Lil gay trash panda.

They/them. Main blog I guess? ANCH blog: quarantinebutmakeitfashion

[public-universal-sister]

You can’t spell silly without ill, and baby? I’m diseased.

[ladyegwene]

no zelda was the scientist, that little guy smashing pots is zeldas monster

[cristinabencina]

"Daisy." Digital art. Made for a client.

[zukoandtheoc]

goncharov? you mean blorbo from my shoes?

[mortalityplays]

I have no problem with people tagging my posts 'unreality'. I just think 'lying on the internet ' has more swag.

[profmeowmers]

My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky WWII Hijinks lately and I want to tell you a story because I love it okay

once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia. Pujol was a chicken farmer. Pujol hated him some goddamn fascists.

See Spain had recently ended its civil war, with the fascists taking power. So when WWII broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in practice was buddy buddy with the Nazis. Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty bullshit

so soon after war breaks out Pujol travels to his local British embassy and goes “hey I wanna spy on the Nazis for you”

“who the fuck are you?” say the British, and kick him out

but Pujol is not deterred! He still wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local German embassy instead. “hey” he says, “I wanna spy on the British for you, I sure do hate them”

“yeah okay” say the Germans “that seems pretty legit”

and just like that Pujol now officially works for the Abwehr, the German intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and such) and instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UK. So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later writes to his German handlers telling them he’s made it to England

Pujol had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon public library, where he checked out a number of English guide books and set about just wholesale making shit up

this is slightly complicated by the fact that, for example, he completely did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were basically gibberish. He also reported things like bribing Scotsmen, because the people of Glasgow would “do anything for a litre of wine” (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain like wine so that’s probably the same right?

Here is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Abwehr loves this. “wow this dude is a great spy” they say, because apparently none of them had ever been the England either. In fact, they are so pumped about this new awesome spy that the British start to get worried

you see, by this time the British had cracked German’s supposedly unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of their ~super top secret~ radio transmissions. And, crucially, they’d become so good at breaking and reading traffic that there were literally no German spies in England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies

so there are no German spies in the UK because they’re all sitting in a prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as double agents, feeding Germany bullshit). But suddenly MI5 is picking up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great spy- a spy the British do not have in their jail

“oh shit” says MI5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and from this mysterious super spy.

“hey wait” says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending. “someone is playing silly buggers, pip pip cheerio”

At this point, Pujol, still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently “I am literally an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my services” wasn’t interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again. It wasn’t until MI5 started asking around that one of the embassy staff was like “oh yeah we know that guy”

so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially becomes a spy for MI5. They move him to London and assign him a case officer so he can start making up even better bullshit

and he does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that he’d recruited a whole slew of informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to disaffected army officers. He ends up with a network of 20+ sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the UK

none of these people actually exist

Pujol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake personalities, names, and activities. With the help of MI5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mix of true but ultimately useless facts and actually important intel timed to arrive in Germany just slightly too late to be of any use. He and his “spy network” become the Abwehr’s most trusted agents

Pujol, now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skills), ends up playing a huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Allies mounted a huge intelligence campaign to convince Hitler that the planned site of attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should absolutely look it up for more Wacky WWII Adventures). Obviously you know how this ended

crazily enough, the Abwehr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent. After the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require personal authorization from Hitler), and a Member of the Order of the British Empire (from King George VI)

unable to resist being totally fucking ridiculous, Pujol turned down MI5’s post-war offer to continue spying, but this time against the USSR. “no,” he said “just help me fake my own death and then I’m moving to Venezuela”

and that’s exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the age of 76

[glitterary]

Okay I’m just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Pujol Garcia because I feel that it adds so much to the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE with this expression:

What a legend.

[resmeae]

Thank you Jess for this extremely important addendum.

[gl00myharvester]

he’s my hero and also adorable

[prudencepaccard]

This is…holy fucking shit, I have no words for how much glee this story brings me. It’s like Mother Night but not soul-crushing

[useless-catalanfacts]

He was Catalan and his real name was Joan (not Juan) Pujol i Garcia.

After the fascists won the Spanish Civil War, Spanish names were mandatory, since the Catalan language and culture were completely banned by the fascist regime, but he referred to himself as Joan. So let’s refer to him as Joan as he would have wanted, and not use the name that the Spanish fascists imposed.

Here’s an interesting interview with him from the year 1984 (in Catalan)

[irishais]

I cannot recommend enough the book about him

[queerplatonicpositivity]

I started a new remote job last week, and I'm the only genderqueer person at the company (and the first person who uses neo pronouns that anyone on my team has ever met, apparently).

So far:

Manager carefully wrote down spelling and pronunciation of my pronouns and told everyone on the team to respect them.

Coworker apologized privately for misgendering me (I hadn't told her yet) and said she will practice.

