Perkiset

fic connoisseur I am also on ao3!

[depsidase]

[despazito]

Another one for "objectively funny crimes should not be punished"

[the-haiku-bot]

Another one for

“objectively funny crimes

should not be punished”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[dog-metaphor]

neil VS the countdown in tkm

[bark-barkley]

I WANT TO LOOK AT THINGS MADE BY HUMAN BEINGS

[softwetmoss]

And also occasionally by pufferfish

[tricky-bastard-pokemon]

ok so

everyone knows about this meme, right?

but does anyone else know the woman who made the food? no? time to educate!

This is “Mother Mary”, the owner of Blackberry’s mother.

She made all the cakes for the restaurant while it was open. Chef Gordon Ramsay tried her red velvet cake, and spoke this meme-able line:

He then called Mary over, complimented her food, and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Look how happy she was to hear that!!!

anyways, I hope she has been able to continue her love for baking since the restaurant closed down.

[tasmanianstripes]

For these who don’t know: The restaurant she worked at closed down but she left before that and opened her own bakery, that’s apparently very successful!

She has a youtube channel where she shares recipes and cooking advice!

[the-based-brit]

[helianthus-sylvilagus-deactivat]

I'm actually obsessed with this fic 😭😭😭 I'm adding this to the queue at three in the morning

The Way I Behaved (117270 words) by ForTheWoolfy Chapters: 36/36 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Kayama Nemuri | Midnight, Hatsume Mei Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, alternative universe - not teachers, Villain Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, barista aizawa, Yaoi, Coffee, Gay Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Redemption, hero x villain, Smart Present Mic, Deaf Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Alternate Universe - Quirks (My Hero Academia), Blood, Anal Sex, Protective Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic is a Dork, Disaster Gays, Protective Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Evil Present Mic, Hero Eraserhead, funny at times, Plot Twists, Fluff and Smut, erasermic, Drama, Fire, Light KamiShin, Adopted Shinsou Hitoshi, Adopted Eri (My Hero Academia) Summary: Aizawa is a tired barista by day, and an equally tired hero by night. Life is exhausting, but he's managed to get by on copious amounts of coffee and five hours of sleep, until now… Hizashi has an urban legend to uphold: he's never been to the same coffeeshop twice! Well, that was true until he met the abrasive barista at the Extroverted Hermit. Even so, he can't let anything get in the way of his grand debut as the Voice Villain: Present Mic! His first order of business? Get rid of the hero Eraserhead! When Hizashi realises the barista he's taken a shine to is the selfsame hero he's promised to destroy, will he be forced to turn a new leaf or will he use the situation to his own twisted advantage?

[balkansoul-deactivated20220924]

love how tumblr staff has time to censor words like “paint mixing” and “my face” and yet they can’t get rid of ssexsophie8127 thats been liking my posts from 2017

[ssexsophie8127]

fuck you

[ssexsophie8127]

i won

[rcktpwr]

fill your body with cranberries so the horse that kills you gets a sensual surprise when he begins to feed

[ceeberoni]

i will give the  horse that kills me no such luxury

[fwippy]

interesting dates on this post

[gigglepuffpixie]

those aren’t dates, they are explicitly stated to be cranberries

[the-haiku-bot]

those aren’t dates, they

are explicitly stated

to be cranberries

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[viralfrog]

[dragongirlbunny]

[shyjusticewarrior]

At some point "fanfic can be as good as professional writing" became "fanfic should be as good as professional writing" and that's caused major damage to fandom spaces.

[my-castles-crumbling]

phobia - @jeggyverses-jegulus-microfic - word count: 276

“Dad, what’s ‘homophobia?’” Harry asked, furrowing his brow and looking to James, who froze in the middle of preparing their meal for the evening.

Regulus, who’d been reading a book at the table nearby, looked over to his son and smiled softly. He couldn’t imagine growing up in the context Harry had–growing up in a family that celebrated and accepted all people. Harry’d been raised in such an loving, diverse family that often his parents didn’t realize what he didn’t know.

James looked helplessly to Regulus, who sighed and sent him a look. “Harry,” Regulus said, giving the nine-year-old a patient smile, “You know what ‘phobia’ means, right?”

“Yeah, like when you’re scared of something. Spiders, or whatever,” he answered, shrugging. 

“Right, arachnophobia. Well ‘homophobia’ refers to ‘homosexuals.’ You know, gay pe–”

“Like afraid of gay people?” Harry asked, face twisted in confusion.

Regulus glanced at James again, then back to the small boy. “To put it very simply, yes,” he nodded.

“Oh. Well. I guess I’m homophobic then,” Harry said, nodding to himself and turning away.

This time, James and Regulus looked at each other in horror. “I–Haz. Wait. You’re–what d’you mean, mate?” James asked nervously, eyes wide.

“Well, sometimes you and Papa get mad at me for pulling pranks. And I get scared you’ll ground me. And you’re gay,” Harry said simply, like it was the most sensible answer in the room.

James immediately burst out laughing as Regulus gaped, eyes blinking slowly. Then he sighed, shaking his head. “Harry, I think we need to discuss the definition of this word more, mon coeur.”

But James was still giggling as Harry smirked as well.

[twinyardz]

it's so funny and sad how jean thinks he's this unloveable thing meanwhile he's like the people's princess of the aftg universe. he won cat and laila over immediately and the rest of the trojans are completely obsessed with him. neil, kevin, and renee care about him so much and would do anything for him. andrew begrudgingly respects him and took his heavy-handed advice. thea calls him her little duckling. oh and jeremy knox is head-over-heels in love with him. he really is just that loveable

[epidaleacalamita]

in the mission control room hearing my veteran pilot snarl "I won't go down to some nobody!" into the comms and putting my head in my hands because now that he said that he's absolutely going to die to this oddly skilled random upstart in a standard issue infantry mech

[jadeharleyinc]

OP it is absolutely vital that you open comms with your pilot and say his name. maybe mention something about the ace up his sleeve or whatever. that should buy him enough time to set his mech to self-destruct or launch his signature weapon. if he can time it right he'll be able to eject just as the explosion covers his escape.

he might survive with an evil-looking scar and a new thirst for revenge. better than nothing.

[curlicuecal]

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[thekijs]

His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.

However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.

That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.

[weaselle]

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

[jadeharleyinc]

kind of crazy no one has drawn the time traveler and the medieval peasant staring at the night sky with their bag of doritos

[jadeharleyinc]

in 2014 there would have been shipping fanart

[notaplaceofhonour]

Ryan Gosling’s career has just been one long quest to climb the Warner Bros water tower

[notaplaceofhonour]

that man has been trying to climb this tower since he was 16. he has asked multiple times, and every time they said no, but now he’s famous enough & variety was able to convince them to do a shoot on the tower. it all led here. it was all for this.

[notaplaceofhonour]

I’m obsessed with the implication that this was a coming-of-age ritual where a boy becomes a man, like a bar mitzvah

[homophobla]

[homophobla]

Today is litteraly the only day in all of human history where it is physically possible to reblog this. Given that I posted it today