How to solve the whole situation once they've found Ciri...
Jaskier: I think Ciri should marry Radovid.
Geralt: Are you insane? He's way too old for -
Radovid: If I may, he's talking about a purely political alliance. I can assure you I'm gay, and I've got absolutely no matrimonial interest in your daughter. I do, however, so happen to have a kingdom that I'd very much love to abdicate from in favor of a queen that might actually have an interest in running it.
Ciri: I could use a kingdom! One that would treat elves, dwarves and humans as equals...
Jaskier: See? She'd make a great queen! They get married, Radovid renounces the throne, they divorce, Ciri inherits Redania - and with it the most powerful army in the North to keep her safe... Oooh! And Yennefer could be her mage adviser!
Yennefer: You sound like you've been giving this way too much thought...
Geralt: Wait. Redania legalized divorce?
Jaskier: And gay marriage, too. *Tries to sound casual about it.* Not that this is, you know, at all relevant to the the current situation.
Geralt: And why should we believe the King of Redania would be keen on giving up power so easily?
Radovid: Look, all I really wanted was a pretty song...
Geralt: *Eyes him suspiciously*
Jaskier: No, he's being honest. Had my doubts, too, but turns out all he really wanted, at first, was a pretty song.
Geralt: *Slowly realizes what this is about, an amused glint in his eyes as he looks back at him.* I thought you didn't do pretty?
Jaskier: *Dramatically throws his arms in the air, slightly annoyed.* Well, apparently I do now, don't I?
Radovid: *Smirking smuggly* I'm "pretty".
Ciri: *Totally missing the innuendo* You really are!
Radovid: *Delighted and preening* Thank you.
Yarpen: *Points to Jaskier and Radovid* Wait. Has the lute-playing walloper been fucking a King?
Geralt: *Groans and sighs* Again, real subtle, Yarpen.
Yarpen: *Whisling while looking at Jaskier, somewhat impressed.* Didn't think you'd have it in you, friend!
Radovid: Well, technically -
Jaskier: Aaand on that note! I'll also need Ciri to divorce him, so I can marry him after.
Ciri: *Excitedly* You two are getting married?
Jaskier: Only if you are! Which, I'm aware, makes very little sense...
Radovid: I actually did offer to marry him first - and have Redania become the first kingdom to have two kings - but that triggered a bit of a panic attack.
Jaskier: Look, I stopped using that viscount title and left nobility behind for a reason. If Ciri can make room in the castle for a retired king and his traveling bard, I'd be fine spending a few weeks or even months living at court from time to time. Especially at first, so Radovid can help her get settled and update her on the most important issues that need to be addressed and resolved in the kingdom.
Ciri: Of course you'd always have a home here, and I wouldn't just kick Radovid out! Actually, would it be okay for me to let him keep his prince title? Just in case anything happens to me, and -
Yennefer: *Firmly* Nothing's going to happen to you.
Geralt: No buts. We won't allow it.
Ciri: What if I accidentally portal myself to another dimension? Wouldn't want to force me to leave the Kingdom unattended until I get back, would you?
Jaskier: Hate to say it, but she does have a point.
Radovid: Look, if that would give the Princess some peace of mind to have someone willing to be holding the fort in case of emergencies... But, if that were to happen, I'd be needing Jaskier's help.
Jaskier: *Shrugs* I mean, I guess that would work. It's not that I don't want to get involved in making people's lives better in the kingdom, or share in any of those responsibilities. It's just that, no matter how much I love any of you guys - and I really do love you - I tend to get quite antsy and unpleasant confined to a single location for too long.
Radovid: And personally, I've always wanted to travel, meet different people, and experience some of the tales that have inspired Jaskier's songs for myself.
Geralt: You know he makes a lot of those things up, right?
Radovid: *Shrugs* I think Jaskier's always told those stories the way he sees them - for what they are or mean to him according to his own emotional truth, rather than facts. For example, I've always thought that "Toss a Coin to Your Witcher" was about how the world tends to forget that, behind every larger-than-life heroic figure, there's often just someone that needs to be looked after, too, offered a drink from time to time, listened to, and treated as a friend. If accuracy or factually reporting events had been his goal, then he'd have become a historian, not a bard.