Guy on another team valiantly tried to use my pronouns and ended up saying something like zirzs-zhizz (I DM'd him and thanked him for trying and linked him to a practice site).

Teammate told me he has written out my pronouns and how to use them in a sentence and literally taped it to his monitor so he can practice.

Teammate also referred to me as compañere after I linked to a comic about gender-neutral endings in Spanish (whole team except me + 1 other person speaks Spanish as first language and they held all meetings in Spanish before the two of us started).

I am so stoked that people are actually trying. 💜🤍💚

[transmasc-nightwing]

It's important to remember this kind of stuff, especially with the world the way it is now. When i started my current job and i told HR about my name and pronouns, she called me to ask which locker room i wanted to be in and told me where all the neutral bathrooms are (which is all of them except the locker rooms).

I've had to come out to my team a couple times because of new hires and whatnot but every time it has gone well. People aren't perfect but they try and they correct themselves. I usually just get nods of understanding and a couple of times people have asked me questions to understand better.

When one of my employees misgendered me despite me directly correcting her and I documented it, the site director texted me at MIDNIGHT to apologize and assure me that he and HR would handle it. The operations manager sent me a similar email the next morning.

We aren't alone. People care. People understand us and are on our side.

[startledoctopus]

i was starting a new job, and before i went in for my first training in the afternoon, i talked to my mom on the phone. she was very excited because a nonbinary person who used they/them had just starting coming to her kungfu classes. "i got their pronouns like a pro because of you, so i got to surprise them with this 60 year old lady being super smooth with their pronouns."

later at my onboarding, a younger coworker surprised me by asking for my pronouns (i hadn't yet considered whether i wanted to be out at work) and i automatically replied they/them. my new boss, standing next to me, went "oh excellent! my youngest is nonbinary, i got this."

not only is people making the effort for you special and beautiful, you're also making life easier for those who come after, in a beautiful pay-it-forward loop-de-loop of pronoun teaching

[violaceum-vitellina-viridis]

i was starting a new job, at a company i had worked at before, but this time with a new name. this company had a good reputation with chosen vs given/birth names, so i wasn’t worried about that, but i wasn’t really sure how the people i knew from before, or the new people who might see how i had two different names depending on where you looked in company info, would react

the trainer for my class knew my husband and texted him to make sure she not only had the right name for my temporary namecard, but also that she knew which pronouns to use for me, and when someone else in the class (innocently) misgendered me before introductions were done, made the correction for me and began introductions right then, asking everyone to include their pronouns, to make sure it wasn’t singling me out

now, as a substitute teacher, i use Mx. and many of my students and colleagues default to they/them without even being told or asked. some do ask, though, to make sure, to use the right ones.

the people who don’t care, who are actively hostile, are loud. but humans want to be united, we want to like one another, we are social creatures. there is more respect between us than what makes it onto the news.

[sango-haveaniceday]

Has this been done yet

[writing-prompt-s]

An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

[eatbreathewrite]

It isn’t uncommon for this particular demon to be summoned—from exhausting Halloween party pranks in abandoned barns to more legitimate (more exhausting) ceremonies in forests—but it has to admit, this is the first time it’s been called forth from its realm into a claustrophobic living room bathed in the dull orange-pink glow of old glass lamps and a multitude of wide-eyed, creepy antique porcelain dolls that could give Chucky a run for his money with all of their silent, seething stares combined. Accompanying those oddities are tea cup and saucer sets on shelves atop frilly doilies crocheted with the utmost care, and cross-stitched, colorful ‘Home Sweet Home’s hung across the wood-paneled walls.

It’s a mistake—a wrong number, per se. No witch it’s ever known has lived in such an, ah, dated, home. Furthermore, no practitioner that ever summoned it has been absent, as if they’d up and ding-dong ditched it. No, it didn’t work that way. Not at all. Not if they want to survive the encounter.

It hears the clinking of movement in the room adjacent—the kitchen, going by the pungent, bitter scent of cooled coffee and soggy, sweet sponge cakes, but more jarring is the smell of blood. It moves—feels something slip beneath its clawed foot as it does, and sees a crocheted blanket of whites and greys and deep black yarn, wound intricately, perfectly, into a summoning circle. Its summoning circle. There is a small splash of bright scarlet and sharp, jagged bits of a broken curio scattered on top, as if someone had dropped it, attempted to pick it up the pieces and pricked their finger. It would explain the blood. And it would explain the demon being brought into this strange place.

As it connects these pieces in its mind, the inhabitant of the house rounds the corner and exits the kitchen, holding a damp, white dish towel close to her hand and fumbling with the beaded bifocals hanging from her neck by a crocheted lanyard before stopping dead in her tracks.

Now, to be fair, the demon wouldn’t ordinarily second guess being face-to-face with a hunchbacked crone with a beaked nose, beady eyes and a peculiar lack of teeth, or a spidery shawl and ankle-length black dress, but there is definitely something amiss here. Especially when the old biddy lets her spectacles fall slack on her bosom and erupts into a wide, toothy (toothless) grin, eyes squinting and crinkling from the sheer effort of it.

