PastThreeEnds

(anonymous artist, art may be either ai assisted and/or ai gen or raw) Late Diagnosed 2eAuDHD + C-PTSD + Child Abuse & Neglect Survivor. The engine is burnt out. This is just the art and the analysis left behind. Support me on Ko-Fi All Fronts Contains all sorts of triggering themes. #NSFW

[pastthreeends]

Music Albums Releases

wish me luck <3

(yes... AI Gen and Assisted, legal and ethical)

002_The Show chapter 2

Preorder date: July 14, 2026

Release date: July 31, 2026

Stream and Pre-save 002_The Show chapter 2 (Music Album) - Distributed by DistroKid

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003_Running4MyLife

Preorder date: July 16, 2026

Release date: August 7, 2026

Stream and Pre-save 003_Running4MyLife (Music Album) - Distributed by DistroKid

[pastthreeends]

Rehab For Me

..Trauma coming back to me.. Past three ends, here I am.

Now's the quiet part, As if it's a thing. Exhausted and not the same Trauma-uma Trauma here, mundane memory there A vertigo, a brain zap Almost a heart attack Clearing my area for my next fall I'll just lie on the floor Already pleading for the next part

Was going no-contact only stage one? You can't rewrite my recovery plan At least I cut the ties It's been months, it's been done Well, I wasted two decades What a shame Jail would be easier life But I'm not a criminal Taking them away was a doomed plan since day one What's the next part then? Because rehab for Twice Exceptional AUDHD C-PTSD Lifelong Abused Adult is not the same

Counting their crimes is a nice drinking game But if you could afford alcohol You're playing a different game Rehab for Twice Exceptional AUDHD C-PTSD Lifelong Abused Adult is not the same When you count the financial and the child abuse Finding my diagnosis was a doomed game

My brain is in a migraine All I can do is playing a game Thought I would go insane But I shutdown and froze in my chair Wishing for the waves of harm and processing to end Wishing for really a different start To have a positive Even just a little, end, an end

Was going no-contact only stage one? You can't rewrite my recovery plan At least I cut the ties It's been months, it's been done Well, I wasted two decades What a shame

Jail would be easier life But I'm not a criminal Taking them away was a doomed plan since day one What's the next part then? Because Rehab for Twice Exceptional AUDHD C-PTSD Lifelong Abused Adult is not the same

Trauma, coming back to me Past three ends, grasping for air

Jail would be easier life But I'm not a criminal Taking them away was a doomed plan since day one What's the next part then? Because Rehab for Twice Exceptional AUDHD C-PTSD Lifelong Abused Adult is not the same

-P.T.E, 2026

https://ko-fi.com/pastthreeends

[pastthreeends]

For Valve and Rabbit fans;

[pastthreeends]

oh gughgh im done im so done

thats it

rest i need rest

* added image id (if thats not what im supposed to call it correct me, me gusta accessibility)

edit000 - i had to make sure the number is right, and it is, but ill edit anyway! you cant stop me!

edit001 - 3 minutes later, migraine, yay, its not like i took pain pills for whole 2 weeks in succession (see how i made it positive there in the end? succession. see im positive af)

[pastthreeends]

someone cry with me while listening to Violet's Tale by Ren

no amount of tw cw tags can cover it.. sry.. beware its heavy

[pastthreeends]

meta update:

taking some time off from posting i gotta finish up those albums and only then ill continue the archive, as i do, there's a lot on paper to share

tl;dr my queue is empty and im taking my time (was supposed to be posted on 15th july 2026, lets see when it happens, i keep making more instead of resting..)

