Kelpie

Here for the memes and the fanfic 19 they/xe/he

[aureliusssss]

[safapancake]

this actually got a thousand likes on twitter so i thought id share it here too lol

[fellshish]

hi we are on the post apocalypse bus together can we hold hands

[enabuns]

This is now my new favorite best friend duo

[petxrparkerz]

IRONDAD!

[ironspidxr]

Tony Stark who gives DUM-E kisses.

After oiling DUM-E’s joints every once in a while? A quick kiss to his metal arm before getting up and telling the robot to get back to work.

After DUM-E gets scolded and pouts for a while too long? “Hey, come on, buddy. You know I love you.” Before giving him a pat on the back (arm?) accompanied by a light kiss that immediately puts DUM-E back in a good mood.

DUM-E loves it. He’ll linger with his claw in Tony’s face until Tony reluctantly gives him a kiss, after which he’ll twirl his claw in the air and trill happily as he rolls away.

One day Peter is in the lab and DUM-E is being persistent about getting a kiss from Tony, who is slightly hesitant to do so while Peter is there. But DUM-E had just brought Tony a tool he’d asked for and now refuses to stop waving his claw right in Tony’s face, so—

“DUM-E, you did good. Okay? Thanks. Now— can you give me some space? I’m busy here.” Tony sighs, to which DUM-E politely refuses. “Jesus, fine.” The genius mutters before planting a quick kiss to DUM-E’s claw. “There. You happy now?” He asks, watching as DUM-E trills happily and waves his claw in the air.

Then he spots Peter out of the corner of his eye, the kid’s mouth twisted into a poorly concealed smirk.

“Shut up.” Tony grumbles, turning back to his work.

“I didn’t say anything!” Peter cackles. Admittedly, he was about to.

[lethargical-lily]

I folded and made a Stony version

[thatonebluedog]

he's so disappointed (no he's not)

Edit: forgot to add, but do not tag as starker please and thank you

[sunandmis]

that awkward moment when your father figure walks in on you when you're filming a tiktok

bonus + reference

[bebx]

"undoing this character's death would take away his sacrifice and character arc" girl I don't give a shit. I'm bringing him back through the power of ao3 fix-it fics and there's nothing you can do to stop me x

[pips-squeak]

rb to explode a terf ^_^ nonrefundable ^_^

[thickness-protection-program]

[ravenclawavengerx]

Fuck yeah Im in

[view-from-up-here]

[southeastsappho]

queue this post when it’s your birthday and be surprise

[mysticalkelpie]

i’m 17 today bitches

[cabybapa]

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[wizardpimp69]

[tisorridalamor]

Describing Terry Pratchett’s books is difficult. Someone asked me what the book I was reading was about, and I had to tell them it was about banking and the gold standard, but like in a cool way with golems and action. 

 I don’t think they believed me.

[poorlydescribedpterrybooks]

welcome to the club

[amatalefay]

It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.

[poorlydescribedpterrybooks]

yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions

[rhys1812]

A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert 

[thesummoningdark]

The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti

[nightfoot]

It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.  

[aethersea]

Macbeth but it’s about the witches

[zephyrantha]

Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.

[roachpatrol]

it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo

[hypotheticalwoman]

The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas.  Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.

[katedrawscomics]

these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet

[uovoc]

Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards

[animate-mush]

Hollywood????

[garrettauthor]

An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.

[darkravn]

@cosmictwobyfour

[nudityandnerdery]

Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.

[pimpmizziriam]

The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.

[tanoraqui]

Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter

[bailesu]

Death incarnate battles a shopping cart for the fate of the world.  

[sashathephoenix]

@grifalinas

[grifalinas]

Phantom of the Opera au, except there’s witches, a cookbook that is thinly-veiled pornography, and Christine is played by a fledgeling witch with multiple personalities who can’t stop being sensible long enough to enjoy herself

[letslipthehounds]

Hidden heir to the throne decides an cynical, alcoholic cop is the best role model in the world.

[brawltogethernow]

Atlantis provides an excuse for a xenophobia-inspired war between Britain and the Middle East but it’s fine because the armies are arrested for conspiracy to cause public nuisance.

[kirianthedivorce]

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

[anoonzee]

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

[gigglingmasks]

do you guys wanna see how bs ‘’’bmi’’’ is?

let’s start with a few pictures of my body shall we

(please ignore messy room i’m in the process of packing)

okay so that’s the body of someone that eats healthy, literally my fave food is broccoli, and i work out 5 days a week, you’d think i’m at ‘’’healthy weight’’’’ right?????