“Todd! Todd, dear, I didn’t know you were visiting this year! You didn’t call, you didn’t write—but, oh, I’m so happy you’re here, dear! Would it have been too much to ask you to ring the doorbell? I almost had a heart attack. And don’t worry about the blood, here—I had an accident. My favorite figure toppled off of the table and cleanup didn’t go as expected. But I seem to recall you are quite into the bloodshed and ‘edgy’ stuff these days, so I don’t suppose you mind.” She releases a hearty, kind laugh, but it isn’t mocking, it’s sweet. Grandmotherly. The demon is by no means sentimental or maudlin, but the kindness, the familiarity, the genuine fondness, does pull a few dusty old nostalgic heartstrings. “Imagine if it leaves a scar! It’d be a bit ‘badass,’ as you teenagers say, wouldn’t it?”

She is as blind as a bat without her glasses, it would appear, because the demon is by no means a ‘Todd’ or a human at all, though humanoid, shrouded in sleek, black skin and hard spikes and sharp claws. But the demon humors her, if only because it had been caught off guard.

The old woman smiles still, before turning on her heel and shuffling into the hallway with a stiff gait revealing a poor hip. “Be a dear and make some more coffee, would you please? I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Yes, this is most definitely a mistake. One for the record books, for certain. For late-night trips to bars and conversations with colleagues, while others discuss how many souls they’d swindled in exchange for peanuts, or how many first-borns they’d been pledged for things idiot humans could have gained without divine intervention. Ugh. Sometimes it all just became so pedantic that little detours like this were a blessing—happy accidents, as the humans would say.

That’s why the demon does as asked, and plods slowly into the kitchen, careful to duck low and avoid the top of the doorframe. That’s why it gingerly takes the small glass pot and empties it of old, stale coffee and carefully, so carefully, takes a measuring scoop between its claws and fills the machine with fresh grounds. It’s as the hot water is percolating that the old woman returns, her index finger wrapped tight in a series of beige bandages.

“I’m surprised you’re so tall, Todd! I haven’t seen you since you were at my hip! But your mother mails photos all the time—you do love wearing all black, don’t you?” She takes a seat at the small round table in the corner and taps the glass lid of the cake plate with quaking, unsteady, aged hands. “I was starting to think you’d never visit. Your father and I have had our disagreements, but…I am glad you’re here, dear. Would you like some cake?” Before the demon has a chance to decline, she lifts the lid and cuts a generous slice from the near-complete circle that has scarcely been touched. It smells of citrus and cream and is, as assumed earlier, soggy, oversaturated with icing.

It was made for a special occasion, for guests, but it doesn’t seem this old woman receives much company in this musty, stagnant house that smells like an antique garage that hadn’t had its dust stirred in years.

Especially not from her absentee grandson, Todd.

The demon waits until the coffee pot is full, and takes two small mugs from the counter, filling them until steam is frothing over the rims. Then, and only then, does it accept the cake and sit, with some difficulty, in a small chair at the small table. It warbles out a polite ‘thank you,’ but it doesn’t suppose the woman understands. Manners are manners regardless.

“Oh, dear, I can hardly understand. Your voice has gotten so deep, just like your grandfather’s was. That, and I do recall you have an affinity for that gravelly, screaming music. Did your voice get strained? It’s alright, dear, I’ll do the talking. You just rest up. The coffee will help soothe.”

The demon merely nods—some communication can be understood without fail—and drinks the coffee and eats the cake with a too-small fork. It’s ordinary, mushy, but delicious because of the intent behind it and the love that must have gone into its creation.

“I hope you enjoyed all of the presents I sent you. You never write back—but I am aware most people use that fancy E-mail these days. I just can’t wrap my head around it. I do wish your mom and dad would visit sometime. I know of a wonderful little café down the street we can go to. I haven’t been; I wanted to visit it with Charles, before he…well.” She falls silent in her rambling, staring into her coffee with a small, melancholy smile. “I can’t believe it’s been ten years. You never had the chance to meet him. But never mind that.” Suddenly, and with surprising speed that has the demon concerned for her well being, she moves to her feet, bracing her hands on the edge of the table. “I may as well give you your birthday present, since you’re here. What timing! I only finished it this morning. I’ll be right back.”

When she returns, the white, grey and black crocheted work with the summoning circle is bundled in her arms.  

“I found these designs in an occult book I borrowed from the library. I thought you’d like them on a nice, warm blanket to fight off the winter chill—I hope you do like it.” With gentle hands, she spreads the blanket over the demon’s broad, spiky back like a shawl, smoothing it over craggy shoulders and patting its arms affectionately. “Happy birthday, Todd, dear.”

Well, that settles it. Whoever, wherever, Todd is, he’s clearly missing out. The demon will just have to be her grandson from now on.

