MATTERFREEMAN

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Day 306: Do you have an inferiority complex?

Do you experience inferiority around people who are of a 'higher status' of education, income level, profession? Do you feel a lack of confidence, nervousness, anxiety when speaking and interacting with people that are of a 'higher status' than you? Do you notice that the people who you feel most confident and comfortable around, are actually people that you feel superior to in some way? Do you resist interacting with people that you see as superior to you? Does your heart race with fear when someone behaves aggressively or dominantly toward you? Have your relationships in life tended to be with people who are submissive? If your answer is yes, then you probably share the same definition of 'Confidence' that I realized I was living. The way I was living 'Confidence', was as an experience of superiority / feeling more than another. And, what I found in looking at where this came from, was that it originated in the experience of inferiority / less than, that I would experience around certain people. A few years ago I got into sales, marketing educational software direct to families. I realized that what would happen is that whenever I'd do a presentation for someone that stood within a point of superiority in terms of status in the system, I would get nervous, anxious, and would feel that I have no confidence in what I'm doing. And I realized that when I'm doing a presentation for someone who, in some way I am able to see myself as superior to, I would be comfortable around them, and would feel 'confident'. This obviously isn't a practical definition of 'confidence', because it meant that I could only do my presentation effectively around people who don't trigger an inferiority experience in me. What I realized is that, even though someone may be practically 'superior' to me in terms their status in the system -- and even though they may very well see me as / experience me as inferior to them --- that's not the reason I feel inferior. The reason I feel inferior is my own self judgments. And, where, within this underlying starting-point negative experience of inferiority, it was like a statement of 'I don't fit into this moment', and wherein I therefore manifested myself / designed myself into needing / wanting to control my relationships / interactions in a way where I would avoid the negative / inferiority -- which I could only do by being able to place myself in the position of being superior in some way -- where, I would then 'Fit in' to the moment. I realized this is also something I experienced in my immediate relationships, not just business interactions. Where, if my partner would for example become the dominant point in a conversation or interaction, I would access inferiority and within that - activate the need to control the moment / interaction to remain within the dominant / superior position - to protect myself from the negative experience. I'm sure many can relate to this experience, where you then create conflict in your relationships when you're used to being the dominant one, and then you find yourself reacting intensely in a moment where your partner or friend or family member or coworker becomes the dominant point in some way -- and, it's all because of the underlying starting point negative self-experience of inferiority created by self's own self judgments and definitions. Where, within that moment you have to protect yourself from feeling inferior, and thus control the moment to make sure the other recognizes / accepts you as being right / correct / valid, etc. Because otherwise, you have the experience of 'noooo! this moment is not going right! This is not what I fit into!' So in my next post I will share Self Forgiveness that I've been walking in my recent DIP assignment, which assisted me to identify this construct of 'confidence as superiority', and share also how I've redefined the word Confidence for myself, and within that how I'm going to assist and support myself to change myself when facing scenarios in which I would access inferiority in the past, where instead of existing within a survival construct in the mind within living for and as energy as the constant cycle of negative to positive -- I'm going to assist and support myself to get Here into my physical body within such scenarios / moments, and walk myself into physical self-stability, to no longer depend on / require an energetic stability of 'superiority' built upon a foundational starting point of inferiority. Self Perfection courses: www.lite.desteniiprocess.com www.desteniiprocess.com

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Day 305: Humanity's Identity Crisis

What is Humanity's Identity Crisis? What defines your identity? What have you decided makes you "You"? What Identity unites everyone in Equality?

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Day 304: The Origin of Anger in my Life Part 6: The Well Mannered Boy

Continuing from the last post in this series: Day 299: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 5: Beginning of Self Image Continued http://www.matterfreeman.com/2015/05/day-299-origin-of-anger-in-my-life-part.html "What I identified in looking at the kinds of experiences that I 'took to heart' the most in these years, is that the kind of things I would 'feel bad' about, or feel sad about, or feel confused and frustrated about, is things where I'm being seen as not good enough, or as stupid, or as 'misbehaving'. And what I found in looking at why I took these kinds of things personally so much, is that I had always seen myself as a good person, as a talented person, as a likable person, as a nice person. These things were like, big parts of my Self Image. Oh and another point of Self Image that started to take a hit at this stage in my life was that of seeing myself as a smart person. I mean I had always enjoyed school and done well up to that point, but in middle school is when I started to experience a struggle to understand a lot of the math and science subjects in particular, and within this starting to compare myself to the other kids who were doing better than me and so, all of a sudden I didn't feel so smart anymore, lol. So going back to my earlier childhood, I'm going to continue in the next post with looking at where these Self Image points started forming in terms of, how did I act, what did I do and say, and what feedback and values did I receive and accept from people in my environment, that caused me to start defining myself as a 'good person', and as a 'nice person', and as a 'smart person', and as a 'talented person'." So I'm going to start with the self-image point of being a nice, likable, good person, in looking at how I came to define myself as such. When I look back at my early childhood, when I was quite young I took violin lessons, and interestingly enough, the method that the particular violin school used, involved teaching students certain 'performance etiquette' such as bowing to the audience before and after a performance. Now, as a child I was obviously taught things like 'please and thank you', and was learning to say things like 'good morning', and stuff like that. And, I guess you could say something of and in my beingness like, took to being 'polite', and 'well mannered' quite naturally. There's this funny story, which I remember quite well, of how one time my mom's relative was staying at our house maybe when I was 3 or 4 years old, and this was around the time I was taking violin lessons actually. Anyway one morning I am in the hallway by the foot of the stairs, and my mom's relative, Liisa, appears at the top of the stairs. So I proceed to place my hands at my sides, execute a small bow and say 'good morning Liisa'. lol. And, I remember this quite clearly. Looking back at my childhood I can remember in general being perhaps, more 'well mannered' than the average young child, and this has been confirmed through my parents as well, lol. It simply was something that came naturally to me. Anyway, within this, over the course of time obviously such behavior gets recognized by one's parents and other adults, and basically what I see is that at a certain stage I began to see myself / experience myself as being a 'good boy', and a 'polite boy'. And I clearly see a positive value judgment placed within this kind of behavior, where - such behavior became like, a point of pride for me. Now I can see that within this I actually enjoyed the experience of receiving positive feedback / recognition from my parents, and eventually I see I even started comparing myself to my brother and sister, and seeing that I was more 'well mannered' and 'well behaved' than they were. And, this point of comparison and judging my 'well mannered behavior' within a 'positive light' is something that I started to, consciously in my mind define myself within. It became a point of Self-Image - that which I See myself as. That which I define as 'me'. Now it's important to recognize within this that, though at first such behavior may have been 'innocent' - without any comparison or judgment of it being 'positive', I eventually, even at a very young age, began to define myself through the whole package of the behavior along with the positive feedback and recognition from my parents, where - I felt good about myself / proud of myself for 'being polite' -- and it became a personality; something that I would deliberately do in a calculated way in order to receive positive feedback and reward from others in my environment. In the next post in this series I will explore further dimensions of this personality / self image point, and then we'll get into the next self-image point.

