I was scared of closing my eyes to sleep because you already haunt me in my wake
It’s been a long time since you were home. Sometimes reminice on how you had forgotten the clear fresh air that was monstadt. Everything in monstadt was sweet. The music that could be heard from every part of the street, the food, the drinks, the chilly breeze… but mostly, him.
Ever since you were little, you were weak to the cold winds of Dragonspine. Your little hands would tremble as you’d whine and whine. Luckily, during these sour trips of yours you’d have the company of the boy with the warmest smile in all of monstadt.
“Diluc..” his name felt foreign in your tongue, it was as sweet as the grapes that his father grew on his winery. Has it been that long since you called out his name?
“Is it really you?” You were in disbelief. Scared to let yourself hope but you couldn’t even deny it. Even if his back was turned to you, you could recognize that red hair anywhere. How could you not when he was the fire that rest in your heart?
The cold weather were unforgiving. But it wasn’t why your voice trembled.
He turned back slowly. He couldn’t help but called out to you in return, he himself was also in disbelief, his voice almost coming out as a plea.
You didn’t want to waste a second more.
You ran. embracing him in your arms with tears in your eyes. You felt like that trembling kid again running to a source of warmth, running so excitedly to his arms.
“Oh lulu..” it felt like your heart were ignited at that moment. It was as if you could melt the snow that surrounds you. It had been so long that you had forgotten that you could burn “You don’t know how much i’ve missed you…”
“Where the hell have you been?..” Diluc was angry. Rightfully so. How could he not when the person who he yearns for day and night disappear for years in his life? What gave you the right to take his heart and ran away with it?
But his words only came out desperate instead with the way he held onto you tightly. He didn’t even scold you on how you called him by the embarassing nickname.
“It’s a long story” you sighed, burrying your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m just happy to see you”.
Diluc has been angry his whole life. But here with you in his arms, he can’t even bring himself to wallow in his grievences.
“I’m.. happy to see you too”
His pretentious grumbles of irritation were quick to be silenced and his gaze softens. He doesn’t even hate the fact that he was practically putty in your hands.
“Diluc.. it’s cold” you said, the cold finally creeping in. Maybe nostalgia wasn’t enough to make you immune from being frozen. Your hands trembled as they tried so hard to hug him, trying to keep your grip in place.
“Still can’t handle the cold?” He said sarcastically. If you squint hard enough then maybe you could faintly see the smallest hint of a smile that ghost the corner of his lips. But alas, you were cold.
You groaned as you buried your face in his neck
“No.” You grumbled, not even able to let out a good comeback. Well what do you gotta say? You were cold!
“Alright, let’s get you home” he says.
Home. Monstadt, dawn winery, dragonspine, cider lake, good hunter, the bridge.. all of those places hold so much meaning to you because of him.
Little did he know, he was your home.
Nostalgia is a weird feeling. It washes over you with sorrow and joy simultaneously at the same time
“Remember when Miss Adelinde used to read us stories here? Master Crepus would scold us for asking Adeline to read too many stories”
Where was Master Crepus anyways?
Though your mind drifts elsewhere. The crackling sound of the fireplace soothes your senses bringing you to a state of peace. For a moment you close your eyes taking in the warmth that emits from the fire and the bundle of blankets that wrapped around your body.
“I wish Kaeya was here.. i can’t wait to see his annoying face again!”
Diluc didn’t say anything. What was he was supposed to say to you? admit his relationship with his brother has fallen apart for years now? Yeah he doesn’t think so.. not like he wants to ruin the moment. He only kept staring at you in attempt to seem engage in what you were saying.
“We should dance”
There was an excited look on your face while Diluc only looked at you quizzically.
“Dance?.. as in right now?”
“Yeah, on your old man’s record player. Like we used to. After all, it’s friday night diluc!”
Back then, Master Crepus was the one who taught the both of you how to dance. Every friday night without fail he’d make you dance to a new song on repeat. Your small bodies were a lot more clumsy back then so stepping on each other toes became part of the routine, while Kaeya giggled off somewhere because somehow he always manages to escape. Because of this, usually, you both would start with the biggest scowls on your faces. That is of course before you lock your gazes together and laugh away the serious tension. Every sway and every step slowly washing away your indifference.
“It’s still in the same place…”.
You figured out a few things from Diluc’s sudden change of expression. That one question in your mind was layed to rest.
You walked to the stack of record players, flipping through it.
“This was Master Crepus’ favorite” you held one up to the classical Mondstadt music that once bored you to death, Mercy of the wind. The old man was into boring things. But as your mentor, he made you appreciate the boring classics. It never fails to remind you of home.
You both shared meaningful glances to each other as the music started playing. Diluc smiled extending a hand to you. The featherlight, mellow tune was one that would never be played at a ball or a festival, but it was perfect to make the classic waltz feel a little more fun. And it was your master’s favorite, he was just looking for an excuse to play it over and over again and drive you insane with it.
“My lady.”
Diluc changed his expression to a scowl paired with his stiff stare, seeing this you mirrored his actions doing the same.
“Young master.”
You didn’t waste time to take his hand and get into position. It wasn’t all different from back then, maybe your moves had become more refined as time passes but the grin that replaces the fowl scowl was still very much the same.
“Hey! We’re going too fast”
You were giggling, but a little scared you might stub his toes again.
“Can’t keep up?”
Oh there it is, that smug smile. With how serious Diluc looks now, you were glad to see he could still be playful.
“Hah, As if!”
Despite teasing you, he did slow down his pace, while the whole time he was looking right at you. It was as if nothing could pry his eyes from yours.
He twirls you around before slowly catching you right back to his grasp.
This time you noticed how much closer he seems to be, and how much secure your hands were now that it is interlaced with his. His now ungloved hand felt rough, unlike the small smooth little hand that you used to hold.
You stopped talking altogether in this close proximity. Until now you haven’t gotten a closer look to his matured face. It was quite mezmerizing how the flames from the fireplace reflected on his red eyes. The orange hues definitely suits him. It makes him look almost unreal.
You were lost in his gaze, the music was the only thing that drove your movements. The enchanting piano that played were quite magical now that you’ve heard it again, Each and every sway woke you from the slumber that shackled your sweet dreams. Sweet dreams where you were reunited with him. But those shackles was useless anyways. Because you never even dared to try reach such dreams again, afraid you wouldn’t want to wake up once it engulf your consciousness.
But now he’s here... he’s here isn’t he? You barely believe you were awake.
“It’s quite unfair how you vex me so”
You muttered in a hushed voice, it was followed with the sound of the music stopping, but it was as if the whole world had stopped too for Diluc. You watched as he looked away in disbelief, appalled by your words.
“Do not say things you don’t mean”
Your grip on Diluc’s hand tighten,desprete.
“Diluc.. i don’t think you understand. For years i was afraid of closing my eyes to sleep because you already haunt me in my wake”
Hearing that he lets go of you, it made you question how he was able to take the warmth from you in mere simple gestures. Your mind was racing.. it made you cry out a desperate plea to him.
“Diluc… i- i love y-“
“How can you say that when you don’t even know me.”
He cuts you off, frustrated. He ran his hand up his hair as he took a deep sigh. He realizes he needed to calm himself.
“Look, it’s been years since we’ve met. I’m…not the same kid i was back then”
A lot of things had happened since you left Mondstadt. He has done things his past self wouldn’t even think about doing. He wasn’t that bright eyed hopeful kid anymore. So for him to just sweep everything he did to the side and succumb to his feelings would only be selfish. He couldn’t do that to you.
Diluc felt your palm rest upon his cheek, it diverted his attention to you now. He notices how your calm touch didn’t match your restless expression.
“I love you” you said, this time with full confidence.
“You don’t understand-“
“No. You don’t understand. I look at you and all i see is the only one that i want. I’ve spent years being in love with you so i’m not just gonna stand here and let you ignore that.”
This time you were the one who cuts him off.
You watched as he unraveled, even with the slowly dimming light of the fireplace. The fire was almost out now, leaving only small candle sized burn. But even with such light illuminating the room, you could see his face burn in embarrassment it was also evident with how you could feel his temperature rising underneath your fingertips. How could he say he was not the same boy as back then when he mirrors exactly how he was.
“If you don’t feel anything for me then i’d understand”
It gnaws you in your impatient heart how silent he was being. Now you were taking his hands in yours, practically begging.
“If you tell me to leave, i’ll do it. I won’t ever dream to come back.. but please.. say something”
He shook his head, laughing. As if you were just telling him a funny joke. You didn’t quite know how to feel in this situation..
“You’d best believe you have a better chance of becoming the next Anemo Archon than me letting you leave again.”
You felt him move away a few strands of your hair away from your forehead before he gave you the most featherlight kiss. When he pulled away you couldn’t help but feel the surface of your skin that he touched with his lips, wanting to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Like hell you could go anywhere else.
“Don’t ever leave me again” he muttered a desperate plea. “I-“
Diluc was about to say something more before he saw the look on your face. You were impossibly starstruck by him. He would laugh and say you looked stupid, but instead he did something equally as stupid.
“Diluc..”
You didn’t know what you were going to say anymore, whatever you were going to say next were cut off with the feeling of his lips on yours. This time much different than his previous peck on your forehead. He placed your hands on his shoulder so that he could pull you in closer by your waist.
“I love you too..” he said as he catched his breath not even wasting a second to dive again to continue to kiss you. “Archons.. i love you”
“I love you”
“I love you”
“I love you”
He said over and over again in between kisses as if it was a chant to keep him sane from all his pent up emotions. Each and every time you could feel his breath on your skin. It made you weak, your knees would buckle and shake but his strong arms would keep you in place prolonging your kiss.
It was incredibly embarrassing how long the kiss had lasted before you finally heard the uncomfortable cough of someone else in the room.
“Miss Adelinde!.. it’s good to see you..”
You both practically jumped when you realized.
“Adelinde.. as you can see, she has returned..”
It was hard to take you both seriously with your clothes being disheveled with your matching lipstick smudges. You both couldn’t even look at her in the eye.
“Yes, master Diluc. As i’ve observed” you could tell it was hard for Adelinde to not sound like a beyond sarcastic in this moment but she tries her best. “Welcome back young miss. I’ll get a separate room ready for you in no time.”
“Sorry to bother you at this hour, Miss Adelinde”
You laughed awkwardly trying to walk past your current situation.
“Don’t worry. This place is practically your home, young miss. We have missed you, some more than the others it must seem”
Diluc didn’t even say anything in retaliation. He just stood there looking guilty even as Adelinde walk away to get your room ready.
You would’ve preferred meeting the woman who practically raised you in different circumstances but what’s done is done you guessed.
“You have a little lipstick on your lips Luc..”
He sighed when he wiped his face realizing why Adelinde looked at him so weirdly.
“It’s fine”
“Let’s go wash up by the sink”
He hummed in agreement taking your hand in his to lead you to the sink, as if you didn’t know this place like the back of your hand already. But you didn’t protest, taking advantage in having his hand in yours. You only wish this could last forever
(Yo i needed to smoke 5 cigarettes and play frank sinatra on repeat to finish this, lmk if yall want part 2 💋)
Could i request a similar fic to that one teru minamoto angst one you made shit got me down on my knees, perhaps unrequited love or more of the classic he loved her too late type shit🫂
On that night..
Teru X Reader
It crept on him like a quiet rain, but when it finally cleared. He saw the light
“You’re hurt..”
Despite already defeating the supernatural, your partner still ended up badly injured. It was one of those uneventful nights where you encountered a regular level threat. But even small mistakes can be fatal in your field of profession and this case it was because of you.
“Yeah? Tell me about it”
Said Teru as he sat down, holding his bleeding arm. The blood lost had made him lightheaded, making him fall ungracefully down to the floor. He leaned his back on the decaying door of the haunted house. The moonlight that cascades down from the ceiling cascades down to his form highlighting the red that stains everywhere on his clothes.
And it was because of you.
You didn’t waste time to pull out your medkit. With years of harsh training, it was hard for you to believe that you had to use it.
“Lift your sleeve”
you were too focused on his gashing wound that you didn’t see his brows knitting together in indifference.
“Let me do it”
He groaned, trying to take the bandages from your hand, he was greatly unsuccessful.
“Let you do it? You can’t even stand.”
You scoffed, lifting up his sleeve yourself. The wound was deeper than you had anticipated. You weren’t one to complain about blood, but seeing the deep wound that was caused by your incompetence does made you panic.
“I told you. Let me do it.”
His tone was cold now, letting you know he really didn’t want to let you tend to his wounds. Though he hissed in pain as he covered his arm, trying to stop the bleeding.
You were so scared that his mind was slowly slipping that you weren’t quite listening to him until now.
“What the hell is wrong with you?! I’m trying to help you here.”
You were growing desperate as the clock kept on ticking. You were scared. You were scared you might lose him.
“Ohh you always think i need your help, don’t you?”
He was getting worked up over something you didn’t even understand at a time like this.
“What are you talki-“
“Like the election?”
He made you quiet.
You alongside Teru were both candidates on the Kamome highschool president election. You were sure to have many votes in your name. Well that is if it weren’t for you forfeiting right before your campaign.
You had previously thought no one had paid any mind to it. After all, Teru was a great candidate as well. But turns out there was one. And that one person was the very reason you quit in the first place
“You just had to quit right before the voting weren’t you?..”
You didn’t realize that your actions would make him angry. After all you didn’t care about the election as much as you did him.
“You were always gonna make the school president. So why fret over this?-”
At the day of the election, you were planning to go on that stage, and deliver your prepared speech. But as you sat backstage to listen to him, you thought that you had spent so long being Teru’s partner that it felt so odd to be competing against him. So you dropped it just like that.
“I don’t care! I won because you let me. Don’t you get it??”
To be the eldest son of the Minamoto clan comes with many responsibility Teru wasn’t used to earning something so easily. All his life he had to work hard for everything. His mother dying early in his life made him internalized that believe. That was his way. That was the only way.
So he wasn’t very fond of handouts
“Teru-“
“It’s Minamoto to you.”
You knew you and Teru didn’t need to get along. The ties that your family shared with his was more of an obligation than friendly. You two didn’t have to be friends as long as you work together. But after years and years of bonding, even calling Teru by his family name sounds wrong to you. He was your Teru, your partner, your best friend.
“I don’t want your help. Why don’t you get lost already”
He wanted to create distance that you both know has long been nonexistent in your friendship, and you understood that.
But there was no other person that had such a special place in your heart such as him. So in that moment, you chose to set aside his harsh words.
“Lift up your goddamn hand right now”
You said, impatiently. Becoming desprete by the second
“Just-… just let me help you. Please.”
