How Your Smash Main Would Do in Bloodborne:
Mario: Clearly has pent-up rage issues, and therefore weak to frenzy damage, but has proven combat chops. Chance of survival goes up if mario gets his hands on a kirkhammer. Biggest obstacle would be surviving the Brain of Mensis.
Donkey Kong: Immediate beasthood, followed by a mad bloodthirsty rampage through the streets of Yharnam.
Link: Hunters do not normally employ shields, ineffectual against the strength of the beasts as they tend to be. Would likely survive but would have serious difficulty adapting to the hunt. Imbibing the beast blood would likely make Link unworthy of the master sword, and they would be forced to use hunters tools.
Samus: Chattering horrors beyond the ken of men would not phase samus in the slightest. Power suit would protect against most nonmagical attacks, but would likely have to re-purpose her weaponry to incorporate blood/silver/rending edges in some way due to limited power supply.
Dark Samus: Would be revered as a great one.
Yoshi: Most likely immedeate beasthood. Clutches of malformed reptilian children in some forgotten hole of the forbidden woods.
Kirby: Regularly defeats Moon Presence level threats. Would, quite literally, eat the world of bloodborne for breakfast. Poyo.
Fox: Firearms expert, cyber-prosthetic lower body, known to be skilled with melee weapons. A natural fit for the world of bloodborne and would make an excellent hunter. It should be noted that Mr McCloud is already technically half beast, it is unclear whether or not this would be an advantage or a disadvantage, though a soldiers discipline would serve him well.
Falco: A similar boat to fox, though his reckless, maverick nature could be his downfall were he not careful to resist the allure of the beastblood.
Pikachu: Immdeate dark-beasthood.
Luigi: A timid, but truly brave soul that already has a mountain of experience dispatching the uncanny. A cowardly exterior betrays a core of dedication and resolve. Would make an ideal Hunter-of-Hunters.
Ness: Already defeated Great One level horrors and well acquainted the strange and violent. with A spell-heavy tonitrus user.
Jigglypuff: Already a nightmare creature. Immediate, and powerful beasthood.
Peach: Has been possessed by an ancient and nameless horror from beyond the stars and escaped completely unscathed. Would locate the nearest cainhurst dress and stamp out the beast threat with style and poise.
Daisy: Already harbors violent fantasies of death and blood. Would last roughly six minutes before giving in to the bloodlust and going mad.
Bowser: Would survive the hunt and defeat the Moon Presence accidentally while trying to capture Peach. Literally too oblivious for the Old Blood to have any effect.
Ice Climbers: Bloodthirsty to the core. Would make serviceable hunters for a short while before succumbing. Would need to be put down by a hunter of hunters.
Shiek: Schooling under impa would make shiek a deadly and precise ally during the scourge of beasts. A dark and storied past would serve as a source of resolve for her, even in the face of further horror. Would make an excellent hunter of hunters.
Zelda: At first one would think Zelda had all the trappings of a good hunter, her steady mind would do her well against the creeping bloodlust, but her thirst for knowledge and proclivity for the arcane would likely lead her to the clutches of Mensis, or even worse, the adherents of Kos herself.
Dr Mario: The search for a cure is an ill fated one indeed. Like all the Yharnam healers before him, this is a story that would end in failure and tragedy.
Pichu: Immedeate dark-beasthood.
Marth: A soldier, a warrior, a general. Would make an honorable and just hunter, fit for the service of Ludwig. However, night after night of comrades-turned-beast would take a toll on the mind. To valiant a heart for the gore and death of the Hunt.
Lucina: Well acquainted with the realities of war, and the living dead. Would fair better than Marth, but friends turned beast can become a curse on the night of the Hunt.
Young Link: A young, flexible mind would likely adapt to the hunt better than his grown counterpart. Has already faced horrors on par with that of the Hunt. Lighter weaponry would be advisable.
Gannondorf: Would immediately, and willingly, become a vassal of the Great Ones in return for power.
Mewtwo: Would be revered as a great one, or mistaken for one. Would care little for the struggles of men, and would likely feel more at home among the beasts.
