30%CAT 70%TRASH

28||CHN||currently in Germany||survived grad school||This blog is my own spiritual world aka an unorganized hell. Recently in kylux swamp. Missing my two cats back home every day ;_;

[hurglewurm]

when the vampire lady is trying to seduce you but you’re workin through stuff

[catasters]

[90stvqueen]

this is exactly what customer service is like

[jasntodds]

I’m living

[magistrate-of-mediocrity]

It’s like the direct opposite of this

[xeduo]

[zachsilberberg]

enemies

[supersoftly]

he looks like he’s experiencing whip cream 

[titaniumlegman]

What?

[supersoftly]

[savannahfaerie]

here’s another

[tumblunni]

The most confusing group chat

[theroguetoast]

Cat and skeleton are the people in the gc watching a couple friends argue

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[egophiliac]

basically.

[disasterenergy]

this might come across as anti capitalist but,,,,,, i want to enjoy life

[pets-fun-house]

the crime the criminal

[charlesoberonn]

Objection!

Your honor. It's true that a first glance at the evidence would suggest my client was responsible. But let's look a little further, shall we?

I have here a reverse image search for the crime scene as well as my client's photo.

And if you look closely at the results...

The blogs and dates don't match.

My client has been framed!

And why? Because their iconic "mischievous smile" makes for a funnier post, of course. But nothing, not even Tumblr notes, is more important than the truth!

I present to you: The original unaltered post and the true culprit!

[angelenentrenamiento]

me: *sees a ghost* omg are you dead

the ghost: of corpse

[angelenentrenamiento]

somebody said they will beat my ass because of this joke. Grave mistake

[fl0rklore]

capybaras have been on argentine news lately because they’ve “invaded” a rich private neighborhood (built on the capybara’s natural habitat) and the memes are good

[tomorobo-illust]

See hi-res version here: patreon.com/posts/55194216

Kylo having a Force Zoom Call with his cousin Rey and Finn XD

Comic based on this:

Читать дальше

[huyandere]

when steel balls are running or something

[officialdamonalbarn]

where is that renaissance painting with those two fellers and a giant fucking random skull on the floor that looks like it was accidentally stretched out in photoshop

[officialdamonalbarn]

THANK YOU

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

somebody please explain

[dykemisspiggy]

Someone once told me it’s like that because it was designed to be hung in a stairwell so the skull pops out as you walk past.

[iwilltrytobereasonable]

…I guess it works but you have to be at a pretty sharp angle

[caecilius-est-pater]

There was a whole trend at one point where artists would include something in their paintings (usually a skull, for whatever reason) that’s super distorted in just the right way so that it looks normal if you hold the painting up to a convex/concave mirror. I have absolutely no idea why. But I think that’s what’s going on here.

[crtter]

In case anyone’s curious, here’s what it looks like when you walk past it irl:

It does have a 3D effect to it! It’s pretty neat, guess it would be even more impressive to people from the 14th century.

[midnightvoyager]

honestly, people just looking at the skull are missing the real deal here

You can read any implied text you see in this thing, even the book, that’s how detailed it is. Look at the painting on those letters!

jesus christ you’re just showing off now, Hans!

HANS OH MY GOD

anyway, the skull apparently had some meaning about the transcendence of death, you can only see it clearly when you can’t see the world clearly and vice versa, but man, I’m all about the detail in this guy’s shit

[queen-sammie]

No, I think you’re missing the real deal here

[anais-ninja-bitch]

as an art historian, i think this is the best post on tumblr

[carrionfionapple]

gay af to be a knight. Why are you meeting another man’s challenge? So you can seek him out one year hence?

[april]

cats will be like "mreep" and every human in the vicinity will be like yes maam youre so right you know everything we love you

[inter-stellar-dust]

Everyday schedule

[nyctosaurid]

the thing all sherlock holmes adaptations get wrong is making the guy an irredeemable asshole who treats everyone like shit . not only is it not reflective of the original stories they miss that “nice, smart, well mannered dude who snorts coke when he needs to think” is possibly the funniest character ever devised 

[aerialsquid]

I feel like the modern equivalent is that guy you think is super well put together until you find out exactly how much red bull he ingests on a regular basis.

[domicileensnared]

Modern Sherlock is that very nice English Professor-seeming guy who you bring a problem and while walking from the door of his office to his desk he starts explaining the entire solution you need

And upon reaching his desk he’s like “Excuse me one moment.” and pulls out one of those huge Monster canisters they legally aren’t allowed to make anymore, cracks the whole thing, chugs it, takes a deep breath, and then nods at you and is like “Alright, and then what you need to do is…”

[younggayanddoingokay]

Imagine how much better the dynamic of bbc sherlock could have been if they did this.

[kaylapocalypse-deactivated20201]

why even modernize it to energy drinks??? coke didn’t go anywhere. we still have coke. energy drinks aren’t NEARLY chaotic enough. 

Its is more like you hiring some guy to do private investigation about how your husband maybe cheating on you and Sherlock comes to your house high as fuck. Walks into your living room and without taking a moment to even talk to you or sign any paperwork, he turns around—pupils as big as god—and just says

“Its your best friend Brenda. I’ll email you the invoice.” 

and walks right out of your house. 

[bairnsidhe]

Because when it was written cocaine was legal and even considered healthy and useful by some laypeople, even though doctors knew it wasn’t, and Watson was always trying to stop people from encouraging Sherlock’s addiction because HE KNEW BETTER.