Teru was about to say something. But he froze when he saw your eyes welled up in tears.
For a moment he didn’t speak anymore, finally letting go of his bleeding arm to let you treat it. Hatred still froze his heart though he had to admit, seeing you cry after all these years made him reminisce to the times where you’d cry during training. One time it was because he had accidentally strike you down too hard with his training wooden sword that you burst into tears because of the pain.
At that time he held onto your hand while you were being bandaged by his mother as he apologized over and over again. He was scared you might not want to partner with him anymore. It wasn’t much of a fond memory, but he looks back on it once in a while.
Although now Teru has became too prideful for that.
You still stayed as his partner. And even without him apologizing for his words you still tended to his wounds.
“Why is dropped from the election.. it was because i think i’m in love with you.”
There was another silence. Teru looked at you shocked at your words. You said it so simply.. as if you’ve thought about it for quite some time but he could tell you were a bit nervous with the way that your hand slightly trembled
What.
By this time, the tears that welled up in your eyes finally came pouring down with your confession.
The empty house was filled with all but silence. You dreaded that silence.
By the time you were done with his bandage you gathered up the courage to look him in the eyes. But he was looking at anywhere but you.
“Don’t say such things again to me”
You figured that he wouldn’t love you back. You can accept that. But you didn’t know he’d be so disgusted by the thought of you loving him.
Was you loving him such an atrocity?
“I understand”
You said, it felt empty. But it summarizes how shitty you’re feeling right about now.
“Let’s get you home”
You said, helping him to stand up with wrapping his unharmed arm around your shoulder to keep him steady. You didn’t say anything as he looked away.
The walk home was silent. Today was the most silent the two of you had ever been with each other. Teru was deep in thought, and you weren’t much in a mood to talk either.
He didn’t understand you. You loved him? Is that why you’re pulling all this stunt? Quitting the election? Tending to him? Helping him? Your confession seem to shook him so much that he wasn’t thinking about the school election anymore
Teru didn’t even think to ask about why you harbored feelings for him… it’s all so foreign to him that he couldn’t help but run from it.
“Teru, i’ll take care of the supernaturals. For the time being, focus on getting better”
Your calm voice interrupted his train of thoughts, somehow it mirrored the quiet dead of the night. Without he realize it, he was now in the small arms of his little brother.
You put on the biggest smile as if you weren’t just wiping your tears just a few blocks away before you reached his house. It was the kind of smile that Teru had never seen when you were ever genuinely happy. He knew it was different because every time you are alone with him, that smile never seems to appear.
“Will you be alright taking care of him?”
“Don’t even worry”
Kou said reassuringly, it made you smile on how responsible he had become.
“It’s late, why not stay the night?”
Teru watched you take a look at him, for a second he could’ve sworn he saw a glint of tear in your eyes.
“Nah, i don’t think that’s a good idea”
Seeing it’s now well past midnight you bid your goodbye to the Minamotos made your way to your not so far residence.
After that night, Teru had been left with an open wound in his heart. He had admittedly said some unpleasant things to you… he regrets it. On top of it all he doesn’t know where to begin with conversations like this. Even as he walked himself to his class he was still confused on how to talk to you.
“Some people mistakenly dropped their love letters on my locker again”
You said, handing Teru a pile of pink envelopes assumingely some girls confessing their feelings to him once more. It was common for people to mistake your shoe locker to his considering it is right next to his and considering it’s the school most popular boy… sometimes there’s piles of it. A normal Monday for Teru Minamoto.
“Oh- thanks”
Time passes and school had started again. Teru had thought a thousand times on how to talk to you but it seems you beat him to it.
“How’s your arm?” You quietly asked
Teru was a master at small talk. It’s a required skill that comes with being well liked. But when it comes to you…
“It’s getting better now… thanks for..that”
He’s totally lost.
“No problem”
Despite being incredibly vague, you seem to understand what he was trying to say, while keeping it casual. It just makes him feel awkward feeling like he’s the only one affected from that night.
Teru opened his mouth to say something, but he quickly retracted when he saw you. Your eyebags seem to be more prominent and you were writing notes from last week class. It was clear that taking all the exorcist work all by yourself had affected you.
Should he ask about how you’re doing? Would it be a good conversation starter? Or does it make him look like he’s just looking out for you out of formality? It would be hard to avoid you considering how your seats were next to each other in every class but one, you’re both in the student council and on top of that you work together… he really should stop himself from overanalyzing and start-
“You look horrible”
Teru’s train of thoughts were interrupted with an annoying sound that came from an unnamed classmate. He made himself comfortable sitting right in front of you, his elbows were on your desk as he leaned on the palm of his hand staring at you. Just who does he think he is? Out here insulting you and then getting close to you??
“Tell me about it”
You rolled your eyes as you rested your head on your palm, mirroring his actions. He was a bit close but it didn’t seem like you minded. Just why were you indulging him?
“Here”
There was a sound of a canned bottle being placed on your desk. It was your favorite kind of coffee from the convenience store. Teru watched as you raised your eyebrow.
“A little thank you gift”
Before you could say anything, he just stood up and left. Teru noticed how incredibly close you were with the guy. After all you were never the type to be dismissive of someone you barely knew. Funny how he had never seen you act that casual to other people besides him
A few moments pass with Teru’s aggravating stare boring holes in your head
“That was Mikio from my english class”
English, the only class that you don’t share together.. of course.
“I helped him with his essay a few days back”
“Oh, i didn’t ask”
He was practically seething… out of curiosity that is. He tried to seem casual like he usually is with you, but it just came out rude. He regreted saying it seeing how your expression suddenly stiffens.
“I thought i’d let you know, Minamoto.”
You said it with that one smile that he thought he would never be the receiving end of. It hurt him more that he thought it could. He forgot about that. He cursed himself for even saying such stupid things to his one only genuine friend.
“You know i didn’t mean that, right?”
He looked away, feeling a pit of guilt on his stomach. Not long after he said that, Teru could hear a quiet sigh coming out from you. How he wishes he could turn back time.
“I understand”
You always seem to understand him, Teru wonders if you ever get tired of understanding. Maybe it’s never not tiring…
“I want you to know i’m sorry for what i said. You didn’t deserve that… you’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you”
He vomited words that he would never say before, throwing away his pride. You were worth more than his pride afterall. Teru didn’t even remember why he got so mad in the first place.
You looked at you with this glint in your eyes, as if you had been waiting for him to say that. It disappeared as fast as it came though, being replaced with a small smile from the corner of your lips. You were glad that he was honest with you and you didn’t have to continue acting like strangers for more than 2 weeks.
“Let’s just.. go back to how we’re used to. I’d like for things to stay the same”
“Right! Me too..”
Well that was what he said. But nothing was ever the same anymore.
Months pass and everything was different. You were different. It was as if you were a little bit more honest now. Your usual polite smile has now been replaced with one that was genuine, he could always tell. It was a slow gradual change.. And Teru always notices your subtle growth.
Teru was a lot more different now too. He became a lot more perceptive.. and that was mainly from observing you. It became his new habit in which everytime he doesn’t know where to look, he’d turn his gaze to look at you.
As time passes he realized that it wasn’t because he doesn’t know where to look, rather.. he just likes looking at you. Another thing was he became more nervous around you. Back then he’d have no problem in close proximity to you.. but now? Even the slightest touch of your elbows to his could set his face on fire. He was damn good at hiding it though.
Other than that, it didn’t took long for Teru to realize his feelings. He’d spent years denying it if it weren’t for one random day…
It was 18th of May. Rains weren’t that much common during these months but that day it was raining heavily. You had forgotten your umbrella and Teru had “lost” his. You both waited the rain together in the classroom as you exchanged mundane everyday topics. Nothing happened, you didn’t go out and played in the rain with him like he’d seen on the movies, you didn’t kiss him or anything like that, you didn’t change your appearances in any way. In fact it was plain in comparison of the many rainy days you had shared together. But it was on that day that everything clicked for Teru Minamoto. He was hopelessly in love with you. It wasn’t a loud realization.. it was quiet like how the rain would quietly stop and after a while, you’d see the light.
Teru was in love with you…
Teru was in love?? and with you.
That was a lot to take in for him. Many sleepless night he’d spent wondering how it came to be. He didn’t feel like he deserved for his feelings to be reciprocated. Considering he once didn’t reciprocate yours. So what is he to do with this weighing feelings of his?
“Teru, are you listening?”
You called, waving your hand close to his face
“What is it?” He asked, so gently finally snapping to reality
“I’m asking for you to cover me for the day, i have a date remember?”
Oh. Yeah.. that. He supposed he knows what to do with his feelings now. Yup that’s right! Let it die.
“Of course, i can do that”
Jealousy has never been pleasant. It poisons him from inside out, leaving him making rash irrational decisions. But today he isn’t going to let those feelings define him. You’ve always been nothing but kind to him, of course he’d help you.
“Thank you, you’re the best”
You said giggling as you took your leave.
Somehow it felt like it wasn’t fair to Teru that Mikio get to spend time with you while you don that beautiful smile on your face…
Is this how you felt when you were in love with him? Unapologetically pathetic? No it was probably a lot less desperate than him. After all it was now him who was left alone.
The student council room was quiet with only the sounds of Teru’s pen and the ticking of the clock filling the room. This room never felt this empty with you in it, even though you two would spend hours of working without saying a word. It’s funny how you just left and not a few hours go by and he misses you already.
If you ever went on a date with him, Teru wonders what kind of date would be left to be experienced when you did everything together. Every corner of the city had a memory of you and him its like he could hear your voice in every street, every road and even in his own home...
He laughs to himself in pity. It was too late for him to miss you and start wondering about such silly things. But he’ll miss you anyways.
(YO THIS IS SO SHITTY I’M SORRY 😭 also so sorry it took this long, i finally have much free time on my hands and i’m proofreading this on 2 AM so sorry again if there are some things that doesn’t make sense or typos)
hi, so I find comfort/solace in your Tanjiro fics, specifically the kimono one, so thank you. It really helped me in a way. Like I was really sad and your fic helped me. Thank you once more.
If it’s not too much to ask, can you do something similar with a request I have in mind? Where they’re married and he’s having one of those “im falling for my wife.” or “she’s so pretty.” moments while she’s sleeping? Absentmindedly touching her hair and caressing her cheek? Basically some cute morning fluff, tooth rotting morning fluff. If it’s too much to ask, it’s alright. I understand. But truly thank you. 💗
EEEEK THIS IS SO CUTE.
Next To You
Tanjiro x fem reader
Nothing would make me happier
Synopsis: Morning cuddles, that’s it
Ever since Muzan had been defeated, everything had gone right for Tanjiro. Nezuko had turned back into a human, his friends lived together with him, they don’t have to work day and night for money, they have plenty of food on the table and a bountiful of happiness.
Deep down inside, Tanjiro had a growing pit of fear that everything that he had worked tirelessly upon would be taken away from him. In truth it wouldn’t be the first time for him. He was scared that one day his luck would run out and that familliar anguish would rain a snowstorm of despair back to his conscious. Everyday, no matter how mundane, he would be accompanied with these thoughts.
And it was the worst by the time Tanjiro asked your hand in marriage. He was fully convinced that it was truly the day that his luck would run out. It wasn’t out of his self inferiority, it was more in a way that he can’t imagine his dreams of being happy with you could actually come true.. he had everything already, even you as a precious companion. Is it right to be greedy? To want more?
But despite all his inner self quarrels he still asked you to marry him. Despite every standing obstacle, his love for you had overshadow all.
Though when he first uttered his proposal, he already felt guilty. Because when he did so you started crying. All sorts of thoughts ran through his mind seeing your tears spilling down your cheeks. Oh gods! Did he say something wrong?! What did he do?? Did you hated him so?..
As Tanjiro’s mind continues to run in circles, you managed to let out a few words.
“Nothing would make me happier” you stuttered all the way through your sentence, as you wiped away your tears.
What?
What did you say?
Despite his ruptured eardrums he still managed to hear you loud and clear. But he was still scared to make himself believe that happiness.
“Tanjiro??” You called out to him, he had been silent for a minute
“You..want to marry me?..” he was hesitant in letting himself hope
“Yes”. You stated, loud and clear for him to hear.
He couldn’t believe it. Was this real? He wasn’t still stuck in that train now was he?
“You do?!”he shouted.
“Yes!!” You shouted back.
The next thing you knew he was crying. He kneeled in front of you with tearful eyes and didn’t stop spouting about how he will make you happy and how he’ll love you forever. He sobbed as he hugged your waist tightly. Probably the tightest he had ever held you before. Only in that moment, the thoughts in his heart stopped tormenting him.
He still thinks of that day often. Especially when he is cuddled up beside you underneath your futon. You didn’t need to share a futon but you may or may not had lied about being really cold in the morning.
It was already noon, but he didn’t have the heart to wake you up. You deserve days where you can rest and sleep to your heart’s content. You worked hard for this peaceful life as much as he did afterall. Well he can’t argue wanting to admire you to his heart content wasn’t a part of his reason.
Back then he never thought he would be the lucky man to marry you. Now here he was building a life with you.
“My wife..” he said, smiling to himself as his heart swelled with glee. “Sometimes i just can’t believe it”
Tanjiro fell for you because of how strong you were. It was an undeniable admiration. Everyone could practically see how smitten he was everytime they saw the way he looked at you while you train. His eyes were glued to you like nothing else had matter. Your stance was firm, like nothing could bring you down. The way you strike was nothing short of a master’s work, like you could cut down any obstacle in your way. To him, you were outstanding. And he could not afford to pry his eyes off of you everytime he gets a chance to see you in action.
But that was what he thought then. Now, you don’t have an obligation to lift up a katana. You could just live your life and take a rest as much as you like. During these peaceful days was when Tanjiro saw another side to you. Something more gentle.
For example your sleeping form right now. Back then you would be the one who was waking him up for morning training. Now you could just sleep away your exhaustion from your previous nightly escapades.
He moved aside strands of hair that was covering your face. But his hand couldn’t help but linger for far too long.
“Beautiful” you are breathaking.
Tanjiro rest his head on his elbow to take a better look at you. Your relaxed expression was far different than your usual harden gaze accompanied with the faint sound of your breath that sounded melodic, serving as a reminder that you were still here. He never thought you could look so..precious.
“You’re not going anywhere, right?” He whispers, muttered underneath his breath.
He’s scared. Perhaps he’ll always be because family what happened to his family. But you’re still here right?
Tanjiro didn’t anticipate you to scooch in closer to embrace him in your sleep. The way you held him by his waist calmed his overflowing thoughts. He was glad he could have this life. He was glad he could live to be with you.