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Day 303: Using TV shows to get to know your own mind

So an interesting thing that I've noticed in watching TV shows, is that wherever we experience what the character is experiencing; like if the character is in a situation where they are having a positive experience or a negative experience or reacting to someone or something - if they're having this experience 'on screen', and we're also having this experience with them as if we're in that situation, and we can really relate to what they're going through, and we're feeling that 'up', or that 'down', or that reaction = what that's showing us is how that emotional design, or that feeling design, or that reactive design, or pattern, is existent within ourselves. Because I mean we're only seeing a picture on a screen wiht words being spoken, scenarios playing out, and it's as though we were actually ourselves in that scenario. It's the same trigger points as if we were in that situation and 'that person' was saying that same thing to us, or this or that thing that's happening on screen, was happening to us = we would react the same way as the character is reacting. If we're watching a character on screen experience something, or go through something, and we're experiencing emotions, thoughts, reactions, and we're kind of feeling as though we ARE that character, that's only showing us what exists in ourselves, in our own minds as designs and constructs of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Because, it's not like some kind of 'universal thing', where if you see someone in that situation, or experiencing this or that circumstance happening to them, like we do watching TV and movies, that it just 'makes sense' that we will experience through the characters what they're going through - as if the scenario itself 'contains' a feeling or emotional experience that we're 'tapping into'. When, it's not like that actually. The scenario itself does not contain an experience of feeling, emotion, reaction, fear, desire, thoughts. Like, no matter how bad or horrible of an event is happening to the character, or no matter how good and positive an event is happening to the character, that scene itself, that scenario being depicted does not contain the power to influence and create an experience inside yourself. The experience exists in ourselves, as how WE OURSELVES would react, or feel, or think, or behave in that situation. Which is why different people will relate to different characters. If we find ourselves 'getting behind' and supporting a certain character more than another, it's because they are aligned to some personality or self definition that exists in ourselves. Like, you can see wherever you find yourself taking the 'side' of a particular character over another. This is especially easy to see in watching shows that are very much based on like, 'real life' relationships and dramas. You know, you spend many episodes, many seasons watching this main character of the show going through all kinds of stuff. And, you find that you are wanting things to 'work out' for the character. Like, if the character is facing some adversity, or perhaps another character has abused them, or has deceived them in some way, or is wanting to harm them -- and you're FEELING like you want that main character to get out of that situation. You want them to 'get back' at the other character for instance - you want them to WIN, and you want the other characters who are going against your character's interests -- to LOSE! It's like, when you experience any form of a DESIRE for one person to WIN and the other to LOSE, or for events to go in the direction of supporting one character's interests over another character's interests. That's showing what YOU would experience in that situation. You would be experiencing that anger, or that frustration, that desire for revenge, for instance. Or you'd be experiencing that love, that feeling, that relief, when things work out and the character gets what they want. It's like everything you experience about what's happening on the screen is showing where there's a personality design, a behavior design, a reaction design, a feeling design, an emotional design that exists in your own mind. So what I find really interesting is to, when I'm watching a show and I'm seeing within myself that experiences are coming up in me about what the character is going through, and I find myself like 'rooting' for the character's goals and interests, and wanting to see the other character's interests not fulfilled. You know if I'm like 'backing and supporting' one of the characters and wanting their line of interest to come out on top, wanting to see one character 'win' and another 'lose', what is that showing about me? It's showing where I still have judgments, desires, self definitions, where I still have points where I would blame another for something, where I still have points where I would react emotionally in that situation if that were to happen to ME. A the end of the day, or rather - at the end of the episode, lol -- what I judge and who I judge and what I experience of and toward the characters and scenes on the screen - is what I experience in fact in 'real life' toward real people and within real circumstances. Or for instance when I really like a show because the character is like, living out 'my fantasy life' of maybe a particular career, or relationship, or status - and I use the show to stimulate myself to 'live that life' through the character -- that's showing me that that 'fantasy' still exists in me -- even when I'm not watching the show. And so watching TV shows and movies can be quite supportive as a tool for identifying where there are still personality designs, reactive designs, emotional designs, fantasies, desires, comparisons, points of blame, points of judgment, points of wanting revenge, points of wanting to win and see another lose. It's very supportive in showing where such points exist in me, even down to the specific trigger points of words, actions, circumstances. And, in becoming aware of this, I can then in the moment as I see these kinds of things coming up in me as I'm watching, I can stop for a moment and take a look to see - oh okay there's this design I'm accessing here, this judgment, this desire, etc, and this is why I'm experiencing apparently 'what the character is experiencing'. So then I breathe, I apply self forgiveness within myself, or make a note of it and write it out later, I let go of that point. And then I look at the scene again from an equal and one starting point. Meaning, what does this scene, this scenario look like, how do I see this differently when I'm not invested in the interests of one or the other character? When I'm rather looking at the whole picture, all the characters, all the different personalities of the characters, and I look at it not from a starting point of judging one character as deserving to win and another character as deserving to lose, but rather looking at each character as myself, standing one and equal with the whole scenario. What I find interesting in this is that I start to see more of what's shaping each character's behavior and decisions, and looking at why is this situation playing out? How did this scenario come to manifest? What is the starting point acceptances and allowances and self definitions of each of the characters, that's creating this dynamic of this 'drama'? I'm able to look at the scene and the characters objectively, considering for example what kind of background and education and upbringing did the characters have that influenced who and what they've become?

Like, most shows have a 'good guy', and a 'bad guy' character. And the show is written in a way where the goal is for the viewer to become 'emotionally invested' in the good guy, and to judge the 'bad guy'. And I mean this is only possible through utilizing the personality designs, wants, desires, hopes, and self definitions of the viewer. But what if you let go of that emotional investment? What if you stop wanting the main character to 'win', and the 'bad guy' to lose? Well to do that is interesting because it actually puts you in a position where you have to take responsibility for your own mind, your own interests, wants, hopes, fantasies, judgments -- and change yourself, to start looking at the story from a starting point of understanding each character, rather than using the characters to fuel and generate energy experiences used as entertainment. Like for exampe you can now look at the 'bad guy', and ask yourself - hmm, how did he come to be how he is? What acceptances and allowances and self definitions are directing his behavior, his decisions?And, with self honesty and self forgiveness, this is possible. I can use the story as an opportunity to identify where I still have points of self definition where I can change myself and remove those designs, to be able to stand one and equal with the different characters and view everything without judgment, investigating the relationships and understanding the behavior, the decisions, and the factors that shaped each character's mind and inner processes. So TV shows and movies offer an opportunity to simulate scenarios, relationships, circumstances, behaviors as if we were experiencing them ourselves, and get to know the details of our own minds through working with whatever experiences come up inside ourselves toward the pictures we're watching. Try it out. Change your starting point within entertainment! Use it as an opportunity to get to know your own mind and change yourself without having to actually experience the scenario in 'real life'. Happy watching!

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Day 302: What are Irreconcilable Differences and can they be Changed? Part 1

What are "irreconcilable differences"? It's a term often cited in divorce proceedings as the reason for ending a marriage.

Here's the dictionary definition of irreconcilable:

"representing findings or points of view that are so different from each other that they cannot be made compatible."

In looking at this definition, looking at my past experiences with being in relationships that ended, and also looking at examples of people I know, as well as examples I've seen in movies and TV, this point of "having different points of view that cannot be made compatible" is quite accurate I would say. What are some of the experiences that we typically have that lead us to decide to end relationships? What are some of the reactions and emotions that start to occur more and more frequently, and build to a point where one or both partners feel like they just can't stand to be with the other anymore? Where we feel like "we're just TOO different to get along?" Where we feel like "I just CAN'T be happy with this person?" Arguments? Frustration? Annoyance? Disgust? Resentment? Blame? So what leads to these conflicts and arguments and experiences of annoyance and frustration and disgust with each other? So what are these experiences ABOUT anyway? What triggers them? What are the "differences" in each other that end up being irreconcilable? Let's look at some common themes from my own experiences and from what I've seen in other relationships:

Having different preferences / expectations / skill level in relation to cleanliness / housework / chores.

Having different preferences / expectations / wants in relation to spending time with each other / spending time with friends / spending time on personal interests.

Having different ideas / dreams / expectations / goals / desires for the future.

Having different wants / expectations / ideas about how time should be spend in relation to work and career vs. the relationship.

Wanting to have kids vs. not wanting to have kids.

Having different religious or political beliefs.

Having different styles / interests in clothes / music / art / culture.

Having different wants / desires / expectations in relation to sex and physical intimacy.

Having different ideas / expectations / wants in relation to sharing and communication.

Having different ideas / expectations / wants about male / female roles and responsibilities in the relationship.