Roy: Roy has demonstrated the tact and strength of mind to continue with his duty in the face of overwhelming loss and tragedy. The Binding Blade would make quick work of the beastly scourge. Not zealous enough for the Executioners, but would make an excellent addition to the ranks of the League.
Mr Game and Watch: Already on par with the Great Ones. Goals and motivations are impossible to divine.
Meta Knight: A true student of the martial arts with arcane powers. Meta Knight has no interest in anything but testing his blade against any who would answer to his challenge. Unfortunately has shown to be susceptible to possession in the past. Would make an excellent member of the League, but would likely go mad before too long.
Pit: Regularly defeats Great One level beings with the help of Palutena, but perhaps would not be prepared for the sheer amount of violence the Hunt would involve.
Dark Pit: Might as well have an open application for malevolent gods to control him.
Zero Suit Samus: Lightly armored expert with a firearm that doubles as a whip weapon who regularly blows holes in gibbering horrors from beyond the stars. Would have Moon Presence dead in two hours tops.
Wario: An opportunistic gig as a kidnapper for mensis followed by a one way trip down blood-frenzy lane.
Solid Snake: A firearms expert skilled in melee combat. The Powder Kegs would be begging to add him to their ranks. Stake Driver + Cannon. Literally too stupid for the Old Blood to have any effect on his mind.
Ike: All his friends are bloodthirsty beasts now. Who is there left to fight for?
Pokemon Trainer: Would last maybe an hour before their pokemon were infected and turned.
Diddy Kong: Immedeate Beasthood, also has a gun that shoots peanuts.
Lucas: Has already faced horrors akin to the hunt along with friends who survived the same. A timid mind betrays a young man who will do what needs to be done.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Has canonically lived through being a POW and defeated an ancient god of chaos. Would make a terrifyingly effective but unbearably obnoxious hunter.
King Dedede: Has been possessed by ancient malevolent gods several times. Would last maybe eight minutes.
Olimar: In a unique position. Has field experience with controlling hive-minds and an extensive knowledge of xenobiology. Likely too small to be of any interest to the Great Ones and would spend most of his time gathering specimens.
Lucario: Immedeate Beasthood. Psycic Lycanthrope with knowledge of martial arts.
R.O.B.: Completely and totally unaffected by most dangers in bloodborne, but would also have little interest in the suffering of the biologicals. A neutral party.
Toon Link: Has already faced down several Great One level threats. Would absolutely survive the Hunt.
Wolf: Already a bit of a bloodthirsty psychopath. Would make an excellent addition to the Executioners before going mad with bloodlust.
Villager: A novice with ranged weapons and handy with an axe, but all in all would likely be another poor soul taken by the Hunt.
Megaman: Cant contract bloodborne diseases if you dont have blood. Literally has a firearm built into their arm. Has been shown to be skilled with melee weaponry and to have the cold, unfeeling capacity for violence required of a hunter.
Wii Fit Trainer: Does not have blood and thus immune to the violent madness of the Hunters Curse, but decides to go on a murderous rampage anyway.
Rosalina: Already the surrogate mother to a race of astral beings. Would be revered as holy. Essentially on par with Queen Yharnam. Great Ones would be tripping over themselves for her.
Little Mac: Stake Driver + Gratias Fist. Has canonically boxed a literal gorilla and won. Doc would immediately be eaten, but Mac would use this as a source of resolve to grow stronger and knock out god herself.
Greninja: Immedeate Beasthood.
Palutena: As a literal goddess, every single Great One would see her as competition and would be out to get her. It is unclear as to how she would fair as the true extent of her divine strength is unknown.
Pac Man: Eats Ghosts. More likely to be hunted than a hunter.
Robin: Though a competent soldier and leader, when it comes to the Hunt, allies become a burden. Would likely meet the same fate as the other poor Fire Emblem characters.
Shulk: While his skillset would transfer well to the Hunt, his mind would not. Shulk would not be prepared for the terrible realities of the beast scourge and would quickly give in to despair. Monsters are one thing, the sight of people being disemboweled is another.
Bowser Jr: A shame for one so young to face a night like this. Has the equipment, but not the resolve.
Duck Hunt: Fused into a single nightmare creature like the crow-hounds found in the nightmare of Mensis.
