Quinta Brunson and Hannah Einbinder's reaction to Keke Palmer bringing up the infamous 2 Girls, 1 Cup video during the Comedy Actress Roundtable for The Hollywood Reporter (May 2026)
you should really get comfortable believing in love and magic and whimsy or you’ll continue to live a half-life for the rest of the time you have on earth
UGH this reminds me of bluey s2 e3 so bad… imagine growing up Australian and having fairy bread and pass the parcel at birthday parties 😩 its so crikeycore
Plants, as an enemy type in fantasy tabletop RPGs such as Pathfinder and Pathfinder's more popular older brother who's worse at math, don't usually inspire a lot of... inspiration...
And that's fair! Most plants don't have an Int score, much less a personality, and though I have a general enthusiasm for nature and, specifically, animals, I find myself with a lot less to say on the subject of flora compared to fauna. There are some plants later on in these books that go absolutely sicko mode, but by virtue of Bestiary 1's purpose being to cover the bases, what's presented to us here with the Assassin Vine is decidedly basic. But, again, it covers a base. It serves its purpose. It fills its niche. I can still talk about that.
Crunch: Assassin Vines are slow. They have a 5ft movement speed and that is not amended by any climb or vine swinging speed. They are less ambush predators and more writhing traps that catch the necks and ankles of those wandering the forests unawares. Their entangle ability, 10ft attack reach and ability to grab on a hit of their slam (1d8+7) can keep the fight going past the point of anyone having the idea to briskly walk away from the threat. A patch of these things is an excellent minefield, with their camouflage ensuring that once combat starts, and more of these start showing up, the players will remain guessing just how many of these things are lurking in the undergrowth or hanging in the canopy.
Entangle is a nice bit of oomph for the Assassin Vine. The text states that it causes other plants within the 30ft area of effect, but it's cool to imagine that outside of its large size it has reached out and infected the greenery surrounding it with a veiny network of entangling vines attached to its main body.
Fluff: I do think it's Neat that words are spent to describe how birds help propagate the species. Birds eating seeds, not digesting them, and then crapping the seeds out over the land is generally a fun fact of nature that I like to see utilized in a monster's background like that. Related to that, the blackberry-like fruits that bud on the Assassin Vine whilst in season is a nice bit of flavor. That flavor apparently getting sweeter the more victims they claim. This, of course, leads to an adventure hook so obvious that the writers must have been thinking about it when they wrote the entry.
The adventurers are hired to look into the disappearances plaguing a prosperous town, famed the world over for their main export, the dark fruit wines produced at Nightberry Vineyards. Give the Vintner levels in Alchemist, and have the quest-giver be a person in power over the town who is suddenly rather conflicted about this problem now that it's going to cut into commerce, and you have an adventure right there!
Vibes: I'm not sure how often this monster is intended to be overhead of the party, but there's something that draws me to having them hang above the party and, if not constrict around the neck of the tallest, least perceptive adventurer, then outright drop from high atop the canopy and jump-scare someone. Oh, you thought it was a snake? Well jokes on you, it's only marginally better! (no hate to snakes, I love them. I have yet to see a snake at leisure where I didn't think they're just the cutest, dopiest little guys. No thoughts but good thoughts behind those eyes, I love them)
Grade: C+
I like the art here. Gives me the idea of an Assassin Vine granted intelligence via Wizard-y BS puppeteering a skull and manipulating the jaw in order to speak. Poor fella probably doesn't even grasp the morbidity of it, they just want a mouth of their own.
anti rpf people are so funny they're always like "how would you feel if people shipped you with your friend" i don't know how to break it to you but if i was famous and no one was writing fanfiction about me i would be devastated. i wouldn't feel like i made it until i could search my name on ao3 and find 10k+ explicit results. peace and love though
this is because they write with their mind penis and have terrible childhoods and horrible luck, which seems to be the key factor in writing shakespeare level smut
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