Goth. #makeuphasnogender. 31, raising a trans feminine child.

[loonymadhatter79-blog]

Is this the price I pay for sanity?

Losing everything that makes me who I am? Every bit of struggle I’ve overcome becomes useless, meaningless. Full of faults and cracks, pieces missing. Pieces I can’t reclaim through the wonders of modern science.

Who am I? What has my existence become, if for nothing else but to go through the motions with emotions?

Feelings -- fluid and transparent, like water, like glass.

But there’s nothing left but empty sadness.

Pieces of purity, lost, unclaimed

But when I try to hold them, they just pass through my fingers.

Can I sift through these pieces of thought? Through these broken shards of memory?

Is my life just one quilt block after another -- parts just stitched together to make something tangible?

But is being real...really worth it?

Is there nothing left of me but a forgotten waif -- lost, or listless?

Is she still in there somewhere?

Or was she too, consumed, by utter madness?

Who am I?

c. loonymadhatter79/ michael drake 2018

[witch-yellowpages]

IF YOU ARE A WITCH REBLOG THIS POST

I’m trying to make a sort of “yellowpages of witches. To be in it, please reblog this, and put in the tags your religion. Hopefully, I’ll make a large directory so that we can find each other :) 

[bekkathyst]

BEKKATHYST WINTER 2018 GIVEAWAY

~This giveaway is in no way affiliated with Tumblr.~

Please read thoroughly before entering!

Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. Last year ended great, so I thought we should start this year great! So I’m giving you the chance to win this large collection of items.

All these items came from my shop.

What you get:

$50 credit that can be applied to anything in my shop.

amethyst & calcite cluster 

labradorite palm stone

tumbled quartz 

fluorite bunny

rainbow moonstone necklace (handmade by me!) 

other tumbled stones

selenite wand

quartz wand 

obsidian sphere 

lapis lazuli sphere

labradorite heart 

selenite tower 

tiger’s eye cow carving 

giant druzy heart

amethyst hedgehog 

rainbow moonstone nuggets

chunks of labradorite 

This has a retail value of $215 in addition to the $50 shop credit!

Rules:

You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parent’s permission)

You don’t have to live in the US to join!

You must be following me, so you can get updates if anything about the giveaway changes.

Please check out my shop and if you’re interested, you can sign up for my email newsletter here. (Totally not necessary or required, it’s just an option!)

DO NOT tag this post as giveaway. That will risk the notes getting messed up, and this will be ruined for everyone.

Reblog this post to enter. Likes count, too. No giveaway or spam blogs. If you reblog on a side blog, let me know in the tags what the name of your blog is that you’re following me with.

Please don’t spam people with reblogs- limit 2 reblogs per day. Last time I had angry people messaging me because people were spamming it a bunch :s 

Each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.

The giveaway ends Wednesday, February 28th at 6 pm Pacific time.

The winner will be messaged and must respond with their full name and address within 24 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.

Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!

[orriculum]

there is a certain level of nihilism in witchcraft that i wish i could impart to every witch, which is that nothing at all matters, it doesnt matter if you don’t have all the exact spell ingredients, nothing in the grand scheme of anything matters so do whatever the fuck you like. you are the head of your personal beliefs, you need to take your own agency, you don’t need to ask some other witch’s permission to swap out ingredients or do something a little differently

[chuckstypewriter]

But why do this at all if you’re not going to at least TRY to follow the ingredients? Things are used for a reason?

[orriculum]

hello! things are used for a reason, but i hope you’ll let me make an analogy. witchcraft, spells, they’re a lot like cooking,. hang with me a sec

there are like, a hundred ways to make a chocolate cake. does it matter in the grand scheme of things if you use bittersweet chocolate instead of semisweet, or dark chocolate instead of milk, or even white chocolate? i’ve done 4/5 of those, and i can tell you, nope. it’s still a chocolate cake. your result is the same gist of it, maybe the person eating it can tell your didn’t use their recipe, but no one would argue that it isn’t actually a chocolate cake upon eating it. and it doesn’t just stop there, there are even more ways to alter a chocolate cake, even on a more fundamental level. you can use a box mix or from scratch, use bread flour or cake flour, you can make it gluten free or vegan. you can even use carob (tastes just like chocolate) instead of chocolate and an unsuspecting eater will still think it’s chocolate cake. it’s absolutely mad.

but everything in a cake is there for a reason, as you point out, things are used for a reason. yes! flour is the base and the butter and milk and oil for moisture and the eggs to bind it while it bakes, sugar to make it sweet, salt and vanilla and chocolate for flavor, baking powder/soda to help it rise and balance acidity levels, and baked at 375f for 40 min. it’s fairly standard, and yet nearly all these ingredients can be replaced (see above paragraph) and it’ll still be a chocolate cake, maybe chocolate cake with a twist.  i’ve made chocolate cake with ground almonds instead of flour, worked just fine. 