Ryu: A valiant fighter not used to melee weapons who would make a competent enough hunter, but would likely fall to the maddening influence of frenzy.
Ken: Would last longer than Ryu, but would most likely meet the same frenzied fate.
Cloud Strife: A person from circumstances arguably as bleak as Yharnams with an outlook and experience to match it. The Buster Sword would make quick work of even the largest of beasts. The right mix of hopeful and serious to last through the horrors of the Hunt.
Corrin: Someone almost uniquely acquainted with the beastly embrace. More likely to be hunted than a hunter, but this would not stop them from doing what was right, in fact, it would likely be a source of resolve.
Bayonetta: Would keep Vicar Amelia as a pet.
Inkling: A half-cephalapod genetic experiment bred for war that comes pre-equipped with weaponry meant to fire bodily fluids. Would willingly give themselves to Kos and become a terrifying adversary to any hunter.
Simon/Richter: Would take the entirety of bloodborne as a personal affront and would cleanse ever single living thing in the entire game without a second thought. Beast Cutter + Ludwigs Rifle + Golden Ardeo + Radiance Rune.
Ridley: Xenocidal, nigh-unkillable, psychopathic space dragon whose only source of joy seems to be the pain of other living beings. Arguably more evil than literally any other being in bloodborne. Can and would eat the infant mergo alive just to shock and upset Queen Yharnam and Oedon.
King K. Rool: Immedeate beasthood.
Isabelle: Ruthlessness and skill that would rival Gherman and Lady Maria. Would approach the Hunt with the methodical, detached, attention to detail of a gardener ridding their flower patch of weeds.
Incineroar: Immedeate beasthood. Watchcat of the Old Gods.
Piranha Plant: Immedeate Beasthood. Confined to their pot.
Joker: A mind trained against psycic attack and a body trained in combat. Becomes a vileblood for the fashion.
Hero of Light: An empty shell with no actual personality. Immedeate beasthood.
Banjo and Kazooie: Immedeate Beasthood. Fused into a single nightmare creature.
Capt. Falcon: Fist fighters are at a natural disadvantage, but cap more than makes up for it with speed befitting a hunter, and the ability to call fire, which is especially effective against beasts. His solitary, focused nature would do him well during the hunt, and make him an explosive addition to the Powder Kegs.
Chrom: His silver sword, disposition as a military officer, and strong sense of justice would make him a fearsome hunter. However, after night upon night of beasts and blood, they would ultimately count against him as it did for so many in the service of Ludwig.
Updated Entries:
Megaman: Can’t contract the beast blood if you don’t have blood. Constructed to be an empathetic protector to humanity, with a flexible energy weapon literally built into their hand. Would make an extremely effective hunter. It is unclear if maddening insight would have any effect on an artificial mind.
Link: Hunters do not normally employ shields, ineffectual against the strength of the beasts as they tend to be. Would likely survive but would have serious difficulty adapting to the hunt. If link wanted to stay sane, they would have to ditch the Master Sword. Carrying an Ancient Holy Sword of Evils Bane with the old ones lurking around is a very, very, bad idea. As demonstrated by the fate of a certian old hunter. Link’s already high chance of survival jumps to nearly 100% if they get their hands on a Bowblade.
Shulk: Shulk is the perfect demonstration of the true dangers of the hunt. While his skills with the monado would transfer well to the hunt, his mind would not. For although he is well acquainted with violence in the form of soulless machines and monstrous fauna, the scourge of beasts is made of what used to be ones friends and family. It is for this reason that friends count against a hunters chance of survival. That said, Shulk would survive. His true value is not in his combat ability, it is in his skills as a weaponsmith. Someone who can craft, maintain, and supply, a hunters unique arsenal is worth their weight in gold on the night of the hunt.
Updated Entries:
It has been brought to my attention that Banjo and Kazooie are both capable of human speech and I think that constitutes an argument for raising them from Immedeate Beasthood.