[voidbat]

this is so sweet. it made me want to hug someone.

[bigmammallama5]

i had to

[geniusorinsanity]

I WOULD WATCH SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE

[rocky-horror-shit-show]

Okay but she takes him to the little cafe and all of the people in her town are like “What is that thing, what the hell, Anette?” and she’s like “Don’t you remember my grandson Todd?” and the entire town just has to play along because no one will tell little old Nettie that her grandson is an actual demon because this is the happiest she’s been since her husband died.

Bonus: In season 4 she makes him run for mayor and he wins

[silvermoonphantom]

I just want to watch ‘Todd’ help her with groceries, and help her with cooking, and help her clean up the dust around the house and air it out, and fill it with spring flowers because Anette mentioned she loved hyacinth and daffodils.   Over the seasons her eyesight worsens, so ‘Todd’ brings a hellhound into the house to act as her seeing eye dog, and people in town are kinda terrified of this massive black brute with fur that drips like thick oil, and a mouth that can open all the way back to its chest, but ‘Honey’ likes her hard candies, and doesn’t get oil on the carpet, and when ‘Todd’ has to go back to Hell for errands, Honey will snuggle up to Anette and rest his giant head on her lap, and whuff at her pockets for butterscotch.  Anette never gives ‘Todd’ her soul, but she gives him her heart

[wickedwitchofthewifi-deactivate]

In season six, Anette gets sick. She spends most of the season bedridden and it becomes obvious by about midway through the season that she’s not going to make it to the end of the season. Todd spends the season travelling back and forth between the human realm and his home plane, trying hard to find something, anything that will help Anette get better, to prolong her life. He’s tried getting her to sell him her soul, but she’s just laughed, told him that he shouldn’t talk like that. With only a few episodes left in the season Anette passes away, Todd is by her side. When the reaper comes for her Todd asks about the fate of her soul. In a dispassionate voice the reaper informs Todd that Anette spent the last few years of her life cavorting with creatures of darkness, that there can be only one fate for her. Todd refuses to accept this and he fights the reaper, eventually injuring the creature and driving it off. Knowing that Anette cannot stay in the Human Realm, and refusing to allow her spirit to be taken by another reaper, so he takes her soul in his arms. He’s done this before, when mortals have sold themselves to him. This time the soul cradled against his chest does not snuggle and fight. This time the soul held tight against him reaches out, pats him on the cheek tells him he was a good boy, and so handsome, just like his grandfather.  Todd takes Anette back to the demon realm, holding her tight against him as he travels across the bleak and forebidding landscape; such a sharp contrast to the rosy warmth of Anette’s home. Eventually, in a far corner of his home plane, Todd finds what he is looking for. It is a place where other demons do not tread; a large boulder cracked and broken, with a gap just barely large enough for Todd to fit through. This crack, of all things, gives him pause, but Anette’s soul makes a comment about needing to get home in time to feed Honey, and Todd forces himself to pass through it. He travels in darkness for a while, before he emerges into into a light so bright that it’s blinding. His eyes adjust slowly, and he finds himself face to face with two creatures, each of them at least twice his size one of them has six wings and the head of a lion, one of them is an amorphous creature within several rings. The lion-headed one snarls at Todd, and demands that he turn back, that he has no business here.  Todd looks down, holding Anette’s soul against his chest, he takes a deep breath, and speaks a single word, “Please.” The two larger beings are taken aback by this. They are too used to Todd’s kind being belligerent, they consult with each other, they argue. The amorphous one seems to want to be lenient, the lion-headed one insists on being stricter. While they’re arguing Todd sneaks by them and runs as fast as he can, deeper into the brightly lit expanse. The path on which he travels begins to slope upwards, and eventually becomes a staircase. It becomes evident that each step further up the stair is more and more difficult for Todd, that it’s physically paining him to climb these stairs, but he keeps going.

