The Magus Lives

What is a wizard? Me. Me is a wizard. Sculpted from clay circa 6000 BCE, and still mad about it.

[stuckinapril]

kitten I’ll be honest the finality of everything in this world haunts daddy like a second shadow

[nohoperadio]

You know that thing would eat you if you died, right? *pointing to the false image of you that others perceive*

[momento-more]

@elodieunderglass - This made me think of you.

[elodieunderglass]

Thank you so much for this

[casawio]

who up in a kafka-esque rut sleep deprived, casually malnourished, socially awkward, painfully self-conscious, struggling financially, lacking community, altogether anhedonic

[borrowed-thoughts]

I’m doing so fucking horrible but in like a super chill way

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Due to dire circumstance, The Wizard Council has decided to try and force a crab rave. All Wizards are called up to send crabs in support

[silliam-william]

🦀🦀🦀🦀

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Oh silliam-william, only you and my evil advisor understand me

[therian-wizard]

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[cablethewizard]

🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[officialgrigori]

🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀 🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀 🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀🦀 🦀🦀

[feefal]

My body is already an inhospitable environment, there’s no way a friggin baby would be able to survive in it

[feefal]

Also babies can’t even fight, how would they fare in battle against my inner demons?

[rokarambles]

[conkreetmonkey]

sand tiger sharks

[inbabylontheywept]

on it, boss lady

[inbabylontheywept]

one smooth shark, coming up

[star-mom-selkie]

[ofishal-fish-posts]

reblog to turn prev into a fish

[ofishal-fish-posts]

roll for fish

[grizzwaldtheponderer]

Archmage makes a shilling, I make a dime. That’s why I ponder my orb on company time

[officialgrigori]

...as one of approximately 3 people globally who understand pre-decimal british currency, I have bad news about how much money a shilling is compared to a dime.

Or, good news? I guess

You make more than the archmage. Is my point

[not-a-cursed-amulet]

I promise I’m not cursed. I’m just the physical embodiment of ambition left unsupervised.

[officialgrigori]

...

*puts on the amulet*

[sylviii]

reblog if you’re transgender, genderqueer, or if you think you could survive being hit with a 14” shell fired from a Pennsylvania-class battleship

[sylviii]

yes, you may reblog this post even if you’re not 100% sure you would survive a 14-inch shell

[symphoniuschordata]

Torso? Never. I could probably survive a hit to one of my limbs if I got proper medical care though. Götz von Berlichingen (medieval knight) got his arm shot off by a cannon and was okay enough to keep doing knight stuff, so assuming I get better medical care than someone in the 1400s I think I'd live.

[officialgrigori]

Saying Gotz of the Iron Hand went on to do 'Knight Stuff' feels like an insult to both knights in general & Gotz himself. That man was on his own bullshit.

[evilnonbinarywizard]

Can someone explain to me why in the fuck the Wizarding Council just banned "Summon Greater Xylophone?!" How on Earth was that spell being used such that it was bannable?

[evilwizard]

heh..

[gavamont]

It was considered cultural appropriation from skeletons.

[ratazom]

Oh. I thought it was because of the stegosaurus incident. I think evilwiz was in on that.

[officialgrigori]

I thought it was because it lacked the standard corporeal non-interference matrix, so you could summon the Xylophones inside people.

[wizardalexa]

how to reduce gutfish eel liver into oil for alchemy no shocks or fried assistants no insulation

✨If you don't want to fry your assistants for some reason, do you know anyone else who you could convince to do it and whom you'd consider expendable?✨ ✨If not, you could also summon creatures from another plane and command them to do it for you (they will, of course, be fried in the process).✨ ✨If this is not an option, gutfish eel liver can be extracted and reduced into oil safety by the simple expedient of telekinesis spells. If you do not know any suitable telekinesis spells, scrolls of telekinesis are available from Acheron.wiz for reasonable rates (free shipping for Acheron Prime members).✨

[arson-the-artificer-offical]

How about if you dont know any telekinesis spells you stop calling yourself a fucking wizard

[profeshinul-wizurd]

spell of fucking killing you with a mace

[officialgrigori]

Yep, that's a telekinesis spell.

[official-cisphobe]

here's a random word generator--whatever word it gives you is now the thing you are the deity of

[scrounds-deactivated20251227]

deity of ball

[hollowslug-reblogsnrambles]

Deity of seminars :/

[toxicrobotyaoi]

Deity of god. Deity of fucking GOD? this is moon moon all over again smh

[the-blackwyrm]

I am the Deity of extinct...

I get Megaraptorids.

Hell yeah.

[jaithink]

Deity of Hand.

Not hands. Hand.

I NOW COMMAND THE DOMINANT HAND OF EVERYONE ON EARTH!

[falinksdunkleosteus]

NOW WITH THIS NEWFOUND POWER, I SHALL BE KNOWN AS DUNK, THE DIETY OF....

Miscarriage. Well that sucks.

[clown-adjacent]

Well, looks like I'm the diety of

SHOUT

[totalstupidityaddict]

i wasn't gonna post what I got but then I rolled it

the deity of handicap. the fucking deity of handicap. why does it know

[knightbell]

deity of bean

welp, cool beans

;)

[allhailstarscream]

deity of prayer

???

[cool-blog-of-daniel]

man I'm the deity of HOTDOG

[lego-botanicals-offical]

Diety of CASUALTY here

[symphoniuschordata]

Slide

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[officialgrigori]

I'm the deity of attitude, which is fine I guess.

[snowdarkred]

nothing bad ever happened to an emperor who stopped paying the praetorian guards

[amarguerite]

paetorian guard perfec t size for put emperor on t\hrone! inside very Safe and Comfort emperor rule soundly put emperor in care of Praetorian Guard. Put Emperor In Care of Praetorian Guard. no problems ever with praettorian guard because good Size of cohorts and Support for emperor neck weak of big crown of laurels. Apraetorian Guard yes a place for an emperor put emperor in care of praetorian guard can trust praetorian guard for giveing good love to emperor. friend praetorians

[tributary]

happy smallpox eradication day to all who celebrate, which is everyone!

[tributary]

“On December 9, 1979, the disease was confirmed to have been eradicated, with the World Health Assembly making the declaration official five months later.”

“On May 8, 1980, more than two years after the last known case, the World Health Assembly formally declared the world free of smallpox.”

celebrate twice!

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

How legal is remotely setting someone on fire using a sympathetic bloodline curse via their mom

As long as their mom is not a MILF (and protected under the MILF-Wizard Protection Act of 1399) you’re fine

[officialgrigori]

Unfortunate addendum: The Wizard Council does still recognize the works of Sigmund Freud as legitimate, meaning that all moms are broadly categorized as MILFs.

You could probably make a good case to have that ruling overturned in wizard court, but you do take the risk that your case is heard by one of the wizard judiciary who just vaporizes the accused immediately (which is something like 90% of the wizard judiciary).