and metaphor goes on even longer, obviously if you put like a sock in the cake and make it from garbage and tuna it will no longer be considered a chocolate cake, it’s tuna a la gross. if you really want to get into the philosophical “what makes this cake a chocolate cake” i recommend reading plato’s theory of forms where he basically says “what makes a chair a chair? three legs and no-back is a stool, but if it’s four legs and a back? then how is a dog not a chair?” that’s a joke he doesnt say it exactly like that and really makes you consider how you define things verbally vs your fundamental understanding of them.

and also, no one cares what you make your cakes out of. yeah some nut at the garden party may throw a fit that eww how dare you serve vegan chocolate cake but it’s your cake and what does susan’s opinion even matter? she’s not the leader of cakes. no one is, it’s just a cake. 

tl;dr it doesnt matter that there are a hundred ways to make a chocolate cake, all of them work. they may taste a little different but it still functions as a cake

so there is variation, but it’s not set in stone. a spell may call for sage to cleanse but i may choose to use lemon instead. or i might forgo cleansing entirely, because my craft doesn’t call for it, the veritable gluten-free chocolate cake of magic

[niknak79]

[moving-assbanditkirk-blog]

whoa canada

someone needs to turn down that sass level

[truthandglory-deactivated201409]

Two things to know about Canada!

We are smart enough to know hot things should be hot.

We are sorry if you don’t

[anotherpapercut]

fun story about the reason they do that (at least in America)

once this lady spilled her McDonald’s coffee on herself and ended up getting like 3rd degree burns and since there was no warning on the cup she was able to claim she didn’t know it would be hot (or at least that hot) and won a lawsuit against McDonald’s for $1 million

[prokopetz]

That’s what the media smear campaign against her would have you believe, anyway. The truth of the matter is that the McDonald’s in question had previously been cited - on at least two separate occasions - for keeping their coffee so hot that it violated local occupational health and safety regulations. The lady didn’t win her lawsuit because American courts are stupid; she won it because the McDonald’s she bought that coffee from was actively and knowingly breaking the law with respect to the temperature of its coffee at the time of the incident.

(I mean, do you have any idea what a third-degree burn actually is? Third-degree burns involve “full thickness” tissue damage; we’re talking bone-deep, with possible destruction of tissue. Can you even imagine how hot that cup of coffee would have to have been to inflict that kind of damage in the few seconds it was in contact with her skin?)

[bogleech]

Yeah I’m tired of people joking about either the “stupid” woman who didn’t know coffee was hot or the “greedy” woman making up bullshit to get money.

She was hideously injured by hideous irresponsibility, it was an absolutely legitimate lawsuit and the warning on the cups basically allows McDonalds to claim no responsibility even if it happens again. Every other company followed suit to cover their asses.

So they can still legally serve you something that could sear off the end of your tongue or permanently demolish the front of your gums and just give you a big fat middle finger in court. “The label SAID it would be HOT, STUPID.”

[elfyourmother]

obligatory reblog for the great debunking of the usual ignorance spouted about this case

obligatory mention that the media smear campaign to twist teh facts on this case and get public opinion against the victim was deliberate and fueled by the right wing tort reform movement

it was seized upon to limit the rights of consumers to hold giant corporations accountable for wrongdoing

watch the documentary Hot Coffee, it lays out all of the facts and examines the response to this case and explains why everything you think you know about this case is bullshit, and explains why tort reform is bullshit in an entertaining and informative manner

[thepoisonroom]

The woman injured in Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants was 79 years old at the time of her injuries, and suffered third-degree burns to the pelvic region (including her thighs, buttocks, and groin), which in combination with lesser burns in the surrounding regions caused damage to an area totaling a whopping 22% of her body’s surface. These injuries that required two years of intensive medical care, including multiple skin grafts; during her hospitalization, Stella Liebeck lost around 20% of her starting body weight.

She was uninsured and sued McDonald’s Restaurants for the cost of her past and projected future medical care, an estimated $20,000. The corporation offered a settlement of $800, a number so obviously ridiculous that I’m not even going to dignify it with any further explanation.

The settlement number most often quoted is not the amount that the corporation actually paid; the jury in the first trial suggested a payment equal to a day or two of coffee revenues for McDonald’s, which at the time totaled more than $1 million per diem. The judge reduced the required payout to around $640,000 in both compensatory and punitive damages, and the case was later settled out of court for less than $600,000.

