Original Ash

Sometimes weird. Sometimes a little too awesome. Make your own assumptions :)

[originalash1031]

Realization

I don’t come on here much anymore. But I need to vent a bit. We’ve been trying to have another baby for close to two years now. Tests have proven that there is nothing wrong with either of us. Life has thrown us a few curve balls lately and having another child at this point would hurt our family more than it would help. I have no idea how long it will be before we decide/if we decide to try again. I am so heartbroken. I don’t want this to be the end of motherhood. Maybe that came out wrong...I have a daughter and she is amazing, but what I meant by that is I don’t feel done. I still want another baby. I want my daughter to be a big sister. I want all of it. But it wouldn’t be responsible to go through with it. Since I’ve come to this realization, I have wanted to cry all the time. I wake up and feel emotionally drained, sad, tired...pretty much depressed. But it can’t happen, and if it doesn’t happen within the next 5-6 years we’re just done. I’m sure there will be more discussion on this, but this is what I have come to. I don’t want to burden anyone with this, so it’s going on here. 

Hopefully I can see my way through all this, but right now it just seems hard. I want to just hold my daughter and not let her go. Putting her on the bus this morning made me want to tear up, and she’s now going on week 3 of school. I am, excuse the pun, on an emotional roller coaster right now. I would like to hop of this ride...

Until next time.

[originalash1031]

Christina Perri - Penguin [Official Lyric Video]

© 2011 WMG Check out more Christina Perri: http://facebook.com/christinaperrimusic http://christinaperri.com http://christinaperriblogs.tumblr.com/ http://tw...

I listened to this song and started bawling this morning. I wasn’t sad by any means. PMS coupled with everything we’ve been dealing with personally just kind of hit me at once listening to these lyrics. I love my husband so much. I know that even if we get bad news in the next couple weeks everything will be fine because I have him and vice versa. He’s my soul mate. I have never connected to anyone so deeply before. And this year we have gotten closer than I ever thought possible. It definitely was fate that brought us together. There’s no doubt about it. 

[originalash1031]

From the beginning of our relationship it was never just the two of us. There has always been a child. So, we never had the time to be just us. We have had to grow together with that extra person. Now it's us times two. I love being a mom, but God, what I wouldn't give to have a month off. I want it to be just us for once. I want time with my husband that isn't dictated by the needs and wants of others. Where we could go on a walk and not have to worry if someone will get tired or bored, or freaking have personal time together hoping we won't be interrupted. Unfortunately it won't be that way. We'll always have to pick and choose times and make the best out of the days where we can live uninhibited with each other. If I were to be given something for Mother's day, it would be time with my husband with no kids or other responsibilities. I definitely am tired of hearing "welcome to being a parent" whenever we've tried to get time alone or have mentioned it. To that person and/or persons, seriously, fuck off.

[originalash1031]

It's my birthday tomorrow. I don't want it to be my birthday. I don't want anything from anyone. And to be honest, having any kind of expectations is pointless. I really have no idea how to articulate this at all. I am frustrated with every aspect of this weekend. I'm probably a little depressed. I just want to lock myself in my room and cry. Hooray me. I also just want to leave and go somewhere by myself at the same time, but I'm at a loss as to what I would even do by myself. Seriously, fuck it.

[destinyrush]

3 Years Since Sandy Hook Shooting

Memorial portraits of the children that died in the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting 3 years ago today.

By Chuck Connelly

#NeverForget     #SandyHook

[originalash1031]

My daughter is now around the age of some of these beautiful kids that were taken three years ago. I cannot imagine the heartbreak that these families feel every day. I still can’t believe this even happened. RIP little babies. Everyone is thinking of you today. 

[stability]

just another day at the office (via babybbeers)

[morongamingofficial]

Horse Laugh...

On this week’s sleep deprived episode of the MoronGaming Podcast, we compare last gen Black Ops 3 graphics to the current gen, we talk about Overwatch NOT being free to play, and we get a little more in depth on Halo 5, since we’ve finished it now. Dale graces us with his experience playing the latest Need for Speed installment, everyone is super excited about the Fallout 4 launch trailer, and we weigh in on video games becoming movies/tv series. In the past this has been disastrous, but maybe change is in the air? Find out possibly… on the MoronGaming Podcast!

[originalash1031]

The theme for this week: everybody's tired or they've had a few. Horse laughs as well as other animal noises happen...it's weird. There is some video game stuff in there. Give it a listen

[originalash1031]

I tried today. Today can move along now.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[brianjeliqueblogs]

One day you will find one person and nobody on the planet will be able to compare to them. They will change your smile and help you grow

Unknown (via anjeliquex)

[morongamingofficial]

Splorch...