They dedicate a full episode to this climb; interspersing the climb with scenes they weren’t able to show in previous seasons, Anette and Honey coming to visit Todd in the Mayor’s office, Anette and Todd playing bingo together for the first time, Anette and Todd watching their stories together in the mid afternoon, Anette falling asleep in her chair and Todd gently carrying her to bed. Anette making Todd lemonade in the summer while he’s up on the roof fixing that leak and cleaning out the rain gutters. Eventually Todd reaches the top, and all but collapses, he falls to a knee and for the first time his grip on Anette’s soul slips, and she falls away from him. Landing on the ground. He reaches out for her, but someone gets there first. Another hand reaches out, and helps this elderly woman off the ground, helps her get to her feet. Anette gasps, it’s Charles. The pair of them throw their arms around each other. Anette tells Charles that she’s missed him so much, and she has so much to tell him. Charles nods. Todd watches a soft smile on his face. A delicate hand touches Todd’s shoulder, and pulls him easily to his feet. A figure; we never see exactly what it looks like, leans down, whispering in Todd’s ear that he’s done well, and that Anette will be well taken care of here. That she will spend an eternity with her loved ones. Todd looks back over to her, she’s surrounded by a sea of people. Todd nods, and smiles. The figure behind him tells him that while he has done good in bringing Anette here, this is not his place, and he must leave. Todd nods, he knew this would be the case. Todd gets about six steps down the stairway before he is stopped by someone grabbing his shoulder again. He turns around, and Anette is standing behind him. She gives him a big hug and leads him back up the stairs, he should stay, she says. Get to know the family. Todd tries to tell her that he can’t stay, but she won’t hear it. She leads him up into the crowd of people and begins introducing him to long dead relatives of hers, all of whom give him skeptical looks when she introduces him as her grandson. The mysterious figure appears next to Todd again and tells him once more he must leave, Todd opens his mouth to answer but Anette cuts him off. Nonsense, she tells the figure. IF she’s gonna stay here forever her grandson will be welcome to visit her. She and the figure stare at each other for a moment. The figure eventually sighs and looks away, the figure asks Todd if she’s always like this. Todd just shrugs and smiles, allowing Anette to lead him through a pair of pearly gates, she’s already talking about how much cake they’ll need to feed all of these relatives. 

[captaintinymite]

[gilajames]

P.S. Honey is a Good Dog and gets to go, too.

[kaijufluffs]

[jumpingjacktrash]

the last lines of the show:

demon: you’re not blind here – but you’re not surprised. when…?

anette: oh, toddy, don’t be silly, my biological grandson’s not twelve feet tall and doesn’t scorch the furniture when he sneezes. i’ve known for ages.

demon: then why?

anette: you wouldn’t have stayed if you weren’t lonely too.

demon: you… you don’t have to keep calling me your grandson.

anette: nonsense! adopted children are just as real. now quit sniffling, you silly boy, and let’s go bake a cake. honey, heel!

honey: W̝̽̂̿͂͝Ọ̮̹̲̪̋ͦͅO̸̘͔̬͊F̜̫͙̟͕͖̙̋ͫ͌͗

[aquilacalvitium]

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

[lizluvscupcakes]

Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.

[aquilacalvitium]

By Talos this can't be happening

[oysters-aint-for-me]

reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.

why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op

[tungsten-moon]

I figured out roughly how many notes it's been getting per day and multiplied that by the number of days left until the end of 2023

If we keep it going at this rate we'll be far past 666k

[aquilacalvitium]

IMPORTANT

Okay so clearly I've underestimated y'all

So how about we make this more interesting?

I will practise self care if this post reaches 666k BY THE END OF 2022

[moonlarking]

Op you have fuckethed with the devil this post has gained 30,000 notes since I reblogged it last night

[headspace-hotel]

Reblog to throw a hedge apple in OP's driveway

[theleakypen]

What the fuck is this eldritch fruit? I'm in.

[headspace-hotel]

It's Maclura pomifera, commonly known as the osage orange or hedge apple. It is known to be native only to a small area of Texas and the edge of Oklahoma and Arkansas. Before the invention of barbed wire, it was pruned repeatedly and shaped to make dense impenetrable hedges to contain animals.

The fruits are inedible—not poison, they're just hard and taste bad.

The wood is super-strong, burns hotter than any other wood, and is ideal for making bows!

[laineysbucketlist]

We should just fill this post with other interesting things as reasons to reblog it

[lord-angelfish]

Actually I like this idea, we should do that. Here's my fun fact contribution; actual old English, what one could call Anglo-Saxon (as opposed to, for example, Shakespearean English, which a lot of people call old English but is actually antiquated modern English), is a Germanic language, and modern English shares a lot of roots with German because of that. It was also, at one point, written with runes.

[ailingwriter]

The hagfish is a deep-sea fish speculated to be related to lamprey. It exudes a strange goo that is believed to be used to clog the gills of attackers. This goo has been found to be a very good substitute for egg whites in cooking.

[headspace-hotel]

HAGFISH SLIME EGG WHITE SUBSTITUTE???

[i-make-smol-bad-decisions]

Saponify is a word which means to Turn into Soap

Which is great cuz it means you can threaten to saponify someone and it will both confuse and frighten them!

[headspace-hotel]

Wizard Convention Banned Spell List 2022: Saponify

[sewi-li-suwi]

i swear that whenever the wizard council discover a new spell they just ban it immediately. why don't you just ban all magic ever at this point??

[headspace-hotel]

cranky because you can't saponify people when they're annoying anymore aren't you

[ohnevermindanyways]

So you know when bleach gets on your hands and they feel slimy? It’s because the bleach is saponifying your skin. You are in fact being momentarily turned into soap. Sorry for that cursed fact, but if I most know it you must too.

[pearliegates]

this whole situation is very funny

credit to @cryptvokeeper for the idea!