Keep in mind that at the time, McDonald’s already had over 700 cases of complaints about coffee-related burns on file, but continued to sell coffee heated to nearly 200 degrees Fahrenheit (around 90 degrees Celsius) as a means of boosting sales (their selling point was that one could buy the coffee, drive to a second location such as work or home, and still have a piping hot beverage). This in spite of the fact that most restaurants serve coffee between 140 and 160 degrees Fahrenheit (60 to 71 degrees Celsius), and many coffee experts agree that such high temperatures are desirable only during the brewing process itself.

The Liebeck case was absolutely not an example of litigation-happy Americans expecting corporations to cover their asses for their own stupidity, but we seem determined to remember it that way. It’s an issue of liability, and the allowable lengths of capitalism, and even of the way in which our society is incredibly dangerous for and punitive towards the uninsured, but it was not and is not a frivolous suit. Please check your assumptions and do your research before you turn a burn victim’s suffering into a throwaway punchline.

[gaylormoons]

#don’t fricking get me started on Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants the level of misinformation floating around is staggering#I know that it’s an older case but it still makes me really mad that people treat it as this big dumb thing?#the fact that the media took a serious case and turned it into what it is to us today should piss people off#the level of distortion of facts is astonishing and upsetting and nobody seems to hear about it?#sorry I’m done I just#it upsets me when a legal travesty like this is just dragged out for some#’haha americans are sOOOOOOOo dumb!!1!’ humor#I MEAN GODDAMN IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF AMERICANS AT LEAST MAKE FUN OF US WITH FACTS OKAY

[bregma]

jesus, i actually didn’t know about any of this, thanks for clearing that up

[okayto]

Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants at the American Museum of Tort Law

The McDonald’s Hot Coffee Case: Know the Facts at Consumer Attorneys of California

[marthawells-deactivated20181223]

Always reblog. The deliberate misinformation/corporate propaganda about this case is misogynist and ageist as FUCK.

[tzikeh]

So here’s another source article that I think is worth reading because it contains actual photos of the burns. I’m linking rather than embedding so that you can choose to view them or not. I think it’s important to see them, not just for context of the case, but so that the visuals will stay with you. They should stay with you. You should have them ready to go any time any asshole uses Liebeck as an example of a bullshit lawsuit or a “stupid old woman.”

Warning: these are graphic photos of severe burns

Photo #1 of her inner thighs and genitals (the “naughty bits” are covered up because we are a fucking ridiculously randomly hypocritical society)

Photo #2 of her outer thigh - this was taken later, after some skin grafts are in place.

[lierdumoa]

Always remember that “frivolous lawsuit”  is a myth that corporations and insurance companies invented to discourage the public from holding them accountable for wrongdoing.

[this-is-psychosis]

Therapists aren’t people who you “pay to pretend to care about you”, therapists are people you pay to teach you how to care for yourself

[voce-morti]

Me: I am violently depressed.

Therapist: Oh! Sounds like you need to do YOGA! That will help!

Me: *signs up for yoga*

Me: *is violently depressed in Downward Dog*

[mx-mythical-deactivated20260319]

Me: I hate myself and only see my flaws

Therapist: ok lets refocus on things you like about yourself. This week i want you to try and journal about good things you’ve for yourself and others.

Me: *does the homework* yeah but i still hate myself but feel bad cause i shouldn’t

Therapist: feeling like you shouldn’t hate yourself is a step in the right direction. Mental health is complex and isn’t something that will ~magically~ improve. We have a lot of hard work head of us but I’ll be here to help you.

TL;DR stop perpetuating the idea that therapy is unhelpful because the results are not instantaneous.

[kcsplace]

FUCKING THIS.

As a psychologist the amount of bullshit on this site, the amount of fucking dangerous bullshit on this site about how therapy is neurotypical bullshit and isn’t worth it and how exercise is pointless and good diet is pointless and that therapy homework is pointless DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL

Exercise is fucking important. good diet is fucking important therapy is fucking important. WHY???

because pills alone don’t help. they improve the hormonal imbalance (as does exercise and good diet which ALSO are a form of very real self care as your physical being is sorta connected to your mental one but go fucking figure right?), but guess what? the suicidal thoughts, the thoughts of harm, the thoughts of hating yourself, they’re still there.  suicides actually increase when medicated.  why? because suddenly you have the energy to fulfill thoughts of harming yourself.  which is why you NEED therapy alongside pills.

it has taken you years, or decades to create your maladaptive thought processes and behaviours.  that shit doesn’t disappear overnight. core beliefs don’t change overnight. these are the very fucking core of your personhood, your being and personality. THAT TAKES TIME TO CHANGE

STOP ACTING LIKE THERAPY IS SHIT IF IT DOESNT WORK IN TWO SESSIONS

[potrix-the-queerschlaeger]

^This!!!!!