Interesting, so this is obviously not a complete list, but it's interesting to see how having different points of view about things plays such a huge role in the manifestation of conflict between partners. It's clearly important that we understand the nature of Point of View because it's Point of View that leads to behavior, actions, words, decisions that - in many cases create consequences that can be harmful mentally, emotionally, and physically. So what is our point of view? What I've learned in my experience is that your Point of View really encompasses what you have defined as the Point-Of-You. That which you see as Who you Are - your Individuality, your Self, your Identity, your Purpose. Your Self Definition. Your Point-Of-You becomes the way you make decisions, how you respond to the behavior of others, the way you view your world - that which decides what you will do in the next moment--- that which Points You to the next Point. And...hmmmm also what leads us to Point fingers at each other, when our partner does not fulfill the expectations and ideas we had about what THEIR point should be in relation to OUR point. So the question is, what of our Point of View is Changeable - and what is not? How can we approach our different points of view from a practical starting point? Is the purpose of our existence and relationships on Earth to simply protect and survive as the points of view we've accumulated and formed from birth? Is that who we really are? Is that the extent of our Individuality? What's the real Point of relationships? Can we become something more? I'll continue in the next post with sharing some examples of what I've learned about myself through changing my starting point in relation to my point of view.

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Day 301: The Moral Imperative - How can we take Judgment out of Morality?

Living Income Guaranteed - YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5rA6LDTwLoA1g8RePrLTJA

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Day 300: What's your Purpose in This Life?

Purpose: the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. As a Destonian I've decided my Purpose in life, my Reason for being in this world, in this life, is to stop myself existing within and as any thought, behavior, starting point that cannot stand as Life as all as one as equal, in support of outcomes and ways of living that are best for all. This may sound complicated and 'philosophical', but it's really not. What's an example of a starting point that is not best for all? How about blame? When one goes into a reaction of blame toward another, there's a judgment taking place, there's the experience within yourself that you're directing toward another, of them being 'bad', 'wrong', 'deserving to be punished / yelled at / made to feel bad' because of something they did or said. Now, the reality is that whatever happened, there's always a point of practical reality to a situation. For example is the blame related to some actual physical action that created consequence that caused harm to you or another? Or is the blame related to words or actions that merely went against / didn't align to some expectation / desire / belief / definition you had in your mind? In the first scenario where a person's actions created consequence of some actually physically detrimental nature, usually blame and judgment steps in when you don't understand why someone did what they did, and you take the situation personally and react to it in fear, or in offense. For example let's say a cop shooting someone based on racism. Or maybe your relationship partner or a family member neglects some responsibility and it causes financial detriment in some way. In reality, there's always a practical explanation and reality behind someone's behavior, and there's always a practical solution in terms of - okay now how do I direct myself in relation to what has happened / what actions are required to be taken as a result of this situation happening? In reality, the reaction of blame and judgment doesn't serve any practical purpose. I mean when you understand HOW something happened, and are able to see how to direct a problem to a solution -- you usually don't react to that point, because you have all the information - you have a direct Seeing of the reality you're working with. If you look at the nature of reactions you can see how they're primarily based on points where we don't see the full reality of how and why something came to exist / happen and so the reaction tends to be that of helplessness, loss of control, fear of loss, etc. And in the scenario where the blame is a result of someone's actions not aligning with something merely in your MIND as a belief, expectation, desire, definition -- the practical reality within that is that you've set yourself up to experience another's words or actions as a problem and go into blame toward them, through having accepted and allowed yourself to define yourself / another / your world through a particular belief, expectation, desire, definition, that obviously your world is not going to always conform to / align to. But, since it's your definition of yourself, you go into blame because when your reality doesn't conform to how you've defined yourself and your world -- you feel invalidated and go into fear of loss, trying to protect your self definitions. So, the reason why the mind as expectations, beliefs, desires, self definitions, reactions, judgments is not Best for All, is because it's through such points that we exist in separation from the SEEING of practical reality of what is actually here in terms of how things work, what really shapes behavior and human nature, and the actual solutions to problems -- in separation within our individual Mind bubble in which instead of being able to direct ourselves / the world in a way where all Life is supported and our relationships support ourselves to reach our full potential for self expression and self development -- we're constantly trapped in survival and protection and defense of whatever our individual, limited reality of expectations, beliefs, ideas, and self definitions happens to be. The protection of your Mind becomes your Purpose. It's no wonder our economic system is such a mess and so many are suffering -- when those with the ability to change the system -- those with Money -- are each preoccupied with pursuing only relationships and paths that will 'keep MY life stable' and fulfill MY expectations, desires, beliefs, and self definitions. When we're each individually trying to protect our own expectations, desires, beliefs, opinions and self definitions and just trying to validate and protect what we want for OUR OWN life only, and for our own happiness and satisfaction only -- I mean we're going to have conflict and neglect and abuse as a regular part of our existence in all areas of our relationships with each other. Conflict and neglect and abuse which - if you look around -- is taking place every day, in every walk of Human Life. We're not coming to solutions that are best for everyone, because we're each stuck within our accepted and allowed Purpose of protecting and surviving our Minds of expectations, desires, beliefs, and self definitions. What's your Purpose in this life? Why are we really here? To protect our opinions, beliefs, desires, and self definitions that have been passed on generation after generation? To repeat the past? Or to STOP what we're creating and participating in within our minds and change ourselves in a way where instead of merely surviving as our individual Minds, we become participants Together in Practical, Equal Awareness of our Reality, and Direct ourselves as Group to create what is Best for Life? www.desteni.org

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Day 299: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 5: Beginning of Self Image Continued

Continuing from my last post: Day 297: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 4: The Beginning of Self Image http://www.matterfreeman.com/2015/05/day-297-origin-of-anger-in-my-life-part.html

"What I can see is that the stage in my life in which I see I started to have like, a self-image, and started to feel good or feel bad about things is the stage where I had words - I had a vocabulary. I was learning 'what things mean', and I was forming a self image through receiving input and feedback from people in my environment in the form of words, and how the words were spoken." 

So before I continue I want to put this investigation into specific context in terms of why I'm looking back at the beginning of my 'Self Image' as a child. What I've found with the nature of Rage in my life is that it is the result of the accumulated suppressed energy of reactions of anger and frustration, where I actually move into anger and frustration from an initial emotion of feeling helpless, powerless, mistreated -- within scenarios where I'm faced with an obstacle or problem that I don't see how to overcome, and also actions or words directed at me in which I feel mistreated, judged to be inferior in some way, or judged to be a bad person. So I looked at when in my life did I start experiencing feelings of being mistreated, inferior, powerless, frustrated? Because I can see that anger and rage kind of evolved from these experiences. I found I started experiencing these kinds of emotions frequently from around the age of 12, when I started middle school, in which I started to be faced with scenarios that I hadn't experienced before in my life, which were of the nature of being faced with rules, expectations, and social situations where I could not make sense of 'why this is happening to me'. For example, in middle school I was exposed to more types of other kids than I was in elementary school, and kids at this age started to congregate in specific groups like sports kids, rock kids, hip hop kids, aggressive bully type kids, attractive kids, ugly kids, etc. At this stage in my life I started to experience things like being rejected and made fun of more frequently, or like, being ignored and experiencing certain kids simply having no interest in talking to me, and also starting to become aware that for instance I'm judged to be not a particularly attractive or 'cool' person based on the way I look, the way I dress, the kind of music I listen to. Basically I started to become more of an 'outsider' in relation to 'everyone else', and had few friends that I spent significant time with. And, in addition to the social dimension of what I was experiencing, there was the fact that there were very strict rules as to how you could behave, and what you could and could not do at school in the classroom, in the lunch room, in the hallways, etc. And, there were times when I did something I got punished for it and had to go to detention, and I could not understand why I was being seen as having done something bad or unacceptable. What I identified in looking at the kinds of experiences that I 'took to heart' the most in these years, is that the kind of things I would 'feel bad' about, or feel sad about, or feel confused and frustrated about, is things where I'm being seen as not good enough, or as stupid, or as 'misbehaving'. And what I found in looking at why I took these kinds of things personally so much, is that I had always seen myself as a good person, as a talented person, as a likable person, as a nice person. These things were like, big parts of my Self Image. Oh and another point of Self Image that started to take a hit at this stage in my life was that of seeing myself as a smart person. I mean I had always enjoyed school and done well up to that point, but in middle school is when I started to experience a struggle to understand a lot of the math and science subjects in particular, and within this starting to compare myself to the other kids who were doing better than me and so, all of a sudden I didn't feel so smart anymore, lol. So going back to my earlier childhood, I'm going to continue in the next post with looking at where these Self Image points started forming in terms of, how did I act, what did I do and say, and what feedback and values did I receive and accept from people in my environment, that caused me to start defining myself as a 'good person', and as a 'nice person', and as a 'smart person', and as a 'talented person'.

