On the last scene of episode 5 and why I cried this morning
TW: discussions of homophobia and homophobia-related violence, both in real life and in the HR universe. general discussions of bigotry and systemic issues plaguing the hockey world.
i have so many thoughts about the last scene of episode 5 today and it could be because i’m back in the closet or it could be because of how phenomenally done the scene was, but the look of genuine shock on Shane and Ilya’s face is absolutely killing me.
in their world, and, also, in this world, the idea of being out and visible is fucking impossible to fathom. especially at the most visible evening of the year for hockey with the Cup. The notion that Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, up until that moment, could ever do what Kip and Scott did was out of the question. and not just out of the question because of the logistics or the backlash, but because no one had done it. no one had ever done something that significant.
in the context of the show, gay marriage in the States was only legalized two years prior. TWO. and even with the ruling of Obergfell v Hodges, there was almost immediate intense backlash. the idea that any major celebrity could and openly would come out was almost closer to fantasy than reality. especially in hockey which is, again, an incredibly homophobic and conservative sport.
to shane, where at least in his home country gay marriage was legalized in 2005, this idea of being out, publicly, wasn’t impossible but rather highly improbable. considering if he had a husband, that husband would never be able to come see him play in the states as a lover, the notion was improbable.
to ilya, the idea of being open, ever, was impossible. to give context, in 2017, russian opposition was exposing the purging of lgbtq+ individuals in chechnya. i will spare details, but these purges were brutal and overt. the journalists who blew the whistle have gone into hiding. with the passing of his father, and the dissolution with his brother, there still wouldn’t be resolution. he wouldn’t be able to visit svetlana, nor his extended family, nor his childhood home, nor his niece. if he did return, he would either be a pariah or likely killed. to ilya, this idea of being open about himself, even with the more “progressive” laws of the states, seemed impossible. he’d have to be breaking the ice, and he was in no position to do so.
so, when Scott Hunter starts calling down Kip, you can see it in their eyes. especially compared to shane’s mother and father, and to svetlana. to those besides shane and ilya, the look was far more questioning. and at first, with our star-crossed rivals, it was too. but then, once you see who it is, the look of hope starts to twinkle. as kip and scott get closer, standing body to body on the ice, closer than just talking distance, that twinkle burns brighter. the eyes go from confused to anticipatory, as if waiting with baited breath, as if it was one of them.
and when scott and kip’s lips lock, the shock on their faces is just so beautiful it made me cry. it’s a look i’ve seen many times, a look of actual hope, as if the hail mary was caught. this is not just any hockey player, but one of shane’s (and probably ilya’s) role models. this is someone they’ve been watching since the juniors, since their questioning likely began. someone who inspired their passions. someone who became a source of admiration. and that person, an icon in the sport, was opening doors for them. was doing something no one had done before and, unknowingly, leading the way. being a source of strength in a time of insecurity and newness.
i know this may seem dramatic, but to me, this scene means fucking everything. it means everything to me. i know that look of hope, and i know why that phone call from ilya was instantaneous. because in just a second, what was once impossible became possible. and not just possible, but probable, and real, and tangible. it became something they could imagine as a reality, could watch the aftermath, could plan.
it’s so beautiful. i’m so glad the show deals with these issues so beautifully. it made me cry this morning. it even gave me a little hope, too, so thank you to this show for being so beautiful.