You’re still here
And other than that, in this proximity what else could you expect other than loads of kisses?
By the time you woke up, he probably already placed a kiss in every part of your face.
(A/N:sorry for the long wait anonym, i just figured out how to open my inbox lmao)
same anon who made the Tanjiro ask, you have such beautiful writing, I admire it truly. You don’t have to post this one (ask) publicly, just something you should know. 💗
My name is Mahmoud, and I'm a 17-year-old from Gaza. The ongoing war has devastated my city, destroyed my school, and made daily life incredibly challenging.
Despite these hardships, I'm determined to continue my education and build a better future. I've been given a chance to study abroad, but I need help to cover the costs of leaving Gaza, as well as living expenses and other essentials abroad once the crossing opens.. 🙏
If you can, please consider donating or sharing, your kindness can truly make a difference, and thanks for your time. ❤🍉
Synopsis: For as long as you could remember you only had one purpose. And that is to fulfill your bloodlust. So you never thought to crave salvation, let alone in connection. Especially from the 4th fatui harbinger who was far from compassionate. Yet from the way she pours you her attention, how could you not be left wanting for more?
“Have you ever loved?”. You asked, the feeling the soft motion of her brush running through your hair stopped as you felt her stern gaze placed upon you. Though you continue to keep your arms locked around your knees, patiently waiting for her answer. Anticipating something fulfilling to past the time.
You hunged your gaze to the small window in front of you, the moon light that invited itself in had always been enchanting to you. Like a forbidden call of freedom from the outside. You bask yourself in the light as if you were tasting freedom in itself. But her touch was just as strong as the call of night. It almost felt like a tethering constraint that tugs on your heatstrings. Is this what they call attachment?
“Why is it that you ask?”. Her voice was calm like the night, one that always soothe your ache in loneliness.
Her brushstrokes continued to glide across your tangled hair. Battlefield had always left many knots up your hair, but no matter how unimportant it may seem, The Knave always made sure every single one of it were undone every night.
“I had to kill again today”. You said, it lacked remorse and empathy . You were already too far gone to possess any of that fleeting emotions. “2 people, lovers i believe”.
Arlecchino listened intently, but it was rather an irregular topic of yours. Because you never even gave a second thought to the people that you killed.
“I just didn’t know death could look so… Peaceful with the one you loved in your arms” you contemplated. Arlecchino was done with your hair, she heard a small thank you coming out of your mouth. Though she didn’t speak, noticing you were sorting out your thoughts.
“Have you ever felt such love?” You asked, awe unmistakably laced through your voice.
A chilling pause overcame the air for a moment. Though you weren’t that emotionally adapt to notice it. Funny how she could easily slice your neck with her scythe at every given second, though every given time e she always chooses not to.
“Once”. She stated. She had loved someone, as much as she was capable of loving anyone. Which was never enough.
“Really?!” You quickly turned to face her, she would never admit it but your childlike wonder had always allured her to you. It felt like a thin thread was pulling her towards you every time she saw that glow of wonder in your eyes. It was nostalgic, almost reminiscent of someone.
Arlecchino could feel the bed shift as you got closer to her, in a proximity that would let anyone to believe that you didn’t know the meaning of personal space.
“How did it feel like? Did it hurt?” She knew everything was foreign to you despite you being older than her. It made her realize just how sheltered you had been
In this proximity, she noticed the way the light that peaked through your window illuminated you. In her eyes, you shine in a different way, it was as if she could see through you. So fragile and delicate. She also noticed the many detailed precised scars that couldn’t had came from battle. One on your forehead more prominent than the rest. In a way and the other, she was seeing you in a different light.
“It was the worst pain in the world” she said. Dead serious.
Seeing you gasp as your face contort in horror light a small fire in her. To her defense it is not everyday anyone gets to see this coldblooded war machine being afraid of such exaggerations. Amusement may be an overstatement. But clearly there was something about you that always manages to make her come back knocking on your door.
“It was merely a jest”. she says, as she plastered a smile she would put on to please diplomats. She pulled aside the strands of hair that were out of place to the back of your ear “i apologize for making you afraid”.
“I see… so that was fear”. You simply deducted. You wondered if your expression had mirrored those who you killed. “It was rather unpleasant”.
You noted the way the knave softly spoken to you in that initial moment, you’ll make sure to utilize this new knowledge.
“It is unpleasant, yes.” Said The Knave who had never felt true fear.
“Do you think it could be possible for me to love, Knave?” You continued your line of questions.
Despite being an open book, the knave could never figure out the nature of your mind. In truth she doesn’t know. That’s what makes your company so enthralling.
“Hmm, i don’t see why such thing would be impossible”. She carressed your face, her sharp nails slightly scratching at your skin. You can’t help but melt into her tender touch.
Her confirmation alone brought a sense of relief in you. You didn’t know why before both of her hands started to move to hold you. Her hands were cold. So cold that one wouldn’t think she was alive. Yet her cold hands could set your skin on fire everywhere it touches you. The black skin on her hand resembled that of the finest silk gloves in teyvat, her long dark red nails serving her more elegance. Her touch by itself had left a permanent imprint on your mind you didn’t think you could live without it.
“I think i love you” you declared it so casually like it was just another mundane thing. It mirrored the way you would mindlessly talk about your everyday activities.
It was rather strange. In all her life she had never heard those words being spoken to her. So is it really wrong for her to not take this lightly?
It took her a second to process your words. But before she could speak the door to your chamber slammed open with a loud thud.
Arlecchino internally rolled her eyes when she realized who was at the door.
“Isn’t it a bit late for your time of visit, Knave?” Despite his brash movements, The doctor spoke with a calm manner. He was right, it was past midnight. She felt like she got caught, in a way.
Could it be that she was so focused on you that she forgot to counter in the time? And was she really that immersed in your company that she didn’t sense The Doctor’s steps as he was coming?
“It seems that time passed me by rather quickly” She said as she poised herself to be more presentable, letting go of you. You understood it wasn’t a good time to be upset with your creator here.
“I hope you don’t mind me taking them away. We have important matters to attend to.”
Dottore extended his arm, calling you to aid him by his side. It was probably going to be another unsightly experiment to your body. You mourned the fact that you had to bid your departure with The Knave in such way. Though you were happy about this fruitful meeting. The thought about this day would bring a small haven of relief in your mind as The Doctor finds new ways to toy with your already rotting flesh and bones.
Though what objections can you give to your own creator?
“This late at night, doctor?” Arlecchino protest. You were about to stand up before you felt her stop you in your action.
“This simply cannot wait. You see..” as Dottore continues to explain the extent of his research, your mind wonders elsewhere. It had became a habit of yours to disassociate with his ramblings, truly you didn’t care for his cause. Because no matter how unimportant or important it was, there was one thing that would sure be true. It would be painful.
Though when your mind had wandered away it was easily brought back with a single snap of her voice.
“I won’t let you”.
Arlecchino had always carried herself with an apathetic demeanor. Some would say she was cold and heartless, but you could only see every part of her as graceful. She was the most beautiful thing you had layed your eyes on. Though you never thought she would have yet another side to her. One more ragged and impulsive. Yet you couldn’t help but think it was just as mezmerizing.
“Your overstepping here, Knave”.
As Dottore went closer, you could feel Arlecchino’s protective embrace around you.
“I don’t care. They’re done having to deal with your unsightly experiments.”
You never thought the X in her eyes could shine in this glow, as her black irises stared Dottore down in such an ominous way. You couldn’t stop yourself from examining the way her blackened hand that was so used to caressing you clenched in a way you hadn’t seen before. It made you wonder if anger had ever looked so beautiful on someone.
“What fascinating reaction.. did you forget one small detail that you had no authority here?” He simply stated. His sharp teeths peeking through his menacing smile.
“I don’t. But i won’t hesitate to make the House of Hearth your enemy if you dare lay a finger on them.”
Dottore was taken aback with this. It had just occurred to him that she was dead serious.
“You wanna try me?” She states. Bold and unafraid.
The room fell to a silence as you awaited for The Doctor’s answer. It felt like the longest 5 seconds of your life.
Dottore was your creator. You didn’t know if it was intentional when he had created you, but you have a strong attachment to him. Which only adds to the suspense.
“Haha! Now we wouldn’t want that would we?”he laughs. More amused than offended, knowing damn well what was going on.
“I could only wonder why you were being so persistant! But i shall leave you to it then”
As Dottore waltz away you could hear his laughter echoing through the hallway.
“Do not hesitate to tell me if he ever does anything to make you suffer” she states as she walked away.
Some parts of herself were ashamed to her children that she put everything down the line to protect you. It was rather out or character for her to do such uncalculated things. Let alone it was uncalled for and brash.
But before she could walk past your door you stopped her.
She turned to face you, surprised that you manager to caught her off guard.
“Thank you” you said.
It was foreign to you. You and her both knew that it was your first time saying such words. Because up until now, you had no reason to say it.
“Anytime” she said.
Were you imagining things? Or maybe The Doctor had sliced the wrong nerve on your brain during your last experiment. Because what you were seeing must not be real.
You could see a faint upturn curve on her lips. And after a second, it was gone.
No, that can’t be it. You shrugged it off, going back to sleep.
(A/N:yo my head was reeling when i write this but im working on a req rn i think it’s so sweet i can’t sleep until i get to the base of it😟)
Tanjiro frowned upon your reaction. It seems that you weren’t happy at all with his gift... Ah! He should’ve known better! Of course it wasn’t to your liking.. he felt disappointed in himself thinking he had already failed you as a husband.
“I’m so sorry.. i was at the shop when i saw this. Maybe we could browse together sometimes to see another one that fits your preferences?..” He nervously laughed, how he tried to hide his disappointment broke your heart.
“No no! It’s not that i swear!!” You retort. Flailing your hands around in panic, trying to convince your husband that what he thought was not the case at all. “It’s more more than lovely”.
You smiled down the light kimono in your hands. The beautiful fabric felt softer than any of the yukata you have ever worn in your life, you could stare forever at the intricate floral designs on the kimono. It was enchanting how detailed it was while still being subtle. It perfectly matched the beautiful and rich color of the Obi.
Perhaps after a week of being married to you you, Tanjiro had already noticed how you didn’t own any Kimono in your possession. Your side of the closet only contained various versions of your old demon slayer uniforms and some tattered Yukata here and there.
It was a thoughtful gift. You would treasure it forever if you could. But you knew Tanjiro would be a lot happier if he sees you wore and appreciate it rather than to have it sit in the dark to collect dust. But that’s exactly the problem..
“Tanjiro.. i don’t know how to wear a kimono”
Least you could say, the evident expression of disappointment on his face was replaced to one of shock and guilt.
It’s not like he pitied you or anything of sorts. It’s more like he felt guilty that he didn’t put your background into consideration. You had once told him that you were dirt poor. You and your family could barely afford food and shelter. Let alone afford new clothes..
Even as a demon slayer Tanjiro knows that you mainly only worn your demon slayer uniform or the patient attire everytime you’re recovering at the butterfly mansion. Maybe it was for the fact he saw you so less with your homely and normal Yukatas that he couldn’t put 2 and 2 together and come to a realization himself that the first time he actually saw you in a kimono was at your wedding.
So Tanjiro feels that it was rightfully stupid of him to not see that coming.
“I see… but you don’t have to worry about that my love!” Though Tanjiro recovered fast, that bright smile finding it’s way again to the corner of his lips
“‘Cause i’ll be here to teach you”
It was embarrassing to have your husband of all people teach you how to put on your clothes but you weren’t going to decline his help seeing the glimmer in his eyes.
Step 1: Undergarments
Well you can get that down by yourself, though the part you were worried about was to stood in front of Tanjiro in only your undergarments.
But when it finally came to it, you felt an odd sense of security. You didn’t mind his presence at all… maybe it was because of the way Tanjiro prioritized your boundaries above all else in this moment, she doesn’t waste time to oogle at you or say anything. In fact she just smiled at you and moved on. Nudity isn’t something to be embarrassed about in marriage, Tanjiro understood that it was normal and it made you feel safe.
If anything, he was just worried that you might get cold. So he hurried to put on the petty coat of the Kimono.
Step 2: First layer
The next step was the first layer of the Kimono.
“This is the first layer, lift your hands please” he asked, the Nagajuban was ready in his hands
You did as he asked, allowing him to wrap the Nagajuban in place, he did so left over right.
“Can you hold this for me? Your collar needs adjusting”
You nodded, taking the end of the front of the Nagajuban while he adjusted the back of your collar to not touch the back of your neck. You wondered what took him so long for him to just stood there.
“Tanjiro-!”
He got distracted. He just couldn’t help himself but place a kiss in the back of your neck
“Sorry sorry!” He apologized for his surprise attack, despite not being sorry at all. Before he started to wrap the Date-jime on the underwire of your torso.
“Remember, the Date-jime should be on your underwire, not your torso”
“Right..” you say mindlessly, your mind still replaying the kiss he had gave you just a moment ago, as he secured the Date-jime in place, looking at him intently.
But before you could admire him any longer, he was already done.
Step 3: Kimono
Finally you had come to the part where you could put on your Kimono, it would be a lie if you said you weren’t looking forward to it. Though as he slipped the fabric for you, from the sleeves to your torso, you realized that it was long. The fabric of the Kimono reached all the way down to the floor.
“It’s a bit long isn’t it?” You nervously asked, afraid you might stomp on it if you were to wear it outside like this.
“Well don’t worry about that” he lifted the fabric on your bodice to the length of your heel “you’re supposed to wrap it around like this to lift it dear”
He calmly explained, watching your surprised look seeing the kimono secured in place with a Koshi-himo
“Woah! It’s shorter now” you walked to the mirror, as if in awe. Tanjiro finds your child-lie wonder endearing. Though truthfully it wasn’t anything impressive
“It’s nothing special really” he tried to humble himself. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him. He grew up in a big family. Teaching his siblings to dress themselves weren’t much of his duty. But he was willing to do so in order to help his mother. But the fact that he loves his siblings didn’t make it as much as a chore as anyone else think it is, after all he loved them with all his heart. It didn’t need to be his duty. He’d do it no question asked.
Well… he still loves them. He did and he always will.
And now you’re his family too.
Step 3: obi
After securing your Kimono in place Tanjiro carefully wrapped the second Date-jime before securing it in place once again.
“My love, i’ve lost count of the many belts that you had wrapped on my torso by now” you sighed, knowing there’s still more in store for you.
Tanjiro only laughed charmingly before placing a sweet kiss on your cheek.
