Can’t Help It If You Look Like An Angel

🌈✨🌙 RWRB, Heated Rivalry, other rainbowish remnants

[scartafacci]

i’ve read a few posts about how ilya avoids certain clothes when he notices shane doesn’t like them, but i also love the idea of shane doing the same aka being mindful of textures for ilya, because i can absolutely see him doing that! (which would bring us back to one of my favorite acts of tenderness aka hollanov being protective of each other even when there’s objectively no need.)

i don’t think it’s far-fetched for very undiagnosed shane to think his experiences are sort of universal, meaning of course everyone dislikes bad textures, they’re probably just not talking about the atrociousness of it all because they don’t want to look like they’re complaining too much (just like him!), so when they start hooking up at shane’s house (and later at the cottage), shane tells ilya he doesn’t have to worry about the bed sheets because they have a very high thread count, also all his towels are new and extra soft so he doesn’t have to worry about those either. and later when ilya asks if he can borrow a T-shirt shane’s like, “it’s in great shape because i’ve found the best fabric softener, and i’ve already removed all the labels so it’s good to go”, and ilya’s like okay he’s either gone Full Canadian with the politeness all of a sudden for some reason or he’s just bragging about being knowledgeable about… laundry detergents? but then, it just keeps happening, and so later when they’re at the cottage shane goes, “i got chicken instead of turkey because it’s obviously better and doesn’t have that persistent dry texture (you know, the one that makes you wanna Die), so you don’t have to worry about it, and i have a very good food processor so if we wanna make pea soup later it’ll be all smooth with no chunky bits” and ilya’s like okay he’s probably bragging again although i don’t know about what exactly. being the best at blender? and it’s not long (about ten more “you don’t have to worry about it” explanations) before ilya realizes shane has been trying to protect him from the Bad Textures of the World all along, and if ilya wasn’t already in love with him he would be now just because of that.

and maybe that’s how ilya finds out about shane’s autism (he’d always known but that was just shane being shane to him), or maybe he doesn’t come to that conclusion just yet, but what he knows is that from now on he’ll make sure no pea skin treacherously hides in future soups to harm the love of his life ever again.

[lovandfear]

heartstopper forever 2026, dir. by wash westmoreland 

[snowsmoked]

I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.

So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.

Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.

She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.

About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.

"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.

"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."

A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."

"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.

She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"

"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"

"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."

And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.

Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.

[gimmiekiss1221]

i just realized that i think shane prefers the left side of the bed, because whenever he and ilya are in bed together, he's on the left and ilya is on the right [minus when they're having sex which has them moving around all over]

but when ilya is with svetlana, ilya stays on the left. which means he either gives up the left side because he knows shane prefers it, or, he wants to be there because that's the place shane's body had been before they 'broke up.'

not sure which option is sweeter/more heartbreaking. possibly both which is the worst of all.

[brattyshanehollander]

and with Rose, Shane is on the wrong side of the bed too :( neither of them is where they should be

[lavenderprose]

Every time I see a gifset of the stairwell kiss I'm like oh surely this has been slowed down. It hasn't! He is genuinely lingering like that. Do you do that with all your hookups Ilya. Jesus fucking Christ genuinely are you okay. Is the We Meet Up We Fuck Is Simple in the FUCKING ROOM WITH US. what are you DOING man.

[penandinkprincess]

i know in my heart that shane is the most obnoxious sick person of all time

not because he's a baby a la classic man cold

but because he will AGGRESSIVELY try to pretend he is not sick

he is trying to gaslight others but ALSO himself

he has a gold medal immune system thank you he did NOT get taken down by ill pikeling spreading Elementary School Plague to him

not happening

as an itty bitty he lied so he wouldn't have to skip hockey, and that has NOT changed as an adult

his true toxic trait is that he WILL be typhoid mary in that locker room if it means he doesn't have to stay home and miss playing

the majority of the struggle when shane is sick is just making him ADMIT he is sick

[burritosong]

Tags via @penandinkprincess

[penandinkprincess]

also CACKLING about the way this looks on the outside.

like. no one else on the team understands Hollander Illness Behavior yet, so they're teasing ilya about being overprotective because shane is SO underplaying it and meanwhile ilya is just, "no, i am so fucking serious. get a medic and then call an ambulance."

and shane who is barely on this realm of existence and about 0.2 seconds from having Involuntary Floor Time is just, "don't worry :) i'll just take an advil or something :)"

WHICH IS NOT HELPING EVERYONE ELSE UNDERSTAND THE MOTHERFUCKING GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION, SHANE, NO MORE CONTRIBUTIONS AT THIS TIME FROM YOU, THANK YOU

[ohlittlefox]

is someone chasing you?

[eemolu]

don't get me wrong i love the fact that shane and ilya retcon their relationship to be love at first sight. like good for them!! but when i look at the source material im like .. you were charmed. you were jealous. he had everything you wanted (supportive family and his country behind him, able to be big and brash and move through life with ease) and you wanted to see if you could make him feel good (can you debauch the golden boy, can you be good for the man who's had everyone) but the love didn't come until you started to take apart the things that attracted you to this person in the first place. shane fell in love with the ilya who checked in on him and with the sweetness behind the barbs and with the ilya who couldn't stop kissing him in that stairwell. and ilya fell in love with the shane who thinks buffalo is stupid and can barely get his shoes off before he throws himself at ilya and can't tell his parents he's gay because he's suffocating behind his own image not because he thinks they don't love him but because he wants to honor everything they've done for him. and so it's really nice that ilya goes "i loved you from the first time i saw you" but i, omniscient reader, call bullshit. i think you love that boy now because no version of you could ever not love any version of him. but at the time i think you were mostly just curious and then the love grew despite all odds in the most hostile of circumstances because everything you learned about each other made you want more and more and more. and also probably that's even MORE beautiful. so.