[pastthreeends]

Salt Water Choker (tw; ca\pa, violence, event details)

Dear father, I mean abuser I'm just a little child Less than 10 years old Let me tell a story, a tale About us, about you and me About a travel day We were on our way to the Dead Sea To wash and to swim, to float and to daydream A family trip I knew something would happen

A travel day meant we were four Four raging souls broken minds in the same car for hours on end It meant fights degrading and fighting each curve and bend

We were stopped by a cop The driver the father was accused of driving too fast We knew it all beforehand we fought about it in the car "Shut your mouths up, it's a cop If you say anything I could go to jail" The silence treaty was signed, the hate of authority was absolute, a necessity for survival I knew this trip has gone down the drain Saving it, arriving will be hell

I got ill there, probably from the tension while adapting to the changing atmospheric pressures I was silenced in pain I became a culprit, an error that was made, a choice that was bad, a catalyst on the wait

Finally the leader had a great idea They took me down to the sea I could barely see, I was in pain They put me in the salt water I thought it was a moment of connection Me my dad alone in the sea together He then said something weird He then said something horrible I didn't have the time to process it all

"Don't take a breath Until you're deep enough In the salty waters It will open up your Clogged up sinuses" Then, without a moment to hear to understand to deny to reject Blam! I was under water Taking salt water to my lungs His hands on my head and shoulder No way out no way out no way out In the Dead Sea waters

You drowned me you're so vile What hell man you're worse than the devil Drowning your own child?

Drowning your own child?

I still can't understand it you or that I still can't get over it you or that By the way, I still have sinuses issues, you did nothing good You're bad you're worse you're the devil

Now I fear cops, I fear water on my nose, I fear authority and I fear my life won't get better

If it was only that, and if you apologized it would be a start But I'm still writing all you two abusers did to me Drowning your own child?

Salt water In my nose In my mouth In all the holes Salt dirty beach water In my lungs It's medic Drowning your own child?

Now I fear cops, I fear water on my nose, I fear authority and I fear my life won't get better

Your son Signed Two thousands Me

Dear PTE If you're reading this, it means you're being pulled back into the script The one where you try to save them, soften the blow, or prove you're not cruel

Please remember They don't want your truth They want your silence They weaponize illness, guilt, and care to regain control You don't owe your abusers closure You don't owe your parents your grief

I still fear cops, I fear water on my nose, I fear authority and I fear my life won't get better

You are not here to be devoured If you go back now, it will be at the cost of your real life The one you're finally starting to live Let go Let them shrink in your absence Love You, on the day you finally walked free Signed twenty twenty five, me

-P.T.E, 2026

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[pastthreeends]

The Void of Relief

What's left isn't a lingering feeling of peace. it's just a blank, exhausted neutrality. The emotion didn't fade out gradually, as it just evaporated the moment the immediate panic was cut off.

-P.T.E, 2026

https://ko-fi.com/pastthreeends

[pastthreeends]

Do you think that AI "art" is valid? (AI is the painter itself)

Or leaving AI as a tool to assist would be more ethical? (AI is the paintbrush)

oooooo godddd i wanted so much to write on this and didnt find the right valve to release for that haha

thanks for the question

first, i need to clarify my starting point.

i grew up under the roof of white\blue collar criminals,

where the baseline rule was: if you're not caught, you're clear to do whatever.

i explicitly reject that logic now—im actively rewiring that fucked up childhood blueprint—but it means i had to build my own ethical framework from scratch.

context is everything to me now (learned context only in my late twenties -_- dammit)

second, AI Art is too big of an umbrella term for me to react directly

AI Art may be:

AI Assisted Art - which is always fine, where we use ai for accessibility, in addition to our own skills, but i see this distinction of skills and abilities as totally ableist, so i say assisted is just fine

AI Generated Art

this is where it gets interesting to me

because this again contains alot of nuances that are critical

someone who cant physically type/write "good enough" or at all, might use AI to get access to the media, and as a maker, its a must and totally fine, even exciting

someone who can, but decides to use ai anyway-

i ask - is it privilege?

if you have the money, always hire the right professional for the exact job.

if you have the energy and its a matter of choice, just do it, like nike say.

if its gonna reduce harm, use ai, in my art its about this too, i like making visceral stuff i cant accept can happen in reality, i would faint

if its laziness - ask yourself if its a disability, lack of care or another issue

as you might notice, i dont treat ART as a formal thing

its a tool

now, there's a hack to cut this post in half:

TRANSPERANCY

i wont ever claim my ai gens, or even my ai assisted stuff is 100% human, that unethical

just like i dont trick people with my cg art (c4d), i wont with my texts and music