“We’re almost done, don’t worry”
By now, he had moved to tie your obi for you. The long sash of obi had already been sewn and altered so that you didn’t have to fold it before using it.
You watched Tanjiro’s focused face on your mirror as he stood behind you once again to carefully tie your Obi. You quite didn’t understand how he was able to do that because after defeating Muzan, he wasn’t able to move his regenerated left arm from forearm down, it was quite amazing what he was doing right now. He had been talking for a few minutes about how to tie it, but you weren’t exactly focusing. This time you were the one who was distracted. Your mind wandered to how you had wanted for him to kiss you again. But you knew it was an endless pursuit cause after one and the other, you’d only grown to want more.
Tanjiro moved to tie the Obi-Jime so that your obi wouldn’t fall apart. But it wasn’t before he was done with the finishing part (Obi-age, for a touch of color, some would say) was when he realized you weren’t paying attention. You weren’t paying attention to the kimono at least..
“Did you get that?” Tanjiro tested and with his words you were pulled to reality
“Wha- huh?” You said, finally snapping out of it
“Oh.. i’m sorry Tanjiro. I don’t think i quite understood” you say, only a little guilty.
Maybe other people would be annoyed to be face with this predicament. But Tanjiro was Tanjiro.
“That’s fine” he said, smoothing out a few parts of your Kimono absentmindedly
“In fact you don’t even have to learn”
“Huh? What ever do you mean Tanjiro??”
You were confused at his words, was he angry at you? You wouldn’t say his tone or expression is exactly angry..
“What i mean is that you don’t need to learn how to wear a Kimono because i can just dress you everytime you need” he had said, his beaming smile were brighter than the sun itself.
But his statement was jarring. You couldn’t possibly let him do that!..
“No- no! You can’t possibly do that? I wouldn’t want to burden you..”
After the battle agaisnt Muzan, your body had became injured greatly, least to say some parts doesn’t work as well as it used to. You already need his help as it is and now you’re burdening him with dressing you? That’s unacceptable. And suddenly, it wasn’t about the Kimono anymore, and Tanjiro wasn’t that dense to not notice
“Do you honestly think that i don’t enjoy every second i spent catering to your needs?” He’s so sickeningly sweet. Sometimes it feels like you’re going to get a toothache being married to him.
“Darling, your stubborness is both your best and worst quality” you said, you didn’t know what you did to deserve him.
You held his hands in yours, one was wrinkled and skeletal and the other still had callouses from his days as a demon slayer
“If i could spend the rest of my days to make you happy then i’d be the happiest man alive”
What a waste of precious time. You thought
As same as Tanjiro, you had also unlocked your demon slayer mark. You and Tanjiro didn’t have that much time left, only having a few years till you were 25 years old.
But with so little time you became to realize that you couldn’t help but wish you’d spend it all with him, you know you’d be yearning for more. But how can you not be greedy when this is the person you’re spending the rest of your life with?
“Do you honestly think that i’m not my happiest when i’m with you?” your words paralled his from earlier. Tanjiro couldn’t contain himself but to embrace you, you could basically feel his smile radiating off of him.
Though he was careful to not mess up your Kimono. Not that he wouldn’t fix it for you no matter how messed up it became anyways.
In that moment, he secretely hoped that you would never learn how to wear your Kimono yourself, so that he could just do it for you instead. Not that you objected upon his proposal from earlier.
+bonus:
“Darling, i know how to put on socks already”
He carefully held your feet, slipping the Tabi socks so that it fits perfectly. He had handpicked a geta that perfectly matched your Kimono in advance, wanting to doll you up.
“I know that” you got up instinctively with him. Following his actions were a habit that you hadn’t even realized you developed.
He lead you to the mirror, beaming in excitement to show you the final results.
“Tada!” He beamed. Presenting yourself to the mirror. Though he immediately got distracted upon taking your full image. He could just sigh in awe every moment he looks at you.
“My wife is so beautiful..” he sighed again. Lifting your hands to place multiple kisses on it not wanting to mess up your perfectly done hair and make up.
You and your husband spent an hour dressing yourself up with zero intention of going out. Though Tanjiro still finds it wasteful to ruin your shared efforts just yet.
But maybe that thought quickly dissipated away with the pleading pout on your lips, wanting a kiss.
His face grew red at your expression, he finds you so incredibly adorable, he couldn’t even bring himself to resist you. There were no words needed to bring himself to close the distance
(A/N:I watched multiple tutorials on how to wear a kimono for this fanfic💀💀 it was mainly based on this video tho. Tho i didn’t get into detail and i erased some parts of the Kimono that was used in this video that may not had existed in the Taisho era. If you’re looking for a real tutorial tho, watch here if you’re rlly curious. Also the lady’s voice there was rlly calming lmao i think i almost fell asleep while taking notes and writing this)
It’s hard being casual when you always find ways to litter little parts of you in my life
Warning: explicit
Unison gasp exhaled from both your lungs, it felt like your chest could be crushed by the tension alone. You could get off with the way he held your you by the back of your neck, it felt as if your body could burn away by his touch and he of course was well aware of this. You only wished Kabru’s piercing eyes wasn’t so fixated on you the whole damn time you’re trying to undress him.
You hate to admit that it made you a little nervous. You knew that he was taking your every little reaction into account. It made you feel somehow vulnerable. No matter much time had passed, you could never get use to it
“I told you not to psychoanalize me while we’re getting busy here, Kabru”
You were expecting a heavy teasing coming your way, he knew you were into his dirty talk, so he tends to be vocal during your intercourse, it was more weird to not hear him say anything.
“My bad” he quickly said, caressing your cheek ever so softly, before slowly dragging your hand to the button of his pants “continue”
He hides away using your crave for physical affection to his advantage. You would’ve probably skimmed through it if it wasn’t from how distant he seemed. He was trying to hide something. It wasn’t evident whatsoever.. but you could tell like he does with you that he wasn’t really into it this time.
Despite Kabru’s efforts, you retracted your hand before placing a sweet kiss on his cheek.
“Maybe not tonight Kabru, i don’t want to soil your clean sheets just yet”
the disappointment was evident in his eyes, but it wasn’t out of a want for intimacy on his part. It was for the fact that he failed to deceive you, he failed to control the situation, he miscalculated on the outcomes of your behavior. But most of all, he failed to please you.
You saw right through him. And it scares him.
“I’ll make us dinner, i was thinking steak tonight.” You finally broke the silence, distracting Kabru from his thoughts
“Feeling fancy are we?” He rested his head in the palm of his hand as he watched you get dressed. You hummed in respons giving him a wink.
As soon as you buttoned up your blouse, you waltz your way to his kitchen, which wasn’t far away considering he was staying in a cramp inn.
“You’re getting skinny, i need to feed you well” you had said as the sound of you preparing food filled his ears.
He layed there, still shirtless, the scent of his freshly washed sheets filled his nose while the contact of the fabric ignited multiple indecent memories of you and him. He gets addicted to the feeling of your skin pressing on his. It was the driving force of all your meetings. But he couldn’t say it was all physical…. At least on his part.
He reminisced upon your words just a few weeks ago in the tavern as he watched you cooked. He wondered if the weight of this relationship was equally heavy to you as it was to him, knowing well the scales were imbalanced.
“It’s casual” you had said to your friend, a pen pal that he had never met, who previously asked you about ‘that guy you were seeing’.
Your words felt like a pang to his head. Casual? Well of course it was.. It’s not like you two outright agreed to a commitment filled relationship.. but it’s natural to think you’ve begone to care for him by the amount of time you spent together. Was he really getting the wrong idea?..
“It’s not like this is going anywhere anyways” you said before continuing to drink your beer as your friend laughs
At that moment he could vividly imagine the scales were tipping down on him and lifting you up.
It bothered him that you think so little of him. But it bothered him more that HE was bothered. Just why the hell was he so mad? He internally screamed thinking of the implications, burying his face to his pillow. You didn’t pay any mind to his frustration, too busy simmering down the two steaks on his stove.
“Dinner’s ready!” you voiced plating two steaks across each other on his dinner table, even lighting up a candle for him.
As he sat himself watching the steam off the freshly cooked steak, and practically homemade fancy date was that he wondered…. Was this casual?
The thought to strangle you cross his mind. Why would you even go to this lengths just to fuck him on the weekends? Was he really just some guy you seek just for a quick sex? His curiosity burned him like an unending itch that he couldn’t scratch.
“Easy there”
You wiped off a smudge of sauce from the corner of his lips. If he wasn’t chewing so menacingly maybe he wouldn’t be so messy
“Thanks” he said shortly. He wasn’t even hiding his irritation, purposely clanking his cutlery.
“You wanna tell me what’s wrong? I can tell you’ve been mad at me”
Kabru’s blue eyes looked at you piercing through your soul. That was probably the first time you ever said something direct to him, it felt breathtaking and frustrating at the same time because he could tell that your words were completely empty.
He wanted to say that you tidying his room for him every chance you get was far from casual. Bathing him that one night because he puked all over himself after being intoxicated wasn’t casual. The way you would cook for him every time you come over wasn’t something casual. Your stuff littering his closet wasn’t casual.
But he couldn’t. Because if he were to yell all those things to you and finally hammering some sense into you would mean he had to say that he wanted to be more than casual. He would have to admit that he genuinely enjoy your company. He had to be honest. And he might actually have to kill you if he ever does that
“Haha! You’re overthinking.. Maybe you’re tired. What about staying the night?”
“I was planning to anyways” you said, talking to Kabru always felt like you were planning a war strategy in your every move. Walking on eggshells would be an understatement knowing his analyzing skills. So it’s better not to press him.
The rest of dinner wasn’t quiet, though maybe you would’ve preferred that hearing his subtle questions to get you to spill your whole backstory once again. Your head hurts from dodging all his questions from shifting the conversations and giving lame excuses. You were more than relieved to go to bed.
“How’s your party? Those guys doing okay?” you asked, a lousy attempt on small talk on your part, recalling a hazy memory of you socializing with Kabru’s party at the tavern
It’s hard being casual when he had introduced you to all his friends
You snuggled close to him, his arms carefully embracing you. It felt natural. Like you and him were meant to be. He could imagine holding you in his arms every night in the future and he hates himself for it. He never knew meeting someone exactly like him would be both a bliss and hell at the same time. It was truly tiring to be at war in every conversation with you, but usually he doesn’t have to think much of it from how busy he was fucking your brains out
“Everyone’s doing alright.. we might go back to explore the dungeon in 2 days” Answered Kabru, you could feel his fingers playing with your hair absentmindedly
“Don’t forget to eat yeah? You always get so skinny after your adventures” he hates how you worry over him. And he hates how he likes it.
He asked to himself looking down to your now sleeping form. Your legs tangled beneath the his sheets, the one that you washed for him. He held you closer as he could feel your breathing fanning down his neck. Does this truly mean nothing to you?
Despite his inner turmoils, he held his tongue. He couldn’t let go.. just not yet.
Because only in these moments was where Kabru could pretend that you two were lovers holding each other throughout the night. At least he could have you in another way other than sexual in these moments.
The night went by faster than he initially thought and by morning, you were gone… as always.
Kabru looked around at the washed dishes, the clean floors of his inn, his neatly folded clothes, his organized closet… his place had never looked cleaner. Yet he was never more a mess. It was as if you had came to his life just to fuck with him both physically and mentally. May the gods gave him strength cause he might not have the self respect to not indulge you in your next visit.
But Kabru sucked it up and dragged himself to the market for supplies of the next dungeon raid. Rin and holm had been waiting not so patiently for him, scolding Kabru for sleeping in again.
“Don’t tell me you’ve been with that merchant again, you look a mess.” Rin says, her gaze scanned Kabru’s disheveled appearance up and down.
Despite his residence always being a mess, Kabru usually upheld a kept appearance. It helps him with gaining trust and connection from other people thus making it easy for him to gain information. Though this wouldn’t be the case after a night with a certain travelling merchant, you.
“You don’t need to worry about that, Rin” said Kabru as he smiled charmingly “i just accidentally slept in a little”
Before Rin could scold Kabru more, Holm stood between the two of them.
“It’s best if we start the shopping” he quickly intervenes . As Rin walks away Holm gave Kabru a comforting look
“It’s okay, just don’t be late next time” said the gnome, as he pats Kabru’s back gently.
And with that Holm catched up to Rin discussing what perservatives would be best to bring tomorrow. Kabru tailed right behind them as they talked. Least to say he was out of it.. occasionally giving feed backs here and there about the length of the trip or expenses, but other than that he was a little quiet. Not as quiet for them to notice at least.
It’s not like Kabru wasn’t a genuine person. He has good intentions and he truly is kind. But he was always great at masking. To hide his true emotions wasn’t something that he hadn’t mastered. But it all seems to get thrown out the window once he’s with you. It’s like you could see right through him as much as he could you and he could tell it terrifies you as much as it did him.
Two sides of the same coin was what you are. He never thought he wanted to be understood until he met you.
“Hey, isn’t that the person Kabru was seeing?” Holm voiced, despite Rin’s protest in trying to hide your whereabouts.
Kabru’s eyes suddenly drift to a small alleyway. You were talking to someone, that pen pal again that you were talking to a few weeks ago.
“You’re actually crazy” your friend laughed as if you had just told him something funny. And Kabru couldn’t help but eavesdrop your conversation.
“You know i can’t miss this opportunity.. this is a once in a lifetime!!”
Kabru pretended as if he were browsing the fruits nearby as he hears you talk, your excitement and fear basically pouring out of your words.
“How long before you leave?”
Kabru froze hearing your friend’s words, almost tipping over the basket in his hand. You’re…leaving?? For how long?
“Maybe in 2 days, i bet you’re going to miss me to bits.” You teased.
“Whatever, you’re the one who’s leaving everything behind anyways”
You weren’t coming back anytime soon. It was evident in your friend’s sudden serious tone. This whole conversation was a whole farewell. Kabru only wished that he could be half as accepting as your friend.
He stood there, ignoring Rin’s harsh stare knowing he was wasting their precious time idling by the fruit stall.
Because before your friend had continue to go on a rant on how you owe them a trip to the tavern you had said something so downright lonely he couldn’t shake his mind on the words you had let out.
“There’s barely anything for me here anyways”
What about him? He wanted to ask.
He was mad at himself for thinking such things.. it’s not like he alone was enough to make you stay. But mostly he was mad at you.
“Kabru!?” Your eyes widen upon seeing him, it doesn’t seem like he wasn’t standing there the whole time. You noticed him at the corner of your eyes as soon as your friend left. Holm and Rin thankfully reading the situation and continued their shopping, not wanting to get in on their party leader’s personal affairs.
