What do you think is Criston Coles story, like, what happened? Because I see that some people are saying that he groomed Rhaenyra and not daemon, in the books I mean. And I get that Criston Cole is around her most of the time, but the term, at least when I searched it up was "the practice of preparing or training someone for a particular purpose or activity." And I saw that one of your posts was saying how Daemon influenced a lot of her behaviours. I can't wrap my head around what is going on and I have been looking at your posts and I just think they're great so I would like your thoughts on this. Also, does the line of alicent saying something about rhaenyra, protection, and Cole have anything to do with this?
In his 2021 blog, GRRM discussed Criston Cole in the books, stating clearly that he is a skilled knight, a kingmaker, and widely respected by both the commons & the ladies. At the same time, he questioned the so-called “core love” aspect portrayed in other interpretations. Importantly, GRRM NEVER stated that Criston broke his Kingsguard vows in the books, which contrasts with how HBO’s adaptation depicted him.
Link🔗
I don’t think either Eustace or Mushroom is entirely correct in their assessments both of their claims contain some truth, but neither tells the full story.
It’s pretty clear that F&B and TWOIAF were written by GRRM to mirror what’s coming in ASOIAF. He used the Methods of foreshadowing in that we can see the Dance is a setup for Cersei’s downfall in The Winds of Winter. Rhaenyra’s story is basically Cersei’s future both start powerful but become paranoid, hated, and alone. Rhaenyra’s “Daemon/criston” is Jaime, who abandons her for another woman, just like Daemon left Rhaenyra for Nettles. Or criston left her for the Alicent. Both lose their children, their power, and the people’s love. Rhaenyra was denied help by Houses Rosby and Stokeworth when she fled King’s Landing, and Cersei wronged those same houses, so she’ll likely face the same fate. If Margaery (half Hightower) dies like Helaena (half Hightower), that could spark riots and mark the final collapse of Cersei’s rule. GRRM clearly used F&B and its “history” to foreshadow how the same cycles of power and downfall repeat across ASOIAF.
GRRM isn’t just giving a linear narrative he’s mimicking the way real medieval chroniclers worked: layering facts, rumors, and authorial interpretation all in the same breath. When Archmaester Glydayn offers two or three versions of the same event, it’s not sloppy writing it’s deliberate. Medieval chroniclers rarely had one definitive “truth.” They reported what they heard, what was whispered at court, what they personally believed, and sometimes what served a moral or political point. GRRM even signals this with phrasing like “it was said that…” or “some say…”, which mirrors that rumor-driven storytelling. So when we see contradictions in F&B say, the exact circumstances of a duel, a death, or a marriage it’s not an authorial mistake. It’s a tool: a way to suggest that there are multiple perspectives, hidden motives, and political spins all at work. One “truth” may reflect the official or superficial account, another might hint at what actually happened, and yet another might foreshadow the consequences or moral of the tale.
GRRM is deliberately layering meaning through variant accounts, which mirrors medieval chroniclers and gives F&B a multidimensional, almost “meta-historical” feel. By presenting multiple explanations for the same event, he’s telling the reader: don’t assume there’s a single, objective truth different actors and perspectives matter, and history is shaped as much by perception as by fact.
Cersei and Jaime with Rhaenyra and Criston Cole.
In both cases, the text (or the chronicler, Glydayn, in F&B) gives us multiple ways to interpret the interactions between a princess/queen and the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. On one hand, it’s written as a potentially “romantic” or personal entanglement, but on another, it’s deeply political, tied to power and loyalty. The dual readings allow for both interpretations to be true simultaneously: Glydayn may report motives differently depending on the “audience” or political spin, much like medieval historians would when writing for kings, nobles, or posterity.
Cersei goes to the White Tower when her father, Tywin, is trying to arrange her second marriage. She’s cornered politically and emotionally her options are limited, her agency constrained. Jaime, as Lord Commander and her brother/lover, represents a combination of personal desire and power: he’s both a protector and a potential weapon in her life.