[modern-politics111]

I was going to include every tweet, but I realized fast it would be far too long. There are 55 tweets. Read them all here

[modern-politics111]

Wrote up a full list:

Government/Health Spending

1.9T American Rescue Plan

$1400 stimulus checks for adults, children, and adult dependants

1 year child tax credit expansion - $3600 0-5, $3000 6-17, removed income reqs and made fully refundable

One year EITC expansion

$350 billion state and local aid

$130 billion for schools for safe reopening

$40 billion for higher ed, half of which must go to student aid

Extended $300 supplemental UI through September 2021

Expanded eligibility for extended UI to cover new categories

Made $10,200 in UI from 2020 tax free

$1B for Head Start

$24B Childcare stabilization fund

$15B in low-income childcare grants

One Year Child and Dependent Care credit expansion

$46.5B in housing assistance, inc:

$21.5B rental assistance

$10B homeowner relief

$5B for Sec 8 vouchers

$5B to fight homelessness

$5B for utilities assistance

Extended Eviction moratorium through Aug 2021 (SC struck down)

2 year ACA tax credit expansion and ending of subsidy cliff – expanded coverage to millions and cut costs for millions more

100% COBRA subsidy through Sept 30th, 2021

6 month special enrollment period from Feb-Aug 2021

Required insurers to cover PrEP, an HIV prevention drug, including all clinical visits relating to it

Extended open enrollment from 45 to 76 days

New year round special enrollment period for low income enrollees

Restored Navigator program to assist with ACA sign up

Removed separate billing requirement for ACA abortion coverage

Eliminated regulation that allows states to privatize their exchanges

Eliminated all Medicaid work requirements

Permanently removed restriction on access to abortion pills by mail

Signed the Accelerating Access to Critical Therapies for ALS Act to fund increased ALS research and expedite access to experimental treatments

Rescinded Mexico City Policy (global gag rule) which barred international non-profits from receiving US funding if they provided abortion counseling or referrals

Allowed states to extend coverage through Medicaid and CHIP to post-partum women for 1 year (up from 60 days)

Judicial

42 Lifetime Federal judges confirmed – most in 40 years

13 Circuit Court judges

29 District Court judges

Named first openly LBGTQ woman to sit on an appeals court, first Muslim American federal judge, and record number of black women and public defenders

Infrastructure

$1.2T infrastructure law, including $550B in new funding

$110B for roads and bridges

$66B for passenger and freight rail

$39B for public transit, plus $30.5B in public transit funds from ARP

$65B for grid expansion to build out grid for clean energy transmission

$50B for climate resiliency

$21 for environmental remediation, incl. superfund cleanup and capping orphan wells

$7.5B for electric buses

$7.5B for electric charging stations

$55B for water and wastewater, including lead pipe removal

$65B for Affordable Broadband

$25B for airports, plus $8B from ARP

$17B for ports and waterways

$1B in reconnecting communities

Environmental

Rejoined the Paris Climate Accords 50% emission reduction goal (2005 levels) by 2030

EO instructing all federal agencies to implement climate change prevention measures

Ordered 100% carbon free electricity federal procurement by 2030

100% zero emission light vehicle procurement by 2027, all vehicles by 2035

Net Zero federal building portfolio by 2045, 50% reduction by 2032

Net Zero federal procurement no later than 2050

Net zero emissions from federal operations by 2050, 65% reduction by 2030

Finalized rule slashing the use of hydrofluorocarbons by 85% by 2036 – will slow temp rise by 0.5°C on it’s own.

Set new fuel efficiency standards for cars and light trucks, raising the requirement for 2026 from 43mpg to 55mpg.

Protected Tongass National Forest, one of the world’s largest carbon sinks, from development, mining, and logging

Revoked Keystone XL permit

Used the CRA to reverse the Trump administration Methane rule, restoring stronger Obama era standards.

EPA proposed new methane rule stricter than Obama rule, would reduce 41 million tons of methane emissions by 2035

Partnered with the EU to create the Global Methane Pledge, which over 100 countries have signed, to reduce methane emissions by 30% by 2030 from 2020 levels

US-EU trade deal to reward clean steel and aluminum and penalize dirty production

Ended US funding for new coal and fossil fuel projects overseas, and prioritized funding towards clean energy projects

G7 partnership for “Build Back Better World” – to fund $100s of billions in climate friendly infrastructure in developing countries

Restoring California’s ability to set stricter climate requirements

Signed EO on Climate Related Financial Risk that instructs rule making agencies to take climate change related risk into consideration when writing rules and regulations.