“So.. you heard everything..” you sheepishly asked.
“I’ve heard enough”
And of course you were off to a great start.
“I see..” you trailed off. Again, it was as if you were walking on eggshells around him. “maybe it’s for the best. I wouldn’t know how to tell you anyways”
“Just… tell me why are you doing all this..” Kabru’s voice sounded more desperate than he initially intended, it made you wonder what’s inside his mind.
It’s not like he ever escapes your mind anyways.
“A commissioner from the east asked me formally to be part of their trading association, it doesn’t get better than that now does it?”
“What about your job, you’re just going to throw that away?” Kabru’s words was starting to annoy you, and even he could tell that he has passed the thin line between being worried and nagging.
“Well my friend from earlier was happy to take over”
Kabru notices how you crossed your arms and rolled your eyes. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, he needed to calm down.
“Then what about your friends… your family??”
His more careful words just tick you off even more. You hate how he always hides his intention as talks to you. He dances between wanting to please you and dissect you. It’s especially frustrating now that you’re leaving and you can’t figure out what he was trying to say.
“Can you get off my ass? I know what i’m doing. And my friends and family couldn’t be more happy for me so why can’t you??” You spat, turning away from him, frustrated beyond all else.
“Because i want you to stay.”
You turned back faster than you turned around. His eyes were widen, mirroring yours as his hand find its way to cover his mouth, in disbelief of what he just said. It was basically a confession and he couldn’t deny it now.
His mouth open to correct himself, but the growing smile out of the corner of your lips made him swallow his words. Every trials that he thought to try and save himself was lost to the sound fastening beat of his heart.
“Kabru… do you really think that way of m- OW-“
He didn’t know what to do, so he just blanked and punched you in the face
“What the fuck was that for?!?”
You whined as you held him by the wrist, ignoring the growing bruise on your cheek, afraid he might just land you another blow to the face. Though what he said before was probably more shocking than any punch he could land you.
You let go after a few minutes of Kabru begrudgingly saying how he won’t punch you in the face again, you didn’t trust him but it’s better than the other threats he gave you if you don’t let go.
Despite that he had bought you an enchanted ice that was supposed to last longer, said the merchant. He did so that he could apply it on your bruise feeling A LITTLE apologetic for what he did. You find his scowl and how he tries to avoid your gaze quiet adorable despite the situation.
You try calm him down dragging his hand to the beach as a last effort ditch to try and lighten the situation. Perhaps a scenic location would cheer him up?
He sat next to you as he silently held the ice to your bruise for you. You still can’t quite piece together why he punched you in the face but you’ve had more violent sexual intercourse with him that makes it seem tame.
“About earlier..” you hesitantly started, finally breaking the silence. “did you… really mean it?”
You asked, he can’t believe how incredibly fragile your tone of voice was. It was as if you could break any second.
Though Kabru would gladly pick up your pieces and put you back together.
“Yes” he coughed, trying to brush his embarrassment off.
You could only laugh seeing his reaction. You didn’t know what else to do but laugh really…
Everything just seems unreal. The sun setting to a beautiful orange hue, the calm waves of the sea, the soft blow of the wind… but mostly.. it was him. everything felt too perfect that you were afraid you might ruin it. But despite that you couldn’t help but want to connect with him than ever. After denying everything for so long.. is it so bad for you to speak your heart?
“It’s funny how out of everyone in my life, i only waited to hear that from you” you confessed.
Is it casual now? Kabru asked to himself. When you only wanted to stay if he asks you to. He doesn’t want to wonder what it means anymore. He’s done playing guessing games, even if it cost him, to spill his guts out.
“Just please tell me what you’re trying to say..” he asked more desperately he ever had before. you could basically see hope all over his face.
You choked feeling the warmth collecting on your cheeks on the possibility of Kabru actually returning your feelings, it baffles you really that someone as breathtaking as him him could ever want you in any other way than for a quick relief, let alone harbor feelings for you, making you deny any accusations or any of your friends’ remarks. It was never going to happen.. there was just no way.
Yet the way he held your hand now could prove you a thousand times wrong. Maybe you were always wrong..
“I’m saying that i love you, Kabru”
(A/N: maybe it would’ve made more sense if i split this into a two part but like i spent too much time on this already so might as well 😂😂😂 anyways i listened to casual more times than i needed when i wrote this. Love Chappell roan fr)
Is this truly the right decision? You dwelled. The scent of the sea lingered in the air, the sounds of footsteps and people around you was enough to drown you.
You were leaving everything with little money in your pockets. Your stolen dowry surely wouldn’t last that long, you thought. You hoped your parents would ever find it in their hearts to forgive you for what you’re doing. But mostly… you hoped your betrothed would not harbor revenge for you.
Imagining their kind faces turning malicious made you falter. Suddenly the eight hours of horse ride that you just endured felt more than reckless. Maybe you should go back after all.. maybe if you turned back now, they’d still accept you and take you in with open arms.
As you took a step back you were bumped into someone.
You groaned before giving them a short apology not really looking at them in the eye.
“I knew it was them!” You frozed, A familiar male voice filled your ears. Upon hearing that it was as if you were transported back to your home. Back when you weren’t promised to someone you barely know, back when beginning a family wasn’t what everyone expected of you, back when you could have dreams, back to that simple village, back home.
And then you turned around to see that it was some weird unkept guy you didn’t know
You thought maybe you had mistaken someone else for your long time best friend, but then another voice appeared
“Hey, you’re right!!” Said the female voice
You audibly gasped seeing the woman, she was still the same as ever! maybe you weren’t wrong after all. And upon closer inspection, there was no denying it.
“Laios! Falin!!” You gleamed, before you shared a meaningful hug with both the Touden siblings
You almost didn’t recognize Laios with his unkept appearance, his hair growing past his eyes while you could tell he hasn’t been eating enough let alone shower or shave in that matter. You were so glad that Falin didn’t succumb to such things, keeping her appearance squeeky clean.
“It’s been too long” you let go not before you gave them a final squeeze
"We're so happy to see you.. agh- heyy..." Falin protested, you couldn't contain yourself from messing with her short hair upon seeing her signature closed eyed red cheeks smile.
"Are you planning to sail to the island too?" Laios said. Despite his drastic change you noticed that the golden hue of his eyes had never changed. It brought you a sense of relieve somehow. Despite everything, he will always be Laios.
“Traveling together would be nice”
The tone of his voice was rather hopeful. As if he wanted you to come alongside them. And by his words alone you could change your mind.
You thought about how nice it would be to travel together. Maybe you could become adventurers? As hard labour as dungeon exploring is.. you were hoping you could have your chance in it. Maybe now you could have your own room and live however you like, And maybe you could finally see the monsters that Laios was always so excited to talk about.
Aghhhh- you were stupid. You cursed yourself for being so easily swayed by him. The fact that Laios of all people didn't even need to ask you back then horrifies you. How are you that excited to see someone?
This realization came late to say the least. Years of adventuring had gone by and now you’re here. In this very moment. Grumbling alone to yourself about your past recklessness, as your other party members just lets you relish in your own madness (they already know you had lost it so why bother)
It was during your intense thought process that you didn’t notice Laios’ hand inching closer to yours only to falter away.
He wanted to tell you that dinner was almost ready but why was it so difficult??
Hesitant he rarely was, especially with you. But something had changed since last night, it was as if the beat of your heart had ingrained itself in the back of his mind, with each closing distance with you only adding to the fire that was the tune of your heart. It slowly eats him alive, drowning him, suffocating and burning him away with its sounds.
Though it wasn’t until now as he mindlessly observed you that he noticed that the fast and loud beat that was replaying over and over wasn’t yours at all in this moment.
He brought his hand to the left of his chest finding it hard to believe that his heart would beat this loudly for you. Has he always felt this way?
“Oh- Laios!… i didn’t see you there buddy” you were surprised to see Laios seating next to you. He couldn’t be there the whole time could he?? (He was)
You waited for his reaction, but he could only sit there and stare at you like he just had a realization too.
“I think-“
“Dinner’s ready!” Said senshi unknowingly interrupting Laios, presenting another one of his delicious cooked meals. The smell alone could make you drool. It doesn’t matter if it’s a monster as long as it’s good right? You choose not to dwell on the deeper meaning, ignorance is bliss. Some would say.
“What is it that you’re going to say?” You say attention now shifting back to him.
Laios looked like he wanted to say something but he shook his head and retaliated.
“Let’s eat, we can’t have other’s waiting” he stood up before going ahead to where the others are. He didn’t really know what he wanted to say. If Senshi hadn’t interrupted him, he knows that his sentence would just falls short.
Around the campfire everyone ate soundly, maybe it was because the lack of monster trivia on Laios’ part. You can’t help but miss it
It was during this moment that he wonders what is it that he wanted to say? What is it that he discovered? He knew that it was realization and he knew it was about you. But that was about it.
Marcille felt like the tension was rather dry, so she thought she’d finally ask you a question that has been itching itself in her brain
“Was it true that you were betrothed?” She asked, Laios practically choked on his food, it’s not like he didn’t know this, but he never thought to pay any mind to your past betrothal.
“Well, it was a long time ago..”
you wave your hand around, it’s true that it wasn’t a big deal anymore in your life but it does bring a sense of nostalgia in your mind at the times before you ran away from the village
“What were they like?” Asked Marcille, you could by the shine in her eyes that she loved romance books
You hummed before putting your empty plate down
“They were sweet, lovely,caring,hard working and very very stubborn” you laughed. “I could go on and on about how they were but we won’t have enough time”
The way in which you describe your betrothed was as if you were fond of them. It made Laios a little weary somehow. Why was that? It’s not like he hasn’t met them… in fact they were a good friend of yours, despite not getting along that much with him.
“You know by how you described them it would seem that you loved them” chilchuck asked, a little suspicious
Laios awaited your answer practically on the edge of his seat. Well it was pretty clear that you didn’t considering you ran away and what not, Laios said to himself
“I did” the sound of your confirmation was accompanied with the sound of Laios’ wooden bowl falling to the dungeon floor. “How could i not?”
When everyone looked at him he tried his best to seem normal, laughing nervously and saying how his bowl just slipped past his hand suddenly before gingerly picking it up.
“Then why did you leave??” Marcille was basically starry eyed, hearing you talk about your love life was what she had been waiting for.
While Laios was lost in thought. Would you want to come back to your betrothed? If you did loved them then it wouldn’t be outrageous or even wrong to get married to them once all of this is over.. but you would still go one a some adventures with him and fin before you di right?
it’s just that by then Laios had realized that he didn’t want you to marry anyone. He didn’t want his adventures with you and Falin to be over just yet. Such thoughts of you to be wed with other people lingered on his mind and soured his appetite.
“It’s because I didn’t want that life yet you know? I just didn’t want to settle down when i haven’t at least tried to reach my dream”
Your answer was short, Marcille begged you for details but suddenly you drifted the conversation to Chilchuck’s children. Then suddenly her attention drifted away. You chuckled at her antics, you didn’t thought it as nosy really,it was quite endearing to you.
“Do you.. still love them?..” Laios suddenly asked, a little quiet, but not quiet enough for you not to hear, the tint of insecurity was more than evident in his voice yet you couldn’t be more than blind to it.
After a long while you finally thought about them once again. Those days you spent everyday was more than lovely. At the time, you enjoyed their company more than anyone… it would be a lie if you were to claim that you did not love them. But even though you were glad that now you were able to look back at the fond memories you had and appreciate them, you never once wish you would go back.
“No.. at least not anymore” you reminiced, bittersweet it was.
So many questions filled Laios’ head. What if that person were to look for you? Would you come back to them? How long were you in love? He wanted to ask one by one yet only one was able to spill out of him
“Would you ever want to settle down?” Asked Laios.
Your cheeks grew warm. It was a if… he was asking for you to settle down with him.
You mentally slapped yourself for such thoughts. For fuck’s sake that was your best friend you were thinking about! You knew him ever since you were all but 2.
You looked back a few summers back. Back when you were with someone who once used to be your soon to be spouse. Back when you planned a whole future with them knowing that you didn’t actually wanted those things before ultimately throwing everything all away. You remember all the pain, anguish and guilt you felt as you ran away. You never wanted to feel like that ever again.
But.. you thought that if it were with Laios.. it would be different. It somehow just sat right to you.
“I would like that”
You unconsciously smile, you were ashamed to say that you were excited about such ideas, like he meant what he said anyways. You then realize the gentle hold of his hand on yours, his thumb gently rubbing circles on your knuckles before carefully tracing down to one particular finger, perhaps someday where a wedding ring would be.
You wondered why he was making such a ruckus before you looked down and noticed the ungodly amount of blood that came out from an open wound on your stomach. Out of instinct, you hand reached down to press on the wound to try and stop the bleeding, hissing in pain at the contact
That’s right! you were fighting a monster beforehand… what was it? It was shaped like a horse but it was definitely not a unicorn, let alone a kelpie.. now that you think about it, it looks more like a donkey with the elongated ears..
Before you could recall your memory, your attention finally drifts to Laios. There was a peculiar expression on his face, well it wasn’t something comical like how he usually has, it’s quite different. The slight widening of his eyes, the schrunched up brows and the slightly agape mouth wasn’t something you had ever seen Laios expressed in all your years of friendship.
“You’ll be alright.. just stay still.. Im sure Marcille is on her way!..” he muttered “you’ll be alright..”. He pushed aside some of the hair that sticked to your forehead, perhaps an effort to soothe your pain. Not knowing how long Marcille would take to get here after being separated from you and Laios.
Laios held your bloodied hand, squeezing it tightly that he should while your other stayed still on your wound.
By the tone of his voice you would’ve thought he was saying all these things to assure himself. Was Laios perhaps… Worried?..
You weren’t sure. Sometimes the dim litted candle light can be deceiving, you thought, especially in a dark cave like this. Though you know you needed to do something hearing his endless mutterings
“Calm down, Laios” you said, your voice rendering weaker than you assumed. As you tried to sit more comfortably on the rough surface of the cave
“Why don’t you try that healing spell that Marcille taught you?”
“I’m not sure.. i had healed a scratch sure, but this is something entirely different…”
You opened your mouth to say something encouraging, but the blood that you coughed up instead surely wasn’t helping the situation.
“Gah-Ahh!!” He yelled, you found it ironic how he was the one screaming.
“I’m fine dude you..can do it! No pressure..” You said, weakly pointing a thumbs up.
Your ass is far from fine. And Laios wasn’t stupid enough to not notice.
Despite the growing worry that seeps into his mind. But he was determined to help as always, knowing him.