As Jaime climbed the winding steps of White Sword Tower, he could hear Ser Boros snoring in his cell. Ser Balon's door was shut as well; he had the king tonight, and would sleep all day. Aside from Blount's snores, the tower was very quiet. That suited Jaime well enough. I ought to rest myself. Last night, after his dance with Ser Addam, he'd been too sore to sleep.
But when he stepped into his bedchamber, he found his sister waiting for him.
She stood beside the open window, looking over the curtain walls and out to sea. The bay wind swirled around her, flattening her gown against her body in a way that quickened Jaime's pulse. It was white, that gown, like the hangings on the wall and the draperies on his bed.
Swirls of tiny emeralds brightened the ends of her wide sleeves and spiraled down her bodice. Larger emeralds were set in the golden spiderweb that bound her golden hair. The gown was cut low, to bare her shoulders and the tops of her breasts. She is so beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms.
"Cersei." He closed the door softly. "Why are you here?"
Rhaenyra goes to the White Tower to see Criston Cole after Daemon is exiled and she is being pressured into marrying Laenor. Again, the White Tower is the backdrop, again the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard is the focus. Criston is a knight bound by oath, but he’s also a symbol of the intersection of loyalty and personal desire. Rhaenyra’s visit, like Cersei’s, is as much about power and alliances as it is about personal feelings.
Mushroom tells a very different tale. In his version, it was Princess Rhaenyra who went to Ser Criston, not him to her.
She found him alone in White Sword Tower, barred the door, and slipped off her cloak to reveal her nakedness
Another parallel of irony and manipulation. Both moments revolve around the idea of “proving love or loyalty through sexuality” Cersei presents herself as still devoted and loyal to Jaime, perhaps even claiming she is untouched or faithful, but the reality is different she’s already been with Lancel and the Kettleblack brothers. This creates a tension between performance and reality she’s performing love or loyalty to manipulate Jaime, to keep him emotionally invested, or to maintain some control over her situation.
It makes no matter who they wed me to, I want you at my side, I want you in my bed, I want you inside me. Nothing has changed between us. Let me prove it to you." She pushed up his tunic and began to fumble with the laces of his breeches.
Jaime felt himself responding. "No," he said, "not here." They had never done it in White Sword Tower, much less in the Lord Commander's chambers. … "Cersei, this is not the place.” “You had best go, Cersei. You’re making me angry.” “Oh, an angry cripple. How terrifying.” She laughed. “A pity Lord Tywin Lannister never had a son. I could have been the heir he wanted, but I lacked the cock. And speaking of such, best tuck yours away, brother. It looks rather sad and small, hanging from your breeches like that.” When she was gone Jaime took her advice, fumbling one-handed at his laces. He felt a bone-deep ache in his phantom fingers. I’ve lost a hand, a father, a son, a sister, and a lover, and soon enough I will lose a brother. And yet they keep telling me House Lannister won this war. (ASOS, Jaime IX)
Rhaenyra, similarly, is said to “prove” something with her body. But we know given her history with Daemon two years prior in 111 AC that she is not a virgin, and her visit to Criston is likely performative as well.
“The door, and slipped off her cloak to reveal her nakedness underneath. "I saved my maidenhead for you," she told him. "Take it now, as proof of my love. It will mean little and less to my betrothed, and perhaps when he learns that I am not chaste he will refuse me."
Rhaenyra going to Criston in the White Sword Tower makes emotional and political sense. She’s just lost Daemon, the one person who embodied desire and defiance for her. She’s been forced into a marriage she doesn’t want, with a man she doesn’t desire, under threat of disinheritance. She’s isolated, angry, and cornered.
Criston is familiar, admired, loyal, and powerful in a different way not just sexually attractive, but a potential ally in a world closing ranks around her. It’s desperation mixed with attraction and the need to feel chosen by someone when her life is being decided for her. Criston, meanwhile, doesn’t need to be the caricature Mushroom paints. Interpreting her approach as an innocent love confession fits his later behavior far better. If he believed she was still a virgin still pure then the Madonna complex is exactly right there. He’s known her since she was a child, watched her grow up, and constructed an image of her that leaves no room for sexual autonomy, so he believed she was still naive and innocent about the prior situation with Daemon before his exile.
And here again our sources differ. That night, Septon Eustace reports, Ser Criston Cole slipped into the princess's bedchamber to confess his love for her. He told Rhaenyra that he had a ship waiting on the bay, and begged her to flee with him across the narrow sea. They would be wed in Tyrosh or Old Volantis, where her father's writ did not run, and no one would care that Ser Criston had betrayed his vows as a member of the Kingsguard. His prowess with sword and morningstar was such that he did not doubt he could find some merchant prince to take him into service. But Rhaenyra refused him. She was the blood of the dragon, she reminded him, and meant for more than to live out her life as the wife of a common sellsword. And if he could set aside his Kingsguard vows, why would marriage vows mean any more to him?
And:
Mushroom tells a very different tale. In his version, it was Princess Rhaenyra who went to Ser Criston, not him to her. She found him alone in White Sword Tower, barred the door, and slipped off her cloak to reveal her nakedness underneath. "I saved my maidenhead for you," she told him. "Take it now, as proof of my love. It will mean little and less to my betrothed, and perhaps when he learns that I am not chaste he will refuse me.”
So he responds the only way his worldview allows: marriage. Not elopement out of lust, but an attempt to make the situation morally coherent. To restore honor. To turn chaos into something righteous.
And this is where it breaks.
Rhaenyra refuses because she wants to be queen. Not because she doesn’t care, but because she understands something Criston doesn’t power is the only thing that will keep her safe. Choosing him means surrendering everything she’s been raised to believe is hers. That refusal doesn’t just reject Criston it destroys the fantasy he’s built about her, about himself, and about what knighthood guarantees. The woman he thought was innocent isn’t. The system he served won’t reward him. Love doesn’t redeem sacrifice. That’s why his bitterness curdles into something ideological. It’s not just sexual rejection; it’s existential humiliation. He doesn’t hate Rhaenyra because she wanted him he hates her because she chose the crown over the story he needed to believe.
In my reading, Rhaenyra doesn’t go to Criston looking for a fling. She goes to him because she wants someone on her side, someone who chooses her rather than the role she’s being forced into with Laenor. From her perspective, that could mean a lover, a confidant, a paramour a private relationship that coexists with her future as queen. Criston reads it very differently. He interprets her coming to him as a love confession, not a sexual proposition. Crucially, he likely still believes in her “innocence” not just sexually, but morally. In his mind, she isn’t the kind of woman who has sex outside marriage, isn’t the kind of woman who compartmentalizes love and power. So instead of taking her as a lover, he tries to make the moment pure by offering marriage. That’s him refusing to “take” anything from her he wants to be worthy of her, and to make the relationship legitimate.
Rhaenyra intends to be queen. She wants Criston by her side, not as the man who replaces the crown. Being his wife means giving up everything. Being his lover does not. To her, that distinction is survivable; to Criston, it’s intolerable. He doesn’t want to be a side thing, and he definitely doesn’t want to believe she’s capable of separating sex from marriage at all. So the rupture isn’t just rejection it’s a total mismatch in how they understand love, honor, and women.
And the book being clear that they never slept together actually. The bitterness isn’t about used-and-discarded sex. It’s about shattered ideals. Rhaenyra moves on quickly, pragmatically, to Harwin Strong someone who fits the role Criston cannot accept: lover without claims, affection without illusions.
Arianne / Arys is basically the control experiment for Rhaenyra / Criston.
His face grew flushed. "Was that all that was required?"
"I told him that once Myrcella was the queen she would give us leave to marry. He wanted me for his wife."
