Not Fish

She/her | legal adult | bisexual af 💜💖💙 | Welcome to a wild fucking ride | Have a good day! Icon by the amazing @bees-in-superhell Header by: the incredibly talented @kinschi

[notphyti]

Broke: Li Shang had a bi crisis over Mulan because he’d never realized he was into men.

Woke: Li Shang had a bi crisis over Mulan because he’d never realized he was into women.

Bespoke: Li Shang had a bi crisis over Mulan because he’d never realized he was into women, the reason being that he’s into masc women specifically.

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[iamnotlanuk]

New one in the saga of Tony Hawk trying to live life as Tony Hawk

[beardedmrbean]

[oldbootbutch]

corruption not as in turning you into something you're not, but rather. corruption as in unlocking the person you secretly already are. corruption as in making you admit the things you feel embarrassed or guilty for wanting. corruption as in being the first person to give you those things, and being the person you will remember every time you let yourself want them from now on.

[vriska]

its required that every day you think about women kissing

[theivorytowercrumbles]

#it IS required but i do it for the love of the game

[scamguy]

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

[magicalmrmephistopheles]

couldn’t leave this in the tags

[pivdrr]

🫶🫶

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[notaplaceofhonour]

Ryan Gosling’s career has just been one long quest to climb the Warner Bros water tower

[notaplaceofhonour]

that man has been trying to climb this tower since he was 16. he has asked multiple times, and every time they said no, but now he’s famous enough & variety was able to convince them to do a shoot on the tower. it all led here. it was all for this.

[notaplaceofhonour]

I’m obsessed with the implication that this was a coming-of-age ritual where a boy becomes a man, like a bar mitzvah

[videos-i-didnt-make]

telephone pole.mp4

[knitmeapony]

Nothing is better than animal whose job it is to basically exist In a specific space. Bodega cat basically just lives there. Bookshop dog whose most taxing duty is waking up from naps to say hello to incoming customers. Librarian horse that basically just goes for walkies with their buddy everyday. Doctor's office fish that like to follow people back and forth as they move in the office.

All love and appreciation to the critters and to the kindly humans to make sure they live in peace and joy

[systlin]

My mom for a time was director of tourism for the county. Her office was a welcome center in a refitted old schoolhouse. There was a gift shop and there were maps and stuff, normal welcome center stuff.

She found a scruffy orange kitten out back one day and took him in. Named him Jackson. He became the Welcome Center Offical Greeter Cat.

He was WAY more popular than the gift store or the maps. People would stop in SPECIFICALLY to see Jackson.

Anyway mom got driven out of that job for various bullshit petty reasons involving the fact that two guys on the tourism board hated her for various misogany related reasons, and when she resigned she took the cat.

They were very angry about this. As mom pointed out, though, SHE had paid all the vet bills, for food, ect. Legally, she was registered as the cat's owner and they couldn't do a thing. Jackson came home with her and lived out the rest of his very long life (he died at 17) in she and dad's old farmhouse.

The tourism board had to shut the welcome center and are still baffled as to why things fell apart so much after mom left. They still periodically get questions about where the welcome cat went. Suck shit, Tom and Daryl. It's because neither of you can run more than your damn mouth and you couldn't organize your way out of a wet paper bag.

[targetedknowledge]

[wetheurban]

June will be good to you.

[storm-of-feathers]

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

[storm-of-feathers]

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.

[malwareproductions]

hey. you have to love your trans brothers of color okay. and your trans sisters of color. and your nonbinary siblings of color. you have to okay. its simply non-optional

[victusinveritas]