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

just a quick reminder

selfishness is putting the wants of yourself over the needs of others. 

self respect is putting the needs of yourself over the wants of others.

one is disregarding others, one is taking care of yourself. 

the difference between the two is the difference between being a friend and a doormat. 

taking care of yourself does not make you a bad person

i repeat:

taking care of yourself does NOT make you a bad person

[makingqueerhistory]

I would like to invite you all to embrace the ancestors you never knew. 

As members of the queer community, we are in a unique space in that our marginalization is not always shared with our biological family. So we are often left with a feeling of separation to our community and our history, and I want to take a moment to encourage you all to try and bridge that gap within your minds. Think of the queer people who came before us as your family, because so many of them lived their lives so that yours could exist in the way it does.

Think of Oscar Wilde standing in court admitting his love and rejecting the idea that is was shameful in front of his peers. Think of Magnus Hirschfeld collecting data and research so that he could find a path to freedom paved with facts. Think of Marsha P. Johnson, giving out cookies to other sex workers and transgender people on the street and her rage as she threw that shot glass and ignited a revolution. 

These people are your family, they are your history, and they built a world so that you could live in it. You may not be related by blood but you are related by history, their lives are irreversibly connected to ours and I encourage you all to take time to hold that in your minds as you move forward today.

[realifedreamgirl]

okay, this is SO DISGUSTING, if you’re a makeup lover or a person that shop at ULTA, PLEASE READ THIS because you could be buying USED products.

she also said this: “for the girls saying it might just be my store, I can’t speak for every store but that’s why I posted screenshots of other girls sharing their experience as well. girls I don’t even know , it completely different states have told me their stores are doing the same!”

there’s many other people dming and quoting her on twitter saying the same if you want to check out her page for more information!

ALWAYS CHECK YOUR MAKE UP BEFORE PURCHASING!

[loonymadhatter79-blog]

Fucking YIKES!!!

[loonymadhatter79-blog]

Tbh, when I get my hysto, I'll gladly donate it to a trans woman if they don't mind one that's slightly used. :)

I've had a kid, so I know it's fully functional. And when I'm ready to part with it, it should totally go to someone else who can use it.

[transmaskopi-blog]

Being trans is not a new, trendy thing. Trans people have always existed.

Dr Alan L Hart was born in Kansas in 1890. He was assigned female at birth, but started presenting and living his life as a boy at a young age. In 1917/1918 he was the first trans man to go through GCS in America. After the procedure, he changed his legal name. Shortly thereafter he married his first wife, Inez Hart. They separated and divorced a few years later and in 1925 Alan married his second wife, Edna Ruddick, to whom he was married until his death. After the second world war, synthetic testosterone became available and Alan started HRT. Alan dedicated his life to helping people. He was a medical doctor and radiologist and he put much time into researching tuberculosis and collecting money for people who could not afford treatment themselves. He died of heart failure in 1962. His body was cremated and spread over Puget Sound.

[kiwianaroha]

Oh fucking hell why is my activity feed full of terfs 

[kiwianaroha]

They just keep coming?!

[kiwianaroha]

Yes, the transplants work - there have been 8 successful pregnancies so far.

No, they aren’t excessively dangerous - no one has been harmed or killed.

No, it doesn’t mean the fetus will be half yours. 

Yes, they do take uteri from living donors - the living donor transplants have been much more successful than those using deceased donors.

No, you are not in any danger of having your uterus harvested after your death against your will, even if you are registered a an organ donor.

No, it isn’t “impossible” to transplant organs and tissues between sexes. The sex of the donor is not a barrier to transplant for other organs and tissues and trans men have been able to carry healthy pregnancies to term despite years of HRT.

Read a book and grow up. 

[kiwianaroha]

No, “male” pelvic girdles aren’t “too small” or “the wrong shape” for a uterus to fit in. It’s an internal organ about the size of a lemon; as it expands it will grow upwards and outwards, just like in cis women; and no one is expecting a vaginal delivery.

No, they don’t transplant the ovaries or vaginal canal along with the uterus. The embryo is created via IVF and it will not have the donor’s DNA unless they are also the egg donor.

No, a uterus on it’s own isn’t “useless” without a “female” body to magically imbue it with baby-making power.

Suggested Reading:

The Salhgrenska Academy website

Uterus Transplantation: current progress and future prospects

Trangender pregnancy (wikipedia)

[antibutch-deactivated20180507]

ooooooooo

[kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd]

terves aside, this is really awesome information, and im glad science has advanced far enough to allow this opportunity for trans women.

