RodanHoax

[rodanhoax]

Oscar: ROAD TRIP!

Oscar: The famous Professor Ozpin! And his apprentice Oscar Pine! How should we spend the trip Professor?

Oscar: *Gasps* We should exchange PUZZLES!!!

Ozpin: A grand idea! Now listen to this one dear boy...

'Four chickens sit on a fence

The first three are named

Eggmond

Eggbert

and Eggsley

What is the last chicken's name?'

Oscar: ...

6 hours later

Oscar: ... I dunno... Egg... Eggley... Egglington?

Ozpin: ... Hm?

Oscar: The chicken's name?

Ozpin: Chicken's? *Smirk* What are are you talking about?

Oscar: ... ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Ozpin: Oh look at that, we've arrived! Nothing like a pleasant... and quiet drive.

[rodanhoax]

Jaune: Alright, so the vampires gravestone is-

Ren: Cenotaph

Jaune: ... What?

Ren: It's only a gravestone if it marks the location of a body. A monument honoring someone whose body isn't present is a cenotaph.

Jaune: I... I'm not sure it counts if the body gets up and walks away on it's own.

Ren: There's a precedent for gravestones being re-classified as cenotaphs if the body is later removed and reinterred elsewhere. There's no rule that says the body itself can't do the removing.

Jaune: Okay, but the body very much is coming back! That's kind of what we're here to accomplish, right? *Holds up wooden stake*

Ren: ... So it's a temporary cenotaph.

Jaune: ... And naturally our greatest concern here is avoiding semantic ambiguity!

Ren: Semantic ambiguity is how the vampires get you, so...

[rodanhoax]

Jaune: Guys! I thought up an awesome prank on Ironwood. I’m gonna put ink on his podium where he places his hands.

Ren: I don’t think he’ll fall for that.

Nora: I did. *Raises ink-stained hands*

Jaune: How? I didn’t even open the case yet.

Nora: *Shrugs* Something unrelated I guess.

Blake: Ironwood hates pranks though. This is gonna backfire.

Jaune: Fine, I’ll tone it down. I’ll… move his podium a foot to the left.

Weiss: What?! He’ll be so angry.

Jaune: Okay, 5 inches.

Weiss: 5?!

Jaune: 3?

Weiss: 3?!

Jaune: 1?

Weiss: 1?!

Jaune: Alright, I’ll move it half an inch.

Weiss: Fine, your funeral.

Jaune: Oh my god. *Scoots podium half an inch before heading to his seat* Worst prank ever. This is so stupid, Ironwood’s not even going to notice.

Ironwood: *Enters room to the podium* Good morning. *Stops and stares at podium* E-Everyone thi... The podium it's...

Everyone: 🤨

Ironwood: *Chuckles* ... hehehe... HaHaHa! HAHAHA!! You're crazy! How'd you pull this off?!

[rodanhoax]

Ironwood: *On his scroll* Yes, Glynda, a full half inch. I'll tell you the full story later. Love y- *Scroll hangs up* ... Goodbye.

Ironwood: Well that was a fun several moments. *Gives one last chuckle before turning back to the teams*

Ironwood: So, there's been a series of homicides.

[littlelewdmable]

910

RWBY: *Messing around with a ouija board in their dorm*

Yang: Oh ghost of the dorm, how did-

Blake: How many times have Jaune and Ruby had sex in here?

Weiss: Don't be cra- nine times!?

Yang: ninety o- nine hundred and ten times!?

Ruby: ...Now, let's not overreact here.

[rodanhoax]

321

Ruby: L-look, lets just calm down and think about this rationa-

Weiss: Oh that's rich coming from the girl aparently banging that wannabe knight all over my bed!

Ruby: Hey! Don't talk about him like that!

Blake: Didn't deny it.

Ruby: How do we even know this "ghost" is even telling the truth? Could just be lying to break us up... or something.

Blake: And how are we suppose to confirm that?

Yang: Yeah, not like we could just ask it something like... When will Ruby sleep with Jaune next?

RWBY: *Stunned as board moves again*

Blake: Three? That doesn't really tell us any-

Weiss: Thirty two? What like a month from now? Is that how long I have to move my bed out before you two taint it once more?

Ruby: Would you quit bringing that u- Three hundred and twenty one?! I can't wait that long! I-

*Knock Knock*

Jaune: *Behind door* Yo Rubes, ready for our weekend gaming and movie marathon? I brought cookies and ice cream!

RWBY: ...

Ruby: ... Girls, think you could stay over at JNPR's dorm for the night... or two?

[rodanhoax]

Blake: You sure leaving those two alone is such a good idea? I've been getting a weird vibe with them lately.

Yang: *Laughs* I think you've been reading too many raunchy books. I doubt anything all that bad would be going on with those two. Besides probably tearing up the room to build a pillow fort.

Blake: They're not that raunchy...

Weiss: I agree. Those two don't really seem like the type. I'm sure right now, like usual, they're participating in some form of procrastination...

(Elsewhere)

R+J: *Sitting on the couch watching a movie*

Ding!

Ruby: *Gasps* My cookies are done! YAY!