“Okay.. i’ll try”
You let go of your wound, it seems that the blood that seeps out has slowed down faster than you think. With that thought in mind, you guided both his hand to your stomach, squeezing it ever so slightly.
“Alright, just recite the incantation. I can take it!” You said enthusiastically before gritting your teeth, prepared for a god awful amount of pain that comes in healing magic.
He nodded before he starts reciting the incantation that Marcille had worked so hard in teaching.
And painful the spell it was, as you screamed understandably loudly feeling as if you got stabbed once again with no adrenaline helping you in slightly easing your pain. You held onto Laios’ armor the whole time, not wanting to hurt him while he was trying so hard to focus.
After a while, the pain eventually subsided, being replaced by an unbearable itch.
“I need to sit down” said Laios, feeling a dreadful Mana sickness coming his way
You instinctively pat the spot next to you, an odd habit that didn’t take long for your party members to notice. You guessed you just liked to be seated next to him. Well Laios never complained, even now as he obediently sat himself next to you.
“You did well, Good job Laios” it was evident from the closed wound on your stomach that Laios was starting to get the hang out of magic, it would be a lie to say it didn’t fill you with a sort of pride.
Not long after that sense of pride washed away though was when you noticed how awfully quiet Laios had been. You were worried yes but the cling that he has on your arm was what convinced you he was alright. At least he will be once you gave him a moment. Mana sickness surely is a pain, you thought feeling him shift in his seat to lean against you, muttering something incoherent.
“I’m hearing footsteps coming, i’m sure it’s Marcille, we’ll be alright Laios” you said, before Marcille appeared as if on cue
“There they are!!” She yelled, senshi and chilchuck immediately rushed to help you, while Izutsumi scanned the area for monsters.
You were so relieved they had found you and Laios that you didn’t mind the earnest scolding Chil and Marcille was already spouting to you. Maybe it didn’t help the fact that you smiled through the whole thing, well you were just happy to see them!
The rest of the night went smoothly though, your party had found a spot to rest for the night, and a running water. Aside from that, Laios was recovering on his sleeping bag, trying to endure his headache. You didn’t miss the amount of increased staring on his part though, making you wonder what was going on inside his mind.
But you try not to pay attention, as you focused intently on your night watch.
Hours passed, your eyelids were getting heavier to stay open
“You can go to sleep, i can take over from here” said Laios, you could see him a little clearly now that his features were illuminated with Marcille’s light spell
“Laios, it’s not your turn yet” you yawned, noting how you still have an hour left to your night watch
You look around seeing your sound asleep party, the growing love for them that you gradually succumb to was undeniable.
“I know but you just got healed, you should rest more”
“Well YOU healed me and i know there’s still some remnants of mana sickness in your head” you playfully argued
“Just let me do this for you.”
he said, you were taken aback with how desperate he sounded, it was rather emotional. It was by then that you realized this wasn’t just about the night watch
“Laios..”
He looked away.
“Is there something you want to talk about?”
You knew something was up, the growing silence that ensued was nothing but a sure evidence of his troubles.
“Tell me what’s wrong, i’m always here for you” you assured, running circles along his back.
He finally turned to face you. You never knew the golden hues of his eyes could glow in such a solemn way until now.
“What if one day, you’re not?”
The question seem to weigh less to you than it did to Laios.
“Huh?” You were confused, was it because of your accident just a moment ago? He knew that wounds and death didn’t have a severe of an impact as it did in the surface, yet the calm collected Laios could not be more worried in seeing you like that.
“What if by some chance i couldn’t heal you… or even worse you die-“ the sudden pick up of his breath was making you worry. It wasn’t long before he started to hyperventilate.
“Laios-“
“I can’t perform a resurrection spell!… i can barely heal your wound…”
“Laios!!” You whispered yell as you smacked him across the face, his hurt expression could be read clearly as ‘what was that for?’ Despite your burning desire to yell at him, you didn’t want to wake the other up with Laios sharing the intention
“You need to calm down..” you held him by the shoulder “i’m alright and i will continue to be”
He looked at you
His heart was filled with so much doubt. It’s not like he was unsure in your strength, rather… it was doubt that he could even bear that sight once more. The thought of you in so much pain was sure to haunt his soul than you would ever know.
You took his hand in yours, placing it on where your heart would be. He could feel the vivid heartbeat on the palm of his hand, the continuous beat of the pumping organ was steady, paired with the slow rise and fall of your ribcage, a concrete evidence that you were here, alive, and breathing.
“I’m here”
You didn’t know if it would work but the steady drums of your heart slowly brought him a peace of mind.
His breath eventually went back to normal, which brings you a sigh of relief
He lets go, opting to shift himself closer to place his ear on your chest, he wanted to hear it clearly, closer.. closer to you. The sudden contact startled you as your arm fell to a stiff not knowing where place it.
“Your heart rate is picking up” he stated as a matter of factly. As of this moment, you didn’t curse his density to took notice in your behaviour.
“Yeah” you coughed rather abruptly, trying to calm the flush on your cheeks. You were just relieved your party wasn’t awake to see you so embarassed.
You gulped down your hesitance, your hands eventually finding it’s way to rest on his back, before opting to play with Laios’ soft locks as an attempt to distract your mind. You reminiced on the times where he would pay no mind of his appearance thinking it was a hassle, those were definitely not a good phase he went through, but sometimes you did miss his long outgrown hair after he freshly washed it.
you smiled remembering how he lets you braid small parts of his blonde hair as a fragrant scent of mint shampoo would emit from his scalp.
Though you do like his more kept style now, Falin worked hard to learn how to trim his hair after all.
Your train of thoughts soon was cut short when you felt the hold Laios had on you tightening.
“Don’t go. Please don’t ever go away.” He said, repeating his swallowed words from earlier, his voice had found its way to be louder now that he’s calmed down, different from back when he healed you.
You felt guilty to say that your heart swelled in content hearing that. There’s something so incredibly precious to have someone care for you to so much extent that they would feel this way, you were lucky to know you wouldn’t forget that feeling as long as you were with Laios.
“I wouldn’t dream of it”
You hugged him,feeling the tightening grip that he has on your blouse, he groaned slightly feeling the warm embrace, though you kept it short, not wanting to suffocate him.
You and Laios weren’t always together . But even so, the unseperated bond that you had over the years was something that he treasure above all else.
Though sometimes he would dwell on the different path you could’ve chosen. What would happen if you were to accept your betrothal, and get married in that small village? What would happen if his father never kicked him out the house? What would happen if he stayed in the military? What if you never went into that ship alongside him?
Sometimes he could still pick up the smell of ocean in his nose when he recall that fated day. He never thought he could miss someone as much as he did you. A fated reunion, as Falin would say, before he would always brush it off and say it was just some coincidence.
He has only a vague idea of what the future will held once Falin is saved, but truly, he knew he couldn’t imagine a future where he wasn’t with you.
“What type of monster that doesn’t have a heart? Can you tell me about that?” You said, drawing incoherent shapes on his back with your fingers
I'd give you my heart even if i knew you’ll break it
He changed you. In was subtle and painfully slow, but it was far too late for you once you realized the hold that Kamado Tanjiro had on you. He practically got you wrapped on his fingers without him realizing
"I accidently bought an extra haori, on my last mission, i thought it would look nice on you" he said, with that priceless smile of his
Now you never left the house without it.
"That's a really beautiful hairpin [name], it suits you well!"
Now you always wear it.
"I love how this tea is so fragrant, thank you so much for bringing it to me" he says, still smiling despite breaking countless of bones in his body
Now a cup of warm jasmine tea always mysteriously appear beside his table every day he lay to rest in the infirmary.
You truly could get lost in the echoes of his voice calling your name as your heart swells in contentment.
GOD. It was embarassing. Some part of you resented how easily swayed you were when it comes to him, acting like a lovesick fool, wearing your heart on your sleeve. But how could you not? When the boy right in front of you has the purest heart out of everyone you ever met in your life. If it was him, you wouldn't mind having your heart break again and again until it could only be recognize as a pile of mush.
But nonetheless, you wouldn't give him your heart. you wouldn't want him to see how tainted you truly are, a tarred and rotten soul.
The only thing beautiful that truly came from your heart was your newfound love for him. But of course you knew it wasn't right for him to be with someone like you, it wasn't right... you should do everything in your power to stop it. But your selfish desires wanted to keep this feeling. Even if it's only for yourself, and you hated that.
"[Name] you're spacing out again.... are you alright?"
He touched your hand, you could feel the calloused hard skin of his palm under your bandaged hand. The warmth in itself could set you ablaze
"Ah- sorry Tanjiro, my mind was.. somewhere else.."
"That is quite alright.... But are you feeling better now? That tree demon was quite the handful is it not? Haha!” he says, trying to lighten the mood, as he always do. You layed helplessly with 8 broken bones and a harsh scar that dragged from your right shoulder to your left waist, his existance could soothe all wounds in your body.
"You're right!.. Ahaha..ha.." you laughed uncharacteristically dry, trying to make your point accross for him to just go away.
But he only sat himself closer to you, before he starts chatting away about his wonderful day with the water hashira Giyuu, and his soba eating contest. It was heartfelt, heartwarming and so so precious. How you wanted to just listen to his voice all day...
"Tanjiro-!..."
He was cut off from his story, looking at you confused
"I think.. it's time for you to go. I am rather-...tired, i wish to rest"
The doubt and hurt expression in your face sent strings of guilt in Tanjiro’s heart, he was so immersed in your company that he didn’t realize your discomfort.
"I apologize for keeping you at bay, please rest well [Name]!” he said, before he sweetly tucked your blanket and fixed your pillow for you
“I’ll write to you! I hope the letters doesn’t get lost in the way this time too”
The familliar sounds of his steps gradually becoming more faint as he went away
"I'm the worst." You say (you are, there’s no doubt about it)
You sat yourself eyes glued to the drawer filled with Tanjiro's unanswered letters. You slowly took one, and held it close to your heart. You could still smell the dried wisteria flowers that he gifted you along side it.
"Well that was..” a voice suddenly said not visible to your line of vision
“INCREDIBLY STUPID.” Goto said, an unlucky Kakushi that by some unfortunate chance had to listen to your pathetic teenage love story.
"HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE???!!" you said, surprised. Has your instincs as a demon slayer weakened over the course of your bedridden days? It has only been a week??
"Maybe if you weren't so enamoured by him, then you'd notice i've been standing here the whole damn time." The vein bulging out of anger in hid forehead was far from not visible.
He was right, despite your efforts in trying to avoid him, everyone could notice how your eyes still wouldn’t budge away from him
"Can you not?..Don't you see that i'm a heartbroken mess??"
"AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT" he said, as he poked your face aggresively.
You looked at him offended before turning the other way. You both knew the answer
He sighed. He was a 23 year old man, consulting 2 teenagers on their love life. Dream job right here..
But despite his irritated tone. You could tell there was sincerity in his words. You had grown used to his counseling daily over these week.
Well it's not like you could go anywhere else.
"Look kid, i know, you think that you're not good enough for him because of something you did in the past.. but, that kid looks at you-"
"He looks at everyone like that-" you cut off again, before earning an earnest pinch on your arm"
"OW OW-"
"LET ME FINISH." He sighed again "he looks at you as if you hunged the stars, it's wildly obvious. i think that despite what you believe, out of everyone... maybe Tanjiro could forgive you for what you did in the past."
Forgiveness.. could anyone ever forgive you for what you did? You were at fault for the destruction of your whole village. To say that someone in this world would think anything else but vicious of you would be something more self serving.
You were glad you were still face the other way. Because at least you could pretend that you weren't crying over this.
"... you're just saying that to make me feel better..." you said pathetically as you layed on that infirmary bed miserably. You haven't missed a day where you haven't wondered if the outcome would've been different.
"Maybe. But you wouldn't know until you've said something. Don’t throw this away, is all i’m saying" he shrugged, before leaving the infirmary. Leaving you to reflect
You look to the side to find Tanjiro's blade being left behind. He left his sword.. you thought
But it's okay.. you can just ask someone else to retreive it. It's no big deal just don't think about him!
Alone at last..
Alone again.
You were always okay with that. But having to meet Tanjiro, some parts of you could bear to stand it no longer. As if a gnawing feeling to seek his presence haunts your dreams and every waking moment. How could you wish to recover from this? How can you recover from him?
You couldn't..
What if he needed his sword..? You said internally, knowing well he was just going to The Water Hashira’s residence for a meet up. What if he encouter a demon on the way there? Better safe than sorry... you thought, knowing well it's 7 in the morning
The sounds of your steps echoing through the corridor of the butterfly estate, at first Aoi was too busy cooking to notice but the sounds of your painful screech and every huff through your painful steps on the hardwood floors
But your instincts maybe had really dulled because you didn’t hear Aoi coming out of the kitchen
"Going somewhere?"
Aoi says, with the knife that she forgot to set aside in his hand. The murderous aura coming out of her wasn't helping whatsoever...
"....Just taking a walk?.... AhaHA- please put that down, Aoi... "
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RESTING!!" She yelled at you, scolding you for your behaviour knowing damn well you're supposed to be resting.
What you didn't know however was that Tanjiro was already on his way inside the Butterfly Mansion once again, remembering to retrieve his sword.
Though his hearing wasn't that very good after the fight with upper moon 4 making him walk straight to your heated scolding session.
"Sorry Aoi.." you said, in what you could only describe as your defeated cries.
"Aoi-san? What's wrong?.." he said, finally realizing the situation after seeing you sat on the floor while Aoi stood up waving her arms around like a parent after finding out their child did something bad.
Aoi let out a groaned before instructing Tanjiro to escort you back to your bed.
Seeing you carry around his sword though lets him know of your intentions. Seeing that precious smile plastered on his face made you somewhat embarassed... it's as if he could read you easily like an open book. It was as if even if you tried to do anything discreet, he'd found you out everytime. It was as if no matter how many times you run and hide your adoration from him.. that smile would appear and ruined it all.
"Thank you [name], you didn't have to do that...." he said as he sat you on the infirmary bed. "You're
"It's nothing really... but-" you tried to give a rebuttle, trying to downplay your situation.
"And here i was afraid you might be avoiding me for some reason...." he said, maybe he didn't realize it. But that smile could melt you sooner than the power of a thousand suns "I'm glad!.. i really am.."
Oh.. there it is that tingly feeling again.
you're fucked.
"I'm sorry Tanjiro... but, you're actually correct" you could even say he's on the nose... haha.
"I must admit that i have been avoiding you. And trust me it's nothing against you.." oh it's everything against him.