Yennefer: That's... surprisingly insightful.
Jaskier: *Swooning* I know... *Sighs happily* He really is quite brilliant, isn't he?
Radovid: *Blushes brightly* I take it my humble interpretation's not too far off?
Jaskier: *Leans in to whisper into his ear.* I'll let you know just how close you got later...
Geralt: *Confused* Okay, what's actually happening here?
Ciri: *Chuckles* It's called poetry.
Jaskier: *Dreamily, mostly to himself* You'd have to be a spoon to get it...
Radovid: *Now also confused* Wait. What? Now I don't get it.
Jaskier: *Winces slightly* Sorry. That one's on me, you're missing context. You're a spoon, Geralt's a hammer - just...
Radovid: ...different tools for different purposes?
Jaskier: *Makes a half strangled noise, as his legs threaten to give up on him.*
Yarpen: *Motioning to Jaskier while looking at Yennefer, bit puzzled* Does your bard usually do that?
Yennefer: *Looking deep in thoughts, seemingly analysing the situation* Not that I've ever been aware of.
Geralt: Yeah, no. That's new.
Ciri: *Incredulously* You've been travelling with him for, like, over 20 years, and you're telling me you've never seen him have a crush before?
Yennefer: Oh! Oh. Yeah, that's um - okay. I think you're right - I mean, I can see the nuance.
Jaskier (*slowly coming back to himself*) & Geralt: What nuance?
Yennefer: *Innocently* Nothing! Just enjoy your spoon, bard. I'll explain it to the hammer later.
Geralt: *Huffs thoughtfully*
Jaskier: *Still looking unsure* Alright...
Yarpen: You know what, I think it's safer if I don't know.
Radovid: I'm actually not entirely sure I follow...
Yennefer: *Uses magic to telepathically communicate with Radovid, making him blush even brighter.*
Radovid: No, I mean, that seems...
Yennever: *Continues to telepathically communicate with him, looking fondly amused, and just the slightest bit smug.*
Radovid: *Bashfully* I'll ah, I'll take your word for it, and thank you...
Jaskier: What did she just say?
Radovid: Nothing bad, and I'll tell you one day, when the time's right, I promise.
Jaskier: *Doesn't look quite convinced.*
Yennefer: *Rolls eyes* I promise it's fine, Pankratz. Now stop pouting!
Jaskier: *Sighs dramatically* Fine!
Radovid: But,to go back to the whole political royal union thing, I did look to see if I could just hand the kingdom over to Ciri - simply name a successor and step down. Sadly, changing the laws of succession would appear to be a complete nightmare!
Geralt: Meaning we have to trust that you'll honor your end of the agreement, and -
Yarpen: What? You really think that King's going to attempt to stay married to your kid with the amount of eye fucking that's been happening between him and your bard?
Geralt: *Groans* Yarpen, for fuck's sake!
Yennefer: That's a bit of a crude way to put it, but he's got a point.
Geralt: You know Dijsktra and Philippa won't be happy about this, right?
Jaskier: Yeah, well, good thing you and Yennefer are scarier than Dijsktra and Philippa.
Ciri: *Crosses arms on her chest, pointedly looking at Jaskier* Why are you overlooking the fact that I'd totally rip their spines out if they tried to come after you and hurt my family?
Jaskier: Gods, I love you kid! *Pulls Ciri into a tight hug*
Radovid: Didn't you say Yennefer was the scary one?
Jaskier: Like mother, like daughter.
Yarpen: *Proudly* I actually taught the cub how to rip out spines.
Geralt: *Gives two vigorous pats on Radovid's shoulder, almost making him fall over* Welcome to the family, Radovid! *Whispering omninously* But, should you ever try to hurt Jaskier or Ciri, trust me, you'll be wishing she ripped out your spine.
Yennefer: Yes, because I know how to eternally trap souls into an infernal dimension.
Radovid: *Hesitating* That's... oddly reassuring. *Visibly relaxing while looking at Jaskier* You were right, love - Dijsktra and Philippa aren't so scary after all, are they?
Jaskier: *Smuggly* Told you!
Yennefer: Are we sure we shouldn't have been warning Jaskier not to hurt him?
Geralt: Hmm... I was just thinking that, too.
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