In the metadata, and soon when ill get the hang of it everywhere else, i mention whether stuff is ai assisted\gen,

in tumblr i tag such posts with the right tags,

and i dont claim things i cant stand behind, i keep proof of everything i make, as my profile bio says, its an archive, the online front is tiny haha

and i lead by example :)

thats how i think stuff should be, transparent.

now ai slop... thats a crime

therefore we open the topic of

Prompt Engineering and Local AI

writing the text to drive a model to get the exact result you want is called prompt engineering, it is a skill of itself - requires systemic view and ...

all to just avoid the making?

the question becomes why would i avoid the production i love so much

cinema\film for example is torturous for the healthiest souls

i wont ever go through a 12 hour production day, ever, no

but it means as a director im taking jobs from actors and film crews right?

wrong, thats where the internet to step up its game

i can delegate a production that is AI heavy! anyone can,

the thing is its a choice that needs to be done, out loud, and be respected later

Local AI is where things get complex for the artist, just running the software takes so much debugging and knowledge, or hacks

and then making the workflows and integrating everything

avoiding ai slop

getting the right results

it's technical art—wrestling with the backend, dependencies, environment execution, and custom workflows that nobody wants to touch just to get a clean result.

it sounds like im glorifying ai right?

no, i hate it

i was a cg c4d artist

it was rare and productive

it took master technical skills a lifetime to learn

then came ai and just bypassed the whole cg workflow as a whole

it became more expensive than ai to make even!

what you call ai slop today, in the 2000s was my kind of art i sat hours in paint to make

so in the end

i dont know

im torn

and im burnt out

i chose ai for making my music because i cant afford recording studio rent or equipment, i cant afford dates with my partner what are we talking about, i uncomfortably save on food

so then, AI is a crutch. the use (method and publicity) matters more than the matter created from the machine.

You WILL notice my album release schedule will be tight

and to that my answer is:

manually made art (sometimes rotoscoping 30fps footage frame by frame, or doing anti aliasing pixel by pixel) i made for over 20 years has collected dust and wasted thousands of not tensof

if ai can make the world notice me, and help me get my point across,

i might just use it, but i will be careful and respectful.

and i will use the income to stop using the ai

i wanna sing

i wanna make the full productions myself in the end

but im unable, and 10 years of pausing art as a whole out of disablity that wont go and was even before, and lack of resources

(being a director of photography, making whole productions just for my showcase, 4 people for long days.. it costs alot, even in the tightest no budget restrictions)

...

it all just pushed me to accept it, somewhat

but i totally hate low quality ai made tracks showing up on my Tidal...

transparency here would be letting me block ai art, but then i lose my own future art there...

ambivalence is simpler than where im at haha

my pain sits with my 3 dead art careers

and i cant separate from it fully

so i both hate and use AI as a crutch

also, art i made before ai was a big whole issue of its own,

I was hatefully using pirated software, part of me being the showglass mannequin for my parents, so everything was perfect and over the top, (part my years long burnout)

and now i need funds, i went no contact with the abusive family, so no backups

and suddenly i am the one viable for the crimes of piracy and making money from it, im not a criminal (not judging criminals, life is tough)

being over the top, i learnt the most expensive and most unique software and imprinted myself on it\them

but then i have to pay for it, and my career plans already crashed,

i dont get any clients and i lose the ones i could almost have for asking for accommodations

i need to pay to market myself, and my first accommodation is a humans-front manager, i cant deal with people in real-time andor economic frames

and i dont want to be a criminal anymore

and then ai came...

its still a total systemic shock

and i saw it coming - watched a youtube channel thats focused on the advancements in ai for years ("two minute papers" i think, i forgot everything else about them, it happens to me), i saw it all unfold in front of, while it was clear what was gonna happen, and it was said by the youtuber

2016 i already gave up,

2017 i saw the papers that gave us llm later,

2018 i didnt even know how to even anymore

and its been too much since then

so i am using ai for what i cant possibly do myself,

while i learn and try to replace it if i can with the real stuff

now theres the topic of training data for the ai models...