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Day 298: How can we be Free when we have so many automatic Physical Behaviors?

Why is the human face one of the most sensitive and illustrative places for the Quantum Physical to be seen?

How can you read your face to see the Quantum Physical?

How is the Quantum Physical connected to the face of your physical body for it to come through and be seen so specifically?

How will this series assist and support you to quantify your process when facing the Quantum Physical?

Check out this free interview Introduction: Quantum Physical available to download on Eqafe. https://eqafe.com/p/introduction-quantum-physical

Listening to this interview, I wanted to share how throughout my process I've come to develop an awareness of how specifically and consistently my physical body reflects and shows me when there is a thought, feeling, emotion, reaction activating within me. Everyone can relate to the experiences of for instance a tensing of muscles, negative or positive energy experiences appearing in the solar plexus / stomach / chest area, feeling physically awkward or uncomfortable, shoulders hunching, shallow breathing, holding your breath, avoiding eye contact, foot tapping or some movement happening automatically, clenching fists, slamming doors, moving aggressively, changing the way you walk or stand when you're around different people, doing weird things unconsciously with your hands and fingers while talking to someone, etc, etc.

Each of these kind of physical manifestations can be traced to the activation and experience of some thought, feeling, or emotion - some positive, negative, or perhaps somewhat neutral experience that has come up and is now occupying your physical body and your attention. For example nervousness, desire, fear, anxiety, defensiveness, frustration, anger, depression, excitement, resistance, hurt, etc, or simply being 'lost in thought' where you're off in your mind seeing things, imagining things, thinking about people or places or memories or information, and you're not consciously Here in your body, self-directively moving it and positioning it.

One of the most revealing and complex parts of the body through which the Mind comes forth in expression is the Face. I've found that looking at what's going on with my face is one of the most specific ways I can identify what's going on within myself especially when speaking to others in moments of reaction. 

For instance:

What is happening in the muscles around my eyes?

What is happening in the muscles of my forehead?

What is happening in the muscles around my mouth?

What am I doing with my lips?

Is any part of my face clenched or tightened in some way?

What is happening with my eyes? Am I rolling my eyes?

Did my eyes widen? Are my eyelids feeling heavy or drooped?

What is happening with my chin? Is is jutting forward? Are my teeth clenched?

Am I smiling? Why? Is it a smile of spite or judgment? 

Am I staring into space blankly? lol.

Are my eyes moving around and am I resisting making eye contact? It can be difficult to notice, let alone change these kinds of automatic physical symptoms and experiences when you're for the most part during your day constantly in your head thinking about stuff and reacting to things - with this constant pull of some thought, some desire, some fear, some point of stress, some emotional experience, some inner conflict, causing you to exist in a constant survival mode, trying to live your life while being controlled by these experiences being triggered in you. Especially if for instance you are in a relationship or family situation where everyone is also having their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions coming up and you are frequently clashing with others. I mean it's no wonder it's so easy to postpone things or want to run away in moments into distractions of entertainment, drugs or alcohol, or isolating yourself. This is why I suggest if you relate to this blog, that you enroll in the Desteni I Process course online which will actually teach you how to develop stability within the seemingly never ending experiences of your Mind, and start deconstructing your thoughts and experiences and understanding them, so you can release yourself from them and change the way you live and experience yourself and make decisions. www.desteniiprocess.com www.desteni.org

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 297: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 4: The Beginning of Self Image

Continuing from the last post in this series:

I walked a path that brought me close to the point of self sabotage, where, as I described in my first post in this series, I trapped myself into SURVIVAL within the cycle of desire, hope, expectation, tied in with fear of losing / missing out on what I want, reacting more and more when I would encounter an obstacle, a failure, something not going as I expected, and locking myself into the pattern of Rage as the release of suppressed accumulated reactions. I came close to getting to a point where my anger would have made it impossible to continue developing my Agreement with my partner, and which would have led me further and further away from living my natural self expression. ...In posts to come I will walk through earlier events in my life and show how they influenced the formation of the desires, expectations, and self definitions through which I set myself up to walk the path of anger / self sabotage, and within this show how such a path could be prevented earlier in life, and how there are ways of understanding your world, understanding others, and how through developing this understanding, this practical awareness, one can transcend the pattern of emotional reaction, suppression, and struggle, and expand yourself beyond what you thought you were limited to - See more at: http://www.matterfreeman.com/2015/04/day-292-understanding-my-relationship.html#sthash.YzIZP1mZ.dpuf

Something I've discovered in investigating how the reaction pattern of Anger came to exist in me, in looking back at my life from early on, is how anger actually in a way evolved and was given life over time through the gradual development of the ways I would interpret things in my world through reaction, through feeling as positive, or emotion as negative. When I was very very young - I have no memory of getting angry, or really of any significant Emotional or Feeling experiences at all. Like when I was a toddler, I can remember walking around the house, climbing on things, experiencing the textures and feel of things, seeing people, hearing them talk - but it's like, I didn't have a personality yet - I didn't have a mental self image through which I related to / interpreted my world. I didn't interpret events, people's behavior and words through reactions, judgments, feelings, emotions. It was like - it was just there. What I can see is that the stage in my life in which I see I started to have like, a self-image, and started to feel good or feel bad about things is the stage where I had words - I had a vocabulary. I was learning 'what things mean', and I was forming a self image through receiving input and feedback from people in my environment in the form of words, and how the words were spoken. In my next post in this series I'm going to look at what points my self image, my definition of myself started to form around.

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 296: If we All Riot, will Everything be All Right?

An act of verbal or physical attack between a cop and a civilian played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between a Jew and an Arab played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between two partners in a relationship played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between a parent and a child played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between a teacher and a student played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between a Christian and an Atheist played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between an Arab and a Jew played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between a Vegetarian and a Meat eater played out in a moment of reaction of fear / anger / blame.

An act of verbal or physical attack between two men or two women at a party / a club / in a social situation played out in a moment of reaction of jealousy / feeling disrespected / anger / blame.