$100M for environmental justice initiatives

$1.1B for Everglades restoration

$100M for environmental justice initiatives

$1.1B for Everglades restoration

30 GW Offshore Wind Plan, incl:

Largest ever offshore wind lease sale in NY and NJ

Offshore wind lease sale in California

Expedited reviews of Offshore Wind Projects

$3B in DOE loans for offshore wind projects

$230M in port infrastructure for Offshore wind

Solar plan to reduce cost of solar by more than 50% by 2030 including $128M in funding to lower costs and improve performance of solar technology

Multi-agency partnership to expedite clean energy projects on federal land

Instructed Dept of Energy to strengthen appliance efficiency rules

Finalized rule to prevent cheating on efficiency standards

Finalized rule to expedite appliance efficiency standards

Repealed Federal Architecture EO that made sustainable federal buildings harder to build

Reversed size cuts and restored protections to Bears Ears, Grand Staircase-Escalante, and Northeast Canyons and Seamounts Marine National Monuments

Restoring NEPA regulations to take into account climate change and environmental impacts in federal permitting

Extended public health emergency through at least April 15, 2022

Covid & Health

$50B in funding for FEMA for COVID Disaster Relief including vaccine funding

Set 100% FEMA reimbursement to states for COVID costs, retroactively to start of pandemic

$47.8B for testing

$1.75B for COVID genome sequencing

$8.5B to CDC for vaccines

$7.6B to state and local health depts

$7.6B to community health centers

$6B to Indian Health Services

$17B to the VA, including $1B to forgive veteran medical debt

$3B to address mental health and substance abuse

Over 500 million vaccine shots administered in a year

Established 90,000 free vaccination sites

Raised federal reimbursement from $23 to $40 per shot for vaccine sites

6000 troops deployed for initial vaccination

Cash incentives, free rides, and free childcare for initial vaccination drive

400 million vaccines donated internationally, 1.2 billion committed

$2B contribution to COVAX for global vaccinations

Funded expansion of vaccine manufacturing in India and South Africa

Implemented vaccine mandate for federal employees, contractors, and employees at healthcare providers that receive Medicare/Medicaid funding.

Implemented vaccine/test mandate for large businesses (SC struck down)

Invoked DPA for testing, vaccine, PPE manufacturing

Federal mask mandate for federal buildings, federal employees, and public transportation

Implemented test requirement for international travel

Implemented joint FDA-NIH expedited process to approve at home tests more quickly

Over 20,000 free federal testing sites

8 at home tests per month required to be reimbursed by insurance

1B at home tests available for free by mail

50M at home tests available free at community health centers

25M high quality reusable masks for low-income residents in early 2021

400M free N95 masks at pharmacies and health centers

Military medical teams deployed to help overburdened hospitals

Rejoined the WHO

Civil Rights

Ended the ban on trans soldiers in the military

Reversed Trump admin limits on Bostock ruling and fully enforced it

Prohibited discrimination against LGBTQ patients in healthcare

Prohibited discrimination against LGBTQ families in housing under the Fair Housing Act

Prohibited discrimination against LGBTQ people in the financial system to access loans or credit

Justice Department declared that Title IX prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in education.

Revoked ban on Federal Diversity Training

Instructed the VA to review its policies to remove barriers to care for trans veterans

First Senate confirmed LGBTQ Cabinet Secretary

First trans person confirmed by the Senate

Extended birthright citizenship to children of same sex couples born abroad

State Department allows X gender marker on passport for non-binary Americans

Banned new contracts with private prisons for criminal prisons

Justice Department reestablished the use of consent degrees with police departments

Pattern and Practice investigation into Phoenix, Louisville, and Minneapolis

Banned chokeholds and limited no-knock raids among federal law enforcement

Initiative to ban modern day redlining

Doubled DOJ Civil Rights Division staff

Increase percentage of federal contract for small disadvantaged businesses from 5% to 15% ($100B in additional contracts over 5 years)

Sued TX and GA over voting laws. Sued TX over abortion law. Sued GA over prison abuse.

Signed law making Juneteenth a federal holiday

Signed EO to use the federal government to improve voting access through federal programs and departments.

Signed COVID-19 Hate Crime Act, which made more resources available to support the reporting of hate crimes

Signed EO for diversity in the federal workplace

Increased federal employment opportunities for previously incarcerated persons

Public Security

Banned ghost guns

New regulations on pistol-stabilizing braces

First annual gun trafficking report in 20 years

New zero tolerance policy for gun dealers who wilfully violate the law

Signed COPS act, ensuring confidentiality for peer counselling for police officers

Signed Protecting America’s First Responders Act, expediting benefits for officers disabled in the line of duty

Signed bill making it a crime to harm US law enforcement overseas

Student Loans

Student loan freeze through April 30th, 2022

Changed criteria so an additional 1.14M borrowers qualified for the loan pause (retroactively forgave interest and penalties)

Forgiven $11.5B in student loans for disabled students, students who were defrauded, and PSLF

Fixed PSLF so that it is much easier for previous payments to apply. Determined that the paused months will apply to PSLF

Student loan debt forgiveness is tax free through 2025

Immigration 

Ended Border Wall emergency and cancelled all new border wall construction and contracts

