Helena the unapologetic

25, she/her, lesbian, rural Australia (Wiradjuri Country), psychology, keeping it real. I would like to acknowledge and pay respect to the Wiradjuri people, the traditional custodians of the land on which I write this. I would like to pay my respects to Elders, past, present and emerging and extend that respect to any Indigenous people here today.

[thatgirlwithadhd]

Hi I have ADHD and have just recently got into a relationship with someone who has been very understanding about it. She asked me about the things she would "need to know or I'd like her to know" about it. For example, I'm not forgetting where I put my keys everytime they leave my hand on purpose. It's just the ADHD. Do you think you could make me like a ADHD relationship everything you need to be aware of list? Sort of like a starter pack. I'm no good at this kind of thing.

Sure! Full disclosure: I’ve never been in a relationship. Also, this is not a complete list! 

Time blindness 

This is a real symptom of ADHD that affects our ability to accurately sense the passage of time (“It’s only been 10 minutes—how can it be 3 am?!”) Time blindness can also cause issues estimating how long something will take (“It should only take me 5 minutes to get ready!”) and judging the urgency of things that our brains perceive as far away (“I know I should study for the test, but it’s not until next week—I have plenty of time!”).

Emotional dysregulation 

Our frontal lobes do not reign in strong emotions like they should, so we tend to have strong, impulsive reactions, especially when we are upset. RSD, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, is part of this: if we perceive even mild criticism or rejection—or even fail to meet our own expectations—it can feel like the end of the world.

Under-stimulation 

Because we don’t produce enough neurotransmitters, our brains are chronically starved for stimulation. Under-stimulation is boredom, but an extreme level—and for people with ADHD, it can actually cause secondary depression.

Short term memory 

This is why people with ADHD forget what they were about to say, forget what YOU just said, or forget to pick up groceries, pay bills, or turn in their homework. This is not carelessness. It is a working memory deficit caused by neurological differences.

Attention dysregulation (not deficit)

This is one of the main problems in ADHD. We struggle to control the subject and intensity of our focus. This means that we can exhaust ourselves trying to focus for one hour in class—but may spend all day hyperfocusing on our newest project, even forgetting to eat or drink. Others may think that this means the ADHDer can focus “when they want to,” but hyperfocus is usually not voluntary and can be as hard to control as inattention.

Executive dysfunction

Executive functions are cognitive skills housed in the frontal lobe (the brain region most affected by ADHD). These include things like emotional regulation and working memory; also organization, planning and prioritizing, and task initiation.Trouble with task initiation is often perceived as laziness or procrastination. In reality, executive dysfunction can cause an ADHDer to get “stuck” before starting, even if they really want to do the task. Difficulty with task initiation is why I get “stuck” in my car after parking—and sometimes cannot seem to leave it on my own, even when the interior of the car is over 140 degrees. 

I firmly believe everyone with ADHD should do their best to own it and learn to manage it. Most ADHDers learn various coping strategies to help them deal. But it’s also important that the people in our lives have realistic expectations and know that even when we try our best, we will still have symptoms. It is not a sign that we don’t care about them or aren’t trying.

[mikeybooch]

You want to know the logic behind my actions? 

Here is one explanation:

Call me by a man’s name instead of a woman’s, 

and suddenly every horrific thing I’ve done,

makes me a hero. 

“Medea’s Reasons” by Salma Deera

[exmellivorinae]

OH MY GOD whyyyy did no one tell me you’re supposed to send thank-yous after interviews?? Why would I do that???

“Thank you for this incredibly stressful 30 minutes that I have had to re-structure my entire day around and which will give me anxiety poos for the next 24 hours.”

I HATE ETIQUETTE IT’S THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE THING FOR ME TO LEARN WITHOUT SOMEONE DIRECTLY TELLING ME THIS SHIT

[a-windsor]

NO ONE TOLD YOU???? WTF! I HAVE FAILED YOU. Also: Dear ______: Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit down with you (&________) to discuss the [insert job position]. I am grateful to be considered for the position. I think I will be a great fit at [company name], especially given my experience in __________. [insert possible reference to something you talked about, something that excited you.] I look forward to hearing from you [and if you are feeling super confident: and working together in the future]. Sincerely, @mellivorinae

[exmellivorinae]

THIS IS A LIFESAVING TEMPLATE

[a-windsor]

YOU ARE WELCOME

[emeraldboreas-deactivated201809]

My brother got a really great paid internship one summer. The guy who hired him said the deciding factor was the professional thank you letter my brother sent after the interview.

[suaimhneas-peace-deactivated202]

should it be an email? or like a physical letter?

[daminwayne]

email, you want to send it within a few hours at max after the interview if you can so it’s fresh in their mind who you are. 

[khirsahle]

Confirmed! I interviewed for a job right after arriving in NY. The interview went incredibly well, and I went home and immediately wrote a thank you letter and put it in the mail. I had a super good feeling about this interview.

I didn’t get the job.

However, a few weeks later, I was called in to interview with another editor in the same company, and I did get that job. I found out later from the initial editor (the one who didn’t hire me) that he had planned to offer me the job, but since I didn’t follow up with a thank you letter, he assumed I didn’t really want it. He offered the job to another contender–but when he got my letter in the mail shortly after the offer had already been made, he went to HR and gave me a glowing recommendation. It was based on that recommendation that I got called in for the second interview.

So: send an email thank you immediately (same day!) after the interview. If you’re feeling extra, go ahead and send a written one too. OR go immediately to a coffee shop, write the letter, and return to the office and give it to the secretary.