Can we ever have a world of Peace, where no one ever attacks each other, harms each other, goes to war with each other, if we accept that being taken over and possessed by reactions of emotion within yourself is a normal and natural part of being Human? Clearly, in a world of billions of people - with different points of views, different opinions, different personalities, different self definitions, different belief systems, different ideas of right and wrong, different ideas of what is best, with each primarily interested in protecting and preserving their own life, beliefs, and desires, the real problem we're facing in this world is not Racism, nor is it Religious discrimination or Gender discrimination. We live in a world where conflict, where reaction, where attack and abuse and spitefulness and jealousy and resentment and hatred and neglect and manipulation and deception and lies and arguments and secrets and blame play out in all walks of Human life, in all cultures, at all income levels, in all Religious groups, in all Spiritual groups, in all Activist groups, in all Age groups, and at levels of Intellect and Education. How do you define dysfunction? How do you define a problem? We have billions of human being reacting to each other and playing out actions of judgment, of spite, of violence, of blame, of anger, all based on protecting and defending their views, their self definitions, their beliefs, their opinions - that which they have accepted to be 'Who I Am' and which defines their experience of self worth, self value, self validity, purpose, security, stability - that which defines 'what is best for ME and MY OWN' - I mean isn't that dysfunctional? Isn't that a problem? Isn't it a problem that someone will react and be outraged by racism, yet not outraged by poverty? By starvation? By wages so low they don't support a person to have a dignified life free of stress? By the world's resources being used up by a system driven by Profit over Life? By parents who scream at and physically hurt their children in acts of reactive emotional possession? By people who get into fights and physically harm each other and even kill each other every single day over jealousy, over sports, or because they're DRUNK? Over the glorification of and obsession with, and desire to BE LIKE celebrities who flaunt and take pride in their wealth and elite status while people die because they cannot access money? To really get a grip on why things like Racially motivated attacks, or Religious fanaticism motivated attacks happen and be able to eventually 'evolve' beyond such things we have to first come to terms with how the starting point of such behavior is the SAME starting point as any of the reactive behavior that plays out in our own lives, our own relationships every day in every walk of life within every race and culture. I mean anywhere where we take something personally and react within some form of "You've offended me", or "You've insulted me", or "You're not doing what I WANT you to" -- anything within us where we go into Blame, Spitefulness, Attack, Judgment toward another -- we are all part of that problem. No one can Self Honestly say they can take the "Righteous position". In fact, there is no such thing as Righteousness. Righteousness is not required in order to apply practical solutions in giving direction to problems. This is what we're demonstrating as Destonians through the Journey to Life Blogs and Desteni I Process: we recognize there are many abuses in the world that need to be stopped. But we also recognize that taking to the streets and burning cars and breaking windows and HARMING others is not going to change Humanity. Such a starting point is precisely the PROBLEM. Over forty years ago we had the Civil Rights movement in America where millions of people demanded equal rights for Black people. And - it worked. The laws changed. Yet - we still have conflict between races. In South Africa, Apartheid ended back in the nineties. Blacks now occupy all major positions of political power and influence. Yet - there is still corruption, still poverty, still violence. Now the issue is Gay marriage and ending discrimination toward one's sexual orientation. In all these cases, the Changes have been based on the point of giving certain groups of people Equal rights in terms of being able to access the same kinds of opportunities as other groups. Yet - the problem is that we still each want the individual right to have our own opinions that some people are worth more than others, some are more important than others -- for example, how we see those in our immediate relationships and families as 'special', and care when they are harmed - but do not have that same care and concern with people outside of our immediate lives and interests. Where's the Equality in that? Isn't that discrimination? Isn't the underlying 'Right' that we're all wanting, the Right to care about ourselves and our own lives more than the lives of others? Isn't that the real source of conflict, of fear, of separation within Humanity? No matter how equal our society becomes in terms of different Races, Genders, Sexual orientation, Religion having access to the same opportunities in the context of the Money system, at the end of the day we're still faced with the Self Honest reality within Each of us of all the ways we exclude others from our consideration, from that which we take responsibility for - based on our Opinions and the way we define ourselves. And how can we expect others to change and stop their reactions of violence and conflict toward others when we're still faced with the reality of all the ways we ourselves exist in conflict with another in moments of Reaction? Such points show us where we don't yet really KNOW ourselves. There are programs of opinion, of knowledge, of ideas, of expectations, of definitions functioning within our minds that we're not aware of and which control the way we respond to our world. We're not yet the Directive Principle of ourselves in all ways. We're in fact Mind Controlled by our own programming. Why else would we get literally possessed in moments by thoughts, by emotions, by reactions toward each other, and do things that we later regret, or lash out because we don't see an actual solution to a problem and so don't see how to DIRECT ourselves within stability? We're showing through the Desteni I Process and Journey to Life blogs that it's possible to understand where thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions come from -- and it's possible to change yourself and get to a practical solution for every problem. We're also showing that no one is born a racist. No one is born with any kind of self definition or 'pride' or discrimination towards anyone based on their Race, or religion, or style, or nationality, or diet, or body type. No one is even born seeing their own family as being more 'special' and deserving of love, than any other Human being - or animal for that matter. Such definitions are all PROGRAMMED in after birth. We need to remove the programs that separate us from each other and cause conflict and give up the 'right' to see our own life as more important than another's. We don't need Tolerance, because Tolerance only means that we have a system in place where we allow each other to have opinions that separate ourselves from each other, and value systems that see some as more and some as less -- so that we can have OUR opinions and feel protected. It's just self interest and the perpetuation of Separation - not a solution to end conflict FOR GOOD. As Destonians we're interested in how to end conflict, harm, abuse, separation -- for GOOD. ONCE AND FOR ALL. Where - such things will NEVER happen -- EVER. Impossible you say? We say that's just an excuse. Each of us walking the Journey to Life blogs have by now provided enough examples of how we're changing ourselves - to show that it is in fact possible to end abuse and separation within Humanity -- for GOOD. It's not easy. No one said changing the world would be easy. It can't be easy with what the world exists as and what each of our Minds exist as. There is no quick fix. But it can be done. Human Nature can be changed. Don't take my word for it - read the blogs! I am a Destonian because I will accept nothing less than the end of all abuse, all separation, forever, in all ways. Sound radical? It is. But an radically messed up world calls for a radical act of CHANGE. And if I react to others in my own mind, and have judgments, and opinions and self definitions that I am holding onto that cause me to become defensive, argumentative, spiteful, angry toward another -- whoah -- I need to sort that shit out so I can show others how to do the same. And THAT'S how I can make a difference.

We don't need to All Riot -- we need to All WRITE. All right? Join us. www.desteni.org www.desteniiprocess.com

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 295: What Determines Your Place in Society?

I read an article that put the role of police and law enforcement in context in terms of the role it actually plays in how our society is structured around the protection of wealth and keeping everyone 'in their place':

"Police Violence Not Merely the Product of Police with Racist Attitudes

Welcome to the Real News Network I'm Paul Jay.

Police violence against people of color, that is illegal violence usually without consequence to the perpetrators, is not merely the product of too many law enforcement officers with racist attitudes.

Their name says it all. Police are enforcing laws, including with deadly force, to make people obey legislation that at its heart protects people that own property. The more you own, the more you are served and protected.

Of course we all want to live in a safer city and police play a significant role in that, but to address this violence we must recognize the underlying causes of street crime: unemployment, low wages, poverty, and completely irrational drug laws.

Unemployment is not a natural phenomenon that ebbs and flows; it's a product of a system that requires a big pool of available cheap labor to keep wages low. A myriad of legislation ensures that unions are weak and wages stay depressed. It's not a product of a free labor market, but what amounts to a regulated one.

When police use violence they do so as agents of a legal system (courts and prisons), that must keep a lid on people who fight back against desperate conditions. Whether they fight back blindly and often self-destructively, or more consciously and politically, the elites have passed laws that keep people in their place.

Of course the place for those in the elites, that is the top 20%, is to own 85% of America's wealth. On a global scale, the top 1% of the population owns 50% of the world's wealth. In the US, the wealthiest one percent captured 95 percent of post-financial crisis growth since 2009, while the bottom 90 percent became poorer.

Laws are designed to makes sure this inequality takes place, and make sure it stays this way. The police enforce these laws." SOURCE: http://bit.ly/1E38Iy7

Money determines the kind of community you fit within. Money determines 'your place' in the world. And, when you grow up in a particular community, of a particular culture, you're going to define yourself largely based on your community and culture -- your 'place'. And, your interests, your concerns, what you care about, is going to be largely based around your community and culture that forms the predominant World that you experience yourself in. I mean you're going to define your purpose, your worth, your value, around the kind of culture you developed in -- around your 'place' in the world.

Now in this world, you have communities of people with higher educations, sophisticated job skills, higher incomes, and within these communities it's interesting because when you are highly educated and you have a lot of money at your disposal and you're not in a constant struggle to survive -- you have a foundation that gives you access to a much wider view of the world, and you are like, in a way more free to be 'your own person'. You're more the 'master of your life'. And, people in such communities also have more access to ways of influencing and shaping the policies and laws in their community in a way that serves their interest. So basically, you have more control over your immediate world and you feel less dependent on others. It's like, when you are part of the world of people with money and resources and influence -- you are the one who puts yourself in your place in the way you want. For you, the system is cool - the laws are cool, because they are helping you protecting your interests, your assets, your access from being lost, from coming under threat. From the perspective of the person with money, with a high quality of life and a lot of assets, your experience is for the most part that laws and authority and government is there to serve you.