"You did everything you could to stop him from dishonoring his vows, I am certain," her father said.
GRRM shows us, very explicitly and from Arianne’s own POV, how hard it is for a princess to seduce a Kingsguard knight who takes his vows seriously. It takes her six months!!. She has to initiate. She has to persist. And ironically she has to promise marriage. Not sex, not passion, not secrecy. Marriage. That’s the only thing that finally breaks Arys’s resistance. That detail alone destroys the idea that a Kingsguard knight would casually sleep with a princess after one nighttime visit. Arys wants Arianne. He desires her. But he refuses to dishonor his vows unless he can reframe the relationship as something legitimate and future-oriented.
Which is exactly what I’m arguing Criston did. Arys wants to be a husband. Criston wants to be a husband. Both men need love to be morally legible to themselves. The difference and this is where Criston becomes the tragic inverse is what happens after. Arianne is lying. She never intends to marry Arys. She understands the system better than he does and uses his idealism against him. When the plan collapses, Arys dies still believing in her. His tragedy is naïveté.
Criston, by contrast, is not seduced into breaking his vows. He stops before the point of no return. When Rhaenyra rejects marriage, he refuses to reinterpret their relationship as something lesser. He doesn’t adapt he hardens. Where Arys chooses dishonor for love, Criston chooses ideology over love.
That’s why they’re anti-mirrors.
And I’m gonna link all of this back to Jaime/Cersei. All three knights are built around a Madonna fantasy the woman must be singular, she must be loyal, she must justify the breaking of vows by being “worth it”Once that illusion cracks, love turns into disgust or despair. The Arianne passage i quoted is explaining a LOT of things. Doran’s line “You did everything you could to stop him from dishonoring his vows” is bitterly ironic, because it acknowledges how much effort it actually takes to make a knight cross that line. Knights don’t fall easily. They have to be pushed. So yes if it took Arianne six months, promises of marriage, and relentless pursuit to seduce Arys Oakheart, then the idea that Rhaenyra casually beds Criston in a single night is not just unlikely it’s thematically inconsistent with how GRRM writes knights, vows, and women with power.
So…No, Rhaenyra and Criston did not sleep together in the books. The text is actually careful about this. Rhaenyra’s confirmed sexual history follows a clear sequence: Daemon at fourteen (which causes his exile), then the long 112 AC “tour” of courtship and restraint, and only after the break with Criston does Harwin Strong enter the picture. There’s no overlap, and no solid textual anchor placing Criston in her bed. Yes, Rhaenyra likely went to Criston first emotionally and deliberately after being forced into marriage. It fits a young woman who’s lost her desired partner, lost control over her future, and is reaching for the one man she trusts, admires, and knows will choose her rather than a political role.
Criston does not read as horrified or disgusted by her approach. On the contrary, it makes far more sense that he was attracted to her, aware she had “flowered,” but had never acted because of his vows and because he believed her to be sexually innocent. In that worldview, sleeping with her would be dishonoring her not tempting, not thrilling, but morally impossible. So instead, he offers the only framework that allows desire to exist without shattering his identity: marriage and flight. That proposal only makes sense if he never truly cared about her being heir and genuinely believed she would choose love over power. It’s naïve, yes but it’s also deeply consistent with how GRRM writes idealistic knights.
Her refusal is the breaking point. Not because she rejects him, but because she rejects the story he needs her to fit. She chooses the crown. He cannot reinterpret that choice in a way that preserves his self-image or his faith in women, honor, or vows.
Arys Oakheart shows us how hard it is to seduce a Kingsguard knight and how marriage is the key.
Jaime Lannister shows us what happens when a knight builds his identity around a woman’s supposed purity and exclusivity.
Criston Cole sits between them: emotionally idealistic like Arys, temperamentally rigid and later bitter like Jaime but crucially, he never crosses the final line.
“Ser Criston protects the princess from her enemies… but who protects the princess from Ser Criston?”