BITCH NOPE

that bitch telling me to eat 1500 - 1900 calories a day are you fucking joking??? that’s fucking starving myself and i’m not doing that. fuck you.

[love-geofffree-deactivated20190]

Bmi was never meant to be used for individuals; it’s only useful for talking in generalised terms about a large population and as a potential guide.

[gigglingmasks]

thank you for your input, not many people know that. but still, an official site such as the fucking nhs recommending a full grown woman to eat under 2,000 a day is not okay!!! (Especially considering the fact that it took into account my regular activity)

[athenadark]

calories are bullshit too

a calorie is the amount of energy released in laboratory conditions to heat water when it’s burned

so in the lab you have an instrument to burn the food and you measure how much of it it takes to heat water a set amount,

this does not in any way reflect how the body works

your body breaks down foods in different ways, for example monosaturated fats break down very slowly but processed sugars break down very fast

so by that logic something that is almost pure carbohydrate would be much worse than something that is almost pure monosaturated fat

not necessarily

oats, for example, are something like 95% fibre, meaning although they are pure sugar the body decides it’s not worth the bother of breaking them down so you get a small fraction of the sugar in the oat

so just going by carbohydrate [aka sugar] content doesn’t work properly either

a stick of butter has WAY more calories than a boiled potato but the stick of butter breaks down over several hours and keeps you satiated longer than that boiled potato that immediately floods your system with sugar, that triggers the response of too much store that for later, which causes a lack in your body which triggers the i’m hungry response

or the peanuts being high protein high fat are the reason why a snickers fills you up longer than a mars bar even though it might have a higher calorie count - because you’re full longer you eat less calories because you don’t go i’m hungry and eat another mars bar 

and that’s all assuming that every body processes food the exact same way

tl:dr the human body is a very complicated machine and using a very simple method of measuring energy intake is complete nonsense

[dislocated-cannibal]

i always knew the BMI was bullshit but having solid proof is reassuring and will def help with my recovery!!!

[mariposagal]

BMI is bullshit and I’m so mad the medical community is still using it

[fluffysatan-deactivated20190821]

I’m a varsity athlete (rugby, so let’s keep in mind i throw myself at other human beings who are often bigger than me) and my BMI is always ‘overweight’ except for the brief period last summer in which i was eating about 1300 calories a day to make myself hot (12/10 would not recommend).  right now my butt looks great, and I’m probably in the best shape ive ever been in.  muscle weighs more than fat.  BMI does not factor in body composition, which is a much better indication f health.  also beauty standards at totally unattainable so.  I’m 5′2″ and weigh more than most 6ft models because of the amount of muscle mass i carry and sure I’m a little squishy round the edges but I’m healthy. so BMI can kiss my ass

[swolerbear]

This post is so good, so pure, so important

Adding on to all of this up here, hormones play a significant role in fat storage. “Eat less and exercise more” is a fad diet. Losing fat, gaining fat, and maintaining weight has far more to do with hormonal composition in your body than anything. Change your hormonal composition, and your body’s fat distribution is subject to change. This is why dfab people often gain weight when undergoing menopause or after having a hysterectomy (gender confirmation surgeries typically excluded as the subjects are often on testosterone). This is why endocrine disorders are often associated with significant weight loss or weight gain.

Another example of the BMI being bullshit: many professional athletes have very low percentages of body fat while also having a high BMI.

Joe Rogan is considered obese by the BMI, regardless of his low body fat percentage.

Some more examples of actual Olympians:

The BMI is bullshit

[redgranola]

Quetelet, the guy who invented the bmi, literally influenced the eugenics and phrenology movements. He developed this thing in a quest to quantify the perfect human (coincidentally white northern European and relatively slim, by his preference) by the numbers, labeling outliers as deviant - sound familiar? He wasn’t even a doctor, he was an astronomer and mathematician.

The bmi isn’t bullshit because it’s inaccurate, it’s bullshit because it’s built on fatmisia

Please watch this playlist on YouTube from @ok2befat (sources are listed for each video)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzCJI_hV11iFYHnjOPGyVwXaFEo2eEc9S

Also this post: http://riotsnotdiets.com/post/73994844498/the-tyranny-of-the-normal-why-the-bmi-has

[reblogging4thewin]

The fact that muscle weighs more than fat is the thing that has always bothered me about bmi.

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

every weight loss and physical health program has told me that i need to be consuming no more than 1300 calories a day. that is bullshit. i will not starve myself to look like a barbie doll.