Either way, those letters are important.

[neurofancier-deactivated]

Pro tip: If you really want HR to develop a personal interest in your application, publicly thank them on linkedin. Just make a short post telling your network about how X recruiter really went above and beyond to make you feel welcome, or about how be accommodating and professional they were, or whatever. Make sure to use the mention feature so they’ll get a notification and see it. 

Flattery will get you everywhere… and public flattery that might make its way back to their manager, doubly so.

[oaky-dokey]

Obligatory plug for one of FreePrintable.net’s sites: ThankYouLetter.ws. They have a whole section with interview thank you letter templates, and a page with specific tips for interview thank you letters. (There are also tons of other letter templates if you browse around a bit.)

[cricketcat9]

As a former professional recruiter and recruiting manager, I confirm, especially for entry-level positions, where you are competing with oodles of people. This little thing can make a difference. Also the fact that, maybe, you took time to google the “interview etiquette”.

[boogiewoogiebuglegal]

SIGNAL BOOST

[adhdgooglesearches]

How to make fake deadlines feel like real deadlines because my brain doesn’t feel the urgency when it knows i’m lying to it

[writing-prompt-s]

Sloths aren’t lazy; they’re just saving their energy.  Today, that energy is released.

[prezrev]

this is singlehandedly the scariest fucking post on this hellsite what the fuck

[frankarnstein]

Keira Knightley 20 January 2018

[beeftea78-deactivated20200113]

Does anyone else remember the story about that poor lesbian who came out to her mother and her mother cried and said “it’s all that damn Keira Knightley’s fault, I knew I shouldn’t have let you watch pride and prejudice as a child” because I’m really feeling that now

[profusedinmelancholy]

Yes

[profusedinmelancholy]

Bonus

[profusedinmelancholy]

I’m screaming

[profusedinmelancholy]

More

[queen-haiz]

[vanish-cherry-deactivated202509]

this post is everything i need in life

[owlmylove]

‪me, reading about women in Ancient Greece who could devote their entire lives to being a virgin priestess of hallucinogenic honey: god I wish that was me ‬

[beskar-buckethead]

me, remembering that the Ancient Greeks understood virgin as “unmarried” and not “chaste”: I too wish I was a lesbian surrounded by fellow lesbians while tripping on honey

[nuckgirl16]

[runcibility]

https://twitter.com/Shakestweetz/status/1112884885067317249

[elfwreck]

Also: if he touches the woman who works in the copy center, but not the woman who’s a regional director, it’s not a case of “he just can’t help himself.”

He can; he’s just decided who’s an acceptable target.

[indigenousandangry]

^^^That right there. They definitely pick and choose their targets based on how vulnerable they assume they are. 

[lookforthebeautiful-blog]

[om-hari-om]

nature is home, to look at this is to feel a part of the earth, a oneness of all life

[1dietcokeinacan]

“3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks”

[opinatus-papaver]

FINALLY, SOME GOOD QUALITY EXPLANATION OF WHY “I DONT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ADHD” BECAUSE ITS NOT REALLY CANT SIT STILL FOCUS NONE DISORDER ITS SOMETHING A WHOLE LOT MORE COMPLEX

[thysilus]

u kno wen u accidentally frget to drink watr fr a while nd u take a sip nd ur body takes th fuck ovr nd refuses to let u evn breathe cuz ur pounding tht shit back so hard

[thysilus]

me: ok time fr a lil water

my body: OH THANK CHRIST, WERE WE N A DESERT BRO?????

[kawaki]

i don’t think you guys understand how much I think about this vid

[angel-macabre]

“jealousy is so disgusting” “anger is so toxic” did u know? these are emotions every human has

[cpt-glasses]

I’ve always been a fan of an analogy I heard once. Your emotions are like one of the lights on your car’s dash. When one of them turns on, it means you need to check under the hood and fix them. It’s not bad that the light turned on, per se, and it doesn’t always mean something is broken. But what IS toxic, dangerous, and likely to break something, is when you let that light stay on, pretending it’s normal, until that braking fluid finally fails and you crash into someone, or your engine fails completely.

Feel jealous. Feel anger. 

Just don’t let it fester. You need to look inside of yourself, find out why you’re feeling the way you are, and bring yourself to a satisfied, stable state of mind. You can look at philosophy, meditation/introspection, religion, or actual therapy, or at least talking to someone about it. You’ll find you’re much more content and happy when you do something about those feelings, and come to some sort of conclusion or resolution.

[mistersaturn123]

That is a  wonderful way of looking at it, thankyou. Makes me feel better about myself when I DO feel that way.

[greelin]

why are tree-related terms/words so satisfying… orchard.. grove.. thicket…

[inspectorclarke]

I like the “plays for the other team” entendre because it implies that asexual people play for no team. We merely watch from the stands, confused by the world of sports, just like I do in real life.

[ladyhawkmemeguy]

i like the related “bats for both teams” enterndre because it implies that bisexuals don’t want to play by the rules, we just want to hit things with sticks.

[thysilus]

u kno wen u accidentally frget to drink watr fr a while nd u take a sip nd ur body takes th fuck ovr nd refuses to let u evn breathe cuz ur pounding tht shit back so hard

[thysilus]

me: ok time fr a lil water

my body: OH THANK CHRIST, WERE WE N A DESERT BRO?????

[glumshoe]

I love how toddlers run. Waddling with awful purpose. Like penguins on a mission.