Unfortunately, we don’t have Alicents POV to fully understand her feelings toward Rhaenyra at that moment.
BUT
At the time, it was a perceptive comment, made before everything became so chaotic. Alicent seems to be pointing out that the 13yo Rhaenyra is in a vulnerable position as an unmarried girl surrounded by men. She’s warning that Rhaenyra should not be too close to Criston, as doing so could lead to rumors and scandals the same kind of rumors that Alicent herself suffered when she was with Viserys & King Jaehaerys. If Criston were truly a danger, why would Alicent allow him to join & remain close to her children??? The point is that Alicent could not and would not spreading rumors about him and Rhaenyra, as any scandal would not endanger rhaenyra’s reputation but also his reputation and potentially put him in danger & a worse position. After all, Criston is a sworn Kingsguard, bound by his oath and Alicent’s words are protective foresight, not an indictment of Criston’s character. She is aware that the real danger comes not from him, but from how others might interpret his proximity to Rhaenyra.
It was stated too “many lords and knights sought her favor” this isn’t evidence of danger it’s evidence of status. Powerful men competing for a princess’s attention is normal political behavior. Favor meant access, prestige, and future influence. It did not automatically mean threat. If seeking a princess’s favor made a man dangerous, then every noble court & knight in Westeros and in medieval Europe would be treated as a battlefield.
The real risk Alicent was pointing to wasn’t that these men were threats. It was that Rhaenyra’s reputation and marriage value can be weakened by them. When she raises concern about Rhaenyra being closely attended by sworn knights, she isn’t accusing Criston of predation. She’s recognizing how rumor and court politics can destroy a young woman’s reputation.
As for Daemon he was grooming her from the start.
Grooming can happen to anyone. It’s just used most with younger people because they’re easier to manipulate. Adults can be groomed too sometimes they don’t realize someone is gaining their trust for their own gain or miss the red flags. Grooming is manipulation, not just older people targeting younger people. Kids can groom other kids, adults can groom adults. It’s not always about sex or consent it’s about power, control, and manipulation.
97–105 AC – Rhaenyra as a child (ages 6–8)
Rhaenyra is born in 97 AC. By age 6–8 (she was still a child, far below the age of consent or “marriageable” in Westerosi standards) she is called “the Realm’s Delight” and begins appearing at court with her father. Daemon returns to King’s Landing after his marriage annulment request is denied.
Princess Rhaenyra was also enamored of her uncle, for Daemon was ever attentive to her. Whenever he crossed the narrow sea upon his dragon, he brought her back some exotic gift on his return.
“Whenever he crossed the narrow sea” is doing a lot of stories. It tells you immediately that this was recurring behavior, done over multiple trips, and it began long before the scandal that people try to blame everything on. GRRM could have written “he brought her a gift once” “he occasionally gave her things” “on one trip he returned w/ a gift for her” but he didn’t. He wrote whenever every time, repeatedly, consistently. GRRM chooses his vocabulary very carefully, and when he wants to describe normal family affection, he uses neutral, affectionate family language. But here, the descriptions of Daemon and Rhaenyra is written with romantic-coded undertones: she is “enamored,” and he is “ever attentive.” Those are not the terms GRRM uses to talk about uncles who simply love their nieces.
For example:
“Duncan became enamored of a strange, lovely, and mysterious girl who called herself Jenny of Oldstones in 239 AC, whilst traveling in the Riverlands”
and
“Laenor Velaryon had grown weary of Ser Qarl’s companionship and grown enamored of a new favorite, a handsome young squire of six-and-ten”
When the book describes normal family affection, it never uses those terms. When it describes seduction or inappropriate focus, it does. GRRM purposely chose language that signals that Daemon’s attention was focused and constant. This isn’t casual gifting. This is sustained, targeted interest that shapes how a child sees him. The book says he was “ever attentive” to Rhaenyra when she was a child (again around 6–8 years old). This means he focused on her constantly, noticed her likes and dislikes, brought her gifts, spent time with her, and gave her special treatment that other adults did not. At her age, this is extraordinary attention from a powerful adult, which can create psychological dependence or admiration, even if the child does not understand the full implications.