Repealed Trump’s Muslim Ban

Set FY 2022 refugee cap to 125,000, the highest in almost 30 years

Prohibiting ICE from conducting workplace raids

Family reunification taskforce to reunite separated families. Reunited over 100+ families and gave them status to stay in US

Granted or extended TPS for Haitians, Venezuelans, Syrians, and Liberians

Lifted moratorium on green cards and immigrant visas

Ended use of public charge rule to deny green cards

Loosened the criteria to qualify for asylum

Changed ICE enforcement priorities

Re-initiated the CAM Refugee program for Northern Triangle minors to apply for asylum from their home countries

$1B+ in public aid and private investment for addressing the root causes of migration

Ended family detention of immigrants and moved towards other monitoring

HHS prohibited working with ICE on enforcement for sponsors of unaccompanied minors

Got rid of harder citizenship test

Allowed certain visas to be obtained without an in person consulate interview

Rescinded “metering” policy that limited migrants at ports of entry

Foreign Relations

Ended the War in Afghanistan

First time in 20 years US not involved in a war

Ended support for Saudi offensive operations in Yemen

Airstrikes down 54% in 2021 from 2020.

Issued policy restricting drone strikes outside of warzones

Restored $235M in aid to Palestinians

AUKUS defense pact with Australia and UK

New rules to counter extremism within the military

Signed law funding capitol police and Afghan Refugees

EO on competitiveness to write consumer friendly rules, such as right to repair

EO on improving government experience, incl

Social Security benefits will be able to be claimed online

Passports can be renewed online

General 

Makes it easier for low-income families to apply for benefits

Increase telehealth options

WIC recipients can use benefits online

$7.25B in additional PPP funds

Signed PPP extension law to extend the program for 2 months

Changed criteria to make it easier for small and minority businesses to qualify for PPP loans

$29B Restaurant Recovery Fund to recover lost revenue

$1.25B Shuttered Venue fund

$10.4B for agriculture

30 year bailout of multi-employer pension funds that protects millions of pensions through 2051.

Pro-labor majority appointed to NLRB

Established task force to promote unionization

Restored collective bargaining right for federal employees

Negotiated deal for West Coast Ports to run 24/7 to ease supply chain

Signed EO to secure and strengthen supply chains

Investing $1B in small food processors to combat meat prices

Extended 15% SNAP benefit increase through Sept 30, 2021

Made 12 million previously ineligible beneficiaries eligible for the increase

Public health emergency helps keep benefits in place

Largest permanent increase in SNAP benefit history, raising permanent benefits by 27% ($20B per year)

Made school lunches free through for all through the 2021-2022 school year

Extended the Pandemic EBT program

Largest ever summer food program in 2021 provided 34 million students with $375 for meals over the summer.

[seymour-butz-stuff]

bUt bOtH pArTiEs aRe tHe sAmE

[lingonberry24]

@prismatic-bell Hey more stuff!

[kazoo-goddess]

Visit Original Link

Original post by @yeeeem

[visit-beautiful]

🎺❗️ 🎺❗️ 🎺❗️ 🎺❗️ 🎺❗️

It’s fun to stay at the Y M M M!

It’s fun to stay at the Y M M M~ee~ay~

They have ONE thing.

They have NO Man!

You can Go There!

WhyYy Y yy Y y—

Stay at the Y M M M!

It’s fun to stay at the Y~y. M M M! (ee-ay~)

[kazoo-goddess]

This is an incredible transcription, thank you so much

[sungmaugnroeuh]

i am hopelessly probing at my own collar bone to find the secret ravioli storage unit

[real-live-human]

pouring raviolis on you until something falls into place

[sungmaugnroeuh]

ach im goingt o die

youre using too much ravioli

[real-live-human]

we still haven't found the ravioli pocket.

more.

[sungmaugnroeuh]

no!

get me out of here!

[real-live-human]

inshallah you will emerge stronger from this

[sungmaugnroeuh]

WHY ARE YOU ADDING SAUCE

[real-live-human]

sicut panis et vinum sacramenti sunt corpus et sanguis Christi, ita hoc condimentum ungit carnem avem

[sungmaugnroeuh]

Et tamen vanum est. Haec avis mundum servabit? an unius animalis desideriis satisfaciet? Num galaxia pro pulvisculo pulvis sacrificaretur? Num blrbrbragbhbhglab *drowns in sauce*

[real-live-human]

thus, it ends.

[sungmaugnroeuh]

DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE BRING FORTH THE WHIRLWIND

[regal-bones]

Swords swords swords - Part 2! A sequel to this post from a while back, some cool commissioned swords I've recently done!

Like sharp shiny things? DM me! I offer fully animated magic items for £60!

Or, for that same price, you could subscribe to my Patreon for over five whole years!

[oneheadtoanother]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[kingscrown666]

This works no matter which slice you start with