[bleedthebeat]

i have 2 what

[bleedthebeat]

help .me

[natelm2nd]

@pinkvbay writes "anders and justice" from the video games Dragon Age Origins and Dragon Age II

[xteacupx]

Today after about a week of confusion and asking people in real life if they've noticed anything, I discovered that there is, in fact, not a bizarre 2026 trend of "Mr Beast Pregnancy Memes" and it is all in fact just a series of tumblr posts from one Ukranian who I've never met named Petro and my two chaos incarnate tumblr mutuals who are so fascinated by the world he is conjuring that they have both been drip-feeding it onto my otherwise relatively normal tumblr dashboard.

[sadomarxist]

[ruckuscauser]

[natelm2nd]

If one puts a guiness bear and a can of monster energy together in a glass the Monster sits at the bottom with all of the beer on top. @e3khatena comments that this cocktail should be called a Billie Irish So I think if you do this with a Baja blast its called a Billie Blastowitz. If you have a pot brownie or a thc gummie it potentially turns into a Terror Billy.

[ariadne-mouse]

seeing Pin had the vial in his mouth I'm envisioning him carrying back the sword of seremai by swallowing it like an owl does a mouse and horking it back up for Occtis upon his return

[ariadne-mouse]

it's either this or "dog at the park with a stick way too big"

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Friends, Tumblrs, countrynerds, lend me your puns

My sister is qualified as a human givens therapist/counsellor, and wants to start her own business. She's currently trying to think of a name for said business

She saw a therapy company called Practically Minded and fucking loved that, so that's the vibe we're after. A tasteful pun, ideally that stresses how human givens stuff is all about coming up with practical solutions (apparently; I don't know much about it)

My BIL, a man of otherwise good character and intellect, suggested she ask AI for a list. On principle she immediately asked me instead. I figured I'd throw it open to the pun machine that is Tumblr, to harness the collective power of human brains.

So! What do we reckon? Any thoughts?

[sleepy-seal]

im being so serious when i say this but we need to bring back the "my genitals are none of your business" "if gender is whats in my pants then my gender is some loose change" mentality from the late 2010's because too many people on here are openly flirting with exclusionary people who spout enbyphobic rhetoric. stop caring about what people's agabs are you assholes. they literally mean nothing. they're not a zodiac sign or indicative of people's character. you are not wholly pure or wholly evil because of your assigned sex. you're just a person.

[ash-and-art]

"what genitals do you have?" Is sexual harassment regardless if its from a security guard or a chronically online furry

[thedreadvampy]

Everywhere I go I'm reminded how much the desire to punish homelessness and migration and other Undesirablenesses make society markedly worse for everyone

like why is the park locked after 5pm so I can't go and sit under a tree after work? to punish rough sleepers for the terrible crime of being homeless and alive

why do I have to buy a drink, beg for a code and fuck around with an awkward keypad for 5 minutes in order to take a piss? because fuck homeless people

why do I need to provide proof of address and photo ID to do everything? because we had to create a really hostile environment for migrants

why can't you sit anywhere? well because god forbid people sleep when they're pushed out of shelter. can't risk that.

every day governments, councils and businesses make your life worse as a side effect of making vulnerable people's lives WAY worse. if you're ok with that you're a fucking idiot and if you're in favour of it you're a vindictive cunt cause again literally the ONLY payoff for your life getting worse is other people's lives getting worser.

[reckless-glitch]

[ramblingandpie]

[Video description: Gritty is turning the crank on a flagpole to raise the Progress Pride Flag. He gesticulates angrily that the flag is not blowing in the wind, then gestures offscreen. The flag begins blowing. As Gritty begins raising the flag more, the camera pans out to show a man in a suit and sunglasses, looking like a stern Secret Service agent, is holding a leafblower that points at the flag. End description.]

[redstonedust]

i do find the rules around clothes fascinating because of how made up it all is. we invented the idea of covering our bodies from the elements because we lack fur like other mammals and then made up all these rules around it and now people will unironically tell you "men cant wear skirts its unnatural" girl none of this is natural. we are born naked and made up the rest as we went along. hope this helps.

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[gallusrostromegalus]

seconding these tags by @ragsy: #if the social consciousness has decided that duckduckgo is the Only Othet Search Engine#might i suggest 'go duck yourself'

[natelm2nd]

Doty shows up Those who know - Regular smiling Mr. Incredible Those who don't* - DARK! Mr. Incredible *for less than ten seconds

[anistarrose]

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

[brainrockets]

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!