And then you have communities of people with less education, lesser job skills, lower incomes, more immediate threats to your survival and security, and the role that laws and rules play in your world is primarily that of limiting the resources and quality of life you have access to. You are existing in a more limited Place, a more inferior Place. When you are existing in the low income world, without the education, capital, and connections in the system to access a 'better place', what you find is that it's very difficult to change your world, very difficult to access a better quality of life. It's like, instead of serving the interest of your quality of life and well-being and access to opportunities -- the system, the laws, the authority structure is there to put you in your place and keep you there. Again, why else would people turn to selling drugs, or to prostitution, or to theft? Why else would people form gangs and social structures that protect criminal behavior and lash out against those who are trying to keep them in their place? Isn't such psychology born of the inherent indignity of occupying a place in the world that you can directly see is inferior in every way to those with money? I mean when you are born into a tough place, and you find that the rules you must follow are making it difficult to get into a better place -- is it any wonder that people start to find ways of playing by their own rules in order to create opportunities to experience a better place in the world?

I commit myself to show that All places in the world must be a place where dignity is found.

I commit myself to show that All places in the world must be a place where life is supported to reach its full potential and self expression.

I commit myself to show that All places in the world must be a place where support is given sufficient and equal to all in order to prevent the development of survival based personalities.

I commit myself to show that All places in the world must be a place where education is the best it can be and is given to everyone.

I commit myself to show that All places in the world must be a place where self interest is put in its practical place -- which is the place of being removed from any point of influence where it can harm another and deprive another of their basic human right to a dignified life without fear, without lack, without deprivation of the things that make life an enjoyable and fulfilling experience.

I commit myself to show that if we want to stop the perpetuation of riots and violence and the 'us vs. them' mentality -- we're going to have to lift everyone currently in an Inferior Place in society, into a Place of dignity and honor -- with a guaranteed living income sufficient to change a person's world view from that of Inferiority and Resentment, to that of feeling Supported, Cared for, Respected, and Honored as Equal.

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 294: The Moral Imperative

Why This CEO Pays Every Employee $70,000 a Year

"You were inspired to raise the minimum wage because of a well-known Princeton study that found that emotional well-being rises with income—but only to an extent, which is around $75,000 dollars. Was it just the study that was the game changer for you? The numbers also had to make sense for the business, right?Dan Price: To me, once you know the right thing to do, and it’s the right thing for everybody involved and it’s going to be beneficial to everyone, it becomes a moral imperative to actually do it. In the past, as much as I would have wanted to do something like this, it wasn’t practical, it wasn’t the right timing. And so, with that Princeton study, one of the other aspects that really hit home with me was, “The dollars that you’re making underneath that amount are causing harm to your well-being.” And that, to me, is powerful stuff. And we only get to live this life once.  And I want everybody that I’m partnered with at Gravity to really live the fullest, best life that they can.." 

Source: http://time.com/money/3831828/ceo-raise-70000-dan-price/

In the context of this physical reality we all live in, we obviously each require food, water, education, health care, a place to live, clothes, and the utilities and amenities that support us to step beyond mere survival and explore our potential and self expression. So, in the context of this physical reality, common sense would be that the word Morality be defined as -- if there is More - let it be More for All in this Reality. To have a society built on real Morality we have to start implementing the solutions we have a Moral Imperative to implement. 

How many uneducated people without access to effective incomes go to prison for theft and burglary and get released, and start attempting to play by the rules by 'working hard', only to find that 'playing by the rules' means working maybe two jobs, relying on overtime meaning they're working 50, 60, 70 hours a week or more, with virtually no time to actually have a life? How many times does a person get released from prison only to face this reality and end up resorting to theft or selling drugs or some other illegal activity because they realize that by doing so they can work a fraction of the time and earn many times what they would earn at a regular job? What if your circumstances of upbringing meant that the primary skills you developed were all skills associated with 'criminal activity'? What if you're really good at selling drugs or pimping prostitutes? Isn't it going to be easier to do what you're good at? To do what you excel at? Don't we enjoy doing things we excel at?

I in fact know a person who went to jail for 5 years for theft and human trafficking, was released from prison, and ended up working overtime every week, which at a wage around 9 - 10 dollars an hour, even with overtime pay, means you're making less than 30,000 a year. Now, that is really NOT a lot of money. You're going to be very limited in what you can afford and you're not going to have a lot of time to do anything but work. I heard recently that he had been sent back to prison less than a year after being released, on charges of human trafficking.

Now I talked with this person, I got to know his expression, and I could see than in a different circumstance, his skills and expression would have been able to have been focused on something entirely different. If the opportunity and money-motivated temptation to get involved with human trafficking was not there -- he most likely would not have tried to create such activity. I mean, if he'd been born into a world where everyone lives like a millionaire - that survival point would never have been there -- the whole CULTURE of committing 'crime' to survive would not have existed.

The fact is, when faced with the reality of thankless labor at a less than sufficient wage that takes up most of your time and tires you out mentally and physically, he chose to do what he already knew how to do, because it was easier to get money that way. And because his entire mind, his character, his way of seeing himself in the world had already developed around the culture of crime.

Do we really believe those in society with the least education, the most dysfunctional upbringings and relationships, and whose behavior and personality designs and thought processes are most aligned to the culture of crime and survival are the ones that have a Moral imperative to 'do the right thing'? 

How many crimes, how many abuses could be prevented and even totally eliminated by giving everyone a guaranteed income sufficient to have a comfortable life?

When you want to stop a symptom, don't you go to the actual cause? How can the symptom stop the cause of itself? That's an extremely warped idea of responsibility, obviously formulated by those who benefit from the cause the most -- those with the most money whose interest is to protect their wealth.

Those of us with education, those of us with effective incomes, those of us with access to resources, to money, to research, those of us with the means to shape the policies, laws, principles and practices of our system -- WE are the ones with the Moral imperative. Because we are the ones who have MORE. It's pretty easy to not commit crimes when you have a nice income and a nice life isn't it? The problem is that of Definition. We define 'doing the right thing' as 'doing whatever it takes to earn an honest living' -- conveniently placing responsibility on the POOR to 'do the right thing' by working in stead of committing crimes. But in fact, when you look at real Morality as making sure Everyone in Reality Have More, the actual 'right thing' to do is to give everyone a dignified, good quality of life through providing a living income. And in that -- you actually remove the whole REASON one would commit a money-motivated crime in the first place! Duh! When you change the environment, you change the product that is brought up in the environment. When you remove lack and survival from society, you are no longer sowing the seeds of human thought and behavior shaped by lack and survival. Basic common sense!

I commit myself to show that wherever Life is Diminished and Neglected in the name of the Protection of Self Interest - there is Moral Impotence

I commit myself to show that the idea that poverty and crime being a complex problem, is a self deception used to protect the pursuit of happiness and one's own survival as self interest placed above what is Best for All, within a starting point of Moral Impotence

I commit myself to support those in this reality who are not just saying nice words, but who are taking real physical action that is bringing about solutions that are best for everyone

I commit myself to be the example of placing Principle before Preference, in realizing that the world does not need the freedom to prefer to choose to ignore the plight of others

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 293: How to Stop the Walking Dead from Coming True

