@quietbelonging - Tumblr Blog

genuinely insane to me that bikinis are the Default swimwear marketed & sold to women. that's nylon underwear. & if you don't want to wear one people treat you like you're childish & insecure & suggest ways to "get over it"

stephexmachina

"i feel uncomfortable with the idea of wearing what amounts to fast-drying underwear in front of other people, many of them complete strangers" "have you tried gradually acclimating to showing more & more skin? have you tried being more confident? are you ashamed of your body? don't you want to show off your beach bod?" girl what the fuck are you talking about!!!

stephexmachina

wearing a bikini is all about confidence & self-love 🥰 but remember to wax all that icky yucky body hair first!!! 🤢 nobody wants to see that 🙅‍♀️

redstonedust

i think people really under sell the physical side effects of mental health disorders sometimes. like sure the depression and anxiety may be 'just in your head' but when what's in your head happens to disrupts your sleep schedule and prevent you from going outside regularly and eating consistent meals and exercising and generally taking care of your body. well it sure takes its toll huh.

We forgot about it

I once signed up to participate in a study on how depression affects memory, forgot I was meant to go do it, and when I emailed to apologise to the PhD student running it she basically told me that a) she was very used to this happening and b) the weird irony of her theories’ correctness making it very difficult to arrange proving them had by now gone from infuriating to hysterical

plain-flavoured-english

I went to the Grand Canyon when I was depressed and I literally forgot the whole thing. Like, the only reason I even know I was there is that I have photographs of myself standing in front of the Grand Canyon with dead eyes but i have absolutely no memory of it

People talk about depression like it’s just being sad all the time but straight up your brain stops working and sadness is just one of the many, many consequences of that

galileosballs

Also, please do not listen to how people talk about cover letters on this site. Cover letters are important, and in many industries you can be damn sure they'll be read. And no, they're not 'fanfic about working in your office', or just re-stating the resume contents in a fancier guise. If you treat them like that, then of course they're not doing much for you. That makes you sound like a syncophantic windbag, and it's not doing anything else to help.

I was trained in the dark arts of the cover letter by my mother, who is a hiring manager. And her training has paid off: I've been consistently told my cover letters are excellent. Let me pass on the wisdom.

The job of a cover letter is to give a prospective employer strictly more information than is on the resume. This is where you take the resume contents and put them into context. You look at the job requirements (you are looking at the job requirements before applying, right?) and look at your resume and ask the question (in your head) "why would a person think this candidate would be good for this job?" and your cover letter is the answer to that question. If you don't answer that question, the hiring manager is going to have to do it themselves, and you have way more information to work with than they do.

This is especially important if you're moving from one industry to another, because then the relevant connections aren't obvious. It's also very important if you're overqualified, because then you can use the letter to say "I know it looks like this job would be too entry-level for me, but I'm interested to pursue it for reasons x, y, and z". You can also use this space to explain away something that might otherwise be disqualifying, like job-hopping or a long break in employment. The tone to strike here is always matter-of-fact and constrained to topic - don't go into detail about health stuff or personal tragedy, just tell them what they need to hear: that this period of your resume was affected by [bad thing] but that it's now in the past and you're looking forward to the next chapter. Remember, one of the things they're trying to learn is whether you'd be content in this role, or whether you'd be miserable and leave after 2 months, which would force them to do all the work of hiring again. You're trying to establish that you will fit right in and not cause problems. Knowing what drew you to this job in particular (and don't just say 'money', that's true for everyone) helps with that.

And the other mistake? Everyone writes cover letters that are too long. One page is fine. Two is the absolute maximum, and that's if you have a lot of specific things to say. It's a waste of your time and theirs to pad it out with fluff. Of my two most recent successful cover letters (i.e. jobs for which I was interviewed) one was 390 words and the other was 550. That's the length of this post. How long did it take me to write this post? About 15 minutes to write, 5 to proof and edit. That's how long you should be spending on a cover letter, maximum.

buam

Cover letters are the first thing I look at. Poorly written cover letters are an instant rejection - how can I trust someone to communicate well or take the job seriously if they can’t write a couple paragraphs about their background and why they want the job? Strong cover letters, on the other hand, can earn someone with a so-so resume an interview.

why-animals-do-the-thing

Off topic for this blog but an important skill I think we teach people so little about!

Cover letters are your elevator pitch. Why you, over anyone else with the same qualifications? What things can you advertise yourself with that can’t go on a resume? It’s literally self-advertising. Tell an employer a persuasive narrative about yourself that will make them want to interview you.

For a quick example: this blog led to me getting my first fact-checking gig, which has become my Real JobTM.

My resume shows the blog, that first client (which I still work for, eight years in!), and subsequent professional advancement. It’s not a bad resume these days.

Every cover letter I send tells the story of how I tried to do education on the internet and got so frustrated by incorrect/contradictory/unsourced information that I taught myself how to fact-check to find some dang correct facts. That I’ve dug so deep looking for accurate answers that my work has been published in peer-reviewed journals, cited in law articles and other academic literature, and influenced the trajectory of legislation. And that I still love it! A decade later, it is a joy every single day to dig my teeth into the newest topic and make sure everything is right. This, I say, is what I will do for them.

That’s the story my resume could never convey.

You don’t want to make things up or exaggerate, but everyone has some sort of narrative to build around their history. Even if it’s not conventionally “impressive” it will still give potential employers a sense of who you are, where you’re coming from, and if you’d be a good fit.

why-animals-do-the-thing

#ugh... i can't self-advertise to save my life... tags from @rubytactician

I have a trick for this! It's called ask someone else.