Banjo and Kazooie: Intrepid, experienced, adventurers with a flexible skillset well-suited to the hunt. Their curious nature would normally lead them off the path of sanity, but I would argue that their driven, and goal-focused way of problem solving would go a long way to offsetting that. Their biggest obstacle would be overcoming their nature as anthropomorphic cartoon animals, The two of them together make a quality STR/SKL build, making the Beast Claws and Beast Embrace the best choice for them.
Terry Bogard: A friendly, cheerful exterior around a warriors heart. Terry would likely last longest out of the various classic fighting game characters on this list. The natural disadvantage of unarmed fighters is somewhat offset by his energy abilities, but ultimately his physical ability is not what would determine his fate. Terry is too kind, too merciful for the hunt. At best, he would join Djura and his companions in old Yharnham, at worst, his kindness would cause him to hesitate when faced with blood-drunken former friends. And during the hunt, hesitation means death.
Byleth: Yes, Byleth gains a distinct advantage over most of the other Fire Emblem characters due to training as a mercenary rather than a soldier. Yes, the creator sword’s transforming states and rending edges are almost perfectly suited to dealing with the beastly scourge. However, when it comes to the hunt there is little more dangerous than “An Ancient Holy Relic Someone Found in a Tomb” and Byleth has one inside her heart. However! Using the Old Blood’s regenerative properties to perform live open heart surgery on oneself to remove the totem of an ancient deity placed inside one’s heart by their mother would be both metal as hell, and completely within the spirit of Bloodborne. I give Byleth a 50/50 shot. Threaded cane + Rifle Spear + Phantasm Shell generalist build.
To all the people clowning about Isabelle’s placement on the list:
I am completely serious. You look me in the eyes and tell me Isabelle wouldn’t do whatever is nessecary to ensure the safety of her community. If you think for even solitary second that Isabelle wouldn’t brave endless nights of Eldritch bloodshed and horror to keep you safe you need to get the fuck out of my house.
She wouldn’t enjoy it, and that’s what would make her such a good hunter. She would take pleasure in the meaning of the hunt, of cleansing the foul streets and keeping yaharnam safe for another night. But the violence of it it would be compartmentalized into another act of civil service. Isabelle would be immune to the creeping bloodlust and despair because she isn’t protecting an individual, she is protecting a community.
Plus she would look perfect in henryks set with a hunters axe.
Pyra: Reading the wiki for this bland anime titty robot girl was a complete slog but I am happy to report that while Pyra/Mythra is well equipped for a hunters work, their timid and indecisive mind would crack like a soft boiled egg under the influence of the great ones. Hesitation means death. The hunt is no place for a tsundere.
Min Min: A noodle shop owner turned prize fighter. A mindset for competition is no replacement for the brutal practicality required of a hunter. ARMS are synthetic and thus resistant to beastly attack, however their low speed could make them a liability. Min Min has a chance, but a slim one.
Minecraft Steve: A stoic and creative mind with a mountain of experience dispatching the undead, hindered somewhat by poor mobility and choice of equipment. Steve would have trouble adapting to the hunt, but is flexible enough to ensure his survival. Church Pick + Hunters Torch.
Sephiroth: Magical abilities and physical prowess far beyond any challenge the hunt poses. A mind steeped in sadism and arrogance, already devoted to a malevolent extraterrestrial entity. Would likely set a new record for “Fastest a living being has ever gone blood-drunk.“
Kazyua Mishima: A petty, vengeful and self-serving martial artist with a somewhat unique history of being possessed by extra-dimensional entities and subsequently gaining control over them. However, the hunt holds more dangers than the maddening whispers of the Old Ones. Kazyua would make a fearsome hunter, but his sadistic nature would leave him blood-drunk. The soaring architecture and high peaks of Yharnham may be too much for him to resist.
Sora: More than any other character I have covered, Sora’s fate has been difficult to decide. None can deny his combat prowess. His ability with melee and magical weaponry is second to none, and his lightly armored, agile style make him ideal for facing the beastly scourge. His mind is tempered by a necessary quality for a hunter: exceptional bravery. It is his greatest strength, but also his greatest weakness. Sora’s bravery does not come from nowhere. The hunters dream is a place of lonely delirium and violent despair. While I believe that Sora would succeed in ending the dream, night after night of blood and death would take their toll. Sora would emerge successful, but broken.