What is Splorch? Some would say that it’s the bane of all things decent in this world. They would be right. Aside from that, we have a great show for you guys this week, in which we talk about video game stuff. Arkham Knight is back on Steam! Side note: it’s still super broken. Also, We sort of played Halo 5! Not to yet completion, but you’d better splorchin’ believe we’ll have EVEN MORE to say about Chief next week. Horizon Zero Dawn keeps looking better and better, No Man’s Sky gets a June release window and Detroit: Become Human, has a pretty compelling trailer. You’d better believe we were all splorched up about this past news week. Enjoy! (Splorch)

[originalash1031]

This podcast is rated "M" for Mature. I don't know how to put this but going off topic was key to this week's podcast. Also, hey guys, Caps won. I am apologizing in advance for some really bad background noise. But anyways, give it a listen, Halo 5 is now out and you know you want to know what Splorch is. I promise, it's unforgettable....

[huffpost]

This Poet’s Message To Anti-Abortion Politicians Deserves A Hell. Yes.

It’s the first electrifying line from poet Theresa Davis, who, in just three minutes, takes on every politician who has ever tried to block the reproductive rights of women in America. 

[originalash1031]

Unless something crazy occurred, an abortion would never be my choice. However, I would never deny someone the right to choose what happens to their body or what they decide to do with the life they created unknowingly or without choice. It's just not up to me. There are far too many reasons, events, circumstances that I do not understand. Fight for a woman's choice, always. It's her body, its her right. The end.

[morongamingofficial]

Spooky Names...

For a change of pace this week, we talk about Destiny, because jeopardy, and members of the Bungie team finally came out about the game-ruining upheaval that transpired in the year before its release. Also we nerd out about Star Wars. I shouldn’t have to tell you at this point, that’s pretty much what we do. Payday 2 decided to ease up on their micro transactions. Maybe. A bit. The moral of the story is that complaining about things on this podcast can solve any and every problem. Lastly there’s a ballsy new multiplayer fps coming wherein if you die, you are locked out of the game forever. FOREVER. So everyone should be willing to throw their $10 at that…

[originalash1031]

The whole group is back for this ridiculously spooky episode. You'll need to listen to find out why. Many things were talked about, but no topic so emotional as Star Wars. Listen in, it's good!

[huffpost]

SeaWorld Orca Mom Too ‘Depressed’ To Nurse Her Calf, Experts Say

In a new video, Kasatka appears to behave “abnormally” towards her baby.

[originalash1031]

This is so sad :(

[morongamingofficial]

The Dale & Andy Power Hour!

This week Andy’s back from being in jail, while Todd is now away on hiatus!  Andy tried Destiny’s new raid, and he didn’t hate it.  We go in depth on micro-transactions from all fronts, and cover what we think works, and the stuff some companies try to pull (we’re looking at you Rocksteady).  Will Todd be back next week to complete our triad? Honestly, we aren’t sure and don’t understand dates very well.

[originalash1031]

So this week Todd has mysteriously gone missing! You'll have to listen to find out where. I bet you'll be jelly. Also, Andy and Dale try to give you some advice, solid I might add, on how to save money when it comes to buying games before they come out. Give it a listen. These guys are good.

https://www.facebook.com/TheMoronGaming 

[morongamingofficial]

Not the Droids You're Looking for...

Sleeper Simulant! Micro Transactions! Battlefront! FarCry Primal! It’s all here in the latest episode of the MoronGaming podcast. Andy is away this week, but Dalebert and Todd try very hard to be not terrible in his absence and they are moderately successful. Do they get off topic? A little. Do they go on nonsensical tangents? You bet'cha. Do they talk about all the gaming things? Of course they do. Do yourself a favor and check out this week’s episode so you can wow your friends with your excellent video game knowledge!

[originalash1031]

Todd and Dale had to hold down the fort whilst my husband was off cavorting at a wedding with me. The guys did good! Give a listen...very good input on Battlefront. Also email and/or like them on Facebook for a shout out!

[morongamingofficial]

Andy's Tony Hawk Odyssey...

In this week’s episode the guys talk about Humble Bundle’s new monthly subscription, Square Enix’s decision to not be terrible, and new biomes being introduced into the much loved early access game Ark: Survival Evolved. Is that too much excitement for you? Too bad, because against all better judgement, Andy played Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5. We’re afraid he’ll never be the same… Don’t be sad though, because we can all laugh at his exploits, and be glad that he was brave enough to go to a place that none of us desired.

[originalash1031]

Really good podcast this week from the guys at Moron Gaming. Very funny. Facts about Megan Fox you never knew you needed to know, Monocles and such. Oh and a bit of gaming news thrown in there. The Tony Hawk Odyssey is definitely worth listening. Oh and if Chipotle hears this, the boys love you and carnitas.  PS: Someone email them so they can read out your thoughts or whatever...or message them too. That would work.