toots | genshin men [crack headcanons]
characters: zhongli, childe/tartaglia/ajax, kamisato ayato, thoma, diluc, kaeya, xiao, albedo, itto, kaedehara kazuha, gorou
genre: crack/fluff/humour (sfw), headcanons
tw: the entirety of this is purely fart humour lol, mild references to shit
like the elegant kinda fart from tight butt cheeks
but doesnāt rly fart unless heās aloneā¦ bc heās a gentleman
seems like the type who would excuse himself just to let a rip
if u DO hear his farts, they are a sharp soundā¦ like i saidā¦ from tight butt cheeks
god forbid hutao to ever hear him bc she would NEVER let it go
loud ass farts bc his siblings find them funny
he probably has fart competitions w them
the definition of loud & proud tbh
this man doesnāt crit but his farts do
he isnāt even ashamed to sayĀ āit wasnāt meā
homeboy would sayĀ āwhoops, had too much of those jade parcelsā while farting continuously
literally doesnāt care if u hear him fart anw wow what a king
mf has silent killers and blames it on other people
such as thoma at shuumatsuban meetings
let me tell u.. THEY STINK
ayatoās diet is wretched like who eats sea ganodermas in their boba??
he probably had some salted eggs & fish skin in a mixed fried rice dish
every dish he makes is suspicious but that is evident through the stench
doctors who inspect his poo must be likeĀ āthis mf constipated & farts like a garbage truck unloading itselfā
has chronic gaseous syndrome bc he eats whack ass shit so his farts stink so damn bad
the toilet is begging w balls dropping just to have thoma use another toilet
embarrassing to have hotpot w him bc his farts are hot + smelly af
like a seeping hot cloud of stink how bow dat
but mans would shit plenty before seeing u just to make sure he doesnāt ruin the date w some nasty ass farts
probably has sharted himself bc of ayatoās whack ass diet (no pun intended)
his farts are ā¦ soft yet not smelly
he clearly shits everyday
god bless adelinde for her cooking skills cus man got enough fibre
super polite about it too
āexcuse meā if he farted & probably would clear his throat
if it stinks, he would pull u aside just so u wouldnāt have to inhale that rectal perfume phew
oh god itās like rolling clouds of green fart bc that man drinks so much
mfās organs r failing at this rate
literally SO, SO, SOOOO SMELLY & LOUD
diluc would make him leave the tavernĀ
it would make anyone GAG instantly
probably why venti passes out at times
like itās unbelievable that a sxc man could have such an unpleasant.. fart
doesnāt think itās an adepti thing to fart
he eats mild food anyway.
smiley yanxiao farts more than him ig
xiao swears to not fart but probably would toot himself when heās alone
probably tries to hold it in bc it sounds like a whale
no but rly, those who are quiet tend to have loud ass farts
the only person to have heard his fart was *probably* bosacius or the traveller lol
mans would STUDY his own farts according to his dietary changes
tries to hypothesises what type of enzymes cause diff types of farts
would experiment w his diet JUST TO SEE IF HIS FARTS WILL SMELL & SOUND DIFFERENT
sucrose would keep herselfĀ ābusyā w OTHER experiments
timaeus would remain at the damn crafting benchā¦
as far away from albedo as possible
hence albedo probably does his farting experiments at dragonspine
definitely would challenge guuji yae or kujou sara to a fart competition
āletās see who can fart more without shitting themselvesā
would never blame shinobu if someone realised he farted
he rly would be SO PROUD of his own farts regardless of the smell
just wants it to be loud & proud like childeās
calls his fart the āwind breakerā
uses it to identify the windās direction
if it smells, he says ācalm as the breezeā
sometimes would fart w/o realising just to relieve stress (while writing haikus & poems)
but yeah his farts are soft.. nothing too loud
farts like eggs and kibbles
dog farts r terribleā¦ beyond nasty
gets embarrassed & his ears fall if someone asksĀ āgeneral gorou, was that you???ā
highkey would DENY it & make some excuse likeĀ āoh itās probably the fertilisersā like what soil got a booty hole to release *that* stench??
refuses to fart around kokomi thatās for sure
farts nervously arnd guuji yae tbh