[literary-sparks]

“Why don’t you use ai” idk man beyond the obvious environmental and “this machine causes psychosis and encourages people to kill themselves” thing I think asking the equivalent of a solid D student who is also a pathological liar if they can answer my question/do the work for me seems pretty fucking stupid

[thestroyer]

[dee-the-red-witch]

I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE PAINT JOB I NEED ON MY CAR.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

driving my newly painted car down to my job at the children’s hospital

[hthrrloooo]

Catastrophize Benedictine

[dumbthinmint]

Forgetful Ice Cream Sandwich

[viostormcaller]

Executive Dysfunction Cake n’ Ice Cream

[isa-ghost]

Unfocused Cereal

[everyone-loves-purple]

sensitive rice

[andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels]

Migraine Grits

[snarklordofthesith]

Distraction Donut.

[jadelyn]

Leg-Jiggle M&Ms

[moniquill]

Panic Cheese

[elodieunderglass]

Dread Tiffin

[spaceshipoftheseus]

Despair Mint

[thelawfulchaotic]

Insomnia Lucky Charm

[syinthome-kaleidoscope]

Deterritorialization Strawberry

[barely-an-artist]

Lethargy sandwich

[randomfruit666]

Constant Stress Salmon

[cedar-is-a-nerd]

Anxiety Iced Tea

[consumerofshorthomies]

Anxious Apple Juice goes hard

or Dissociation Rice if we’re being real specific about the food part

[theboredvoid]

Mood Swings Red Bull

[starving-little-orphan-boy]

@counting-horses please let at least one of these be real

[counting-horses]

This post contains 52 horses (84.9% of the post)

🐎 @hthrrloooo

Catastrophize Benedictine

[Image]

🐴 @dumbthinmint

Forgetful Ice Cream Sandwich

🍎 @viostormcaller

Executive Dysfunction Cake n’ Ice Cream

♞ @isa-ghost

Unfocused Cereal

𓃗 @everyone-loves-purple

sensitive rice

♞ @andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels

Migraine Grits

🐎 @snarklordofthesith

Distraction Donut.

🥕 @jadelyn

Leg-Jiggle M&Ms

🎠 @moniquill

Panic Cheese

🥕 @elodieunderglass

Dread Tiffin

🦄 @spaceshipoftheseus

Despair Mint

🦄 @thelawfulchaotic

Insomnia Lucky Charm

🎠 @syinthome-kaleidoscope

Deterritorialization Strawberry

🦄 @barely-an-artist

Lethargy sandwich

🥕 @randomfruit666

Constant Stress Salmon

🎠 @cedar-is-a-nerd

Anxiety Iced Tea

🥕 @consumerofshorthomies

Anxious Apple Juice goes hard

or Dissociation Rice if we’re being real specific about the food part

♞ @theboredvoid

Mood Swings Red Bull

♞ @starving-little-orphan-boy

@counting-horses please let at least one of these be real

Posts are selected by humans, processed automatically and queued to post. Click the link for more information about each horse. You can send a link or text to be counted to my ask box.

[elodieunderglass]

Aww Tiffin is a grandchild of the Tetrarch, that’s cute!

[natelm2nd]

@elodieunderglass found out Tiffin is both "indian brunch" and a sweet treat. Honestly, probably something you would have for brunch/tea time/second breakfast. alsa Anxiety Broccoli does not exist.

[eraserheadadult]

one time in college i was in a creative writing class and this guy was holding up the critique with what i can only describe as like cinemasins dinging another student's writing. and at some point the professor said "the plot is the fork and the prose is the meal. you are critiquing the taste of the fork"

[alanaisalive]

The Tattoo: part 1

For a number of years, my husband and I have had a running joke about trying to find the stupidest and unsexiest tramp stamp possible. Some of the contenders were Grandpa's janky bed from Stardew Valley or maybe SuperGrover, but none of them seemed quite right.

A year ago I noticed in the notes that my infamous bear post was 9 years old. I joked to my husband, "What if I got that as a tramp stamp?" We laughed. We paused. "But no, for real maybe I should do that," so I set a challenge. The post had just over 400,000 notes at the time, and I thought, "Maybe if it gets to half a million before the 10 year anniversary," but then decided, "That's too easy. They'll do that in a month or two." And you would have, so I upped it to the next nice round number of a million, knowing 2 things: 1: you'd never make it to a million (especially since I had comments turned off for the first six months until I figured out how to turn them back on), and 2: I was always going to do it anyway.

I was hoping to get more of it done before the deadline and was even scheduled for another session, but then my husband broke his foot and I had to reschedule and my tattoo artist left for France, so I won't be able to get it finished until probably July or August. There's more to be added and cleaned up, including colour, but here it is right now. I did not want to share my butt crack with the entire internet, so please enjoy the surrogate butt crack.