unlicensed • 23 • unemployed

[uhmuhummmuhhh]

thanks man

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Okay but imagine being the team of Eridian scientists tasked with keeping Erid's Only Human alive for as long as possible while the whole planet's environment is literally trying to kill him. And then Rocky shows up and is like:

“Grace says he would like half of dome to be water.”

“Oh, is necessary for humans to have large amounts of water question?”

Small Eridian equivalent of a sigh. “No. Not needed for life. In fact Grace will die if he falls in water and does not get out.”

“Tell him we give him water in containers that won't kill him. Lots lots lots of water on Erid for Grace to drink.”

“No. Grace say he want water on ground. Also want it with excess sodium chloride compound so it will be unhealthy for drink.”

“WHY QUESTION???”

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

To celebrate Erid getting their sun back on track, Grace asks for some alcohol. There's a small amount left from the Hail Mary and Rocky offers to take it to the science Eridians to see if they can synthesise more.

“Grace want this liquid for celebration.”

“Of course.” They scan it. “You have wrong liquid. This contain compounds which are poisonous for humans.”

“Yes yes yes. Grace say humans like feeling of being slightly poisoned.”

“WHY QUESTION?????”

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Grace is like one of those extremely finicky tropical fish who instantly die if not kept in extremely specific conditions.

Only here the fish can talk and keeps asking you to make it vodka.

[deepinourengines]

im pregnant and its nobodys. it aint even mine

[puter-wizard]

Two reactions

[3000s]

we are in truble

[redstonedust]

what if your doppelganger loved being you more than you ever loved being yourself. they're better at being you and everyone loves them and it feels almost selfish to want your life back. i want clone horror but the horror is that the thing trying to replace you is also the person you always wanted to be.

[redstonedust]

and it is imperative that it ends with killing the better version of yourself with your bare hands btw.

[dogpuppy]

He is my princess diana

[mrspizzle]

I’m actually fucking dying

[pangur-and-grim]

can I make a confession that might get me in trouble

[pangur-and-grim]

I save scummed through every variation of this guy’s dialogue tree because I really, really wanted him to perform unethical surgery on me. like I’m still so angry about this. WHY have the gross knife hand doctor if he can’t pull out your appendix and laugh about it??? what is the POINT

[pangur-and-grim]

wait hang on I’ll post a pangur photo. don’t unfollow

[pangur-and-grim]

[liberalsarecool]

Ownership meant a physical copy. Now you own nothing and can't find what you want across multiple streaming platforms.

Bring back headphones that plug in. Bring back expandable memory. Bring back owning media.

[teaboot]

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

[justlightmeonfire]

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

[teaboot]

Also the amulet

[whimsicalmayhem]

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

[teaboot]

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third

[madeofklay]

I saw this perfectly in my head and had to recreate it

[teaboot]

Holy Shit

[vampiresdontsleep]

[autismfox]

Someone else come fuck that guy for me

[thenyanguardparty]

[evilwizard]

okay im gonna hypnotize you with my ruby amulet now DONT BE WEIRD ABOUT IT. im doing this to make you betray the king. IT IS NOT A SEX THING

[violet-hady]

I think the fact that you immediately thought about clarifying it’s not a sex thing kinda makes it sound like it is a sex thing.

[evilwizard]

FOOL. i would be using my sex amulet for that

[quark-art]

had to draw this

[socialistexan]

[vitabreva]

[themummersfolly]

How dare you leave this in the tags.

[vagisil]

the people yearn for nonplastic fabrics

[kushblazer666]

[klapollo]

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

[klapollo]

[cutecipher]

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

[batgirlteeth]

[ageblue-aka-varnah-g]

[ageblue-aka-varnah-g]

[gumi-megpoidd]

i think about this tweet constantly. i say zero out of ___ all the time