Have you ever been in a position where you wondered how you were going to be able to pay your bills? Have you ever been in a position of struggling to find a decent job and wondering why it is so difficult? Have you ever been in a position of struggling to find decent work even with a college degree? Have you ever experienced stress, anxiety, fear, frustration, depression, anger, confusion about your money situation? About bills? About debt? About the hoops you're required to jump through to get access to the basic necessities of life when you don't have enough money to just go out and access it directly? Have you ever had to settle for work that doesn't pay you enough to live and is not something you would otherwise choose to do, but you took the job because it's the only place that would hire you? Have you ever had to find a SECOND job just to cover your living expenses, working 50, 60, 70 hours a week without any end in sight? Have you ever been in a position where your view toward your work is that "It's better than nothing"? Have you ever filled out a job application and written 'minimum wage' in the 'desired salary' section, afraid to write a higher number because you're so desperate for work you'd accept any wage? Do you regularly depend on getting drunk and / or high on the weekends as a way to forget about how much you don't like being at work during the week? Do you ever wonder how it is that there are individuals who are worth more than the entire gross domestic product of whole countries? Do you ever wonder how such individuals can exist alongside those who struggle to earn enough to live above the poverty line, in spite of working regular overtime hours? Do you ever wonder how such a relationship can exist in a system that claims to be based on values that support freedom, dignity, and human rights? Can freedom, honor, equality, and dignity exist in a world that believes that quality of life, surety of survival, and good health can only exist as a reward to be placed as motivation to work and fulfill the labor requirements of industry? Can evolution, progress, enlightenment, and intelligence really exist in a world that believes the fear for one's survival is the only way a human can be motivated to participate in society? Does creativity, critical thinking, responsibility, and integrity exist in a world where those with the aptitude, education, and resources to engineer ways to visit other planets, cure diseases, and create robots that can perform surgery, cannot come up with a way to organize labor, distribute resources, and maintain infrastructure and vital industry in a way that does not depend on the perpetual existence of an uneducated majority driven by fear? Does care, love, and compassion really exist in a world where the competition between smartphone brands gets more attention than the violence and upheaval erupting as more and more people become unable to contain their frustration with the struggle to find a way to support themselves and their families? If you can relate to this blog and find yourself questioning why the way we live seems to not make any sense, I suggest joining us in the Journey to Life as we walk the process of questioning, investigating, and deconstructing our lives, our minds, and the system that shaped our development, and sharing this with the world through the written word to demonstrate that we as humans are in fact capable of changing. Humanity is on a path of self sabotage. It's easy to fall into that trap when you are trapped in a life of survival, of living paycheck to paycheck. It's easy to escape in alcohol, in entertainment, in drugs, in distraction. It's a challenge to stand up and question the world in a constructive and practical way. And in fact it is a skill that must be developed. But it is far more rewarding and satisfying to become part of the solution than giving up and settling for self diminishment and frustration. In a world that seems too fucked up to change, to constricting to break free of, too far gone to care about, we need to find the passion for life within ourselves, and share it with the world. After all, if we don't stand up in every Breath for the dignity, expression, expansion, and potential of all life, and find a way to Walk ourselves out of this mess, then we're just the Walking Dead. www.desteni.org

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 292: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 3: Understanding my Relationship with Anger

Something I realized recently about the role anger and rage has played in my life, is how it has primarily reared its head in scenarios in which I am faced with something I don't in that moment see and understand how to direct; a problem I don't immediately see a solution to. Specifically what I found is that key to why this happens, is that I had walked into that scenario within SOME point of expectation. What I mean by this is that, within me I had attached some point of want, desire, value to a particular outcome. The outcome could be either an actual possible outcome, or an IDEA of an outcome. Primarily what I've found in the nature of how I form expectations, is that I tend to form expectations attached to wanting an outcome based in the POTENTIAL I see in something. You see, in walking my process over the past few years and really getting to know my natural skills, capacities, strengths, expressions, I've found that what comes naturally to me is seeing the potential of what something can be become in terms of its highest Expression. This can be applied to for example looking at a concept for an art piece, or taking an outline or rough version of a song and seeing how that concept could be expressed, presented, placed in reality with impact, with effect. Or also for example during times when I've had the opportunity to coach people with singing, I find I can see the potential of what their voice could be developed into. Or another example would be working in business with creating a brand for a product, looking at the product and seeing how it could be presented in a way through branding, through images, through words that effectively convey its value, its expression as a product within the world; how to give it impact. And with myself for instance, I've come to see how my natural abilities and features such as my voice, my speaking skills, my ability to work with people and teach others, all lend themselves well to leadership in business, to sales, to education. And in seeing this I've come to see that my potential necessitates I take responsibility to develop the practical skills required to LIVE this potential in the world.

However, what I've found that I do NOT naturally possess, is the patience, discipline, and very structured, methodical and consistent focus and DRIVE to walk the practical steps from beginning to COMPLETION, in relation to working with the tools, the mediums required to be worked with to actually bring something from potential, from idea, from concept, into a finished product. I've found this for instance with things that require an intensive and lengthy learning curve, or a high degree of technical understanding and theory, or a lot of time spent doing small, highly specialized actions that EVENTUALLY culminate in a finished product. I've always tended to find ways of doing things that give me a more immediate result, a more immediate experience of seeing a creation being brought to life. For example coaching singing is something I enjoy because it's very much about being here with a person and working with them in real time, getting to a result through speaking, using my hands, directly sharing insights and pointers, and demonstrating things for them. Coming up with lyrics and music for songs is also something I enjoy - that process of playing around and having a song open up, an expression open up. But then - that process of spending a lot of time and detailed, methodical work with a computer program to actually get the expression into FORM in this reality as a produced song --- that part I tend to not enjoy as much. Though, a dynamic I have really enjoyed is working with a producer, like I did with Fidelis Spies on the Desteni farm, where he was the one primarily in charge of the production, recording, mixing, and mastering, and where I would share my input, make suggestions, learn from him, and we'd work together until the project came together as a finished product. 

But, typically what I've faced in my life is that when I am faced with being in a position where I have to do that kind of highly technical, methodical, time intensive stuff on my own, and there is a lot of problem solving and troubleshooting and things that go wrong and obstacles that appear unexpectedly -- this is when I've tended to react to things and get frustrated and angry very easily! I've had a pattern of walking into such a situation wanting to see and experience a RESULT, or a specific outcome NOW, and wanting to be able to focus primarily on the aspects of a project that I have a natural expression with -- which is the conceptual stuff, the potential, the image, the sound -- I tend to walk into a project with this intense desire to EXPERIENCE what I see the finished product could be, and I see that I've attached a positive value to the things I am naturally good at like singing, conceptualizing, opening up an expression - while I've attached a negative value to the methodical, time intensive, technically oriented aspects of actually bringing that expression into reality. 

Because of these expectations, desires, and values I've been walking with, I've tended to get frustrated and angry very quickly when it comes to the practical LIVING of my potential. My starting point has been very much aligned to reacting to problems, obstacles, TIME, because within defining my expression and value only through those things I can experience more immediately, I've basically set up a relationship where, if something takes a long time, or presents me with obstacles and problems I don't immediately see how to overcome, within my mind I'll perceive the event as something that is TAKING something from me, something that is HOLDING ME BACK -- I'll blame the point and see it as a problem, and then get angry, frustrated, and give up and stop trying. The problem then is that I'll suppress that expression that I was working on bringing into reality, and end up spending my time doing other things, which in turn eventually results in me getting depressed and MORE angry and creating this bitterness within myself, because I am perceiving / feeling that I am being PREVENTED from expressing myself, from living my full potential, because there's all this stuff that 'I can't do', and 'that's too hard', and 'that I'm not good at'.

BUT! This whole thing is really not necessary because, what I see is that all I need to do is - let go of the expectation, let go of the desire for that projected / imagined EXPERIENCE of the outcome / finished product, and embrace / stand one and equal with the actual REALITY of what I am working with, which is that -- hey, things are NOT immediate like I want them to be. The reality is that -- the actual PROBLEM that is holding me back: is ME! I create my own experience of being held back and limited by 'all these obstacles', because I keep wanting to experience the result, the finished product, the potential NOW, and - then when reality doesn't support me in getting this experience = I react and experience / believe I am being limited by my reality, instead of seeing and realizing that I am the one trying to force reality to conform to my own limited expectations.

The reality is that I have to embrace how things actually work, let go of expectations and desires, and become SOLUTION oriented. The reality is that, I DO see what is required to be done to bring my potential, and the potential of a certain projects into reality, into living expression, but to do this I have to make peace with, and stand one and equal with what is really HERE in my hands, in space time reality, that's required to be walked to get to that point of completion / fulfillment. When I'm not FIGHTING the reality of what needs to be done, then I open myself up to LEARN and be able to MOVE myself within discipline, patience, and self enjoyment, able to walk those methodical, technical steps without reacting and getting frustrated - and supporting myself by seeking out assistance from others if necessary!