So consider this, Holmes, at 2am, desperately searching the flat for the stashes of NOS cans, only to keep coming up with passive aggressive pamphlets about the dangers of caffeine overdose.

Watson wakes up to a stench like Satan’s ass to find Sherlock sitting by his bed with a re-heated pot of cold brewed Deathwish Coffee that had been hidden in the back of the toilet tank (brewing) for five months.  Sherlock is trying to say he’s proud of John’s cleverness in finding most of the stashes, but he’s passed into the fifth dimension and all John gets is a creepy vibrating grin and a sound like a shaken cat.

TLDR, Sherlock did die when he fell off the Falls, but he was so coked up his body didn’t stop moving until like a decade later.

[shadowmaat]

Sherlock as one of those cryptid types the baristas talk about (there’s a post floating around somewhere) who comes in and orders a venti with as many shots as they are legally allowed to add, plus a few more for good measure (and a hefty tip) and then adds energy drink on top of it before chugging the whole thing, to the absolute horror of the cafe staff.

[junietwohundred]

This is the kind of Sherlock Holmes discourse I demand on my dash. Bring me more!

[itsclydebitches]

Further discourse! Everyone is missing the fact that Sherlock used cocaine to “escape from the commonplaces of existence” when he didn’t have a case. The drugs are a substitute. Which means that when you hire him he’s stone-cold sober and JUST AS WEIRD. 

So it’s more like realizing that your flatmate with the caffeine/sometimes drug death wish will only chill the fuck out when he has some strange mystery to unravel, so you spend your free time scouring reddit posts that might actually feature a real missing person. Or a ghost. You really don’t care which at this point. When you finally find something your flatmate is THRILLED and straight up stops eating because he thinks he can survive on intellectual curiosity alone, and yeah that’s not good, but it’s better than what he was doing to himself before. Your success is comparative, okay? You stick around for the meeting partly because you’re curious, partly because this is your home too remember, and partly because you’ve found that writing up these insane excursions helps pay off your student loans. Your Patreon is thriving. The entire time your flatmate is interviewing this poor SOB he keeps breaking into manic grins and you’re kicking him under the table, trying to help him remember that others aren’t happy about a death in the family. Halfway through he pulls a cigarette from a stash in his smelly bedroom slipper, offering the client one and yeah, that’s very nice, but… no. No thank you. He’s dressed impeccably and has a violin worth millions just lying on the floor, but the flat as a whole looks like a tornado just blew through and there’s something growing on the walls beside the makeshift lab. Is he rich? Dirt poor? Impossible to tell based on the surroundings. The entire time he rattles off observations about the client not at all related to the case and his continuing good mood depends entirely on how impressed the guy is. If he mentions “magic tricks” or “I saw that on Youtube” you’re prepped for damage control. 

By 8:00pm you’ve finally convinced your flatmate to look up from his research and go half on a pizza, but the second it gets there he shrieks in excitement and runs out the door, demanding that you follow with your legally dubious gun. You apologize profusely to the delivery guy and double his tip, begging him not to call the cops. No, not because you’re afraid of arrest, you just know the head of the local precinct and he’s a pain in the ass. 

You run after your flatmate knowing damn well you have to be up early tomorrow because despite maintaining a private practice you still don’t make enough to get your own apartment. 

You are living your best life. 

[janetm74]

That last post…nailed it

[tjwock]

Reminder that most of Sherlock Holmes is now in the public domain.

Like…. just saying.

[maramahan]

Personally I see Sherlock as ADHD and no one will ever convince me otherwise

I mean — it’s textbook hyperfixation/understimulation right there — I Also forget to eat and sleep and do Human Things when I’m vibing with whatever makes my brain go, and I Also take (medically prescribed) stimulants when I need to think. And Also adhd understimulation makes mundane existence an agony that one will do nearly anything to escape but at least in the modern day we have things like video games and netflix so it’s a little easier to actually get that escape without y’know completely self-destructing along the way (Sherlock Holmes plays Among Us to fill the void between cases change my mind)

And while it’s entirely legit that a modern ADHD sherlock might self-medicate with energy drinks and home-brewed toilet-tank-coffee, I’d LOVE to see an adaptation where Sherlock just. has a prescription?

So instead of hunting down his secret Bad Habit Stash, John could be like “hey, sherlock- the pharmacy called, your meds are ready” and then sherlock would be all “LATER JOHN IM ON A CASE RN I DONT NEED THEM” and John’d be like “sherlock no that’s not how that works”

And then later once the case has been solved and the existential agony of understimulation sets back in, Sherlock could be like “hey John pass me my meds” And John might be “sherlock you already took them this morning I saw you” “yeah but they’re not working yet” “dude it takes time for them to kick in” “sure sure OR I could just take more. I missed some days y’know I gotta catch up” “sherloCK NO I am a DOCTOR that’s NOT HOW THAT WORKS” And then sherlock heaves a gigantic sigh and grabs a can of RedBull that’d been stuffed between the couch cushions and John like swats him with a shoe or something because SHERLOCK NO do you KNOW what that stuff DOES to your HEART PLEASE STOP

[madenthusiasms]

I want this more every time it crosses my dash.

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

Dr Watson: Holmes’ Enrichment Zookeeper

[pro-gay]

[gotterhag]

[a-girl-with-sparkling-lies]

I need everyone to understand the above gif is unedited. That actually played on TV.

[pro-gay]

people keep asking about this one as well

[aavaradeactivated-deactivated20]

[midwest-merman-deactivated20210]

Now THIS is real art