Effect Rhaenyra becomes “enamored” of Daemon, forming an emotional bond that sets the foundation for later influence. GRRM is showing the early stages of grooming and psychological influence. By using words like “attentive” and noting that Rhaenyra was “enamored” even as a child, he’s Foreshadowing later manipulation the gifts, attention, and praise set the stage for her being emotionally dependent on him, making it easier for him to influence her as she grows older. Gifts plus focused attention is what makes it grooming.
105–112 AC – Rhaenyra as a young teen (14yo) when Daemon came back.
Rhaenyra is 13/14yo when Daemon begins courting, grooming (again), or preparing her. A girl who has flowered but is under sixteen is in the “maid” category socially considered marriageable but still part child. This is exactly the age where manipulative adults often begin non-sexual grooming, because the girl is old enough to understand praise and attention, but still young enough to be easily influenced, flattered, or shaped. Even in the Middle Ages, nobles often arranged marriages for political reasons at a young age, but actual consummation and sexual activity were typically postponed until around 15–16, when the girl was physically more capable of handling it. Ideally, the couple would also be close in age.
Rhaenyra being 14 when Daemon, 31, begins courting her is well below this standard. Any attention he gives her gifts, rides, flattery, lessons, or more intimate behavior falls into an abusive gray area, even by Westerosi norms. It’s not “okay” or safe this is exactly why historians and readers note how exploitative it is. book canon shows her as too young to give meaningful consent, and real-world historical context reinforces that this age is inappropriate for sexualized attention.
As I said in my other posts…
Rhaenyra did not arrive at “sexual freedom” organically, culturally, or through female models around her. There were none. Aemma Arryn married young, was repeatedly pregnant, and died from duty. Alicent was married off as a teenager, her body used to secure alliances. Targaryen women before her were punished, exiled, locked away, or forced into silence for sexual transgression (Saera, Viserra). So when Daemon enters the picture, he is not reinforcing an existing value system. He is introducing an alien one selectively, manipulatively, and for his own benefit. He sexualizes her while she is still a child, frames secrecy and transgression as empowerment, teaches her that desire equals agency, all while knowing perfectly well that the system will punish her for it, not him. That’s grooming in both a psychological & political sense. Daemon’s version of freedom is not feminist or Valyrian-progressive. It’s self-serving nihilism.
He doesn’t tell Rhaenyra how queens are destroyed by rumor, how succession law weaponizes maternity, or how bastardy accusations metastasize into war. Instead, he teaches her to enjoy secrecy, to equate risk with thrill, and to confuse desire with power. The result is exactly what you point out: everything Daemon framed as freedom becomes evidence against her her reputation, her virtue, her children, her claim. This isn’t accidental. It’s structurally predictable. Once Rhaenyra crosses that first boundary Daemon’s boundary the options available to her narrow sharply. She is forced into a marriage she cannot consummate, politically pressured to produce heirs, already rumored to be “loose,” and one scandal away from disinheritance. Harwin Strong becomes inevitable: he is loyal, physically protective, emotionally safe, politically non-threatening, and already inside her household. She doesn’t choose him because she’s reckless. She chooses him because after Daemon, there are no clean choices left. Harwin is not the cause. He is the consequence.
I’d like to write about how Lysa Arryn and Littlefinger’s relationship is so similar to Daemon and Rhaenyra’s ! Since both Daemon and Littlefinger are basically two sides of the same coin when it comes to grooming. Both are older, powerful men who manipulate younger girls to get what they want sometimes sexually, sometimes politically and they hide it under mentorship and affection. Littlefinger groomed Sansa/lysa the same way Daemon groomed Nettles/rharnyra.