Not having seen this point before, has been probably the SINGLE biggest factor in why I have struggled so much with anger in my life. It has been my single biggest weakness. But within this I also see that in CHANGING myself, becoming solution oriented, letting go of my expectations and desires and imagined outcomes, I am then in a position where I can stand one and equal with my reality, and become able to really take the time to explore what resources, what tools, what people can I use to assist and support myself effectively in the process of bringing my potential to LIFE. And within such a starting point, I see I can transform this weakness into a strength -- where instead of FIGHTING my reality, sabotaging myself through anger and frustration, giving up and believing it is reality that is the problem, and trapping myself in the cycle of DESIRE for an experience, and fearing to miss out / lose that experience, I stand one and equal with my reality - I let go of the SELF INTEREST which SEPARATES me from reality, separates me from my ability to LIVE -- the self interest being my expectations, desires, the WANTING of an experience, and I allow myself to accept the Self Responsibility required to be taken, to actually walk my potential into CREATION, into Fulfillment. The point I am walking with is the point of transforming Self-Sabotage into Self Fulfillment. 

I know there are many, many others out there who experience the exact same point, and indeed aren't we as Humanity faced with this exact same point? Aren't we sabotaging our potential, our future, our expression, our well being, our very planet and resources, through holding onto the values, the desires, the expectations, the dreams, the wants, the experiences we've defined ourselves by? I mean, we're literally allowing ourselves to destroy each other and destroy our environment because we're unwilling to look beyond WHAT WE WANT NOW. And in being this way, we're closing ourselves off from being able to see SOLUTIONS, from being able to see the VALUE in each other, from being able to see that when we stand together and GIVE to each other - then we each have what we need to reach our fullest potential. Just as I see in myself, that in giving up the desires and expectations and experiences I've defined myself by, I am then able to GIVE myself the gift of being able to take Self Responsibility to do what is required to being my fullest potential into Living Expression -- from creating a song, to building my business, to being able to assist and support myself to be solution and SUPPORT oriented in all aspects of my relationships. 

In order for me to see and realize all this, I walked a path that brought me close to the point of self sabotage, where, as I described in my first post in this series, I trapped myself into SURVIVAL within the cycle of desire, hope, expectation, tied in with fear of losing / missing out on what I want, reacting more and more when I would encounter an obstacle, a failure, something not going as I expected, and locking myself into the pattern of Rage as the release of suppressed accumulated reactions. I came close to getting to a point where my anger would have made it impossible to continue developing my Agreement with my partner, and which would have led me further and further away from living my natural self expression. 

I do not recommend the path of self sabotage, as that path is what leads to all kinds of Consequences like giving up on relationships, giving up on career paths, giving up on your education, giving up on your natural self expression, developing self destructive behavior.

I instead recommend the path of Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness, and Self Corrective writing and application. Without these tools I would not have been able to identify the underlying causes of my anger experiences, see the way forward, and be able to share any of what I'm sharing now.

In posts to come I will walk through earlier events in my life and show how they influenced the formation of the desires, expectations, and self definitions through which I set myself up to walk the path of self sabotage, and within this show how such a path could be prevented earlier in life, and how there are ways of understanding your world, understanding others, and how through developing this understanding, this practical awareness, one can transcend the pattern of emotional reaction, suppression, and struggle, and expand yourself beyond what you thought you were limited to.

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 291: The Origin of Anger in My Life Part 2: Do you struggle with Rage?

Where does explosive rage come from? How is rage created?

Why does the extent and severity of the reaction of explosive rage seem so disproportionate to the event that triggers it?

How can you go from feeling relatively stable in one moment, to a total emotional possession in the next moment, where you feel like you are not in control of your body and end up doing things you immediately regret?

Do you for the most part see and carry yourself as a peaceful person, not interested in violence or aggression or in being nasty to others, and yet struggle to understand why in certain moments, you fly into an outburst of rage that feels like it is beyond your control?

Have you found, in spite of the unpleasant nature of rage, that in certain situations it feels justified, and that the situation is somehow at fault? 

Has explosive rage led to you doing and saying things that have sabotaged relationships in your world?

Do you feel like rage is just a part of you, and that it's something you just have to learn to cope with?

Have you gone long stretches of time without experiencing rage, only to have it return unexpectedly and you just can't understand why?

Do you feel like one of the primary reasons you go into a rage is because someone or something is somehow 'holding you back' in life? Do you find that when you're watching movies and TV shows that you can relate to characters who react with rage in situations where someone or something is holding them back, or denying them freedom, or bulling them? 

Are there situations in your life within which you feel there is no possible way to respond except through anger and rage?

Do you find that you tend to react in rage when you feel that someone is not listening to you, not understanding 'your side of the story'?

Do you feel like one of the reasons you struggle with rage is because others don't understand you, and you feel that you are being expected by others to act and live in a way that is taking away your freedom to 'be you'?

I'm asking these questions because each contains a point that I have experienced in my own life, within my relationship to rage. Can rage be stopped? Yes. But to do so requires getting to some serious Self Honesty.

To understand rage and really get a grasp on how to begin the process of removing it from you, you have to walk a thorough investigation of who and what you are within your mind, within how you have defined yourself, the ideas you hold of yourself, the goals, desires, wants, you have defined your life according to. You have to get to the core of the struggle you believe to be the cause of this intense emotional reaction to circumstances and people in your world. You have to go back to the beginning. Rage is a release of suppressed energy, suppressed reactions that have accumulated and compounded within your body over time. To understand rage, you have to understand the process of suppression, the process of reaction, why you react, why you interpret things through emotion. Where and how did you develop your emotional reactions? What were the formative, key events in your life that shaped your primary emotional patterns?

In posts to come I'll be sharing my process of investigating these points, and what I've found.

[matterfreeman-blog]

Day 290: Taking Education Reform a Step Further

I read this article today:

Goodbye, math and history: Finland wants to abandon teaching subjects at school 

Finland already has one of the best school education systems. It always ranks near the top in mathematics, reading, and science in the prestigious PISA rankings (the 2012 list, pdf) by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. Teachers in other countries flock to its schools to learn from a country that is routinely praised as just a really, really wonderful place to live. 

But the country is not resting on its laurels. Finland is considering its most radical overhaul of basic education yet—abandoning teaching by subject for teaching by phenomenon. Traditional lessons such as English Literature and Physics are already being phased out among 16-year-olds in schools in Helsinki.

Instead, the Finns are teaching phenomena—such as the European Union, which encompasses learning languages, history, politics, and geography. No more of an hour of history followed by an hour of chemistry. The idea aims to eliminate one of the biggest gripes of students everywhere: “What is the point of learning this?” Now, each subject is anchored to the reason for learning it. http://qz.com/367487/goodbye-math-and-history-finland-wants-to-abandon-teaching-subjects-at-school

This sounds like practical idea. It makes more sense to design curriculum to facilitate an understanding of the inter-relationships of subjects in the context of the world, rather than to just learn about a subject in isolation. For instance in middle school and high school I remember classes basically being compartmentalized their individual subjects, separate from each other. Though I would say what is still missing in the way we look at our approach to education is the question of, what kind of world are we training our children to accept? What principles are we training our children to live by?

No matter how effective in math, or in reading, or in understanding politics or geography or science you are, there still remains the question of, as a human being, how do you define your purpose and responsibility in relation to humanity and life on Earth as a whole? What value do you place as the driving principle behind your decision making? What values are the most practical to stick to, that will support decision making, problem solving, critical thinking, laws, and government aligned toward implementing solutions for enhancing and supporting an excellent quality of life for All? Imagine you'd been asked these kinds of questions from a young age. Imagine if from a young age, you'd been shown how your life, your family, your education, your future, is going to impact not just you, but all life on Earth, through what you decide you will accept and allow to exist on Earth and thus what will become the basis of your goals and expression in life? I mean what happens when you're taught that the world around you only impacts you from a perspective of giving you opportunities to find ways of being happy and taking care of only your own life, and you are not seeing the context of the wider consequences of your individual acceptances and allowances? For example not seeing how the consequence of millions of people individually seeing their own lives as more important than others, has the result of everyone accepting an economic system that places individual profit as more important than providing a dignified life for everyone, because everyone is too busy enriching their own lives instead of working together, standing together and coming up with solutions that will benefit everyone. Suggested reading is the Teacher's Journey to Life blog, which approaches education from a starting point of practical, progressive solutions to support the development of children to reach their full potential as a responsible, practical, self honest human being: http://teachersjourneytolife.com/