its been covered by a lot,

and the main thing is consent and transparency,

this part is kinda tiring for me atm, because of the year of checking legality and ethicality of it all,

maybe too deeply,

sadly i cant indulge in this same thought stream set, so i safely land back on just consent and transparency

I really dont know how to even handle this emotionally and mentally

its really tearing me apart

and i would love if you discussed it with me further

Thanks for the question

its important to be direct with me, yet sensitive just enough, and you nailed it ;)

(Tagging with anti-AI phrases so people with blacklists can filter this out seamlessly, i myself hate ai talks as consumed media)

(Clarifying - i reject non ethical ai usage, as nothing stays private anymore, we must act accordingly with creating digital data)

(I reject that childhood blueprint, not using it as a defense)

[pastthreeends]

DistroKid UI\UX Accessibility Failure Notice

@distrokid #distrokid

#accessibility and lack thereof

its really cool i can sync my lyrics like guitar hero but there's no way to put in timecodes, or change the set time easily essentially, i have to do a perfect 100% 5 star no error run (gh:wt speak) ...just to sync my lyrics for publishing and giving accessibility to my future listeners. im able, rarely, to achieve that skill and execution level, but irl it took me 4 hours for 12 songs... instead of 1. and it being only the spacebar, means no one can do anything in the apt while i sync, cause of the distracting noises, associated with the biggest loudest key on the keyboard.

The solution, if any devs come around this post, hopefully:

Assignable -next line- button, with multiple assigns, not only one button, and support for any controller type, its simple, i know

Drafting, editing, saving actual numbers! if i refresh the page everything's gone...if i make a mistake it is so convoluted to fix, i hit refresh anyways in the end..

More visual assistance and syncing of the ui to the music, there are existing solutions of diff types on the market - copy or integrate them (legally and pay them! you make more money than they ever could, they deserve credit and funds for their fcss and foss!!!)

when hitting the backspace for -undo last line sync-, also rewind the song! otherwise its useless... i have to stop, rewind exactly (the player ui is tiny on 1080p display on windows 11, impossible to scrub) and then play and hit the spacebar... too much man

option for uploading srt or [the newer subtitles formats], for actual pro software compatibility (which is already accessible and decades in the making), i know ai lyrics are an issue, but you already have the filtering systems in place, so just allow us to upload the file and use it.. (also with a check! you dont give confirmation screens!! whyyy)

and if your basing yourself on synced input, calibration is a must, no way around it.

In other words - finish what you started, and dont make us rely on you when you dont finish the product before release :)

I already contacted support, but they want a one-liner when i gave a full report already.. that is lame and useless support, i specifically said to forward it to the UI\UX developers team. just wasted my remaining energy on that.. instead of working on my art.. while the whole distrokid thing is making distribution accessible

-_-

I pay a lot to be your alpha tester, distrokid, so here's my first report, shortened and formatted better, for you to READ, Apply and reply. I tried the direct route but I was met with a concrete wall, so this is our communication line now, exposed and uncensored, part of my blog.

[pastthreeends]

Woah.

Your past look sucks. A lot.

Well, I wish you the best of luck!

That's all I can do.

People reading my texts and listening to my (future) music is the best help for me :) I want to be heard, uncensored, loud and clear and you make it seem i succeed yay

Thanks <3

[pastthreeends]

Pins-and-Needles

[intro] jaw dropped shoulders on fire legs and hands, pins and needles

[bridge] being human means making choices loving another is a right to care being loved is a result of those loving back is a choice to make

[chorus] you take it day by day I'm stuck in this loop brooding, in pain, disabled unwinding your indoctrination

[verse] cooperation is something you earn consent is the basis of it all attitude is the wheels reciprocity is the engine

[bridge] holding my place in space just staying alive is hard for me even without the harm, if it was possible, i wouldn't have much of a chance

[chorus] you take it day by day I'm stuck in this loop brooding, in pain, disabled unwinding your indoctrination

[verse] integration is something i learnt consent is something i dreamt of aptitude was at arm's reach mutuality wasn't part of my life

[bridge] cooperation is something you earn consent is the basis of it all attitude is the wheels reciprocity is the engine

