[sistertaxon]

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

[thesylverlining]

this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job

[kittyknowsthings]

Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety? 

[systlin]

“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.” 

[totohoy-blog]

I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…

[systlin]

I mean. 

“WHAT THE FUCK STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS.”

“FUCKER THEY SAID THEY HAVE FETTUCCINE CARBONARA AND HOT GARLIC BREAD OVER THERE HANG ON BITCH.” 

[musicalhell]

This is true; Odysseus heard them promising him knowledge of the future.  So the next time you see artwork like this:

Remember those sultry naked chicks are saying “We’ll tell you the winning lotto numbers.”

[fuckstaffposts]

Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*

[rpluvsyj]

This post is a blessing

[wittyusername97]

Congratulations! Odysseus! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free $1000 Amazon Gift Card, Apple iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8! Claim your prize now!

[kitvalkyrie]

Oh my god sirens were literally scam websites

[10thingsihateabout-all-yall]

Oh my god they were phishing

[beardedmrbean]

this sounds like a party to me

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

[lordworm]

Reblog to make it die faster

[trufflesmushroom]

patricia lockwood has officially completed 6 years of her full 1000 year sentence

[trufflesmushroom]

patricia lockwood has officially completed 7 years of her full 1000 year sentence

[warmhappycat]

When will she be up for parole?

[chaosthedemon]

Should Patricia Lockwood be granted parole

yes

no

Voting ended onMar 27

[trufflesmushroom]

why would any judge of any court grant her parole.

she literally kick miette.

she kick her body like the football.

[labskeever]

reblog to boop prev

[rylandsgrace]

I feel seen

[danmangan]

things that are enjoyable:

showers

things that are not enjoyable:

getting in the shower

getting out of the shower

[beemovieerotica]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I drink two cups of coffee per day not because I have an addiction, but because my body has adapted to the presence of caffeine enough that its absence causes mild but unpleasant side effects.

[liquidpaperfoundation1]

I dusted the TV stand not because it was dusty but because it was covered in fine particulate matter that settled from the air.

[athena-cat-wizard-official]

I reblogged this post not because I liked it and wanted to share it, but because reading it elicited a pleasant sensation that I felt would be appreciated by others

[frontmansdefender]

wigginsgolf on instagram

[baddywronglegs]

A friend wondered why he hadn't heard back from a potential client after he emailed them following what he thought was a promising meeting.

Checked the email he'd sent them.

"It was nice to meet you toady."

Ah that'd be it.

[catbritta]

i love listening to song on repeat!!!!! reblog if you love listening to song on repeat!!!!!!!!!

[pavlmescal]

it sure was 🥹

[catchymemes]

[musingsofaraven]

Unless you speak whatever the language in this is (maybe Russian? It sounds at least related to Russian), you won’t understand exactly what they’re saying

You will however, understand exactly what they’re saying from the context of the video

And you will get to hear this person’s wonderful laughter

Sound definitely needs to be on

[i-llbedammned]

Sounds like German to me, but this is hilariously bad planning.

[hyperactivehedgehog]

It’s definitly not german, but god i need to know who planned this bathroom

[erebus0dora]

it is 100% Russian, and i am wheezing in the same language now

[lowestechelonabomination]

going to attempt a rough translation because this is so funny to me

it’s not going to be very literal because trying to translate every mumbled phrase and conversational word will be Very Annoying

“So here’s your–here’s our hotel room. The door to the bathroom is clear, so you enter the bathroom, and everything’s normal, you look at yourself, and everyone who’s in the hallway can see you. And over here’s the shower, it’s relatively private. You enter the shower, and like wash yourself– *breaks down laughing* Well okay okay, you decide to wash your hands, or sit down on the toilet and– *another fit of laughter* Fine, fine, it’s actually all okay because you grab this and you…uh, and you’re like ‘I want some privacy’”, and you close–you close the curtain, and then you close this curtain– *laughs* And you close that curtain too, and now you want to sit on the toilet and you’re like ‘Okay everything’s closed, you can’t see in", and so you sit down on the toilet– *intense laughter*“

[entities-of-posts]

The Beholding

[buddie-romance]

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

[guerrillatech]

[hekatontarch]

[queertail]

The site is '12ft Ladder' found here:

12ft – Hop any paywall

Show me a 10ft paywall, I’ll show you a 12ft ladder.

[sola-whumping]

Reblogging this on ALL my blogs because holy shit is it useful

[antarcticconfessions-deactivate]

I love how it doesn't matter what expedition it is.

They all turn into excited kids when they meet penguins.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

The Penguin: GIANTS! no way! I’m gonna wave at them THEY WAVED BACK! Holy Shit they’re dancing with me! My Wife is never gonna believe this OMG I got to dance with a Giant today so cool.

The Humans: Penguin! No way! I’m gonna wave at it IT WAVED BACK! Holy Shit it’s flapping with me! I got to play with a Penguin today; so cool.

[number1wifemisser]

where's the joy and whimsy guy? Have they found this one yet?

[redmegarex]

@joy-and-whimsy-official

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!

Who am I to deny a penguin some joy and whimsy 🐧

[knightofleo]

[herpsandbirds]

Common eider

[phynoma]

This needs to be immortalized because it's what made me turn on the sound. And they were right

[veryluckyclovers]