Ruby swiftly rushes to the kitchen, swaps out her normal clothes for a onesie, and takes the cookies out of the oven. Before Jaune knew it, she had already plopped herself back onto the couch with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Jaune: *Sniffs air* Ooh! Cookies! Smells amazing. Mind if I get one Rubes?

Ruby: Jaune, what are you doing all the way over there? I can barely hear you... *Scoots over beside Jaune before holding a cookie out for him* Cookie delivery for... Jaune?

Jaune: *Smirks* Hmm... Where do I sign?

Ruby: *Giggles* Nowhere, dummy. It's free~

Jaune: *Takes a bite* Mmm, delicious.

Ruby: Yeah, it is...

Jaune: Yeah...

The two gazed into one another's eyes, both feeling a build up of tension the longer they do. Just as that tension was ready to break...

(Back with _WBY)

Weiss: Most likely playing videogames or something.

Yang: Yeah, or feeding Zwei too much doggy treats... again.

[rodanhoax]

Weiss: *Looking at mirror* I've been meaning to get my bangs done.

Ruby: I've been meaning to get my bangs done too. We should get them done together!

Weiss: Yeah? When do you wanna-

Ruby: *Gasp* We could be Bang Buddies!

Bang Buddies!

Bang Buddies!

Bang Buddies!

Bang Buddies!

Weiss: ... Wh-!

[rodanhoax]

Jaune and Ruby: *Playing videogames*

Ruby: ... Y'know, if I gave you a hickey it'd make Weiss jealous.

Jaune: I don't know, I think that'd be kinda gross. Seems kind of weird.

Ruby: What's weird about one friend sucking on another friends neck?

Jaune: ... Y'know, when you put it that way, it doesn't sound that weird at all.

Ruby: Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay boy friend's boyfriend a hickey and it totally made my gay boy friend jealous.

Jaune: Really...? Alright. Awesome, I'm in. I'll go sterilize my neck! *Rushes off*

Ruby: *Smiles* Okay.

Blake: *Stares at her*

Ruby: What?

[rodanhoax]

Jaune: *Wakes up* Woah... I just had the most amazing dream! Weiss and I were making out. Giggling and kissing like a newlywed couple fresh from their honeymoon~

Jaune: *Sigh* Wish I could remember how it ended...

Ren: ... *Reveals hickey on his neck*

Jaune: ... Did you have that before?

Ren: No.

Jaune: Why didn't you wake me?!

Ren: I thought you were awake.

[rodanhoax]

Taiyang: So, he's out in our yard, with a boombox. What's the name of that movie with the boombox?

Qrow: Say Anything?

Taiyang: Yeah. So anyway, he's out there, and he's begging Ruby for forgiveness. She's still mad at him, won't have any of it. So he turns it up, full blast... and it's Olivia Newton John.

Everyone: *Chuckles in amusement*

Taiyang: And he starts singing, "Let's Get Jauncicle"

Everyone: *Laughing*

Jaune: It was an inside joke...

Qrow: *Snickers* Well, not anymore.

Jaune: Ok, enough with the funny Jaune stories...

Taiyang: Oh, I haven't gotten to the best part yet. So he's doing his little dance, and I can't take anymore... so I nail him with the sprinklers!

Everyone: *Starts laughing once more*

Jaune: Yeah. And you also shorted out my boombox, which you said you'd replace, and you never did.

Taiyang: I never said that!

Jaune: Yes you did. You still owe me one boombox, 12 D batteries, and an Olivia Newton John cassingle.

Taiyang: Ok... How about we settle it in the ring? We get in there, and if you beat me I'll buy you any boombox you want. If I beat you, then you gotta do your little dance for everyone.

Everyone: *Shouts of agreement*

Jaune: ...

Jaune: I'm in... Let's get Jauncicle

Everyone: *Chuckling*

Tai

Taiyang: I wasn't worried. I boxed Ursa Major's before even starting Beacon. And it was Jaune. And here's something I never thought I'd say, I'm less scared of boxing my daughters boyfriend... than my daughter.

Bell Rings

Everyone cheered at signal for the start of the match, most obviosly rooting for Tai to practically stomp Jaune within a second, or less. However, before he could even throw a punch, Jaune knocked Tai to the ground with one blow, much to the shock of everyone. What was even more of a surprise, was that Jaune did not stop. The boy repeatedly socked his fellow blonde again and again into the ground, the latter unable to stop the nonstop strikes right to the face. The gloves may have softened the blows, but his pride was getting beaten down by the second.

Jaune

Jaune: ... I may have been holding onto a tiny bit of anger towards Tai...

Jaune: *Still punching* I scooped ice cream all summer for that boombox!

Yang: Oof... *Wincing at every punch her dad receives*

[notmaplemable]

Dog Dog

Weiss: My dog was lonely when I left.

Wolf Ruby: So lonely.

Weiss: So I had to get my dog a dog.

Dog Jaune: Hi!

[rodanhoax]

Weiss: ...

Jaune: ...

Ruby: *Pregnant* ...

Jaune: ... We can explain.

Weiss: I was gone for 2 fucking minutes!

[rodanhoax]

Ruby: I think Oscars cheating on me.