[chorus] you take it day by day I'm stuck in this loop brooding, in pain, disabled unwinding your indoctrination

-P.T.E, 2026

https://ko-fi.com/pastthreeends

[pastthreeends]

someone needs to write down all those unspoken rules im getting dizzy

[pastthreeends]

Runaway, my way

[verse] a past of creations under a lack of trust a constant stream of critic on top of use and hurt the principles you imprinted i always knew were abusive

[verse] now i find you in my mind they shame me and demand again a scapegoat by definition you shame me and demand again

[chorus] i already run away never said "goodbye" i always knew the truth and still wondering why i have all the answers along the lies I'm tryna get over it all and release my life

[verse] demands and retaliations filling me with disgust another pain another tension overflowing as a standard all my energy and attention were wasted on the abusers

[bridge] now i find myself in disability i have to explain myself again a scapegoat by definition you make me explain myself again

[chorus] i already run away never said "goodbye" i always knew the truth and still wondering why i have all the answers along the lies I'm tryna get over it all and start good life

[verse] i already went away already run away already severed the ties why the pain's still alive

[bridge] [instrumental breakdown] ...

[chorus] i already run away never said "goodbye" i always knew the truth and still wondering why i have all the answers along the lies I'm tryna get over it all and start a good life

[outro] [instrumental breakdown] already run away, give me life already run away, give me my life already run away, give me my life back already run away, drowning in disgust

-P.T.E, 2026

https://ko-fi.com/pastthreeends

[crippled-peeper]

create something so breathtakingly bad it makes people ask “who wanted this?” and “why does this exist?”

[pastthreeends]

Challenge accepted. and I love ferrets.

[pastthreeends]

Renaming the Term

Terms and words, sticks and stones. some break bones, some are called Jones.

I learned to adapt my language, and my attitude. because I'm the only one reading the definitions from the books of terms. "It's called a dictionary." well… "No, that means something else." but I checked online. I asked a massive amount of societies, and still my sentences are left to fight the trend. "Yes i get you, but you're wrong" okay i get it, my terms hurt you, that's so sad…

dictionaries dont have a fan base. knowing them wont help you phase. it's not about the phrases, and I'm left confused!

but no one agrees on the terms or the definitions they use, and especially the context.

everybody agrees on the terms and definitions, used without context.

"Love you." but the I is missing. "Going home." I'm left asking "who?". "Huggable." but he aint touching, and hates being touched. "You are insane." allowed to be used, only when calling me names.

youre leaving the confused confused even more, and you leave nothing but chaos behind your words and abuse.

what if definitions had a soul? what if using the wrong word would put you deep in the hole? well what can i say, for you its all a sham. but for me its a lifetime of pain, trying to understand the meaning of my name.

but no one agrees on the terms definitions, the uses and especially context.

they agree on the terms and definitions, best used without context.

i just learned context! you cant beat me in this fight. but you're the winner, because you never meant to right a wrong. just sitting on your high chair of understanding.

i just repeated the dictionary again, i was having fun! it was almost imaginary… now im left without words, because…

because no one agrees on the terms definitions, uses and context.

no one agrees on the terms and definitions used without context.

-P.T.E, 2026

https://ko-fi.com/pastthreeends

[pastthreeends]

No, though.

lack of …motivation though …motivation though …motivation though my motivation, it drives me so far into the couch. I get sucked in, I get paralyzed. …motivation though but when I hear you, my heart resets. All I want is to rid of you, I have no motivation though. lack of …motivation though …motivation though …motivation though My motivation, it feels like sleep and only sleep will end you, cause I cant fight you. MY BRAIN STOPS …motivation though all I see hear feel teach learn, is you is you is you! I have no motivation though… …motivation though …lack of… …lack of… lack of …motivation …motivation …motivation though I've go no.. though… …motivation though .,. lack of …motivation though …motivation though …motivation though .,. all i need is, i mean my love is, i mean my heart is, i mean me is, you. im lost in, im around in, im inside of, your love your soul your body am i whole?

lack of …motivation though …motivation though …motivation though lack of …motivation though …motivation though …motivation though

-P.T.E, 2026

https://ko-fi.com/pastthreeends