[lavenderprose]

My absolute gospel truth and I'm sorry this is so sappy but--where I'm living, Ilya fully changes his name to Hollander when they get married, like just fully legally changes it. And despite the fact that he continues to use Rozanov professionally ("Just like J. Lo," Ilya says.) everyone who knows them personally obviously knows what Ilya's legal name is and also assume it's a way to kind of stick it to his shitheel father. To this end, and kind of as a joke at first, people start referring to their two-person unit as The Hollanders ("Okay, the Hollanders are in room 508" etc.) but it becomes steadily less and less a joke when neither Shane or Ilya really seems to think of it as one. Ilya especially seems to genuinely love it. He'll say shit like "Oh yes the Hollanders will be there" when asked if they're coming to a barbecue like they live in a postcard. He LOVES to give his name as Ilya Hollander and he LOVES to book reservations under 'Misters Hollander' and he LOVES to say the words 'Shane and Ilya Hollander' out loud with his mouth. I also think that for their last game together in the league Ilya and Shane wear jerseys that say S. Hollander 24 and I. Hollander 81 and it's like. An end of an era type thing. And they frame the jerseys.

[darlingofdots]

people who definitely know that Hollander and/or Rozanov have A Thing With A Man (of variably certain identity):

various dentists

hotel housekeeping staff

the kid who works late shifts at the drugstore where Ilya buys condoms (often) and lube (less often)

cleaners and laundry service employees

a kid on vacation with his parents in Vegas bored out of his mind because he's 14 and not allowed in the bars or casinos at their hotel and he's really hitting the grumpy teenager phase so he's pissed at his parents because he wanted to go birdwatching in the desert and instead he's on the hotel roof at night pointing his sick-ass binoculars (which he bought himself with money he earned by mowing their neighbours' lawns for a year) at the surrounding buildings and oh look there's two people making out on that rooftop terrace—wait, isn't that the guy from the Rolex ads?

Janice at the grocery store closest to the Hollander cottages who knows damn well that "David's boy" doesn't eat Nutella

the Voyageurs' nutritionist knows Hollander is fucking someone working for the Bears because he might not log it as sex but even Hollander doesn't actually do extra cardio after a game

employee at an airport phone repair kiosk in Chicago who was checking Ilya’s battery specs when "Jane" texted him "If I win you suck my dick first"

one of the parents at Game Changers Hockey Camp who is a couple's counsellor and a bit too good at her job

Gerry (78) three doors down from the Hollanders who has lived in his house since he was born and has made it his solemn duty to know everything that goes on in his neighbourhood

the owner of the bespoke jeweller's shop once Shane Hollander purchases the second ring, which is identical to the first, and a plain gold chain

the apprentice of the bespoke jeweller's shop a week before that when he recognises the ring he watched his boss make for Shane Hollander sitting on Ilya Rozanov's bare chest in a post-game interview on TV

[scunthotter]

Shane and his therapist, post breakdown, making a list of things Shane has wanted to do but thought was too gay. Shane sweating and nervous while Ilya helps him order a soy milk latte.

[moetxt]

i tried making a contrapuntal poem for hollanov, which can be read 3 ways: shane’s side alone, ilya’s side alone, or both sides together. inspired by the long game.

[lucylehane]

an ode to shane's microexpressions

[ilyarozanovsmouth]

You can literally see it in his eyes:

When he realizes that Shane isn't actually upset and he's going to have so much fun with this. His little smile, too!!

[wingsseni]

[pastainhismouth]

I've read so many fics where our boys are doing laundry every single time they fuck and I get it, I too am not a bodily fluid enjoyer

however!

may I introduce the concept of the sex blanket? it's big and soft but not too slidey. it's lightweight enough to be easily bundled into the washer or a picnic basket ('oh my god, ilya, not in the park') but heavy enough to absorb their sweat and come without getting it on what's underneath. it's just the right texture for shane to have on his back or his knees or his ass or rubbing against his face. it's machine washable and dries quickly without getting too wrinkled. it's a kind of ugly nondescript colour that doesn't seem to stain. it's a practical (because shane) and endearing (to ilya) solution

with me so far? okay.

now please imagine the sex blanket as mating call. Ilya comes home from the grocery store and shane is sitting reading on the sofa, glasses on, not looking at ilya - but he's laid out the sex blanket across the couch and ilya immediately drops the groceries on the floor. shane gets out of the shower after his morning run expecting ilya to be up with anya or making them breakfast - but he's on the sex blanket on the bed, smirking, and shane gets hard so fast he's weak from it. one time ilya lays the sex blanket out on the patio while they're making dinner and shane can't stop shooting glances at it through the patio doors, getting flustered even though they're cooking something complicated with a lot of steps that he really needs to focus on. Ilya pretends innocence and won't touch him until they're outside after dinner...on the sex blanket.

all I'm saying is I think our boys are pavloving themselves into getting hard at the sight or feel of a particular blanket and I'm so proud of them yay

[argillaforma]

hollanov at their kid’s autism assesment and the doctor says that autism can be genetic and asks if anyone in the family has autism and shane says no at the same time as ilya says yes

[gimmiekiss1221]

ilya when shane answers no: