Burt's Journal of Randoms

I'm trash, not a bot. There’s a difference

[graceofgosh]

🌱 EXTREMELY ROBUST SCALLIONS 🌱

do NOT scroll past the scallions. these are extremely robust. i did not seek them out, they were placed before me.

the produce misters had just run. the bundles were tight. the whites were WHITE. good fortunes await.

🧅 repost within 24 hours: robust scallions

🧅 repost within 1 hour: robust scallions + minor windfall

🧅 do not repost: limp scallions. flaccid stalk. the celery will look at you and it will know.

a man in Fresno scrolled past. his scallions went to seed the same evening. his dog stopped making eye contact.

a woman reposted immediately. she found $40 in a coat. her scallions have not wilted since March.

I AM NOT SAYING IT’S THE SCALLIONS. I’m saying look at them. good fortunes await. 🌱

[slipping-into-madness]

[undeadentropy]

Don't even worry about all that

[montanabohemian]

#well why did he even buy a scrying mirror if he didn’t expect his familiar to scry

[paradoxicalli]

cat understood the assignment

[the-irreverend]

Here's to hellsite solidarity!

[owlmylove]

there is a certain type of late summer evening sunset that will have you in love with everyone whose life has ever touched yours. this is possibly a feature and not a bug

[glowwormcentral-deactivated2021]

[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-

[hellenhighwater]

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE

[toontwink]

reblog to ruin a law student’s life

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

oh hello you’ve returned to us

[hellenhighwater]

Hi. I’m a trial attorney now and every last one of you is a motherfucker.

[sacred-portal]

[morganaspendragonss]

will you guys cancel me if i say that queer tragedy has a place in the creative arts and shouldn’t immediately be dismissed as bury your gays

[rubynye]

adding @glorious-spoon 's astute tags:

#bury your gays and women in refrigerators and the black guy dies first are all about treating marginalized people like props#to further the story of the (white straight male) protagonist#that's not the same thing as a tragedy! some stories are tragedies! whose story has weight and meaning - that's the question

[sceptixfakemon]

this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this

[sceptixfakemon]

im never leaving this hellsite

[sceptixfakemon]

i swear if this is the second stupid sword picture post i make that gets to 10k i'll just go kill someone

[sceptixfakemon]

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[the-sacred-now]

I feel like a lot of people engaging in torture are not treating their victims as if they could have blood borne pathogens 🤔

[the-sacred-now]

Is what my wife said apropo of nothing as we were silently drifting off to sleep

[the-sacred-now]

Uh oh

Is what she said when I immediately reached for my phone and opened Tumblr instead of responding

[the-sacred-now]

@everything-you-feel-is-real I know by tumblr tradition that I'm to say "impossible, my posts never blow up like that," or "please don't do this to me."

But I feel in my bones that you are right. If this is to be my wife's moment of glory, I am willing to suffer notification overload, that the world may know she is funny. #MyFunnyWife

[socialistexan]

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

[punished-venom-solitair-e]

reblog to disturb jk rowling

[thepromiscuousfinger]

I love very specific cakes

[easily-evi]

I had to redraw this cake 🍰

[sweaterkittensahoy]

A companion:

[enki2]

[maybeasunflower]

[fairycosmos]

good morning to the beaten and the damned only

[beansfrombeans]

[amietita]

pollera dancers with swords... is this anything

[amilkyway]

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

[spontaneousmusicalnumber]

There are ten trillion pictures of flowering trees to the point where they sometimes seem trite and overdone. But then you see a tree in full flower and go holy shit this rules and I've gotta show this to everyone so they can experience the same magic and wonder and there are ten trillion and one pictures of flowering trees

[unwholesome-gay]