No, really. Someone in your friends / family / favorite colleagues from that last job is going to be your biggest supporter, so make use of that!

Ask them how they'd pitch you to someone else. Insert theoretical scenario of them somehow socially encountering someone hiring for the perfect job for you - what would they say to make that person interested? What about your work history do they think would be compelling? What skills do they think you should promote?

It is really hard to figure out how to market yourself. Especially these days when there's a more performative aspect to job applications than just having the right skills. Make use of the people who love you want to see you do well.

I think this sort of thing used to be easier when written letters of recommendation were more common, honestly, because those were literally someone else advertising you to someone else.

Another thing you can do - which will feel so awkward but is worth it - is to ask friends, colleagues from previous jobs (maybe not your current one), or past/current clients to give you a blurb! If you have a professional website, those are a great thing to use to flesh them out to prove you are a real person with real skills. If not, you can keep them to look at when you need inspiration or can't remember to save your life what you're good at and why someone should hire you.

My best suggestion if you're like uh, no, I cannot write something cogent is... don't. Barf everything vaguely relevant onto a sheet of paper. Do a free-writing exercise with no constraints. Write down all the silly, ridiculous, egotistic shit you'd like to tell an employer about why they should hire you. Get it all out on paper without censoring yourself so you can get any of it on paper - and this this important, do not send it. Read it back, and draw from it to make your actual cover letter. If you're struggling, show it to someone else and ask them what they think is important/interesting/marketable.

Drafting things like cover letters and even your resume with the support of your community will seriously make them so much better. You get eyes on for spellchecking and grammar, but also to help make sure it flows and that you're not using jargon or technical language a hiring manager might not understand. It can be hard to ask and I totally get that. It's something where I think it's worthwhile to sit with the discomfort. Applying for jobs successfully really isn't a skill that's taught these days! So we succeed best when we support each other.

I practice what I preach here. This is hard for me too - I am successful because I lean on community. I don't remember the last time I wrote a cover letter without having someone else preview it, even though I have a solid template I've worked from for years. I literally just asked @kaijutegu to help me cobble together a bio for a client that wanted to include me on their website (aaaaaaaa). I read and give feedback on cover letters for my friends as well, because it's got to be a two way street.

I won't say that writing cover letters isn't hard, because it is, but it is a skill that can be learned. And you don't have to do it alone.

banhmigoddess

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.

midnightssea

it’s amazing how women are able to navigate crowded rooms without ever touching a palm to a man’s lower back

thegreatyin

big fan of when characters meet another version of themselves and their first instinct is to literally physically kill their doppelganger with their own two hands. which could mean absolutely nothing.

whoscallingwhoafraud

marzipanandminutiae

this is why I'm so suspicious of "Democrats need to try harder to appeal to young men" or "Democrats focus too much on culture war issues" rhetoric

my human rights as a woman and a gay person, and those of trans people, people of color, disabled people, and other marginalized people are not a bargaining chip. and they are not up for negotiation

focus on issues like jobs and housing and healthcare and student loan debt more by treating human rights as settled and not budging while you do other things, not by demanding historically oppressed groups make ourselves smaller. because then what the hell are we fighting for?

I swear I've heard some nominally Left people talking like my parents when I was a teenager, wheedling to just "give the boy a chance, or you're being mean to him!" women are not a resource owed to men. we are full human beings and we will not be treated like both the cruel adult denying a child sweets and the sweets in question, at the same time

dreadwedge

how pets are named

Holly -> Hollywood -> L.A. -> Los Angeles -> Angel -> Snow Angel -> Snowgirl -> Frosty the Snowgirl -> Frosty -> Ice Cream -> Soft Serve -> Little Softy -> Microsoft -> Microsoft Word -> MS Word -> Miss Word -> Miss W -> Mrs. Dubya -> Mrs. George W. Bush -> Mrs. Bush -> Mrs. Busch's Baked Beans -> Mrs. Beans -> Mrs. Mr. Bean -> Mistress Beans (in a British accent) -> Beans On Toast -> B.O.T. -> Bot -> Botulism -> Botulizzy -> Lizzy -> Big Lizzy -> Large Lizard -> L.L. -> LL Bean -> Mrs. Large Lizard Bean -> Mrs Large Lizard Beans On Toast W. Bush the Snowgirl -> Girl

default-cube

who up wasting their only shot at life through complete and utter inaction

steamandcream

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

steamandcream

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

telumendils

bugshroom

shout out to whoever said (in different words) ‘hating children is bad especially acting on that hatred but i also think people raised with the expectation of being mothers forced onto them are allowed to have strong negative feelings about it and vocally resist the pressure to be maternalistic’ thank you for alleviating this contradiction within me

cookiethebirddoll

bus is my friend. shes no train but shes trying her hardest in a world that hates her

bfdi

i don't like how this website tries to equate 'shelteredness' with physical isolation and asociality rather than an obliviousness to one's place in society that is afforded through material privilege. someone can have a job and a thriving social life and regularly go out with their friends or whatever and still be 'sheltered' about certain forms of oppression in that regard. i promise you your rhetorical "shut in" who has been cut off from the outside world (through self-imposed means or otherwise) is probably the least likely person to be blissfully unaware of life's hardships if you were to actually think about why it is they might be in that position in the first place