[shapeshiftersvt]

Galaxy binders: Cosmos, Inner Senshi, and Cosmic Rei!

[lunartwilight-blog1]

Love these so much!

[magickspellrequests-deactivated]

Witches Night Routine

Ideas for a cozy and witchy night routine! Perfect for a secretive witch🌙

Tidy up your room and cleanse it, this creates a peaceful atmosphere

Cleanse your altar

Write in your grimoire or book of shadows

Write down your schedule for tomorrow, putting a good luck sigil beside it. Charge under the moon

Research something that you’ve been meaning to learn lately. Even if you don’t practice a certain area of magick, it’s always helpful to learn more

Make a mug of chamomile tea to ease your mind

Do a tea leaf reading for yourself if you need a few answers or a glimpse into your life (tasseography is the proper term)

Bake some moon cookies

Have a shower or bath to cleanse yourself or even some bath magick

Light some candles or incense and read/write/paint to ease anxiety

Draw or write an offering to a deity

Watch a movie with your spirit companions

Play or pet your familiars

Leave your tarot cards, crystals and anything else to charge under the moon

Leave a glass of water to charge under the moon, and drink it in the morning

Choose an outfit for tomorrow and charm it

Light a pink candle and send good energies to your loved ones

Light a white candle and use your intentions and energy to help your loved ones have a good sleep

Don’t forget to eat and take care of yourself ❤️

** I always accept spell requests **

[magix-blog-deactivated20260227]

hey so my name is jake!! i’m a blasian trans gay dude and a while back i was diagnosed with hashimoto’s thyroiditis (an autoimmune disease that makes my body attack my thyroid for presumably no reason). so on december 15th, i had the surgery to get rid of my left thyroid lobe. during surgery, they found that my left lobe had 3-5 cancerous tumors and they removed my whole thyroid instead of just half. (the pics above are all the proof i have atm due to the fact that we haven’t gotten the paperwork back from the hospital)

so, long story short i still have cancer in my system, which is why i need to go through radiation therapy for it. due to the fact that my medicine (levothyroxine) can promote cancerous cells to spread & duplicate faster whencombined with the radiation therapy (don’t ask me how i don’t know) my surgeon told me that i should stay off of my medication so that my cancer doesn’t spread to my lymph nodes… and the lymph node cancer 5-year survival rate is only about 25%… which is really fucking scary

but the thing is: i can only survive 21 days without a thyroid and the horomones the thyroid gives, and my surgery happened 5 days ago.

i really cannot afford therapy, we can barely afford food rn. the surgery & numerous doctors visits that got me here took $13k+ from us, and radiation therapy will take at least another thousand from us and we really can’t do that. so unless i raise at least another 2k in the next few weeks, i’ll either die or be forced to deal with more cancer in my system which will inevitably kill me.

tl;dr: i have 16 days to raise $2k+ for post-cancer radiation therapy or i might actually die.

paypal: https://www.paypal.me/T4ROT

cashapp: $jibbletz

thank you for reading & stay safe everybody!

[loonymadhatter79-blog]

It's painful coming to this realization that I have no place to actually belong.

No home.

No community.

I don't really matter anywhere.

I don't belong to any history, any ancestry (which may be why I'm so desperate to find some).

I'm simply.. Incongruent? Is that the word?

I'm almost ethereal, I feel, because I exist one minute and then it's as if my very being is shifted into something else.

I am not my voice. My words. My ideals. I only exist to be a threat. A divide. A target.

I don't exist to simply be. I never have.

Some days, I hate who I am. I wish some days, that I could be nothing. Sometimes, I feel like I am. Like I'm simply flesh and bones with nothing inside.

I'm not bright and beautiful. Talented. Full of strength and pride.

I'm just.. This mess that eventually, everyone will be mad at.

All I want is to be real. For a voice to fill my lungs, and for that breath to be heard. For my words to be tangible. For my thoughts to be as strong and recalled as memories past.

But I know that will never happen.

I find my strength in the oppression of the world, for I have a cause to defend. So I can become a shield for those who need it. A voice for the silent.

But I know that, eventually, there won't be anything behind it. Nothing but a useless, tired husk, with my voice cracked and hoarse, my eyes blind, my ears deaf and my skin so raw and cold that I can't bear to be touched, even though I crave to be held.

This is my future. Raw, maybe fickle. But maybe, for someone, it will mean something. I'm not meant to have a name. I'm meant to give my power for those who need it, and use it before it's gone.

[riotsnotdiets]