Yang: What makes you say that?

Ruby: Last night, when he gave me a kiss after our date... I could taste the infidelity on his lips.

Yang: ... Alright, I think you might be a little paranoid sis.

Ruby: Nope, not this time. I'd recognize Jaune's taste anywhere.

Yang: ...

[rodanhoax]

Ruby: We made like a 100 million doctor appointments for ourselves, in one week. After this, we won't have to go to the doctor for like 10 years. Because we're smart.

Jaune: *Tosses a ball into the wall, causing it to bounce right back into his eye*

---------------------------------------------------

Doctor: Well, you definitely need glasses.

Ruby: No! He's not getting glasses. I like his face the way it is. If you get glasses I'll divorce you.

Jaune: Well you heard her doc, too handsome for glasses. No offence.

Doctor: *Raises eyebrow behind his own glasses*

---------------------------------------------------

Another Doctor: Okay. If you're allergic to any food, we'll know in a few days.

Jaune: *Raises arm covered in red spots* I think based on the redness, I might be allergic to getting stabbed by needles.

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: We have already been to like 5 different doctors. Uh, I got my ankles microwaved-

Ruby: *Reading gun magazine* X-rayed.

Jaune: They took my blood away to use for science-

Ruby: Cholesterol test.

Jaune: Ruby had her sinuses... removed?

Ruby: Looked at.

Jaune: Some guy looked at my wiener. Touched it... That was weird.

Ruby: And that guy wasn't even a doctor.

Jaune: That...

Ruby: ...

Jaune: ... What?

[rodanhoax]

Jaune: What's your wifi password?

Blake: I.

Jaune: I...

Blake: Love.

Jaune: Love...

Blake: You.

Jaune: You...

Blake: Jaune.

Jaune: ... Well, that's kind of weird.

Blake: What?

Jaune: My name's Jaune

Blake: Yeah.

Jaune: Did you make it that to be funny, because you knew I was coming over?

Blake: No. It's been that for 4 years.

Jaune: We've been friends for about 4 years tho.

Blake: Our anniversary is the 19th.

Jaune: See, that's what I'm talking about. I think you have the wrong idea about us. We're friends.

Blake: ... Ok. Well, I had reservations at Chiles to celebrate. But, if it's too weird, I can cancel.

Jaune: Well... You don't have to cancel.

Blake: Oh? You wanna go to Chiles?

Jaune: ... I wanna go to Chiles.

Blake: *Smiles* Ok.

Jaune: *Pouts* I'm gonna get fajita's.

Blake: I love you.

[brokentrafficknight]

Jaune's such a loving guy that he'll devote hours to learning about his girlfriend's hyperfixation.

The things we do for love

[rodanhoax]

The next day, Ruby goes to find Jaune, expecting him to know just the bare minimum of lore in order to kind of keep up with her ramblings...

Only to find she's inadvertently created an even bigger Star Wars nerd than she could ever be.

[evengirlierballs]

welcome to 2023 :) happy out of touch thursday

[transgendercyborg-deactivated20]

[mid-maryland]

[rodanhoax]

Ruby: Aw jeez, I dropped my glasses. *Bends over to pick them up*

Jaune: But, you don't wea-

Ruby: By the way, I got some chocolate all over that comic you lent me before.

Jaune: Really? Well, that sucks, I guess.

Ruby: ... You're not mad or anything? Don't wanna maybe get back at me a little? *Wiggles behind a bit*

Jaune: *Shugs* Nah, it's alright. I'd never lash out at you.

Ruby: I mean, you could try. Who knows, maybe one or both of us are into it.

[rodanhoax]

Jaune: Ren, we have to leave before they catch us, but we need to go get our weapons to stop Ironwoods crazy plan.

Ren: If we stop Ironwood’s plan, then Salem will able to reach the relics.

Jaune: *Grabs Ren’s shoulder* But if we don’t stop him all the people of Mantle will get killed. It’s like the hypocritic oath of Huntsmen Ren. To not get innocent people killed on purpose.

Ren: … Jaune.

Jaune: Yes?

Ren: Kiss me.

Jaune: W-What?

Ren: You know you want to.

Jaune: No, I don’t.

Ren: You didn’t just want to kiss me just now?

Jaune: I didn’t.

Ren: Ok… But you’re right. Let’s grab our weapons and stop Ironwood! *Runs  over to weapon locker*

Jaune: Now we’re talking! *Follows*

Ren: Right here. *Opens an empty locker before shoving and locking Jaune inside*

Jaune: What the hell?! Ren! Open the locker!

Ren: You’ll spend the night here. General Ironwood is complicated, but he knows what’s best! *Walks away*

Jaune: Ren? Ren!

Jaune: … I will kiss you.

Ren: Too late. The moment’s gone Jaune.

Jaune: Ren! We can do more than kiss! Other things! REEEN!!!

[rodanhoax]

Ren: Escort the general to a holding cell, to later be tried for his crimes.

Soldiers: *Nod before taking away the now defeated Ironwood*

Jaune: Alright, now we're talking Ren.

Ren: Kiss me!

Jaune: N-Not now. Not a good time.

Ren: Then when?!