"I want you to know that.. so please do not worry"
You held his hand, the thought he would pull away from your touch hanted your mind, but he sat there intertwining his fingers with yours. You could get lost in him. His touch, his voice, his warmth.. and those eyes.
"Then... would you tell me what happened?.." he asked, the melody of his voice lulling you in a daydream
"I.. i think i fell in love w-" SHIT. That was your outside voice.. you blame him for distracting you in such manner.
"HUH-" Tanjiro were surprised with your words.. pushing a precariously obvious intrest in his tone of voice "W-with who?.. ahaha-" he laughed nervously
"I- it doesn't matter!!" You shook your head violantly feeling him coming closer. The proximity only pushing you to spill all your guts altogether...
"I- it's just that.. it doesn't matter because he doesn't love me back.. you know?... there's no way he would ever accept a heart like mine" you say incredibly negative, waving your hand around like some idiot. Breaking the handholding that was previously established. “Which is why i’m a little down in the dumps lately… but i know i’ll get over it so don’t worry!”
"Ah-" you felt Tanjiro catching your hands in the air and putting them together”
“Anyone who rejects your heart are clearly stupid!” Tanjiro says, rather angrily. “Please don’t be upset.. that person couldn’t began to imagine your value!!”
Well you technically weren’t rejected yet, he may has misunderstood.
“You really don’t have to comfort me Tanjiro.”
“I’m serious..” he pried, wanting you to see his truth “you’re kind. More than you think. You’re sensitive… loyal.. not to mention determined-“
“Tanjiro-“
“It’s lovely. Your heart that is..”
You were taken aback by his words. It’s as if you could hear a sweet melody playing along with the uncontrollable beat of your heart as your cheeks grew warm unwillingly
This moment was nothing but tender, you wanted nothing but to melt in his arms.
“You’re probably the only one who thinks of me that way, Tanjiro.”
Your words rang nonsense through his ears. How can that be true when you take his breath away in every second of the day? If he could then he’d happily spend hours of his day explaining every wonderful aspects of you. He’ll hammer that idea in your head if he could.
"Then.." he trailed of. Breaking eye contact. You missed the way flush spread all over his complexion all this time, only realizing the embarassement and hesitance that was plastered obvious so
"Can i have it?"
"W-wha.."
"Your heart.. May i have it?" He said, fixing his words as he looks into your eyes in anticipation. "That is.. if you're willing to have me of course."
Woah.
...
WOAH?
WAIT....WOAH!?!?!
At this point you don't think you could even give your heart to anyone else...nor even him because your heart has probably already exploded at that moment.
It took you more than a while to process with Tanjiro looking at you, concerned for you, he didn't even know if you were lucid by how many times he called out to you.
"SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT" Said Goto behind you, as he swiftly hit you right in the head. Yup, that does the job
"But- i- you.. i think maybe you-" your words got caught up in your throat as Tanjiro inspects the back of your head right where goto landed his unforgiving blow, that will surely leave a bruise.
You could hear Tanjiro’s worried comments about how mean it was for Goto to do such a thing as he caress your bruise trying to soothe the pain.
"Fix your breath,kid" he said, clicking his tounge in impatiebce before disappearing again, he knows when you need a moment alone. Reliable as always, though it gets creepy how he shows up out of no where.
Despite his harsh punch, you knew he was right. You took a deep breath and exhaled, calming your nerves, while Tanjiro sat beside you attentively
“Tanjiro..” you called his name, you never wish for it to be the last time you do. So you might as well tell your truth
"You.. you're the kindest person i ever known. But i have a background that is beyond tainted, it's not right for me to keep that from you. Please understand that i'm a person who will forever bear the consequences of my sins, i... there's no reality where i can think that i deserve you."
That would go along a fact that maybe there wasn’t a reality where you didn’t yearn for him.
"Don't say that.. please don't say that!" He yelled, now clenching your hands despretely
“If i have to, then i’ll bear half of your sins so that you didn’t need to feel that way.” He loved you, despretely. And it pains him that you thought of yourself that way when he worship the ground you walk upon
“I want you to know that there’s no reality where i don’t love you”
You intended to say ‘i love you too’ you loved him above all else. But the words got caught up in your throat,replaced by your choked sobs
Tanjiro sat there, comforting you, wiping away your tears patiently.
To help people was something that Tanjiro always aspires to do. He does it even without thinking.. but when it was with you, he can't help but overthink his actions would they like this? Would it be weird if i complimented them? Would it be too obvious? At some point he worries the nice things that he tries to do for you ultimately come from the a selfish desire to woo you. He worries it wasn't genuine and it was self serving. He worries that he wasn't doing this right.
But what he worried the most was that he couldn't stop it. He couldn't stop basking in your smile, your light, your attention, your presence. He knew he was getting spoiled.
"Would you take me, even like this?" You said, you didn’t have to give your heart to him, it was already his
My heart calls your name, yet you shall never know mine
Stephanie, this is for you😏😜 (she payed me with 5 rb rupiah and an ice cream)
The careful clank of your cutlery rang through the dining hall, the quiet dead of the night could only serves as an amplifier of every sound you make. At the other side of the unnecesarrily large table with countless of chairs that you know would never be filled, lies yet another meal that had ran cold.
You never minded the peace and quiet. But today is no ordinary day. It was yours and your husband's anniversarry. For once you could only wish to relish in his attention, yet he still wasn't here
Nevertheless you chose to just leave it, wanting to cheer yourself at the comfort of your garden.
Daisies could be seen all through your garden. The beautiful scenery was illuminated by the moon, paired by the sound of the soft trickling hum of water from your fish pond, while the fish and the croaking frogs nearby serving as a part in the symphony.
A perfect evening to spend time with the one you love, you thought.
As your mind starts to wander somewhere else, a cold wisp of wind brushed against your skin, you could only rub it with your palm, hoping for an ounce of warmth. But before you knew it, you could feel hands draping a rather thick cloak over your shoulders.
"My love, you'll catch a cold. We should head inside" said your husband. Capitano, one of the harbinger of the Tsaritsa.
His voice was honey to your ears, far more sweeter than you could ever accomplish.
"Oh you worry too much." You dismissed him, which only left a small frown on his lips.
You had always been sick. That was a known fact from the very moment you two met. But you never asked to be spoiled this much by him from the time he swept you on your feet and married you. Well you didn't mind, it's more the fact that he spoils you rotten than berrate you.
"Even through that helmet i know how you're looking at me" you say, catching his face in your hands, sliding off the slightly heavy helmet to reveal his beautiful complexion.
"Why should you hide this beauty under that helmet?" You say, tracing the skin on his cheek. You knew he lives for your touch.
"Oh please, stop teasing me." he sighed, despite his declines he kept your hands there, you could practically hear him humming in delight.
"You deserve the extra teasing today" you pinched his cheek. His deep melodic laugh filled your ears. It was heavenly.
Truly, you could spend centuries admiring him. From the way his dark locks falls majestically to his shoulder, the strokes of contour of his face and despite all the scars he got from battle, the chiseled way his body were structured were so delicate. It was as if he was a work of art. He was breathtaking.
"You're quite bold with your staring now aren't you?" He says, drawing circles on the small of your back, slyly inching you closer, taking advantage of the situation. It was baffling how his simple touches could send shivers down your spine, setting your heart ablaze.
"Well truthfully i had missed you." You confessed, unashamefully.
"And i you, Darling" he responded, sweetly. You could get lost in those eyes as it shone down yours in 2 bright obsidion hues.
It drowns you in an undespicable madness. It makes you go beyond than you should.
"You know.. we've been married for a year.. and i was thinking that..." the way you were asking stiffens him, he already knew what you were going to say. "Maybe you were ready to tell me your name?" You said, as hope filled your eyes
Though the way he faltered and let go of your embrace answered your question in itself.
"You already know i can't do that." He says as he looks away. His demeanor doing a 180⁰. "That is a line that i'm not willing to step"
To bring danger upon you is a line he would never be willing to step.
You already knew that. You knew if you got to know him then it would put you to a great risk. People would start hunting the wife of the harbinger Capitano and that would be the end of you. That is why he kept you hidden from everyone, and drawing the line from actual knowledge of him and his true identity.
But despite the cemented hard wall that he continuesly build in between you and him, you couldn't help but try to chip it day by day. Until you find yourself despretely digging to this never ending wall.
It was something appaling. To fall for someone despite not knowing who they truly are. You knew his sleeping habits, his favourite cloak, the scent that lingers on his skin, the rhythm of his steps. Every mark, every bruise, every scar on every inch of his skin, yet not his name.
You longed for him more than he knows, you yearn to call his name over and over again until your voice gave out. You want to chant it, whisper it, yell it. Yet you don't even get that luxury despite being his wife.
"I understand" you said. You always had to. Of course you have no other choice than to understand.
"I'm sorry.." he was about to say, but then he gulped down his words seeing you walk away.
Little did he knew, one day those words would just be resurfacing into a sobs as he saw your limp body laying helplessly on your shared bed.
"I'm sorry.. Please- wake up..." He cried as he held you tight. His sobs echoing through the room. It wasn't like he did anything to cause this yet he couldn't help but feel like he was guilty.
Just how could this be? This can't be happening!.. it was the most mundane morning. It was just like any other day..
"My head hurts a little bit dear, i think i'm going to sleep in a little" you had said previously, before he came back bringing your breakfast to you, whose heart was already stopped beating.
It was just a headache?... You just had a headache-!....
He hated himself.
He wished he had at least said something to you. He could at least told you to rest well. Or that he loves you?... Or he could at least stayed in bed with you.. but instead he left you alone. Like he had always did.
The breakfast that he cooked for you was on the floor, plates shattering everywhere. It was reminicent of his state right now. A mess.
Seeing the way your arm was outstretch to the door broke him. How could he be so stupid and not heard you call out to him? Maybe by then he could help you or at the very least share your last moment together and listen to your last words.
Every passing day after your first anniversarry has been difficult for him. Because he had seriously considered sharing what he truly was to you. The good, the bad, the shameful parts of himself... every part of him even. He was willing to give it to you. And it could only be you.
It was what you always wanted... yet he could never fullfill that simple request to the end of your time. And now he shall bear that consequences till he meets you again.
This was heavily inspired by bridgerton lmao, you see what i did there?😛☝️☝️
You're the greatest love i've ever had. I would never wish to be have an after.
You never thought your blossoming friendship could turn into a cold loveless marriage of convinience... but you could do nothing but accept it. Alas, you'd rather be stuck in this type of marriage with Ayato rather than anyone else.
Ayato was elegant, charming, responsible and of course undeniebly handsome. But those are not the qualities that mold the very foundations of your friendship. He has surprisingly a good sense of humor, cracking you up every chance he could. You supposed that sense of humor brings out the color in his eyes. How it could shine a different shade of blue. That sense of humor of course comes with a side of banter. Back on forth to get the conversation rolling is always good banter, you'd say without even realizing the now changing hues of the sky. And of course last but not least, his compliance. People misjudge him, and think that he is a man that is hard to convinced. But that is entirely untrue! Yes of course it can take you a good while when you ask something of him. But in the end he always says yes...every single time. You wondered if you always wondered if you're getting spoiled from his attention. And maybe that was undeniably true
It was something out of the light novels. Friendship that could last forever and perhaps save a marriage while at it. It was as if 2 treads of fate were intertwining together when you were with him. But you could feel his tread detangling itself from yours once you got married.
What happened?
What changed?
It's as if it he wasn't himself...
Truthfully, you weren't yourself now. The bounds of marriage had left you rather...dull or what you would describe as dusted.
So it wasn't entirely baffling to think Ayato would want to seek out another match. A match that doesn't have to be official, a match that would be exciting. A match that he could love.
"Let's go" someone whispered as Ayato smiled as he so ungracefully escaped the estate carefully, and it's literally through a window.
Though you didn't know how painful seeing it unfold before your very eyes.
As you closed it you catched a glimpse of Ayato through the now tiny gap. The sunlight does illuminate everything, but the moonlight had revealed just enough for you to see. He was with someone, hand held with a joy filled smile laced on the corner of his mouth, as he ran carelessly away from the estate. It was as if he knew no bounds, unlike the reality of your marriage.
Everything had changed.
You finally closed the window fully feeling the cold night air seeping in. The truth, in fact feeling much more colder
A good night rest was what you need, before the dreadful morning would came where you had to pretend to not know your own husband's affair.
You couldn't do it. You can't be selfish. Seeing his smile that night was something that worth more than a millions miles of golden yarn. And to take that away from him and interrogate him would be downright cruel. Because you and your husband were a lot of things, but one thing you weren't were vulnerable.
And so be your endless days of ignorance started.
Some people say that ignorance is bliss, but you would beg to differ. You were usually the type to harbor more secrets than you could tell. But this secret has put you on edge more than once.
Because your husband wasn't as slick as he thought he were. You would notice the dark circles under his eyes.
"Did you not get enough sleep Lord Kamisato?" You'd ask. Some part of you wanted to see him squirm in his seat trying to pull out excuses under his ass. But he doesn't even give you that pleasure, only opting to respond with something along the lines of
"Oh, it's nothing"
You wish to pry. You wanted to see the anguish in his face. You wanted some sort of reaction. Just anything to reconnect with him once more.. you needed him. That need has hung precariously over time, and you wished with your every being it wasn't like that
But you held yourself. Your anger, your frustrasion doesn't mean anything to vent or tell your concerns to anyone is out of the question even to Ayaka or Thoma. A wife should preserve her husband's name, not soil it. it's your own problem and you should deal with it alone.
It has been like that, for months. In fact you had stopped asking him about his suspicious behaviour, afraid your words would spill more than you could afford. And before you noticed it, you and your husband has stopped talking altogether.
The laughter that would fill every room you were with him were gone, the banter, the endless silly request... it had vanished as if you two were never friends
You never thought you'd feel alone when you're with him but here you are.
You sighed as you awoke to the harsh reality. It wasn't morning. But you had developed a habit in which you would wake up in the middle of the night and closed the window that Ayato would carelessly left open. Though tonight you didn't feel like going back to sleep. Walking your limp body to the kitchen in search of your escape. A bottle of sake.
If you can't let anyone know about your sorrows, you might as well wash it away with alcohol. At least the burn at the back of your throat wouldn't hurt you as badly as your cold hearted husband.
"Care to share?" An unexpected voice could be heard from the entrance of the kitchen, catching you off guard. Unfortunately you're already too drunk to safe face
"Ayato.. did i wake you up? *hic* im sorry.." your head was starting to blur, but you could tell that silver blue hair from a mile away.
He sat himself down beside you, pouring himself a cup.
"Your facade doesn't seem to falter even when you're drunk huh?" He says, resting his face on his palm, as he swirls his drink with another
Your head was filled with daze. But that sentence could sober you any time of the day
"You...y- you knew?" You stuttered, the alcohol was getting to you. So maybe not so much as sober you up, maybe just mess you up internally?
"I wasn't trying to hide it." He says, the look on his face felt pitiful to you. But you don't even care, feeling your patience ripping up at once
"I..i know, we agreed t-that we didn't have to be faithful to one another when we got married. But the least you could do was acknowledge me!? Why do you act so... so cold!?" you struggled to put your mind into words, not just because of the alcohol. But because you just weren't used to lashing out on him
It was a mutual agreement. But the idea of him running off with some other person aggravated you more than it should. Maybe it was for the fact that you felt alone. No matter how many times your parents or your friends visit, no matter how many times you go out just to escape. You always felt like there was something missing. You felt like your heart uncomplete. And you felt like the inevitable doom that is your loneliness was inescapeable
"Ayato why did you have to fall in love with someone else?.. why can't you just... be alone with me." You muttered, chugging the whole sake bottle
Why is it that you wanted that outcome so bad. It's as if you couldn't think of another happy ending than to be with him
He looked like he wanted to say something, but he only looked away, chugging down on his cup
"That was the first time you called me by my name again..."
"Stop changing the subject damn it." You held his hand, the first time you had in a while, while also getting a hold of his attention
He sighed, finally looking into your eyes
You never understood until now how you missed it.
"What did you expect?" He took a sip "For me to be with you forever?"
You didn't know why but that hurt you more than it should. Were you really that horrible to be with?
"I..i never thought you could despise me so."
You wanted to asked what did you do to ever deserve this but you honestly didn't want to know
"Oh..i wished i despise you."
What?
"I prayed every night so that you would do something atrocious. So that maybe... maybe i could find it in my heart to hate you."
"What are you saying-" you're honestly seconds away from blacking out right now, but you wanted more than anything to hear what he says
"I had already ended my useless pursuit. After months of just mediocrity i've found out the depressing fact that you had ruined it for me"
"Just get to the goddamn point!-" you say, desprete. Perhaps you had always been
"You ruined love for me..." he breathed out, the alcohol was getting to him. Words starting to spill uncontrollably, both from frustrasion and how drunk he was getting
"How am i supposed to love another after i had loved...you? How could i possibly desire someone else? after this? After you. I couldn't possibly recover.. i'm ruined. And you ruined me. And to have that kind of love not reciprocated isn't something i'm sure i know how to handle.."
Now how can you possibly respond to that? Your head, even when filled with booze could not loosen up after that kind of confession..
Ayato, being the insightful man he was, he noticed how your words seem to fail you right now
"I.. i apologize. I shouldn't had said that.. i don't ever want to inflict manipulation on you, no matter how you feel about me. I can handle it"
Well maybe he couldn't but he'll damn try. For you.
"Ayato..i-" before you knew it, dawn was upon you. You were starting to see him much more clearly, seeing the light reflected in his eyes, made you melt slightly.
Has he always been this...beautiful?
You absentmindedly try to reach for him, his hand catching yours, placing it on the sound of his drumming heart. In that moment, you couldn't help but kiss him, it was as if it was the only right thing to do.
It was just like in his dreams.. feeling your lips on his.... it was just right. It was something that was meant to be. There was something so desprete in your touch it's in the way you cling to him, his collar being pulled slightly melts him, while your other hand caressed the mole on the bottom of his lip. It was unintetionally suggestive he could hear the sound of his heart thumping on his ears. It felt like he could be swallowed whole by that sound alone.
It was more intoxicating than the sake that he had long abandoned, you were addicting.
Amidst his embarassement you were laughing once more perhaps the first time in a while...
Maybe too addicting
Cause he fell
The sound of a quiet thud from the tatami mat could be heard echoing through out the kitchen.
It wasn't like he fell off a chair, you were sitting on the floor. But he was embarassed beyond everything when he saw your face, trying to hold in the laughter
"Ayato- pfft-" it wasn't that funny really, but maybe the alcohol was still getting to you
"Not a word." He slurred, continuing to lay on the floor, shielding his face from your gaze. Before he started to tuned out the sound of your laughter
And he thought.. maybe it wasn't so bad that he fell..
..
.
As he try to regain his pride he could feel you laying down next to him, drawing his attention
"I'm hic wasted" you say, slurring
"Yeah..." his mind weren't exactly sober either
"Can we..stay here?" You wanted more than anything in this moment to be held by him
He only responded with a hum, and as if reading your mind he pulled you in holding you close
You dread the the potential headache that you would have in the morning, but nothing devastate you more than the possibility of forgetting this moment
I cant say i miss you out loud. But i'll make it up to you and say it in every breath
It was a tiring afternoon. It was a rare occasion for you to be paired up with Suguru for a mission knowing Suguru was more suited paired up with Satoru considering how unstoppable the strongest sorcerers were when together. But you'd be lying if you said it didn't drilled a hole in your heart out of jealousy. He was your best friend first after all?!?
"Suguru, you wanna check out that new ice cream shop next saturday?" You asked playing picking out dirt and leaves out of his hair from the previous fight, seating comfortably on your bed as he on the floor faced the other way between your legs. Casually reading the news like some old man, waiting for you to finish, knowing well it could easily fall off in the shower even if you didn't cleaned it for him
"Ugh,i'd love to. But maybe later. Satoru and i have that mission for a couple of days remember?" You were honestly spent hearing his name come out of his mouth every single time. You failed to listen to Suguru's rambling about his star something something vessel something something mission.
"First name basis now i see." you say so passive aggresive it could compete ones of a religious white woman, pointing out 'satoru' in his sentence. The only thing he said that sticked to your mind really.
Well in fact they have been in a first name basis for a while now, but you just choose to be petty and mention it everytime you hear his wretched name came out of your best friend's mouth.
That's right. You were friends with Suguru, for as long as you could remember. You do have other friends but you like to think it's unlike each other.
Even if you go around and hung out with any other people, you know you'd always come find each other at the end of the day. It's a special connection really..... So you just can't imagine anyone could just come in and break it all apart.
But even so...
The mere mention of Gojo Satoru could just make you barf. Who does he think he is stealing YOUR best friend every damn time??
"Tch." you unconciously scoffed. Your attitude has became a force of habit by now, pushing Suguru off of you by the back of his head, scowling like a child.
You heard an endeared laugh, deepening the frown that permanently framed your face. He now turns around to face you, with a smile you knew all too well, you can't go days without seeing really... But his efforts in clearing Gojo's name only fell to deaf ears.
Saying how 'he's not that bad' or how 'he's actually fun to be around with' does not help his case.
"Oh don't be mad my honey bunches, i'll treat you a double layered cookies n cream ice cream when i'm back" he says, his shitty nickname could give millions of people an ick. But that's not what offended you the most.
Because here he was acting as if he could swoon you again...... with ice cream??? as if he wasn't out and about with his concubine yet again?!?
Well yes..
Yes he could.
"Well... that petname is downright blasphemous but i'll ignore it for the offer" you say, smiling as you turned him around again and pulled him closer
He could only muse at how easily swayed you always were, winning you over with simple things, decorating your face with such a priceless smile. A smile that he may or may not had haunt his dreams
You continued to pick up the dirt and leaves out of his hair, him giving in into your touch once again, as he rested his head on your thigh
It has been a while since you two hunged out, so he was rightfully acting extra annoying today, you know... to make up for the loss times.
He just wanted to hold you actually.
"Oi. i'm done. Don't sleep on me again or i'll let you sleep on the floor" your threats only seems to go to one ear to another as he cuddled your thigh
You rolled your eyes, it's not like you minded but you don't really have the energy to pick him up from the floor right now, coming with a mischevious idea when his rock hard head won't budge out of the way.
"Oh shit Sug..." You picked something from his scalp "Is this....lice?"
Suguru's eyes shot open tensing up facing you once again with a priceless look
"WHERE?!" He said, panic rising to his face as he visibly jolted
You wheezed at his reaction, knowing how much he put so much care and attention into his hair.
"Oh you little-" your laughters could be heard echoing the room as he jumped on the bed,putting you into a headlock before unrelentlessly ruffling your hair as revenge
"AAAAAGGHHH!-"
His stomach was sore from laughing, making an opening for you!
You managed to escape his grasp finally. Huffing for air before he started to wrestle you.
Before you knew it, you were pinned to the bed by him.
You could smelled the scent of earth lingering in his clothes, while his hair smelled like the sun. It really felt like you two were just back from messing around on the forest back at your village.
Back then, curses was a once in a month fight Suguru had to endure, but now it was like a daily meal for him. You're worried most of the times for him, but you're glad there's still some sense of him left, even now.
Though part of you can't help but wished it stayed as simple as it was back then
"Okayy champ..you win. Now get off." you say, trying to pry his arms off from you
"Nah..this is nice, i think i'll stay like this for a bit" he laughed at your groaning. He really was being genuine when he said this was nice. But taunting you was an added bonus
It has been a long time since you two were cuddled up like this. Just two platonic friends cuddling...Nothing else. There's nothing weird in that.
He closed his eyes murmuring something under his breath, you couldn't exactly hear as you were lost in your thoughts, reminicing the past, as you do.
"What was that Suguru?"
....
..
"...hm?..nothing..."
It was something along the lines of 'i missed you' but he was too prideful to really say it out loud, opting to just close his eyes again from the sunlight that hits his face
"Don't fall asleep suguru" you say, not making a effort to move either, as you felt your eyes getting harder to keep open.
"Just how long has it been??" You giggled as you twirled Zuko around in your arms. Something you had promised to do three years ago as you bid him goodbye.
Well much to his dismay at least.
"Only 3 years, 5 months and 4 days" he said, you could only laugh in response because you weren't actually expecting a definite answer
Zuko looked embarassed not knowing if he gave the right answer, his awkward demeanor still holds up even to this day making an odd sense of comfort wash over you seeing how some parts of him still remains the same.
You guessed it was 3 years, 2 months and 4 days ago that you bid him goodbye. It was before he set sail for his banishment to a search for the avatar, like it was just another short adventure, you smiled and greet him like it was just an ordinary day at the palace. Like it will be a short trip he'll have to endure not for long. How awfully positive you were being gave him a sense of hope that the nightmare he will go through would eventually come to an end.
Your encouragement only fueled the ambition in his heart to burn brighter.
And the light would dim in your eyes watching him go. He may not see himself as talented or gifted. He told you that hard work and effort had made him strong. Though he fails to notice how he was always your light without even trying.
You wished you yourself believed your own words you said to him.
Because much to his knowledge you broke down only minutes after he left.
"Well it felt longer than that..."
You reminiced, trying to take in the moment. You're here on a mission once again in inner rings of Ba Sing Se when you saw him. You thought you were hallucinating again but upon closer inspection, you were right.
It is him.
Zuko. The banished prince of the fire nation. The fugitive. The honorless coward...
...
..Your best friend.
The sentimentality of this moment bear weight heavier than you could ever hold. Though he knows you'd never admit that
"Really? Lee? You can't be more creative than that?" you try to tease him once more
"So? There's thousands of Lees here in Ba Sing Se"
"You look more like a Chen to me"
"Well you're 4 weeks too late to tell me that" he rolled his eyes, looking away slightly. But not enough to hide the smile that had adorned his face
It was more than meaningful to see him smile once more.
You thought after being scarred so horribly by his father. It would took you mountains of blood sweat and tears to see the corners of his lips turn upwards once more. But Zuko always proves you wrong
Because what you didn't realize and never would, you could always make him smile with just existing.
The chilling air blowed past the two of you, signalling for him to bring you somewhere else.
He took your hand leading you somewhere
"Come on, you have to meet uncle now that you're here"
"Did you and uncle Iroh actually opened a teashop??" You perked up, curious at the smell of jasmine tea that lingered from Zuko's apron.
You could always tell that it was one of uncle Iroh's dream to open his own teashop seeing how critical he always of every cup of tea you served to him. Saying how "every tea is to be brewed with perfection" Making those tea lectures that he would go on about much more yawning. But still, you always appreciate it knowing how those tea brewing lessons were how he kept you company in your visits everytime zuko's not around.
"I don't think it's that surprising"
Zuko then went on a rant on how some men who came in their previous workplace just started offering a job, a building AND an apartment in the inner rings of Ba Sing Se to uncle Iroh
The whole situation would only bring you to giggle at how silly it was. Silly, but a blessing nonetheless.
One thing of note was something has tremondously changed in Zuko, was it his more positive outlook? Or was it his more carefree demeanor. Lacking of the boiling desire to prove himself. Perhaps he has truly let go the way of only pleasing his father and just live?
It does bring contentment. But you can't help but feel sorrow washing you away. Because now you guessed he won't feel the need to come back. Come back home to his country....His rightful place as the heir to the thrown.....His coldblooded father.....His dead silent home...
Or perhaps you just wanted him to come back to you.
You were remembered the days at the palace where he'd eagerly lead you to take a look at something he had took intrest to. Whether it was baby turtleducks, a new gift by uncle Iroh or even a new firebending move he learnt.
"Heyyyy, slow down!" You'd whine, feeling him tug at your hand as he ran
"Come on! We're almost there." He'd say, you were always a little out of breath trying to catch up to him as his grip on your hand never faltered.
These detour wouldn't last long however knowing how people would look for him, cutting your moments short. But you never minded. No mattrr how frequent or how short these little quest last. You were just so happy being with him.
Though as you grew up you noticed these little detour would only lessen as years passed. It was understandable really you two were growing up after all and it wouldn't be appropriate for the prince of the fire nation to be holding hands with his childhood friend to show them daily mundane things.
And you yourself were far too prideful to ask him to do it again so you cherish the memories you already had in your heart.
Still.. you never thought you'd miss how the warm skin of his palm would brush again yours. The question along the lines of 'how long has it been' would echo once more in your head, feeling how rough his hand were now....Different to the smooth small hands of little Zuko.
But the warmth still remained the same.
You bit your lip and stayed silent hoping he doesn't notice the tears that was pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision as you heard him rant about his uncle's new teashop filling in the silence.
The cold air of the inner ring of Ba Sing Se suddenly felt warmer. The illuminated night was engulfed in a glaze of sunset hues as your steps on the concrete streets of Ba Sing Se would ring a sound akin to a smooth tiled floor
It was as if you were back at that damned palace again..
It's as if you were kids all over again.
Though this time you didn't have to worry about catching up to Zuko's pace.
(A/N:not an exact timeline bc i was too lazy to do research)
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